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Clay had always had a thing for his best friends girl, no matter how much he tried to rid himself of it with booze and whores, even after they were married he couldn't deny he wanted her. But it was more then that..she was special. Like no other woman he had ever met, or ever would he thought, but she was Johns, there was nothing he could do and so he tried to hide it, suppress it so that he didn't get that urge to kiss her and take her in his arms every time she entered the god damned room. He tried and for years he succeeded in keeping his wanting gazes to a minim and hiding the fact that he was constantly looking out for her. He hid it perfectly from JT and the club...but he couldn't hide it from the one person he truly needed to. She knew...Gemma always knew.

Hiding was becoming harder and harder everyday the more time JT spent in Ireland. He was leaving her for months at a time to be with his Irish squeeze and it made Clays blood boil, he didn't even realise what he had and he was throwing it away. Leaving his wife to raise their two sons on her own while he was up in leprechaun country with some IRA tart. He could see how Johns absence was hurting Gemma.

She hid it well from the others, putting on a brave face that was almost bullet proof, but Clay could see the hurt in her eyes. He could see right into Gemma's soul and it scared the hell out of her, no one had ever be enable to read her like he could, with him she felt exposed and vulnerable, both things she hated with a passion but with him..it was different, there was a flutter in her heart every time her eyes met ash she cursed herself for it because that couldn't happen. He was JTs best friend and she was his wife. But John was in Ireland for months at a time now, leaving her to take care of a sick kid who's health was rapidly declining now, she could feel her baby slipping away from her and there was nothing she could do to stop it and thanks to JT she had to do it alone.

Even when he was home he may as well have been gone. He barely spoke to her, he was cold and detached, always wishing he was somewhere else. She had her suspicions that John was cheating but she didn't yet know for sure. Either way he didn't want her anymore. It killed her the way his eyes that were once so filled with love for only her had become so indifferent in her presence. She used to be his muse to which he would write letters of love and admiration, now she barely warranted a smile. She had given him two beautiful sons, granted she could feel her little Tomas wouldn't be with them much longer, she had fulfilled her duty as a wife, stuck to all her vows, she had loved him through thick and thin, stuck with him for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health...and yet he made her feel like nothing.

He had hardly ever raised a hand to her that was true and he kept food on the table and a shelter over their heads so she supposed many would call her lucky, but to Gemma even anger was better than dispassion. His silence broke her heart more than any words could and his cold, emotionless eyes hurt more than any backhand she had ever received.

And then there was Clay, looking at her with the same wanting that he had when JT first introduced them. He tried his best to look out for her while John was gone, help her where ever he could without overdoing it. His concern touched her and she found herself confiding in him more than she had anyone else in her life. She didn't know what it was about him that made him so easy to talk to, she felt like he understood her completely and she him.

They spent many nights together in her office at the club house, talking about anything and everything, pouring out their hearts to each other in a show of trust neither of them had thought possible with anyone else. In a matter of weeks she knew him better than she did her own husband and what started off as friendship had become something much deeper, though she chose not to act on it. She had never been unfaithful to John and even now, no matter how much she wanted it, betraying her husband brought a sick feeling to her stomach. The end of her and JT had been a long time coming but it wasn't until that night that she knew it was truly over.

He was in Ireland when her baby boy slipped into a coma as a result of the family flaw. Her family flaw she thought as the guilt started to rise in the throat. It was her faulty genes that had caused this. He was such a sweet baby boy...and he was going to die simply because he was her son. Her blood. She was a wreck and he couldn't even be there for her. If he got too close the club would know something was up and if they found out there was something going on between him and the Presidents Old Lady he'd be out for sure and she'd get shunned. He knew she needed him but he couldn't risk the club finding out, not yet anyway. They were her family just as much as they were his or JTs and if they didn't do this right she'd loose them for sure.

He'd left 12 messages on Johns phone already telling him to get his ass back to Charming and take care of his family and he was about to leave 12 more. He couldn't believe how far the man he once knew had changed. The JT that built this club would never have left Gemma alone like this, especially for some Irish pussy. Clay didn't know what had happened to the man he once called his best friend, what happened to the John Teller that would rip the world apart twice over for the ones he loved but the sack of shit currently inhabiting his body certainly wasn't him.

For three days Gemma and the boys tried to contact JT with no luck..and it was on the third day that Tomas took his last breath and the usually invincible matriarch crumbled, not caring who was there to see her fall. She hugged her babies lifeless form tight against her chest her tears hitting his cold little face as they fell uncontrollably. Her sobs could be heard throughout the whole hospital and no one said a word when Clay scooped her small frame into his arms, coaxing her into letting go of her beloved Tomas with words of compassion and kindness, 'let him rest baby' he said as he kissed her temple 'he's not in pain anymore'.

No one cast suspicions on the action, she needed it and if Clay hadn't beat them to it any of them would have done the same for the Queen of SAMCRO. She may have belonged to JT but they all loved her and they were grateful when he got her heart wrenching sobs to quieter down into broken whimpers, though this sound was almost more heartbreaking then the first at least no one else could hear her now. They all knew how much she hated seeming weak in front of them let alone a hospital full of people.

"I'm going to take her home" Clay told the others as he cradled his love in his arms, they all nodded in agreement and Piney handed over the keys to the truck, she hadn't left the hospital in 72 hours, she'd barely slept let alone eaten and she was way overdue for a much needed rest Bobby opened up the passenger door and placed Gemma in the car and Piney whispered for her not to worry about Jax, that he could stay with him and Opie as long as she needed. Her head didn't even turn in acknowledgement, her tear soaked eyes glazed over, lost in the memories of her young son.

Bobby and Piney bowed their heads, they hated seeing her like this, she was such a force of nature that seeing her so broken was almost unbearable, Piney was ashamed for his best friend. He knew what John was doing in Belfast and though he'd never say anything, such things weren't his place he too along with all his fellow brothers were disgusted in the way JT had abandoned Gemma when she needed him the most.

They were glad Clay was taking the lead here for neither of them had the first clue how to comfort a woman who had just lost her son. When Clay drove away Piney decided to call his President one last time before headin back to the clubhouse and finally, for the first time in nearly a week he hears a voice on the other end.. Gemma is silent the whole ride home and Clay doesn't try to bother her, talking isn't what she needs right now, not yet.

They pull up out front of the Teller residence, the house that was everything JT had promised he'd give to her since they first met when she was only 19. Gemma made no move to get out of the car and so with a sigh Clay reached over and fished out the keys from her purse, getting out and walking up opening the door and turning the hall light on before returning to fetch Gemma.

She walked up slowly, almost resistantly though she out up no fight. Once inside, amongst all the pictures and memories the tears that had since dried on tired pale cheeks came rushing back until she laid eyes on a family picture of the four of them, her and JT back before it all turned to shit with him holding Jax and her holding Tomas and all her sorrow turned to rage, rage at the man that had fled the country the time this family need him the most.

She let out a piercing shriek as she ripped it from the wall, throwing it against the floor and shattering it into the million broken pieces JT had turned this family into. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pinning them to her sides as he tried to whisper in her ear hoping he could calm her down once more

"Shh..shh I'm here baby" he said kissing the side of her head "I'm here"

"But he's not!" She yelled trying, but failing to break free of his hold "My SON is dead! And his BASTARD of a father is off probably screwing god knows how many whores half way across the god damned world!"

"He's a fool Gem"

"He should be here! He should be her with me and with Jax trying to pick up the pieces! " she yelled back, her voice dying down slowly until it was just above a whisper, heartbroken and confused

"what did I do Clay? What did I do to make him hate me so much? Why did he leave me here all alone?!"

"Hey, hey" he cooed, turning her around to face him but not loosening his hold at all, she pressed herself against his chest, wrapping her arms around him as he continued

"you're not alone Gem, I'd never let that happen. I'm here for you, whatever you need. I don't know what's goin on with JT but I know it ain't on you sweetheart. Whatever issue he's got that's his problem..

It kills me the way he treats you, because I know if you were my Old Lady I wouldn't leave you for the world. I'd spend everyday makin sure you knew you were my Queen"

Gemma's heart beat erratically in her chest at the confession, she was melting into him. Sure he wasn't quite the poet that John was, but she knew he meant every word of what he said and she couldn't take it anymore.

She no longer cared about betraying JT, he had already hurt worse than she could ever do in return. But her loyalties had shifted and right now she didn't give a damn about and the vows she had made. All she saw was Clay and the love shed been trying to hide for too long. She kissed him roughly with fierce passion, she wasn't one for dragging things out, she didn't want it slow she just wanted him, all of him He pressed her up against the wall returning her kiss with equal amounts of love and lust and when he pulled back breathless what he was about to say looked almost physically painful

"You need rest first baby" he said huskily

"But-"

"We've got all night Gem" he smiled lightly "just take a nap while I clean up this glass and when you wake up we'll pick up right where we left off"

"But-"

"-Ah, no buts " he said kissing her once more "I don't want you passin out on me on round one" he smirked cheekily and Gemma couldn't help but chuckle

Eventually she agreed to go lay down for a while first but she wasn't pleased. She watched him from the bed as he picked up the pieces of broken glass that were scattered around the hall way, just as he was picking up the pieces of her broken heart and she allowed herself a small smile.

She didn't care anymore where her husband was, she didn't care what or who he was doing and she didn't care about why...none of it mattered anymore it didn't matter what JTs reasons were it didn't even matter if he was coming back. Because after tonight she wouldn't be his anymore, after tonight

She would be Clays.

TBC..?