Galdriel strolled through the woods of Lothlorien, her bare feet gently
caressing the soft turf. Behind her, her elven raimeint trailed delicately,
floating slightly in the breeze, seemingly getting neither dirty or torn.
Her hand gently touched one of the smooth, tall Mallorn trees of the
forest...
*ripping record noise*
"OW!" she yelled, jumping in surprise. "Dammit! Ow! Ow! Ow!" She jumped around on one foot, clutching the other as she tried to see the object of her pain. She lost her balance and fell on her behind, and after she had righted herself, she withdrew a small stick from her foot.
"HALDIR!" She yelled, a powerful voice ripping from her small delicate throat as she stood up.
"Yes, m'Lady?" Haldir's face appeared in a tree nearby, and he nimbly climbed down.
"HOW MANY TIMES have I TOLD you to make sure you pick up ALL the twigs on the ground in the Citadel?! You KNOW I like walking around in without shoes, and I can't if there's sticks that are gonna hurt my pretty white feet!"
"Well, Lady.." Haldir began "I am a better patroller of the outer eves of Lothlorien that I am a stick-picker-upper.."
"No you're NOT!" Galadriel snapped, outraged at his impertinence "You are a SHOCKING patroller, you let that blasted DWARF into Lothlorien!"
"But m'Lady...you bid me do so!"
"No, I didn't. Your job was to kill any dwarves that tried to come here. After you failed, I HAD to let him in, else his companions wouldn't come here, and I wanted to see..."
Her face coloured as Haldir looked on, curious.
"Err, I wanted to hear of...umm, Arwen. Yes, Arwen. And I knew Aragorn and she were 'involved'....err....I was curious to see how my grand-daughter was doing, and...err....whether she wanted to return to visit us...um, sometime..."
She looked up to see Haldir studying her intently.
"Oh, bugger off! I'm finished with you now!"
Haldir vanished.
"I just don't know sometimes..." she muttered as she brushed herself off. She tried to fix the train of her robe and saw that the bottom was all dirty from it being dragged along the ground.
"Argh!" she yelled again, in frustration. "This is not meant to be happening to me! I'm an Elf Queen!"
"CELEBORN!" She screamed
"Yes m'Lady?" He appeared, hurrying out of the Citadel gates, robes and hair flying in all directions as he made haste to get to his irate wife.
"Celeborn, there is DIRT on my robe!" she said as she lifted the hem of her offending skirt to demonstrate.
"Oh, dear, darling, most beautiful Galadriel..." he fawned, anxious not to make her more annoyed "how can this have happened? I bade the servants to vacuum the whole forest..."
"You know what, Celeborn?" Galadriel queried as she looked shrewdly at her husband "You're a shocking King. I think I would do better!"
"Yes, of course love" he replied. "Here, have my sceptre thing. I don't even know what it does, but everyone seems to assosciate it with kingship....here, take it..."
Galadriel beamed at him as she accepted the sceptre.
"Now, not-the-king" she bade Celeborn "go get a vacuum cleaner and vacuum this forest once more. I don't want my robe to get dirty EVER again!"
"Yes, yes. But dearest, wouldn't you like me to lick it up?"
"No, no, I don't want Elf ex-king goobers on my feet!"
"Yes darling."
"You mean Your Majesty"
"Yes Your Majesty"
"Now go!" Galdriel pointed with her long finger towards the Citadel. "And bother me no more!"
Celeborn bowed, turned and shuffled away.
Galdriel snickered as she turned and walked rapidly towards the Nimrodel.
Suddenly, seized by impulse, she broke a sharp, sturdy stick of a nearby tree, and turning to a huge tree trunk and proceeded to carve:
"GALADRIEL WAZ HERE"
"I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it, I'm bad!" she sang as she admired her handiwork.
She looked up at the sun, trying to figure out what time it was. "Oh, darn, I need Celeborn to help me with this darn 'sun position = the time' thing here..." she thought as she squinted her bright elven eyes.
"Screw this!"
Rolling up her long sleeves, she looked at her wristwatch.
"Oh! 8:55! I'd better hurry!"
She bustled on, coming to the Nimrodel singing sweetly. The river was down, due to the lack of rain and imminent drought, and it looked barely knee- deep. Hiking up her skirts and tucking them into her elven panties, Galadriel stepped into the cold water.
"Brrr! Cripes this is cold!" She shivered as she took her first few steps.
"EWWWWW! It's MUDDY!" Galadriel squwarked halfway through. Sure enough, clouds of dirt were rising from the bottom, where she had placed her feet.
"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Galadriel waded delicately through the water, saying 'ew' with each step. Finally she reached the other shore, and shaking her feet distainfully, she carefully untucked her skirts (but not before giggling about the fact that when her skirts were tucked into her undies she had a 'manly bulge')
She made her way swifty to the eves of the woods, arriving breathlessly at 9:10pm.
Waiting under a tree was a certain someone...a lithe young elf, with hair the colour of ripe wheat, muscles rippling, and clear, bright eyes, and...a pimple?!
"Legolas?!" She breathed in shock.
"Hey Galadriel!" Legolas straightened up from slouching against the tree, pretending nothing was wrong.
"Don't you 'Hey Galadriel' me!!" she said accusingly.
"What's wrong?" He asked, looking concerned.
"You...you..." she pointed a trembling finger at his pimple
"Oh, this." He motioned to his face. It seems I'm finally going through puberty. Acne. Ugh!"
Galadriel's lip quivered as she looked at the offending skin defect.
"Galadriel?" A voice came from behind her. She whirled, guiltily.
Elrond, the Lord of Imladris stood there, in his long robes, a sad expression on his face.
"What's going on?" Elrond came and stood beside her
"Yeah, I'd like to know that too!" Legolas came and stood on the other side, looking annoyed.
"You fool" she hissed at Elrond "I said meet me TOMORROW at 9pm!"
"I completely realise that, but I come to Lothlorien on business. And why is NOW so inappropriate, anyway?" He eyed Legolas suspiciously.
Galadriel's fiendish mind whirred.
"I was just explaining to young Legolas here that I am a Queen, and I'm married, I am way out of his league, and would he PLEASE stop stalking me!?"
"HEY!" Legolas exclaimed, irate.
"Lord Elrond, that is a lie! She's...she's been....well....you know..." he looked embarrassed.
"Indeed." Elrond nodded sagely. "It seems she's beeing doing the same to me. Cheating on not only her husband, but also YOU and, of course ME!"
"No...that's not the case..."
"Hey Galadriel!" A cheerful voice exclaimed. The three elves whirled to see Aragorn approaching.
"Aragorn?" Legolas exclaimed. "My friend, what are YOU doing here?!"
"Where is Arwen?" Asked Elrond sharply.
Behind their backs, Galadriel made hushing motions to Aragorn. But he didn't see her.
"Oh, I'm here to see Galadriel...and Arwen's back in Gondor. I left her with Eowyn, who decided to pay us a visit, and you know, all the women's talk..." He winked knowingly at Elrond.
Elrond was not amused.
"So, what are you fellas doing here?"
Legolas coloured, and Elrond looked, if possible, sterner than ever.
"It seems, the same as YOU"
Aragorn looked confused, and then, slowly her realised what they meant and went very red.
"You mean...you mean..."
He went to look at Galadriel, but she was gone.
"WHAT?!" His outraged roar echoed through the forest.
"It seems, we have a problem" Legolas said, looking ashamed.
"I often wonder whether Elf Queens are a Virus..." began Elrond
"Hey, did you guys get notes saying to meet her for a secret 'liason' on the eves of Lothlorien?" Legolas interrupted.
Simultaneously, they all pulled out pieces of elven parchment.
"Mine is for today" Legolas announced as he swiftly re-read it.
"Darn! Today is TODAY?!" exclaimed Aragorn. "I knew I should have taken a calender as I journeyed from Gondor! Mind you, I did spend a day, comatose in Edoras, man...Eomer's wine is GOOOOD! Mine was this time, YESTERDAY!"
"As we all know, mine was this time tomorrow" Elrond reiterated. "I came to Lothlorien early on business."
The three males looked at each other.
"You won't say a word if I don't say a word, right?" Aragorn asked the elves.
"Right" they both confirmed.
"Ok, then, seeya!" Legolas said "I got to get back to Dad in Mirkwood. Ciao!" He pranced off. (As only Legolas can prance!)
"Now, Mr son of Arathorn" said Elrond, looking really hacked off. "The young elf I can forgive, for he is young and silly. But YOU, my man, are a married man. And YOUR wife is not in the Havens, as is mine. And what's MORE, YOUR wife is MY daughter!"
"Umm...well...I totally understand your anger..." Aragorn said, backing away. "And I have one thing to say in my defense....and that is....GOODBYE!"
With that, Aragorn turned on his heel and ran for dear life in the direction of Minas Tirith.
"Hey! You! Come back!" yelled Elrond, and gave chase, but promptly tripped over his long robes.
"Rapscallion!" Elrond called after Aragorn's retreating back. "I'm telling Arwen on you!"
Aragorn yelled something unintelligible back, but Elrond gathered it was some Rohirrim swearword he'd picked up from Eomer.
Rolling his eyes, Elrond picked himself up. Sighing he saw the contents of his pockets emptied over the ground.
He quickly snaffled them up, some elven money, a condom, a knife and a bit of twine, along with a great many gold rings.
"Well, I may as well do what I came to do at Lothlorien (besides Galadriel)" thought Elrond. He admired one of the rings. Shiny and golden, the outside was carved with tacky elven runes, reading in the Common Tongue "One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness bind them"
"Gimmicky, yes. Thought Elrond. But then, those Lothlorien Elves are suckers...they'll buy anything!"
**Well, I hope you like my story. This was originated at my birthday party, which was Lord of the Rings themed, where my friend dressed up as Galadriel, and me as Legolas, and we were joking about them having an affair. This was my little story based on that.
And this is totally out of character, by the way. I do not expect Galadriel to be having multiple affairs!
Peace, Love and Harmony (which are all nuclear and GE free) ~laura
*ripping record noise*
"OW!" she yelled, jumping in surprise. "Dammit! Ow! Ow! Ow!" She jumped around on one foot, clutching the other as she tried to see the object of her pain. She lost her balance and fell on her behind, and after she had righted herself, she withdrew a small stick from her foot.
"HALDIR!" She yelled, a powerful voice ripping from her small delicate throat as she stood up.
"Yes, m'Lady?" Haldir's face appeared in a tree nearby, and he nimbly climbed down.
"HOW MANY TIMES have I TOLD you to make sure you pick up ALL the twigs on the ground in the Citadel?! You KNOW I like walking around in without shoes, and I can't if there's sticks that are gonna hurt my pretty white feet!"
"Well, Lady.." Haldir began "I am a better patroller of the outer eves of Lothlorien that I am a stick-picker-upper.."
"No you're NOT!" Galadriel snapped, outraged at his impertinence "You are a SHOCKING patroller, you let that blasted DWARF into Lothlorien!"
"But m'Lady...you bid me do so!"
"No, I didn't. Your job was to kill any dwarves that tried to come here. After you failed, I HAD to let him in, else his companions wouldn't come here, and I wanted to see..."
Her face coloured as Haldir looked on, curious.
"Err, I wanted to hear of...umm, Arwen. Yes, Arwen. And I knew Aragorn and she were 'involved'....err....I was curious to see how my grand-daughter was doing, and...err....whether she wanted to return to visit us...um, sometime..."
She looked up to see Haldir studying her intently.
"Oh, bugger off! I'm finished with you now!"
Haldir vanished.
"I just don't know sometimes..." she muttered as she brushed herself off. She tried to fix the train of her robe and saw that the bottom was all dirty from it being dragged along the ground.
"Argh!" she yelled again, in frustration. "This is not meant to be happening to me! I'm an Elf Queen!"
"CELEBORN!" She screamed
"Yes m'Lady?" He appeared, hurrying out of the Citadel gates, robes and hair flying in all directions as he made haste to get to his irate wife.
"Celeborn, there is DIRT on my robe!" she said as she lifted the hem of her offending skirt to demonstrate.
"Oh, dear, darling, most beautiful Galadriel..." he fawned, anxious not to make her more annoyed "how can this have happened? I bade the servants to vacuum the whole forest..."
"You know what, Celeborn?" Galadriel queried as she looked shrewdly at her husband "You're a shocking King. I think I would do better!"
"Yes, of course love" he replied. "Here, have my sceptre thing. I don't even know what it does, but everyone seems to assosciate it with kingship....here, take it..."
Galadriel beamed at him as she accepted the sceptre.
"Now, not-the-king" she bade Celeborn "go get a vacuum cleaner and vacuum this forest once more. I don't want my robe to get dirty EVER again!"
"Yes, yes. But dearest, wouldn't you like me to lick it up?"
"No, no, I don't want Elf ex-king goobers on my feet!"
"Yes darling."
"You mean Your Majesty"
"Yes Your Majesty"
"Now go!" Galdriel pointed with her long finger towards the Citadel. "And bother me no more!"
Celeborn bowed, turned and shuffled away.
Galdriel snickered as she turned and walked rapidly towards the Nimrodel.
Suddenly, seized by impulse, she broke a sharp, sturdy stick of a nearby tree, and turning to a huge tree trunk and proceeded to carve:
"GALADRIEL WAZ HERE"
"I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it, I'm bad!" she sang as she admired her handiwork.
She looked up at the sun, trying to figure out what time it was. "Oh, darn, I need Celeborn to help me with this darn 'sun position = the time' thing here..." she thought as she squinted her bright elven eyes.
"Screw this!"
Rolling up her long sleeves, she looked at her wristwatch.
"Oh! 8:55! I'd better hurry!"
She bustled on, coming to the Nimrodel singing sweetly. The river was down, due to the lack of rain and imminent drought, and it looked barely knee- deep. Hiking up her skirts and tucking them into her elven panties, Galadriel stepped into the cold water.
"Brrr! Cripes this is cold!" She shivered as she took her first few steps.
"EWWWWW! It's MUDDY!" Galadriel squwarked halfway through. Sure enough, clouds of dirt were rising from the bottom, where she had placed her feet.
"Ew! Ew! Ew!" Galadriel waded delicately through the water, saying 'ew' with each step. Finally she reached the other shore, and shaking her feet distainfully, she carefully untucked her skirts (but not before giggling about the fact that when her skirts were tucked into her undies she had a 'manly bulge')
She made her way swifty to the eves of the woods, arriving breathlessly at 9:10pm.
Waiting under a tree was a certain someone...a lithe young elf, with hair the colour of ripe wheat, muscles rippling, and clear, bright eyes, and...a pimple?!
"Legolas?!" She breathed in shock.
"Hey Galadriel!" Legolas straightened up from slouching against the tree, pretending nothing was wrong.
"Don't you 'Hey Galadriel' me!!" she said accusingly.
"What's wrong?" He asked, looking concerned.
"You...you..." she pointed a trembling finger at his pimple
"Oh, this." He motioned to his face. It seems I'm finally going through puberty. Acne. Ugh!"
Galadriel's lip quivered as she looked at the offending skin defect.
"Galadriel?" A voice came from behind her. She whirled, guiltily.
Elrond, the Lord of Imladris stood there, in his long robes, a sad expression on his face.
"What's going on?" Elrond came and stood beside her
"Yeah, I'd like to know that too!" Legolas came and stood on the other side, looking annoyed.
"You fool" she hissed at Elrond "I said meet me TOMORROW at 9pm!"
"I completely realise that, but I come to Lothlorien on business. And why is NOW so inappropriate, anyway?" He eyed Legolas suspiciously.
Galadriel's fiendish mind whirred.
"I was just explaining to young Legolas here that I am a Queen, and I'm married, I am way out of his league, and would he PLEASE stop stalking me!?"
"HEY!" Legolas exclaimed, irate.
"Lord Elrond, that is a lie! She's...she's been....well....you know..." he looked embarrassed.
"Indeed." Elrond nodded sagely. "It seems she's beeing doing the same to me. Cheating on not only her husband, but also YOU and, of course ME!"
"No...that's not the case..."
"Hey Galadriel!" A cheerful voice exclaimed. The three elves whirled to see Aragorn approaching.
"Aragorn?" Legolas exclaimed. "My friend, what are YOU doing here?!"
"Where is Arwen?" Asked Elrond sharply.
Behind their backs, Galadriel made hushing motions to Aragorn. But he didn't see her.
"Oh, I'm here to see Galadriel...and Arwen's back in Gondor. I left her with Eowyn, who decided to pay us a visit, and you know, all the women's talk..." He winked knowingly at Elrond.
Elrond was not amused.
"So, what are you fellas doing here?"
Legolas coloured, and Elrond looked, if possible, sterner than ever.
"It seems, the same as YOU"
Aragorn looked confused, and then, slowly her realised what they meant and went very red.
"You mean...you mean..."
He went to look at Galadriel, but she was gone.
"WHAT?!" His outraged roar echoed through the forest.
"It seems, we have a problem" Legolas said, looking ashamed.
"I often wonder whether Elf Queens are a Virus..." began Elrond
"Hey, did you guys get notes saying to meet her for a secret 'liason' on the eves of Lothlorien?" Legolas interrupted.
Simultaneously, they all pulled out pieces of elven parchment.
"Mine is for today" Legolas announced as he swiftly re-read it.
"Darn! Today is TODAY?!" exclaimed Aragorn. "I knew I should have taken a calender as I journeyed from Gondor! Mind you, I did spend a day, comatose in Edoras, man...Eomer's wine is GOOOOD! Mine was this time, YESTERDAY!"
"As we all know, mine was this time tomorrow" Elrond reiterated. "I came to Lothlorien early on business."
The three males looked at each other.
"You won't say a word if I don't say a word, right?" Aragorn asked the elves.
"Right" they both confirmed.
"Ok, then, seeya!" Legolas said "I got to get back to Dad in Mirkwood. Ciao!" He pranced off. (As only Legolas can prance!)
"Now, Mr son of Arathorn" said Elrond, looking really hacked off. "The young elf I can forgive, for he is young and silly. But YOU, my man, are a married man. And YOUR wife is not in the Havens, as is mine. And what's MORE, YOUR wife is MY daughter!"
"Umm...well...I totally understand your anger..." Aragorn said, backing away. "And I have one thing to say in my defense....and that is....GOODBYE!"
With that, Aragorn turned on his heel and ran for dear life in the direction of Minas Tirith.
"Hey! You! Come back!" yelled Elrond, and gave chase, but promptly tripped over his long robes.
"Rapscallion!" Elrond called after Aragorn's retreating back. "I'm telling Arwen on you!"
Aragorn yelled something unintelligible back, but Elrond gathered it was some Rohirrim swearword he'd picked up from Eomer.
Rolling his eyes, Elrond picked himself up. Sighing he saw the contents of his pockets emptied over the ground.
He quickly snaffled them up, some elven money, a condom, a knife and a bit of twine, along with a great many gold rings.
"Well, I may as well do what I came to do at Lothlorien (besides Galadriel)" thought Elrond. He admired one of the rings. Shiny and golden, the outside was carved with tacky elven runes, reading in the Common Tongue "One Ring to bring them all and in the Darkness bind them"
"Gimmicky, yes. Thought Elrond. But then, those Lothlorien Elves are suckers...they'll buy anything!"
**Well, I hope you like my story. This was originated at my birthday party, which was Lord of the Rings themed, where my friend dressed up as Galadriel, and me as Legolas, and we were joking about them having an affair. This was my little story based on that.
And this is totally out of character, by the way. I do not expect Galadriel to be having multiple affairs!
Peace, Love and Harmony (which are all nuclear and GE free) ~laura