It wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this at least. I was most definitely not supposed to lose my virginity to the biggest asshole in the school on professor Vexen's desk. I was supposed to find a nice girl, get married, all those things they tell you in Sunday school. Yet there I was, on my back, pinned down by possibly the sexiest man ever to walk the earth, about to have sex with him. Apparently my mind didn't register that I should be kicking and screaming to get the bastard off of me. I knew exactly what I should be doing but for some reason I wasn't, I couldn't and I guess in some part of me I didn't want to. The feeling was completely foreign to me. I'd never been with another man before, never even considered it but for some reason, in that moment, it felt right. It was almost as if something had clicked inside of me. As lost in my thoughts as I was, I could still feel every heated touch, every harsh kiss. I knew he had done this before. Not only from his reputation but by the confidence he had as he kissed down my neck. I tried to focus on something, anything, but the moment he slipped his hand into my pants I was gone. By the time I could think clearly, it was over and he was cleaning us up. Quickly pulling my pants up and throwing my shirt back on, I turned towards him with every intention of chewing him out for a stunt like that. Immediately I noticed a lack of idiot redheads in the classroom and all I could think is 'that damn bastard going to leave me with the backlash'.
It was nearly a week later before I finally worked up the courage to confront the jerk and another to finally catch him alone. I found him in the library just after third period. I was a little unsure of why he would be there. He wasn't the type to study, or even think of going anywhere near something remotely educational. The very thought of him opening a book nearly had me breaking down in laughter. I was kind of unsure about what I was going to say but I knew it wasn't going to be pleasant. I hurried towards where he sat in the farthest corner and sat down across from him. "I'm surprised. You're willing to come near me after the other day." His voice was as smooth as it was the other day and I had to force myself to think of something other than how lovely it would be to hear him moaning my name again. I looked up into his emerald coloured eyes, meeting them with a slight glare. "It's not like I'm here for a repeat performance. It's more of a 'the fuck did you think you were doing' kinda deal." I replied as coldly as possible.
"I was looking for a good lay and you were right there. You didn't seem to have any objections." I gaped at that comment.
"You fucking bastard!" I snapped. "Do you even stop to think about what you're saying? Do you ever think about what other people want? How they feel?"
"My dear Roxy, you should know enough about me to know how I roll. I'm more of a 'love em and leave em' kinda guy." He leaned back and swung his feet up onto the table, crossing his legs at the ankles. Throwing my hands down as hard as possible, I stood, a loud bang filling the room from the contact my hands made with the table. "One day, you will find someone that you care about but because of your attitude you'll lose them." I shoved his feet off the table. "One day you'll regret everything you've done and who you chose to be." I turned, knocking over the chair I had been sitting in before storming out of the room.
It was times like that when I began to wonder what went wrong with humanity. Why did people feel the need to be such assholes? Once I was home I hurried into my brother's room. Ventus had a lot of experience dealing with asses, seeing as he was dating one. Not like anybody but me knew though. Flopping on his bed as he moved his books out of the way, I spread my arms out, sighing. I rolled onto my back and turned my head to look at my brother. People still confuse us for twins although he's nearly four years older. "Ven, how do you put up with Vanitas?" Ventus looked at me like I had suddenly grown three heads.
"I love him. Simple as that. Why?" Sighing I moved to lay across his legs. "Remember the um... incident... I told you about?" He nodded slowly, waiting for me to continue. "Well, I finally got the chance to talk to the bastard. Turns out he's even more of an asshole than I thought." He stared at me, clearly still confused.
"And what does this have to do with Vanitas?"
"He's an ass and you know it. So spill. What's the secret to dealing with his kind?" I knew he wouldn't be happy with my wording but that was the only way I could put it.
"First of all, he's not an ass, he's just misunderstood. And second of all there is really no way to deal with it until you understand it. There's always a method behind the madness. At some point things will become clear." I should have known better than to get a reasonable answer from a philosophy major but, hey, I had to try.
The next few days were terrifying. After my explosion in the library, I couldn't help but be on edge. If Axel wanted to, all he had to do is tell one person and what we did would spread like wild fire. Having sex with someone like Axel was practically suicide. Not only would it ruin my social life but my parents would murder me if they found out and then I could kiss college goodbye. After about a week I figured out it wasn't likely that he'd tell anyone as it would screw up his reputation. God knows that's the last thing we want. As I tried to follow Ven's advice and get inside his head, I found myself staring at him more often. On the days he bothered to show up to class, I had trouble focusing on the work rather than the newest quirk I'd discovered about Axel. It's weird how the strangest things become interesting if you thought hard enough about them and boy, did I think about Axel a lot. It was like a crazy addiction and I just had to get my high. I learned his habits, his routine, where he sat in class, what he ate for lunch, everything right down to the way he sat while he waited for his friends in the mornings. To be honest, I felt like I knew everything anyone could know yet I was no closer to understanding him. The more I thought about him, the more I knew that I had to get to know him. It wasn't going to be easy. People like Axel don't just decide to make friends with you, you have to earn it. That itself was going to be a task and a half. Getting him to open up to me? That was the real challenge.
As the weeks went on I slowly worked my way into Axel's routine. Asking him questions every so often, talking to him in the cafeteria line, little things that would hopefully get him to warm up to me. I'm sure all of my friends thought I was insane. I mean, who wants to be friends with a juvenile delinquent other than another juvenile delinquent. I'm most definitely not a delinquent so I can only imagine how it looked to them. It took me nearly two months to get a reaction out of him but was it ever worth it. Snapping at me in front of half the school had to have been one of the most embarrassing things he'd ever done and this is the guy that tied the principal's underwear to the flagpole. Everyone in the cafeteria was staring at us. It was odd. As popular as I was, I'd never had that many people look at me all at once. He slammed his tray down and immediately stormed off in the direction of the library. All I could think in that moment was that I had done just the opposite of what I'd been trying to do. Instead of bringing him closer I'd pushed him away.
I gave him some time to cool off and when I'd went to find him. I could only hope that he'd calmed down. I was unaware of just how close to the end of lunch it was and by the time I got to the library, the bell to signal the start of class was ringing. For the first time in my life I decided to ignore my natural instinct to run and make to class. I moved silently to the back of the library where I knew I'd find him. Sitting down across from him in the same chair I had when we first officially spoke, I looked up at him. My blue eyes met his green and I saw a sadness that didn't belong in the eyes of someone with such a carefree attitude. Just as before he was the first to speak.
"I'm surprised to see you here." Was all he said.
"Look," I began, looking down at my hands. "I didn't mean to upset you..." I was quickly cut off by a hand covering my mouth.
"You think you upset me? Upset? I'm not upset. I'm completely infuriated." My head shot up at the anger in his voice. "You think I'm down right pissed because you tried to weasel your way into my life? Because you've become part of my routine? No. I'm pissed off because of the way I don't mind having you in my life, because of the way I look forward to seeing you every day. I hate the fact that you're there and that I actually WANT you there. I hate the fact that everything you do make me love you that little bit more and it just does nothing but drive me crazy because I know I can't have you!" At some point during his rant he had stood up only to fall back into his chair moments later when he had finished. He looked so defeated so I did the only thing I could do. I reached across the table that seemed to stretch farther than an ocean and took his warm hand in my cold one.
"Who says you can't be with me?" I asked, my voice shaking with every syllable.
"Why would someone like you want to be with someone like me? Besides I have a reputation to up keep and you have societal norms to conform to." I had never felt so angry in my life.
"So you're saying you're going to miss out on what could be the best thing ever to happen to you because of what some mindless idiots think? Wow, you are a lot thicker than I thought." I stood, turning to exit when I came face to face with none other than professor Vexen. Okay, so it wasn't necessarily face to face because I swear to God everyone in that goddamn school was on steroids. I mean seriously, where do you find a school where more than half the student body is more than six feet tall? I'm sure you can all guess what happened after that. Detention. With Axel. In professor Vexen's classroom.
So there we were, three hours later sitting in the very room where all of our problems started waiting for the hours to tick by so that we could finally go home. Professor Vexen had left around half an hour in to do god knows what. I was alone with Axel surrounded by a silence so thick you'd need a chainsaw to cut through it. Luckily that was just an analogy though neither of us seemed to have the proper equipment to get through it either way. Finally I decided to break through the invisible barrier. "Why are you so unwilling to let go of your stupid reputation?" I asked with a little more bite than intended. When he spoke it was with a coldness that didn't suit his fiery personality.
"It's all that I have. If I gave up on it, I'd have nothing." His words were surprisingly harsh for the calm way they were uttered.
My reply could have went unheard if the slightest breeze had have blown through the class. Fortunately everything was still. I closed my eyes as I whispered the four words that changed my life. "You'd still have me." I didn't have time to open my eyes as a pair of lips met mine. They were entirely too warm, too dry, too everything but it was perfect. A little sloppy but perfect. Axel pulled away all too soon and I allowed my lids to slide open.
"Do you really mean that Roxas?" His voice was soft, carrying the same smoothness that usually accompanied it.
"Of course. I've stuck around this long so why not." An airy chuckle escaped his lips and soon I joined him. Neither of us really had a reason to laugh but there we were, sitting in a dusty science lab giggling like idiots. In one swift movement Axel swept me into his arms, holding me gently. Leaning into his touch I knew it was right. This was where I was supposed to be. Looking up at the gangly redhead in front of me that I couldn't stand at the beginning of the year, I could tell nothing was ever going to be the same. I stood and moved over to professor Vexen's desk, hoping Axel would get the hint. He did. While that wasn't the only detention I would have, all of which were because of Axel might I add, it was the most memorable. Mostly because professor Vexen walked in on us. That is a story for another time though.