"Everyone, first big announcement ever," Andy said excitedly, coming out of his office.
"You make announcements all the time," Stanley countered in a bored voice, not looking up from his computer.
"Yeah, but never as the regional manager," Andy said, undeterred.
"What is it, Andy?" Pam asked, trying to help him out.
"We're getting another salesman to take my place. Jo sent me an e-mail, she'll be here a little late, she had to make the drive in from Tallahassee last night," he explained.
"Another female in this office?" Dwight asked shrewdly.
"What's wrong with another girl in the office?" Pam asked defensively.
"You all get on the same menstruation schedule, and—"
"Stop," Jim said firmly. "Just stop."
"Anyway," Andy clapped his hands together, "her name is Kyran Frantz, she'll be sharing the island with Phyllis and Stanley, so try to make her feel welcome."
He retreated back into his office, trying to avoid Erin's anxious looks. He'd turned her down a few months before, and it hadn't gotten less awkward over time. He settled himself behind his computer, not really sure what he was doing.
The elevator doors opened and Kyran stepped off onto the third floor. She hoisted her boxes so she could free her hand to open the door marked "Dunder Mifflin." It creaked open and she stepped inside, acutely aware of everyone's eyes on her.
"Welcome to Dunder Mifflin," the receptionist said with a smile.
"Hi, uh, I'm looking for an Andrew Bernard?" Kyran said tentatively, hoping she'd remembered the name right.
"Well, he's right behind you."
She turned to see a man in a grey suit, lavender shirt, and pink striped tie just behind her. He was smiling goofily.
"Hi, I'm Kyran Frantz. I think Jo should've e-mailed you?"
"She absolutely did, and it's great to meet you. Let me show you to your desk."
Kyran followed him approximately twelve steps to the only empty desk in the room. Had it not been her first day there, she could have said something cynical. As it were, she just smiled.
"Thank you, Andrew," she said, repeating the name in an attempt to remember it.
"Everyone just calls me Andy," he shrugged.
"Andy, then," she nodded.
"So, once you get all set up, why don't you come back to my office and we'll have a little chit chat, show you around, then you can get to it," he suggested.
"Sounds good," she said, taking a seat at her desk.
She looked around the office. It looked a lot like the last place she'd worked in Philadelphia, though they'd sold hospital equipment there, not paper. A few people were trying to discretely eye her up, so she got to setting up her desk. She had a few pictures and little trinkets that she spread out accordingly, smiling fondly at one of the pictures. When she looked up, she noticed even more eyes on her.
"Uh, hey guys," she said meekly.
"Where'd they bring you in from?" a red-headed woman across the room asked her.
"Oh, well, I worked at PanTech in Philly for a few years. My dad and Jo are friends, and Scranton is a little closer to home," she explained.
"How old are you?" a heavyset man in the corner asked.
"Uh, 29," she replied, feeling a bit like she was being interviewed all over again.
"Hot," he said, nodding approvingly.
"Kevin, that's gross," a woman at the island next to her chided.
"Can you do sales?" the woman across from her asked.
"Uh, well, I did fine selling hospital equipment," she said.
"This is paper, not hospital equipment," the black man across from her said in a bored voice.
"I think I can be pretty convincing," she shrugged.
"Let's hope so," he grunted.
Kyran sighed and stood from her desk, straightening her skirt and heading up to the boss's door. She turned the handle and poked her head in.
"Andy?" she said.
"Come on in," he gestured.
She stepped inside and closed the door, taking the seat across from him. He folded his hands on the desk and looked at her with mild expectancy.
"Are you nervous?" he asked.
"They don't really seem to like me all that much," she gestured to the others.
"They're a little rough around the edges," he defended. "They'll warm up to you, promise."
Kyran noted that she liked his smile. It was genuine.
"Thanks," she smiled back. "So, paper."
"Yep. Not exactly your area of expertise, but you'll pick it up. I mean, I never did. Terrible salesman. I lost us our biggest client just before our old boss left, then got them back and lost them again."
Kyran raised an eyebrow. He wasn't exactly inspiring confidence.
"And… I got your clients then, did I?" she asked tentatively.
"Yup!" he said, not quite sensing her tone. "Good luck with 'em. Not the most generous of them all, if you know what I mean."
"Does that mean they didn't like buying paper from you?" she asked.
"Uh… Yeah, that was kind of the gist."
"Anything I need to know before I start?" she asked, trying to veer away from the awkward conversation.
"Jo says you should be alright," he shrugged.
"Then… Why did you call me in here?" she asked, tilting her head to the side.
"Uh… Well…"
"Maybe you could show me around the office?" she suggested.
"Yeah, that was it," he said, looking relieved.
They wandered back out into the office, Andy chatting away eagerly. Kyran was trying to avoid the staring that she wasn't quite used to.
"This is the break room," he said, leading her back into a smaller room. "And through there is our HR staff, and this is Ryan's room," he said, pointing to another large room and a closet respectively.
"Um, Ryan works in a closet?" Kyran asked tentatively before he could brush past it.
"Oh, yeah, he's a temp here. No big deal, really," Andy waved her off.
"I can hear you," a muffled voice called.
"Is that him?" Kyran asked quietly.
"Didn't realize the walls were that thin," Andy grimaced.
He led her into the back room and introduced her to Toby, the HR Rep. He then led her back through the gallery where she was stared at once again.
"Well, all of my old client files are in the bottom drawer there," Andy said. "And, if you need anything, my door's right here."
"Thanks," she said, taking her seat again.
Kyran dove right into her work, trying to avoid the prying eyes of her new coworkers. She chewed on the end of her pen as she read through one of the files. Andy hadn't been lying. His clients really didn't like buying paper from him. Over the past year with this one client, he'd barely managed to sell enough paper to stock a household printer. She sighed, readying herself for this conversation. It was time to turn on the charm that helped her sell surgical equipment. She picked up the phone and punched in the number. Phyllis and Stanley had stopped their work to watch her.
"Hello," she said with an airy cheeriness, "this is Kyran Frantz with Dunder Mifflin Paper Company. Am I speaking to Carl Schweitzer? …Well Mr. Schweitzer, I was just calling to let you know that your previous salesman Andrew Bernard has been promoted and now I'll be selling you paper… Yes, and I just wanted you to know that I am here for your paper needs. Day or night, I will be here to assist you, anything at all… Well, thank you so much, sir… Oh my goodness, thank you! I'll put that in the computer right away… Yes sir, same extension. Well, I look forward to getting to know you…. Have a lovely afternoon."
She put the phone down and turned to her computer. She noticed Phyllis looking at her with raised eyebrows.
"Yes?" Kyran asked as she crunched the numbers,
"Everyone's got their methods. No one here has yours," Phyllis chuckled.
"My method?" Kyran asked, peeking at her around the computer.
"Your cute little flirty voice," Phyllis laughed. "I take it he bought some extra paper from you at the end?"
"Well, yeah," Kyran smiled.
"It's like meeting someone for the first time, and charming them into asking for your number, but instead your making money off of them," Phyllis said.
"I guess. I mean, I used to have to go to the hospitals and sell equipment," Kyran explained. "So charm went a long way. Looks like it even works over the phone. I'm sorry, I don't think I ever got your name."
"Phyllis Vance," the woman said with a smile. "And this is Stanley," she pointed to the black man across from her.
"Phyllis and Stanley," Kyran repeated. "Andy, Phyllis, Stanley."
"You'll get it," Phyllis smiled.
Kyran leaned back on her chair and delved into another file just as the front door creaked open again. A rather intense man stepped into the room, a briefcase in hand. He stared around the room, and everyone seemed to clam up. He made eye contact with Kyran and walked over to her.
"I don't know you," he said pointedly.
"I'm Kyran Frantz. Jo brought me in after Andy got promoted," she said, trying to avoid his intense stare.
"Robert California," he said, extending a hand.
Kyran shook it, trying to avoid eye contact with him. He was incredibly intimidating.
"I'm making you nervous," he stated bluntly.
"You're very intuitive," she chuckled.
"I take pride in that," he said, still gripping her hand.
"I guess that's… something," she mumbled, staring intently at his forehead.
"It's far more than something."
"You're right," she nodded.
He finally released her hand and turned away, stepping into the conference room and closing the door behind him. Kyran stared at the spot where he had just stood, awestruck.
"What the hell?" she asked.
"Yeah, he does that," the salesman to her right chuckled.
"But… I mean, is there something wrong with him?" Kyran asked, looking over at the salesman.
"Oh, most likely," he nodded. "But he's brilliant. It's frightening sometimes."
"And… He's the company's CEO?" Kyran asked hesitatingly.
"He grows on you after a while," he shrugged. "I'm Jim, by the way."
"Hi," Kyran smiled, letting out the breath she'd been holding since Robert California had grasped her hand.
"This is my wife, Pam," he added, gesturing to the woman at the desk across from his.
"I'm sorry if everyone's freaking you out," Pam said apologetically. "You're like the new exhibit at the museum."
"Makes sense," Kyran shrugged.
As the day wore on, people grew bored with staring at Kyran and resumed their work—though she noticed that for such a successful branch they seemed to do very little of it. There was a lot of chit chat that went with the job. She got to know Phyllis better, and even Stanley piped in when she said she was a puzzle pro. She also quickly learned that she liked Jim and Pam, who were probably the most normal in the office. And Andy made it a point to poke his head out of his office to check up on everyone.
Kyran was just wrapping up a call with a law firm she'd found in one of the files when Andy appeared at her side. She looked up at him with a smile and held up her finger.
"Well, Mr. Fitz, I just hope you know how much your continued business with us means, and I'd just like you to know that I am here if you should ever have any concerns, please don't hesitate to give me a call… Yes sir, same extension… Well that's very generous of you! I'll put that in right away… Thank you so much… You too, sir."
She hung up the phone and did a little fist pump as she turned to her computer. A few clicks, and she turned to Andy, giving him her full attention.
"Yes, Andy?" she asked.
"That's impressive," he said.
"What?"
"Fitz never bought more than the bare minimum from me. I always thought he was a bit of a jerk, too. You've been making sales like crazy today!" he laughed, leaning against her desk. "What's your secret?"
"Well, Phyllis explained my apparent 'method' to me today," she explained. "I act a little coy, 'Yes, is this Mr. Bernard?' Act like I'm genuinely excited to talk to them. I act like there is nothing I want to do more than sell them paper, and that their business is the absolute most important." A few people were listening now, watching her intently. "It's like when I meet a guy for the first time. I'm a little coy, a little shy. But, he's the most important thing there. Maybe I talk him up a little. 'Oh, Mr. Bernard, I didn't think they made them this handsome in li'l ole Scranton anymore,'" she articulated with a rub of his arm. "I make him think that he's doing me a service by buying me a drink—or, in this case, buying paper from me. And then, I leave him wanting more. He'll ask for my number at the bar, or he'll call me back when he runs out of paper if he's the client."
Andy's throat had closed up. He found that he couldn't form words. The way she'd looked at him when she ran her hand up his arm was a look he wasn't altogether familiar with. She was now chuckling and looking back at her computer.
"Yeah," he managed. "Yeah, that's grood."
Grood?
"Probably a good thing most of these ones are men," she said, brandishing the pile of folders. "The analogy doesn't work as well with women, but I've still managed to sell to them."
"Yeah," he repeated lamely.
Andy returned to his office feeling like an idiot. His meeting with Robert this morning had not gone entirely well—they'd discovered a list in Robert's notebook that he'd accidentally showed to him. None of them had any idea what it meant, but it couldn't be anything good. Now, he felt himself staring a little too long at the new girl and enjoying the way she touched his arm a little too much. This was dangerous terrain. He sat down at his desk and buried his head in his hands.
Around lunchtime, Robert emerged from the conference room and stared around at them all. Kyran looked nervously at Pam, who looked as if she might cry at any moment—worsened by the fact that she was pregnant.
"I'd like to invite the following people to join me for lunch," he announced. "Jim, Dwight, Angela, Darryl, Kevin, Toby, Phyllis, Oscar."
This left Pam, Erin, Stanley, Meredith, Creed, Ryan, Kelly, Gabe, Andy, and Kyran sitting awkwardly around the room, trying to ignore those following Robert out the door.
"Well," Andy said, trying to break the tension, "we should all be excited about our very own… Pizza party!"
He broke into a goofy dance, and Kyran laughed. She wasn't terribly torn up about not making the cut, as she'd just met Robert. To be honest, she didn't really like the guy all that much anyway.
"Why don't you go order the pizzas," Kyran suggested, "we'll all talk about them."
"Yeah, I mean, come on!" Meredith grumbled.
"If I'm here, then there's got to be a mistake," Ryan claimed.
Andy went into his office and came back out about five minutes later. Everyone was talking about the people who'd left—except Kyran, who was playing Mahjong. She was also absentmindedly twirling a strand of her blond hair, which Andy was having a hard time trying to ignore.
"Great group, pizza party!" he exclaimed.
"How is this a pizza party?" Kelly asked, now sitting at Jim's desk and going through his drawers.
"Well, why don't you ask me again when the five pizzas get here."
"No, that's just pizza," Kelly corrected. "You need at least one other element for it to be a party."
"Okay, you guys ever had margarita pizza?"
"What's that?" Stanley asked.
Kyran swore under her breath and restarted her Mahjong game.
"Fresh tomato, with a dollop of mozzarella cheese…" he explained.
"That's pizza," Stanley grumbled.
"That's regular pizza," Pam said.
"It's good, though," Kyran added, not looking away from her screen.
"Yes, thank you," Andy exclaimed.
"I don't care if it's good, it's not a party," Kelly griped.
"Come on, guys," Andy tried.
A short time later, the pizza guy showed up and left the pizzas on the counter. Andy peeked inside one of the boxes and grimaced.
"Well, they're interpretation of margarita pizza. Fans of the traditional classic pizza will be psyched," he said, turning to them eagerly.
Pam's phone vibrated, and she hastily picked it up.
"Oh, text from Jim," she cried. "'This is getting very weird, will explain later.'"
Everyone else's phones vibrated, and they all took them out.
"Text from Kevin," Pam said.
"'Suck it, losers,'" Meredith read.
"Ah, Robert California," Kyran shook her head.
They divvied out the pizza, Kyran restarting her game again.
"Okay, not to point out the glaringly obvious, but doesn't the fact that I'm in this group make anyone feel just a little bit better?" Ryan reiterated just before complaining that the pizza crust was sharp.
"I used to be young and cute and sorta funny and I could do those cute little cartoons," Pam said, tears in her eyes as she ate her pizza. "And everyone who came through here was like, 'Who's that receptionist? I like her.' Now I'm just a fat mom! Yeah, and you take one look at me and you're like, 'Oh, loser.'"
"Come here, Pam," Andy said, putting an arm around her shoulder. "Chins up, okay?" He snorted, and Kyran smiled a little. "Bad joke, sorry… Look around this room. Does this look like a group of losers? Seriously."
Pam started crying again, and Kyran bit her lip to keep from laughing. She couldn't help it. The whole situation was absolutely devastating to them. It's not like they were being fired. So Robert California didn't like them. Oh well.
At that moment, the door opened and Robert and the rest of the office came in laughing.
"Hey guys!" Kelly exclaimed, jumping up. "We had so much fun. We had margarita pizza, we all hung out and got to know each other better. How was your lunch?"
"It was excellent," a blond woman who Kyran didn't know replied.
"It was the best time," the man who shared the desks with Pam and Jim bragged. "And you know what? Now it's over, back to work, everyone… You too Andy."
Kyran noticed a definite attitude shift in the office. She made three more calls that afternoon, two of which were interrupted by Dwight very noisily laughing and drowning out her voice. Still, she managed to sell paper to each one of them. But it wasn't just that. Most of the people who'd gone to lunch with Robert were acting like they ran the office, shooting squirt guns at other people and slacking on their work. Andy looked around the office, rather unsettled. He seemed to be debating something. While on the phone with her third client, Kyran saw him wander into the conference room and ask Robert to come out with him. She made the sale and entered it into the computer before giving them her full attention.
"Just wanted to clarify something. Some people here are under the misconception that some people may be considered, let's say, top tier, and others would be second tier," he stumbled through his words.
"I never said that," Robert shook his head. "I said winners and losers. Is that what you're talking about?"
"Oh, that might… That might actually be… What I'm thinking of. Can you clarify that?"
"Let me tell you some things I find productive: positive reinforcement, negative reinforcement, honesty. I'll tell you some things I find unproductive: constantly worrying about where you stand based on inscrutable social clues and then inevitably reframing it all in a reassuring way so that you can get to sleep at night. No, I do not believe in that at all. If I invited you to lunch, I think you're a winner. If I didn't, I don't. But I just met you all. Life is long, opinions change. Winners, prove me right. Losers, prove me wrong."
With that, Robert retreated back into the conference room and shut the door. Kyran could honestly say that he agreed with him—conceited though he may be. It was up to them to make him believe that they were hard workers.
"Well, I guess that's that," Phyllis said very finally.
"No… No…" Andy said, looking very unsettled.
He turned and stared at the door, debating with himself.
"Andy, don't go in there," the receptionist advised.
"No, I'm going in there."
He opened the door and stepped inside.
"I know that every time I talk to you that things just seem to get worse, but you don't know these people, and I do, and if I let you work with faulty information, well then I'm not doing my job as regional manager," he asserted, taking a seat across from Robert. "So, please take this pen and change your list."
"I'm not gonna change my list, Andy, and I don't use a ballpoint pen," Robert stated.
"Well, then I will make a new list for you."
He grabbed a notebook and divided the page in half. Kyran had a perfect view of the action from her desk, and a few people were crowding around to watch.
"Stanley. You may think he's a lazy grump, but did you know that he has the most consistently high sales numbers of anyone in this office? And you may think he's hard to love, but did you know that he's in, not one, but two long-term romantic relationships?"
"I did not know about the sales figures," Robert nodded.
"Meredith Palmer. Supplier relations, the word 'no' not even in her vocabulary. And just to show you that I'm being fair, you had Gabe in the loser column. I think that is astute. Good call."
Everyone around her nodded, and Kyran laughed.
"Pam. Easily the most creative and kind person I have ever worked with. Erin Hannon. The receptionist. A winner if there ever was one. Kyran Frantz, not even on a list yet. I can already tell she belongs in the winner column. She's made a sale during every call today, and I can't wait to get to know her."
Kyran smiled and turned back to her computer. She couldn't have cared less about what Robert California thought of her yet, but it felt good to be in Andy's winner group.
When he finally came back out of the conference room, he went immediately back into his own office. When they saw him again, it was the end of the day, and they were all packing up.
"Hey guys," he said, stepping out of his office. "So, Columbus Day, we got that half-day on Friday."
"We get that every year," Stanley said as he gathered up his things.
"Well, you got it this year too," he shrugged.
Stanley nodded and smiled as he walked past, and as all the others passed him, they said goodnight as well. Kyran was one of the last to leave, as she had a considerable amount to input into the computer. Finally, she powered it down and grabbed her bag from under her desk. Andy was still sitting in his office, but they were the last two there.
"You headed home soon, boss man?" she asked, poking her head inside his room.
"Are you the last one?" he asked.
"I am."
"Then I'm headed home now," he replied, shutting down his computer and grabbing his bag. "Can I walk the li'l lady to her vehicle?" he asked with a cockney accent.
"That would be smashing," she replied in a British accent of her own.
As they waited for the elevator, Andy started humming a song absentmindedly. Kyran smiled.
"I love Dave Matthews Band," she commented.
"Really?"
"Yeah, it was, like, the music of my generation," she laughed. "We'd crank up them and MJ like it was nobody's business. Once we got stopped for disorderly conduct because the music was too loud."
"No way!"
"Yeah, but that's Freeland for you, though. There were like 3000 people in my town growing up. Where are you from?"
The elevator dinged and the doors opened. They stepped inside and the doors closed.
"Well, I grew up in Simsbury, Connecticut. Went to school at Cornell."
"Oh, rivals. I went to Penn."
"That's awesome! Did you like it?"
"Yeah, I loved it. Definitely a party school, I learned that freshman year."
"Yeah, Cornell was kinda the same. You never really know it's gonna be that way until you get there," he laughed.
The elevator door opened and they stepped out onto the first floor. They talked a little about college as they headed outside, and Kyran laughed when he told her about some of his nicknames in college.
"What the hell kinda name is Boner Champ?" she asked.
"You know, I think it might be Latin," he teased.
"Well, this is me," she said, stopping behind her Honda Civic.
"Oh, yeah," he said, forgetting for a minute that they weren't heading in the same direction.
"Well, I can honestly say that I enjoyed my first day of work," she said, digging in her purse for her keys.
"That's good, that's what we're going for," Andy said.
"Well, I'll see you tomorrow, Andy," she said as she unlocked her door and got in her car.
It wasn't until she shut the door that Andy realized he'd walked a few spaces past his car to talk to her. He returned to his Prius and waved to her as she pulled away. He couldn't help but think that he was going to enjoy having her around. As she pulled away, Kyran found herself thinking about how cute he was before banishing that thought from her head and turning on the radio.