A/N Okey Dokey, here is my second song fic! I like this one a whole lot better than my first! And when you are done reading, don't forget to let me know how you felt about it! Hopefully, you will love it, I did! :]
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. If I did, I wouldn't be sitting in the university library waiting to go to work. :p Nor do I own the song My Immortal by Evanescence.
My Immortal
It was a cold, harsh, winter day. Hermione bundled up and headed out. It has been five years since the war ended. Everyone seemed to be healing from its effects. Everyone… except her. She felt stuck in time. She walked out the door, then apparated. She appeared at a gate. She walked through looking around the snow covered ground. She let out a deep sigh.
"Why do you do this to yourself, Hermione? It's not going to help and it's not going to get any easier. It's always going to hurt." She said to herself. She walked down the snow covered path, stopped, and sunk to her knees in front of a grave. On the grave was an everlasting rose. Something that Hermione charmed for the love of her life. She had always been in love with Fred Weasley. Fred was her fiancé. The love of her life. She adored him with everything in her. But, he died in the final battle. A wall collapsed on him. And when her fiancé died, a part of her died with him.
"Hey Freddie. How are you today?" She was talking to a head stone, but she couldn't help it. It felt like she was actually talking to him. Sorta.
I'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all my childish fears
"I miss you. But I'm tired of being here, of doing this. Visiting your grave everyday. It's not normal.. even Gred doesn't do it. But I love you so much! I know it must sound childish… but I'm too afraid to move on. I'm too afraid to try to be happy again. I don't want to seem disloyal to you and I don't want to be too happy for fear of it being taken away yet again. Without you, I don't feel safe. Every time I think I'm about to move on, I feel you with me, and I can't. Not with you constantly with me. Your presence is strong. " Tears rolling down her cheeks. She felt helpless and hopeless.
"Hermione."
No way, she knew that voice too well. And it isn't possible. She looked up tears still falling. She was right. It was Fred.
"F-F-Fred? Fred, is it really you? What are you doing here?" Hermione was very confused.
"Yes love, it's me. I'm here to help you. My love, you must let me go. I can't rest until I know you will be ok without me." Hermione opened her mouth to interrupt. "No, Hermione, hear me out. You need to listen to me and move on. Everyone else has. It's time for you to move on too. It's been five years."
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
"I know that, but I can't. You are everywhere. So if you want to leave, why are you still with me? Why don't you just leave me forever." She felt herself getting very angry and hurt. "Why don't you just leave me alone." She said, her voice shaking.
"Hermione, you must trust me. You will heal. You will get better. You will fall in love with someone else and have a family and be happy without a war on your doorstep. It's over, and you can be happy and safe now. In time, you will get better, and you will be happy. That's what I want from you. You have so many contributions to society that you can make, you are too smart to be wasting away in front of my grave."
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
"How do you expect me to? I have tried! Do you think I want to be miserable for the rest of my life? No matter what I do, I can't! These wounds, they won't heal. I can't take it anymore Fred. It hurts too much that you're gone. And NOTHING will change that. No matter who comes into my life, no matter how much time passes, nothing will make this hurt any less. I can't stand facing the rest of my life without you Fred. And I will forever be wounded." Hermione was now on her feet. She was eye to eye with Fred's ghost.
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind"Fred, I'm no longer the person I was. I'll never be her again. I'll never be happy again." Tears were welling up in her eyes causing Fred anguish. He longed to take away her pain. He longed to reach out and hold her until she was all cried out. He longed to make her life happy. But he couldn't do it. He reached out to her.
"Hermione, ya know what made me fall in love with you? It was your light. It captivated me. Because no matter what was going wrong with the world, you always had this light in you that made you strong. It's not there anymore. And I can't rest. I can't leave this world, because I am bound to you. I can't go, knowing that you are trying so desperately to hold on to me. I'm dead, Hermione. You can't change that. So please, let me go. Let me rest. I'll see you on the other side some day. But you have to move on and live your life."
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
"You are with me all the time Fred. How can I move on when you are in my dreams. I relive that horrid day every night. There has not been one night in five years that I haven't seen your face. I watch, horrified, unable to help as the death eaters blast down that wall. I see a big chunk of stone come tumbling down, landing on you. I see you lying in the great hall with everyone around you crying. You haunt my dreams. The ones that used to be filled with us getting married, having kids, living life. Those are gone. All that remains is your death. I have gone insane. Gin and Harry have threatened me several times with sending me to St. Mungo's in the ward where Lockhart and the Longbottoms are. They are right, I have gone mad. And it's because of you. Because even though you are gone in body, I can't stop hearing your voice telling me you love. And it hurts. And it drives me crazy!" Hermione couldn't control her tears.
"Hermione, there is something more going on than you are telling yourself. You need to admit to yourself the reason why you can't move on."
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
"I want to be happy." Her voice shook. "I have tried so hard to tell myself that you are not coming back. That you're gone. And even though you are here right now, I'm still alone. I want to live. But I'm afraid to. I'm afraid of being disloyal to you. I can't move on because I feel guilty for wanting to be happy without you." Saying the words felt like a big weight had been lifted off her shoulders.
"Hermione, it's ok. Move on, be happy, and remember I will always love you. But don't be alive and forget to live. You have so much love to give. It's ok to give it to someone else."
"No matter what happens Fred, I will always love."
"And I, you."
And with that, Fred left, finally able to rest with the dead. Hermione sunk back to her knees, unable to move, or comprehend what just happened.
"Hermione?" She recognized that voice. She looked up and saw a familiar form walking toward her. He looked exactly like her beloved Fred.
"George. What are you doing here?"
"I'm visiting Fred. I just got this feeling that I needed to come here, yeah?"
"Yeah."
And for the first time in five years, Hermione Jean Granger smiled!
P.S please let me know if I switch tenses or have a lot of grammatical mistakes. I'm a free form writer, not a grammar nazi for goodness sakes! :p