(After The Bikini in the Soup)

I don't own Bones.

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It was in the mail when he got home. He'd found the letter between the electric bill and a two for one coupon for Sichuan Pavilion. Leary of the envelope, he'd dropped it on the coffee table and tried to ignore it. He should have known that would be impossible.

It was getting late and Booth had a decision to make. Throw the letter away or read it. He considered throwing it away, but he knew it would haunt him if he didn't open it. How bad could it be? She'd already ripped his heart out and what could be worse than that? He opened it.

Dear Seeley,

I don't know if you will read this or not, but I thought the way we left things between us left some things unsaid and I needed you to hear what I have to say.

I want you to know that I love you and I always will, but you were not meant for me. You never were.

When we met, you were lonely. So was I. Being in a war zone isn't easy for anyone and when you're alone it just seems to make things worse. You start to think, what if I die? Will anyone notice? Will anyone care? It's kind of daunting if you think about it?

Anyway there you were, Sergeant Major Seeley Booth. You arrested me for being where I shouldn't have been and I was angry with you at the time, but you were just doing your job and how could I fault you for that? When I got to know you, I found something that I hadn't realized that I'd lost. You were a piece of America, a piece of home. You put a face on the military for me. You reminded me that our men and women are flesh and blood. Most of them are a lot younger than you were and that makes me sad when I think about it. Young people thrust in to a dangerous situation, afraid to make a mistake that could prove to be fatal for them or someone else. Brave men and women who were there to make a difference in a country being torn apart.

I was proud to know someone like you. A warrior that's true, but a man filled with compassion and kindness. You were kind to me when you didn't have to be and I appreciated that more than you'll ever know. I was drawn to you in a way that I haven't been for a long time and I wanted to know you better. You let me be a part of your life and I was happy. You made my assignment more bearable. You made me feel things I hadn't felt for such a long time.

Now comes the hard part and I'm sorry in advance, but I need you to know some things and this will be my only chance to say them. I'm not trying to be hurtful in anyway. I'm just trying to be honest with you.

I never meant to become attached to you, but I did. I never meant to follow you home, but I did. I don't think I really thought about why I was doing it except that I thought I loved you and I didn't want to let you go. I wanted to be with you and impulsively I told my boss that it was time for me to come home and he let me.

I know you were shocked when I showed up at the Diner, but I had hoped it was a pleasant surprise. You seemed to be so happy to see me and I thought I'd made the right decision, but now I know I didn't.

You weren't the man I thought you were. I don't know if that's my fault or yours, maybe a little of both. In Afghanistan, I saw a charming soldier who was handsome and brave and who was romantic and so so sexy. That's what you let me see. What you are in your real life is a dedicated policeman who wants to right the wrongs he sees. A real Captain America. You abhor injustice and you work long and tedious hours to get the job done. You're a family man and you love your son. You want a family and a quiet life and that is where we are so different. I'm not looking for a family. I love my job. I love the danger and the risks it takes to do my job. I love to travel. I love being on the front lines giving America the news it needs to have. I don't want a quiet life. I never did.

You asked me to marry you and I couldn't. I couldn't because I could never settle down. I could never live in one place doing the same job day in and day out. I am a nomad. I told you that up front and it was the truth. That is the life I crave and you don't. I understand that. I can't change who I am any more than you can change who you are.

Since I am being completely honest, I want to mention something else. I found out that you had surgery for a brain tumor before you came to Afghanistan. I was home, in your apartment one afternoon and someone from Dr. Latrobe's office called to remind you about your annual checkup. She left a message on the answering machine. I was curious and I looked up who Dr. Latrobe was. Imagine my surprise when I found out he's a neurosurgeon.

That scar on your head, I've felt it when I've run my hand through your hair and you'd told me in the past that it was an old injury. It wasn't though. Since I couldn't get you to tell me about it I confronted Temperance about it. She seems to know about everything that's happened to you in your past, so I knew she probably knew about the surgery. You'll be happy to know she wouldn't tell me about it. She told me that I needed to talk to you since it was part of your past and not hers. She says she wasn't comfortable talking about your past without your permission.

Through a little digging around, I found out that you'd had a brain tumor and you were operated on to have it removed. I won't tell you who told me about it since you might consider it a personal betrayal.

I found myself mulling over the fact that you couldn't trust me with that part of your past and that was very hurtful, Seeley. I was in a relationship with you and you were hiding something very important from me.

You should have told me about the tumor. If you had really loved me, you would have told me. Brain tumors are not something you hide from someone you're serious about. I know you love your privacy and have never really volunteered that much about your past to me, but somethings are important and this was not something that you should have hidden from me.

I began to wonder about us. If you were capable of hiding something this important from me then what else were you hiding from me and then came the news that you used to have feelings for Temperance, but you didn't have them anymore. And yet, you are her best friend and you and she are still partners. I don't know how someone just turns off their heart like that. I know I can't. The more I thought about it the more I realized that your life was a blank book to me.

A brain tumor. You used to have feelings for your best friend. That poker chip you constantly hold in your hand when you're trying to think or you're worrying about something, it made me think that it was a talisman and it is isn't it? You have a medal in your tray that you keep on the dresser. I was curious and I looked at it. It's a five year medallion from Gamblers Anonymous. One more secret that you kept from me.

As you can see there has been a pattern between us and I didn't know what to do about it. You said you loved me and yet there were all of these secrets. Secrets that were a wall between us and probably always would be. How was I supposed to deal with your past if I didn't know what your past is? What if your brain tumor had come back? Would you expect me to give up my career to take care of you? My career is important to me and I could never give it up. Have you fallen from the gambling wagon in the past? How did you handle it? Can I trust a man that keeps such serious secrets from me? Let's face it, you weren't very honest with me about your past and I worried that would always be part of our pattern. Are you this dishonest with everyone you supposedly love?

When you asked me to marry you, I had to turn you down. I'm not the marrying kind and I enjoyed our relationship just the way it was. You did too. How could you ask me to marry you when you were hiding so much from me? You couldn't have been very serious about us Seeley. Not really. I love you, but I couldn't marry you. You weren't the man I fell in love with. You never were.

I do love you Seeley and I always will, but we weren't meant to be together. You knew that. You just couldn't admit that to yourself or to me. I hope you can find someone that you can trust with your secrets and that you have a happy life. I do want you to have a happy life.

Hannah

Ooooooooooooooooooooo

Booth didn't meet Brennan at the Diner for breakfast and she tried to call him to see what the delay was. When her call went to voicemail she left a message asking him to call her back. After a while, she assumed he was delayed and he wasn't coming so ordered a bowl of mixed fresh fruit, a bowl of oatmeal and a glass of juice. Once her meal arrived, she called Booth once more to see if he would like her to bring him breakfast. Her call going to voicemail once more, she started to worry. It was rare that Booth didn't return her call within fifteen minutes of her first attempt.

She knew he was having a hard time and was still mourning his breakup with Hannah, but that hadn't prevented him from talking to her when she called. Something was wrong and she needed to see her partner as soon as possible. That decision made, she pulled her wallet from her purse, fished out money and laid it on the table next to her bowl of fruit. Abandoning her breakfast she hurried from the diner to her car and before she pulled out into traffic she tried to call her partner once more. Once again her call was routed to voice mail and that just increased her worry.

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So what do you think of this so far?