No Greater Love
By Kara (anyalindir@aol.com)
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Thru "And Jesus Brought a Casserole"
Disclaimer: Not mine. Don't sue. Especially not if your names are Fox, Cameron, or Eglee.
Summary/AN: Zack POV--Sometimes, loving someone means letting them live…
"Greater love no man knoweth than he who will lay down his life for his fellow."
-Marion Zimmer Bradley, "Sharra's Exile"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
I dunno if you remember, Maxie, but I do. The first time I knew I loved you was when we were four years old. We'd just figured out that other people had names, not numbers. You were reading one of those little pamphlets that the researchers used to teach us to read. I remember you pointing to one of the names in the book, and then pointing to yourself.
"It's time for bed, X5452."
"Max," you insisted. It scared the shit out of me, because I remembered what'd happened the last time we disobeyed.
"Now, X5452!"
"Max!"
The guard kept getting more and more ticked off. You refused to answer to your barcode number. Out of all of us, you were the first to realize that everyone else but us had names. You were the first to know who you were.
And I loved you for it.
Lydecker and the other bastards taught us that we were a squadron, and as a squadron, loyalty and trust were key. For some reason, either cause I was the oldest, or because they thought I was the most capable or some crap, they made me the leader. But I was glad they did, if only because it gave me an excuse to look out for you, protect you from experiments and nomalies and monsters. To protect all of you.
You were our baby sister, our Maxie. And we all loved you. You were the youngest of us, you and Krit. I always kind of thought they might've used some of the same DNA in the two of you, because you looked alike. I was jealous of him, and Jondy, and Ben, because Ben told you stories at night when you had the shakes and couldn't sleep. I hated all of 'em, because they could be close to you in ways I couldn't. So I became your big brother, to keep you safe from everybody.
And when we had to split up that night, it almost killed me.
But I kept tabs on you. It was hard, but I found you in Seattle finally, living your life like there never had been a Manticore. On the outside, you smiled and laughed and had friends and a place to live and a job. You looked like you'd forgotten us, and I hated you for it. Because you could move on. And you were endangering us by trying to find us. I didn't want to keep you in the dark about the others, but I had to. It might be because I didn't trust you, or maybe just because I didn't trust myself.
I promised myself that each time was the last time, that I'd never come back. Seeing you with Miracle Boy hurt the most, because you found someone that you could trust and that you could love. And as much as you deny it, Maxie, I can still tell. I know you better than anyone. Those nights you did sleep, I watched you. The night you spent in the infirmary with a fever, when Lydecker kept vigil, I watched you. Always for you, because you were my weakness. And I swore that I'd always watch over you, to protect that weakness.
I'll admit that I dreamed about you sometimes. I can admit that now. We all have hang-ups, and you were mine. That's why I kept pushing you away. Something about that first time seeing you again, when I realized that my baby sister was all grown up. You grew into something beautiful, Maxie. Something stronger than Manticore. Something that Manticore would never break. I dreamed about having you at my side as a partner and a second in command, helping me protect our family. Sometimes I even dreamed about babies., until I figured they might have barcodes or tails. And how could you bring a child into all this shit? Look what happened with Tinga and Case. God knows what'll happen to Jace and her baby in Mexico.
So now we stand, coming back to the very hell that spawned us. Syl and Krit, you and me. Don't think I didn't see the look you and Wheels exchanged. I'll never tell you about the talk he and I had while you were with Lydecker. But I had to let him know that, if he made you happy, it was cool with me. But if he hurt you, I'd kick his ass. I guess sometimes you have to let go of dreams. And nothing I could do would force you to love me. Not my Maxie, strongest of us all.
But I'll make sure you get back to him, because one of us deserves a chance at a good life.
I've never been so proud of you. Even after all those years, you haven't forgotten a thing. I can see the memories in your eyes, but you never lose your cool. I think you're the only one who hasn't lost faith in Brin either. Our idealist. The unbreakable soldier. You even gave Deck a chance. Deck, like he was some savior bringing a casserole to a dinner party or something. Even as we set off charges to destroy any chance of future X-soldiers, you keep your cool. There are reasons why they always paired us up. There are reasons why you were Lydecker's favorite.
But even as we run, even as I see the faces of the X-7s and realize that maybe we've met our match, you don't lose your cool. And I begin to actually believe we will change our world. That this fight will be over. We'll accomplish this crazy-assed plan of yours.
And then I feel the second shot in 24 hours, and I wake up on a stretcher, your body being wheeled in front of mine…
You can't die on me, Maxie. Angels aren't allowed to die. What am I gonna tell Moneybags up there? You can't let them beat you…
Max? Max!
Flatline.
No!
The pain in my shoulder fades. If I get to you…if I reach you, I can bring you back… Maybe the Blue Lady…
The doctor says you're gone, that your left ventricle's been shot out. And that Renfro bitch wants to harvest out your organs, probably to bank your parts in case other X-5's get damaged. But I won't let them, Maxie. Because you aren't dead yet.
The gun feels good in my hand. I know you hate packing heat, but it makes me feel like I've got more control. If Nat hadn't held the gun that night, maybe he'd still be alive. If I'd had the gun when we escaped…
"Bring her back."
The heart's been too badly damaged, the doctor says. But that's bullshit. Manticore's performed miracles before. They can do it again.
"Then transplant her."
Won't do her any good, the bitch says. You're an X-5, and you need an X-5 heart.
It doesn't take too long for me to figure it out. I've got a heart. And angels need hearts to make them fly.
Your face is so cold when I touch it. You look almost as if you're…
Fight them, Maxie. Promise me you'll fight them. Don't become like Brin, or Tinga, or Eva, or Ben. Don't let them kill you, like they've killed so many of us. Fight for us, baby sister. Fight and love, and help Logan change this shitty little hell-hole, so that things like us never happen again.
"X5599. I've got a heart for you."
I've got a heart for you, baby sister. And I'll always be with you because of it, watching over you. It's the best gift I can give you, because some angels don't deserve to die.
Promise me, Maxie. Promise me you'll keep fighting…for us…