First of all, I want to place the blame for this story on two people; Rizu Komesu and Kaori Minamino. They're the ones who, when I said "OMG, I want to put Touya in drag," immediately responded with "Do it! Do it! Do it!" Anyone who is mentally traumatized by the idea of poor, sweet Touya in women's clothing should take it up with them.

That said, Happy Easter. This fic has nothing to do with Easter, but there you go. It also has nothing to do with my other Yu Yu Hakusho works, just in case anyone is wondering. It's just a crack fic. Crack as in egg, egg as in Easter, there you go. Happy Easter.

So let's go!

This was the last time Touya was ever doing any favors for Yusuke Urameshi.

He was used to being in strange situations by now, he really was. It was kind of part for the course when you went around with Jin. But staring down at the blue fabric in front of him, he couldn't help but feel that this was a bit much. Yusuke had made it all sound so simple when he'd asked for this the day before. Impersonate this friend of his that some black market dealer or whatever was watching, head across town to lure the hunters one way while they took this friend the other way, hang around until they were safe and then simply duck out of sight, lose the disguise, and be on his way... them, Yusuke had said them every single time he referred to this mysterious third party, that should have tipped him off. Kurama had to have suggested that, it was more to his line of thinking than Yusuke's. Unfortunately, it had worked. Touya had agreed to help, never even realizing what he'd agreed to until, grinning from ear to ear, Yusuke had pulled out the wig. The ice apparition scowled, recalling the way Jin had roared with laughter when Touya told him the news...

Picking up the fabric gingerly with one hand, he wondered how he was even supposed to get this on.

If he really wanted to, he could have easily asked Kurama for help; if any one of his friends knew how to properly don a kimono, it was probably the ancient fox. But no, his pride wasn't going to let him do that. Scowling, he stripped out of his own clothing and began working through his task. It went fine until he got to the obi; the winding wrap of cloth had him thoroughly baffled no matter which way he tried to tie it. Finally, he gave in. "Kurama!"

He thought he heard laughter from the next room as the redhead slipped inside, but Kurama shut the door too quickly for him to figure out whose.

The fox-boy's green eyes were practically shining with mirth as he helped tie off the fabric around Touya's waist. The small apparition gave him the sort of glare that only an ice user could; the temperature in the room actually dropped severely from the cold stare. The plant user only laughed it off as he tied the cord around the obi and offered Touya the wig. The ice master scowled and settled it over his hair. "Does this look alright?" The only reply he got was a slip of a smile as Kurama reached over and pushed his dark green bangs under the fluffy teal wig.

"Now you look fine."

Of course. Touya headed over to examine himself in the mirror and cringed. Whoever he was impersonating must have been a dainty little thing. The pale blue kimono was just a bit short on him, meaning that whoever usually wore it was only a few inches shorter than he was. The wig seemed questionable to him; the shade was very unusual and the whole thing seemed just too thick. It also smelled strongly of dye. He dearly hoped it had been allowed to dry thoroughly... Sighing and accepting the inevitable, Touya stepped out of the small room and into the larger one next to it... and immediately wished he could maim somebody.

Preferably Jin.

Chu was choking on his drink in his laughter. Suzuka was practically beside himself as he clutched his sides in agony. Rinku was rolling on the floor, his legs kicking in the air as he laughed in that clear way that only children could. Even Shishiwakamaru had broken down into uncharacteristic snorts behind one hand. And then there was the wind master himself. Jin had been sitting in his usual cross-legged-three-feet-off-the-ground style... until Touya had walked out. Now, as he watched, his fellow former shinobi actually fell out of the air in his mirth, joining Rinku on the floor. It was almost enough to make Touya go for his ice blade. Unfortunately, killing his dearest 'friends' didn't seem to be on the agenda for the day; Kurama hurried him through the room, half-heartedly scolding the revelers as he did so. Jin managed to stop crowing long enough to gasp an apology. "Sorry, Touya... had to tell 'em, I did... was too good not to..."

Oh, he was going to get him for this.

He spent the rest of the day wandering until finally Kurama approached him with the news that it was time to loose his pursuers. He made quick work of the job, heading for a safe house across town once the shadows had been left behind to wait to hear from Yusuke. While he waited, Kurama explained the situation in a little more detail than Yusuke had; Touya was currently impersonating an ice maiden that had been troubled for quite some time by several human 'shadows' that had been following her around. The maiden was capable of generating great treasures with her tears, and so her safety was believed to be in great danger. By doing this, Touya was allowing Yusuke and Kuwabara to sneak the girl to safety, allowing her to escape her shadowy stalkers. As this girl was a close friend of theirs, Touya's part in the 'rescue' was greatly appreciated. The ice master still swore to himself that he would never do this again as he removed the kimono and donned his own clothing later on across town. Pulling off the hated wig, he tossed it into a corner and examined his own light blue locks briefly; they hadn't even budged. Good. Now he just had to plan on how to punish anyone who dared to bring this up later...

"Excuse me?"

The apparition started at the sudden intrusion. Turning, he saw a wave of light teal hair framing a delicate face a young woman-girl peered into the room. All his plotting was forgotten as she stepped through the door wearing an exact match to the kimono that he, himself, had been coerced into. Her hair was pulled back with a red tie, all but the fluffy bangs that almost- but not quite- fell into her warm red eyes. "Are you Touya?" He nodded; she smiled. "My name is Yukina. Thank you so much for helping me today."

It was all he could do to mumble a polite 'you're welcome' without blushing.

It wasn't like Touya to have a hard time talking to women. It was just that he'd been impersonating this very one moments before... yes, that was the problem he was having. Yukina only stayed a few more minutes, chatting politely, before taking her leave, and it was all Touya could do to keep up his end of the conversation. It was very unnerving to stand and talk to a woman whose clothing he had very likely just been wearing. That was all it was. He saw her out to the front door, agreeing politely that yes, it might be nice to see each other just to chat some time, because other ice users were hard to come by, of course, and then stood just inside the door once it had closed, staring at the wood, waiting for his heart to stop pounding. Awkward. And then the softest, most muffled of laughs from behind him reminded him that there was a certain redhead who needed to have his ears given a good twist, and Touya was off down the halls seeking his closest friend's blood.

Touya was never doing a favor for Yusuke again, and if he did, he certainly wasn't telling Jin about it!