We started writing this in English class because it's so boring. Class, that is, not the story. We hope the story is anything but boring! Our teacher is a psycho! We really like Lord of the Rings (Aragorn is soooo hot!), so we thought, what if the characters were high school teachers? It's not great literature, but we had fun writing it and we hope you like it!
~Araflower and Sunlily~

The Perils of Teaching With Elves

by Araflower and Sunlily

Chapter 1

"Why is there never any coffee?" Boromir whined, shaking the last drop of coffee into his mug ("I Survived the Mines of Moria and All I Got Was This Stupid Mug").

"The blood of Numenor is all but spent...."

"Oh, shove it, Elrond!" Boromir said grouchily. "Besides, what has that to do with coffee?"

"Men are weak -- why can you not survive without that substance called 'coffee'? I haven't slept in 500 years, but do you see me being tired? No," Elrond said haughtily.

Boromir glared and slouched down on the couch.

Aragorn wandered in, looking as if he hadn't slept or bathed in weeks. Come to think of it, he probably hadn't. He stumbled over to the coffee machine and hit it a few times, cursing. "Why isn't there any coffee?" he asked.

Elrond opened his mouth but shut it again when Boromir glared at him.

"The nancy-boy apparently forgot to buy any more coffee last week," Boromir said with a meaningful glance at Elrond. "Possibly because he and Mitzi here were too busy shagging in the supply closet."

Elrond blushed.

"But -- my coffee!" Aragorn wailed, dropping to the floor like a rock. "I need coffee!" Both Boromir and Elrond winced at the pitch Aragorn managed to hit, surprised the windows didn't shatter.

"Well, as much as I'd like to hang around with you Men," Elrond said, standing, "I have a class to teach." He glided to the door.

Aragorn stopped wailing and looked at Boromir. "Did they really do it in the supply closet?" he asked.

Boromir nodded solemnly. "I even have it on tape," he said.

Elrond squeaked and slammed the door of the teachers' lounge.

"And I always thought Elves were too dignified to slam doors," Aragorn mused.

Boromir smiled smugly. "It just takes the right motivation."

Aragorn stared at him and shook his head. "You are getting far too bored," he said. "Anyway, about my coffee...you know I can't face third block without it."

"Third block?" Boromir looked puzzled.

"You know." Aragorn lowered his voice to a whisper. "The Hobbits."

"Ahhhh! Where?" Boromir screamed and scrunched down on the couch, looking around nervously.

"Not here," Aragorn sighed. "Hey, you going to finish that coffee?" he asked, sidling over to Boromir.

Boromir snatched his mug away and gulped it down quickly, burning is mouth in the process. Aragorn pouted and sent longing looks at Boromir's mug.

"No, no coffee, no cup," Boromir said, putting his cup in the sink. "Aragorn, you can deal with the Hobbits. Just remember your helmet and sword."

Aragorn grunted and grabbed his sword off the sword rack.

"They still haven't figured out that it's not appropriate to do the Wave in class. Also, I can't believe they call me Strider! That's soooo inappropriate!" Aragorn whined as he strapped on his sword and grabbed a dagger to stick in his boot. "Plus they really need to stop the glomping. They're insane!"

"You're telling me, Boromir said, rolling his eyes." I have them for Gondorian." He stood and stretched. "Well, I'm off. I'll just look in one Elrond's math class, just in case he's randomly disappeared again."

"Good idea. You know just last week I caught him out behind the school with Celeborn. And you know what he does."

Boromir shuddered. "Why are Elves so horny?"

"I think it's just Elrond," Aragorn said, opening the door just as the bell rang. Both men jumped at the sound. Approximately 5 seconds after the bell rang, the halls became a sea of students. Aragorn and Boromir looked at each other and nodded.

"Let's do it," Boromir said, putting a hand to his sword.