A/N: OH MY GOSH! Lulu Antariksa replied to me on Twitter! Fangirling right now. Lol. That's nothing new-I'm always fangirling. This is pretty good since I have the actual social life of a rock haha. This is ENTIRELY in Stevie's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own How to Rock
I thought I was fearless. I really did. I always thought I'd never have to be really afraid... until I met Zander. No, I wasn't afraid of him... I was afraid to be in love with him. I always thought I'd never have to worry about that kind of stuff... but suddenly he's all I think about. And maybe it's a phase... but what if it isn't? I'm afraid to be with him because he's a flirt. Every chance he gets.
I thought I was fearless.
I really did. But now I'm not so sure. I'm in love with my best friend. We share glances... we tease each other, and heck, we do touch each other a lot. We don't realize it. But, apparently everyone else does. I wish I was fearless. But everyday I see Zander, I'm so afraid I'm going to screw everything up and blurt something stupid. Like everyone, I seem to find the "perfect" time to put my foot in my mouth.
Right now I'm in the band room. I wrote him song. And I feel so scared to share it. It's horrible, the feeling. I thought I was fearless. As I play the chords, the words stick in my head. And I begin singing:
Wish you loved me
Like I love you baby
As the days, they go on
I find it harder to be me
I hide my feelings
Inside of me because
I know
That I'm the only one who's feeling this
And I'm the only one who's suffering inside
That I'm the only one in love
"What's that?" someone asks. I jump, slamming random keys. The sounds vibrates around the room a moment, and I realize it isn't Zander. I sigh in relief and say, "It's nothing. Just a song I wrote," I say. "Well, it's great," Kacey says, sitting down next to me on the piano stool. "Were you going to present that when the band gets here?" she asks. I shake my head. "Why not?" Kacey asks. "Because... I can't?" I lie. "Of course you can!" she says. I look at her with the truth pouring out of my eyes. "Oh... you can't..." she says, finally understanding. I nod my head.
"But he doesn't have to know it's about him, Stevie," Kacey says. "But he will. I can't sing that song in front of him! I'd screw it all up, and he'll know," I say. "Why are you so worried about it anyway? Why can't you ask him out?" Kacey asks. "Because, Kace. He flirts with every girl he can! And... I don't want to ruin our friendship," I say. "That is such an overused excuse," Kacey says. "Well, it's true," I retort. Kacey rolls her dark eyes and says, "Stevie... You're talented, beautiful, strong, and great person. Zan's missing out, and if he can't see you... you have to make him," she says. "But how?" I ask.
"What if I let you sit on this bench and sing that song when the boys get here? I mean, when he hears you... he'll have to fall for you," Kacey says. I hesitate, but Kacey makes me promise I won't chicken out. "Get ready, Stevie! I think I hear them coming," Kacey says. She's right. We only leave the band room door open if we aren't practicing. Otherwise, it's always open, but the band room-when closed-is pretty well sound-proof.
The boys enter the band room. "Who's ready to present their music?" Kacey asks, looking at me. "I-I'll go first," I say. Kacey smiles. We give ourselves homework. Usually two people from the group have to go home and write a song to present as the new song for the band. I get myself ready at the piano and begin playing my song again.
Wish you loved me
Like I love you baby
As the days, they go on
I find it harder to be me
I hide my feelings
Inside of me because
I know
That I'm the only one who's feeling this
And I'm the only one who's suffering inside
That I'm the only one in love
I'm blushing now. I've never written a song like this... or gone this deep with myself. Everyone's jaw-except Kacey's-is open. "That's an amaazing song," Kevin says, hypnotized. Nelson says, "You have a pretty voice," hypnotized too. Zander though... he doesn't say anything. "What did you think, Zander?" Kacey asks. I push a stray piece of hair behind my ear nervously. "I think it's a great song! How'd you come up with it?" he says after a moment. "I guess it just... came to me," I say. "That's too deep to have just come from you," Kacey says. I send daggers with my eyes at her.
"Yeah... seriously, Stevie. How'd you come up with it?" Nelson asks. I feel trapped in all of a sudden. I knew this was bad idea. Kacey just sucked me in... I thought I was fearless. I really did. But now... I feel so stuck. "If she doesn't want to tell you... just forget about it," Zander speaks up. I feel suddenly full of relief. I don't think I could live if I had to admit this... affection out loud.
Kacey, Nelson and Kevin shrug their shoulders, and then move on. It's Kacey's day to present too. She presents a song, much faster than mine, and she sings it a capella. Then again, she really doesn't play an instrument... except her throat.
When band practice is over, and all our instruments are put where they belong, Kacey and I are the last to leave. "You chickened out..." she says. "Well, you basically threw me under the bus. What did you think I'd do? Come clean like it was nothing?" Kacey doesn't answer. I guess she really did think that. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm just going to let it play out," I say. "You'll regret it later on..." Kacey says in a sing-song voice that means she's definitely right. "I know..." I chime back, sarcastically. She leaves before me and I grab my bag and leave the band room.
I thought I was fearless. But no one is.
A/N: You hate me for ending this ONE-SHOT there huh? Lol anyway, if you guys want... I could post my alternate ending! :D Yes, I had a much different idea for the ending of this. Well, actually I took off a whole chunk. So, if you guys REALLY REALLY REALLY want this ending, just let me know! :D