Control

May looked so broken when she spoke to Coulson at the end of Repairs! It broke my heart but it was kind of nice to see her emotional side. Then when Skye came to visit her she seemed fine again. I don't know if that was just May being May and getting over it or if someone lifted her spirits. This is my version of what happened at the end of Repairs.

Enjoy :)

May fled straight from the old farmhouse to the cockpit. Locking the door behind her, she collapsed on the floor, cradling her head in her hands. She tried to calm her breathing while her heart was feeling as if it was going to break through her chest. She knew she was experiencing a panic attack but she'd be damned if she was going to acknowledge it. She was fighting to keep her eyes open because she knew if she shut them she would see the girl again. May clenched her jaw as she felt tears fill her eyes. She was desperately trying to hold on to some kind of composure but she could feel it slipping away faster than she could control it.

This was why she didn't want to be back in the field, this was why she didn't want to be a part of any action. She could control what she felt and what she thought, when she was alone, when her life was simple and boring. Out in the field there was no stability, no simplicity. Everything was instantaneous; you react, you don't hesitate, you don't think or you will die. The only sanctuary she had was this room, but tonight it felt like the walls were closing in.

The knock on the door startled her, although not unexpected she had hoped he would leave her be.

"May"

She didn't respond. She knew he wouldn't leave but she could still try.

"Open the door Melinda." She still didn't respond but was weighing up her options. The door was locked from the inside but that didn't mean he wouldn't force his way in, especially if she didn't start responding. She would then have to explaining to the team why she locked herself in the cockpit and Coulson had to break the door down. Reaching over she flicked the switch before returning to her position on the floor.

Coulson entered the cockpit, making sure to lock the door before he sat down beside her. He was shocked to find her sitting on the floor but he had found her in some odd positions over the years and learnt fast not to comment on it.

Her breathing had finally returned to normal but her head was still spinning.

"Want to talk ab-"

"No."

They sat in silence. Out of the corner of her eye May noticed the blinking light indicating that the cargo door was shutting. She went to stand but Coulson put his hand on her knee.

"I need to prepare for take off."

"I know." He didn't remove his hand and kept enough force on it that she didn't try to move again.

"Why did you want me on this team?"

Coulson sighed, "You had a desk job Mel."

"I was fine"

"Melinda May would never have been fine with a desk job."

She gave him one of her icy stares before resting her head against the wall.

"She's gone Phil."

"No she's not. Since you've been on the plane you've been different, more so since you became active again."

He heard her sigh indignantly.

"I didn't bring you on the bus to bring her out again. I just wanted you to see that isolating yourself for the rest of your life is no way to live. You will never be that person again Melinda, we're different remember. But different doesn't have to mean bad, it just means different."

She could feel herself starting to get emotional again and turned to look out the front window.

"Do you ever just want to go back?"

Coulson took her wrist and turned her hand over. Pushing up her sleeve his thumb traced over a scar so faint that you would miss it if you weren't looking for it. He smiled as he remembered how he helped her get it.

"Sometimes. But the team we have here is good. I like it, it's-"

"Different"

Coulson smiled. "I'm glad you're on the team." He said looking over at her. The cabin was dark but he could still make out her face. "I missed you when you left the field Melinda." He saw the tiny smile playing on her lips and took it as his queue to leave.

May waited until he left before moving into the pilot's chair. As she began to perform her pre-flight checks she continued to smile. She may not have any control in the field but she was slowly learning it wasn't the worst thing in the world.