Sharp and Pointy II: The Search for the SporkMeister
By Sofri-chan
Summary: In which a very spaced-out Riku, a very angry Sora, and everyone's favorite not-sharp-or-pointy-sword, the Keyblade, go on a quest to find the spork that ate Ansem's remains.
Disclaimer: Don't own anything recognizable. All I own are the SporkMeister and Cookie World, oh yes and myself.
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SHARP AND POINTY II
THE SEARCH FOR THE SPORKMEISTER
"Wow."
"Wow."
"Wow."
Riku stared at the spot where, just a three minutes ago, the gray-haired villain that had once possessed him had stood and yelled "Potatoes". Just two minutes ago, said gray-haired villain had been killed by Sora's sword that was neither sharp nor pointy, the Keyblade. And just one minute ago, a spork had appeared out of nowhere, eaten the remains of the gray-haired villain (who shall now be referred to by his real name, Ansem, to stop wasting paper space) and disappeared. Now Riku was speechless. Actually, not quite speechless, as he could still manage to say one word:
"Wow."
That fourth "Wow" was what did it for Riku's already-angry companion, Sora. After all, he'd spent all day realizing how not sharp and pointy his sword was, then had a chance to prove the Keyblade's sharpness and pointiness by stabbing Ansem, only to have that chance thwarted by a cannibalistic SPORK of all things. And now, Riku was being monosyllabic.
Sora hated people being monosyllabic. Especially because he didn't know what monosyllabic meant. Also, he was mad. So he decided to make that fact known.
"SHUT UP, RIKU!" the boy yelled. "We've just been alerted of the presence of a man-eating spork, and all you can say is 'Wow'! We need to go find the spork before it eats anyone else!"
Riku blinked twice, then grinned in a strange manner. "Hey, Sora! I got a great idea! Let's go find the spork before it eats anyone else!"
Resisting the urge to bang his head against the ground (he only prevented himself by reminding himself of the four hours he'd spent that morning applying hair cement,) Sora snapped at Riku yet again. "Where do you want us to look, Cookie World?"
"Hey Sora! I got a great idea! Let's go look for the Spork in Cookie World!"
Sora was about to yell "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" but once again, he stopped himself. He realized that this mission to rid the world of the evil spork would give him more chances to show off the still-dangerous-even-though-its-not-sharp-or-pointy-ish-ness of the Keyblade.
"Alright, Riku. But…one question. Do you even know how to get to Cookie World?"
Riku growled. "Did…you….just…say…Cookie…World?"
Sora frowned. "Yeah. Didn't you just say we should go look for the Spork in Cookie World?"
"No, you idiot!" Riku yelled! "I didn't say Cookie World! I said Cookie World! You…you don't believe in the power of the awesome italics of Cookie World?"
"Not really….."
That was the wrong answer. Riku jumped to his feet, yelling "Shun the Non-Believer! Sssssssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnn!"
"Um…Riku, have you been spending too much time watching videos?" Sora asked, then paused. "What are videos? I'm saying things I don't know! CURSE YOU STUPID AUTHORESS!!" Sora started spazzing.
Suddenly, a tall girl with waist-length braided copper hair and piercing silver eyes appeared, gripping a long rapier. "How dare you, Sora! I will lock you in the Fun Box!" The small cage…excuse me Fun Box…appeared, and Sofri (the Authoress) shoved Sora inside.
She grabbed Riku and they started dancing in circles singing "Fun Box, oh Fun Box, small and square and dark. Fun Box, oh Fun Box, check out these cool fun locks! Yay!"
After about twenty minutes of dancing with Riku, there was a POP! and a tall, blue-eyed boy with a red sword appeared.
"Hey, Sofri, you shouldn't be here," the boy yelled.
"Well, neither should you, Eragon!" Sofri yelled, and started to disappear in a puff of logic.
"You can't do that either!" the boy yelled again. "Puffs of logic are copyrighted!"
"Fine," Sofri stuck out her tongue and disappeared in a puff of ANTI-logic. A few minutes later, Eragon disappeared too.
Riku, having not noticed the goings-on around him, continued dancing with a rock (there was a piece of string wound around it) for about ten minutes until Sora yelled at him.
"LET ME OUT OF THIS STUPID BOX, YOU IDIOT!" Then Sora realized that he still had his non-sharp-and-pointy sword. He tried to cut himself out, but realized too late that his sword wasn't sharp or pointy. So he continued yelling at Riku until he stopped dancing with the rock and let Sora out.
The brown-haired boy exited the Fun Box unharmed (save for the fact that his hairstyle was ruined) and the box disappeared in a puff of ANTI-logic.
Four hours later, after Sora's hair cement was reapplied, he, Riku, and the non-sharp-and-pointy sword set off toward Cookie World. Suddenly, Sora realized something.
"Riku," he growled, "have you got the foggiest idea of where Cookie World happens to be?"
"Of course," Riku replied, skipping merrily across the field. "It's over the river and through the woods, then we have to take the second star to the right and follow the yellow brick road. Lastly, we must ask the magical Liopleurodon to show us the way to Cookie World." Riku stopped to pick a daisy and sniffed it.
Now, Sora was already angry, but the daisy was the last straw. Or, more specifically, the last daisy. He grabbed the Keyblade.
Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a disembodied voice went "Aaaaaaaaahhhh…"
The Key-Bearer thought that was rather strange, but he ignored it. "RIKU WHATEVERYOURMIDDLENAMEIS WHATEVERYOURLASTNAMEIS, IF YOU CONTINUE TO ACT LIKE A TOTAL IDIOT I WILL STAB YOU WITH THE KEYBLADE!" he yelled. He gestured at Riku with the blade.
"Oh, uh, OK. Cookie World is…uh…that way!" Riku pointed in a random direction. "Just over the river and through the woods, like I said."
Still annoyed, but also still wanting to show off the…well, what I said earlier and am not going to repeat because it's freakishly long-ish-ness of the Keyblade. He sheathed the not-pointy sword and followed Riku across the meadow.
Riku skipped across the flower-filled meadow, humming a tune. Finally, when they'd been walking for about an hour and hadn't reached any rivers, stars, yellow brick roads, or magical Liopleurodons, Sora got angry again. Actually, he'd been angry the whole time, he just decided to make his anger known again. He pulled out the Keyblade.
The disembodied voice sang out "Aaaaaaahhhh…."
Sora again ignored it and threatened Riku again. "Riku you idiot, WHERE ARE WE??? You're acting like a total IDIOT!"
Suddenly, a voice spoke out of nowhere. "Actually, I'd like to inform you that you are both a pair of idiots."
Riku scratched his head with a tomato he'd been eating. "What's a pair of idiots?" he asked, but the voice did not deign to reply. It was roughly at that point that Riku realized through his fog of spaced-out-ish-ness that Sora still had his sword out. And not-sharp-or-pointy as the blade was, Riku was still afraid. So again, he pointed in a random direction. "Cookie World is…uh…that way!" he yelled.
Luckily, the silver-haired boy happened to be pointing at a sign that read COOKIE WORLD, ONE NANOMETER AWAY. So the pair walked (actually, Sora walked and Riku skipped) to the gates of Cookie World. They entered the jelly-filled dough structure of the gates. Instantly, a young woman wearing a dress made entirely of Thin Mints ran up to them.
"Sora! Riku! It's you guys! Oh you must help! Cookie World is in such danger!"
Sora blinked. "K…Kairi? What are you doing in Cookie World?"
Kairi frowned. "Didn't you know? I was elected Supreme Empress of Cookie World last year. Now you need to help us! A cannibalistic Spork has been terrorizing the town…"
Sora grinned. "A cannibalistic spork? It ate Ansem's dead body a few days ago! We're trying to destroy it! What do you know about it?"
The cookie-clad Supreme Empress thought a moment before replying. "He is called the SporkMeister and is the leader of all the Sporks. But a few select know his true name…a name so horrible few dare to say it…"
"Barney?" Riku asked, then began spazzing. "OH NO! NOT BARNEY! HIS PURPLE DINOSAUR-ISH-NESS IS SO SCARY!"
Sora poked Riku to make him shut up, and in the process, had to take out the Keyblade as he had nothing else to poke Riku with.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh," sang the disembodied voice. Sora growled and resisted the urge to bang his head against a wall. Finally, he could no longer resist the urge and banged three times in anger.
(5 hours later, after another re-application of Sora's hair cement)
Kairi shook her head. "Not Barney. The true name of the SporkMeister is….
…..
…..
Zach."
Sora screamed. "OH NO! NOT ZACH!"
Kairi screamed. "OH NO! NOT ZACH!"
All the people in Cookie World screamed "OH NO! NOT ZACH!"
Riku screamed. "OH NO! FLUFFY PINK HIPPOPOTAMI RIDING CHOCOBOS EATING CHICKY POT PIE!"
Everybody ignored Riku. Sora finally regained composure. "Do you know where he lives?" he asked Kairi.
The Supreme Empress of Cookie World shook her head "There is only one way to find the location of Z…I mean the SporkMeister. You must find long-lost Great Treasure of Cookie World, the Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular. It was stolen years ago by the evil Organization 42,601, and taken to their headquarters, Castle The-Opposite-Of-Oblivion. If you rescue it, Cookie World will forever be indebted to you. Will you help us?"
"Of course I will, Kairi. SporkMeister, you'd better watch out!"
"Jelly!" Riku yelled. Sora and Kairi took that as a yes.
"We shall depart at once, Supreme Empress, and shall not abandon the quest until we either find the Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing In Particular or die trying!" Sora vowed. He raised the Keyblade above his head in a gesture of triumph.
"Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh…." sang the disembodied voice.
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Sofri: And that was Sharp and Pointy II. Be on the lookout for Sharp and Pointy III: The Golden Snickerdoodle of Nothing in Particular, coming soon to a fanfic site near you!