Title: running into never
Series: "Supernatural"
Disclaimer: Eric Kripke owns, yessir.
Warnings: Season 5 spoilers. Tag to 5x14. Language, implied torture.
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Dean – mentions of Alistair and others.
Rating: PG-13/T. Heads towards R.
Other: ...Fuck. I wrote this listening to "My Humps," by The Blackeyed Peas. I don't fuckin' know. :D
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"Please... I can't... I need some help... Please?"
Dean wipes his eyes, swallowing a sob. Nothing. He felt, just for the briefest moment, hope, only for it to vanish in the abyss inside of him. Famine wasn't wrong, he can admit it, if only to himself. Famine, Alistair, both of them were right. He wasn't all there and what was was dead.
Nothing.
Plain and simple, he feels nothing. He'll never be happy again, he knows this with the certainty that he knows his own name. Tiny flickers of life weren't enough to sustain him. He wonders if his soul is even with him. Maybe half of Dean was here and the other half was still in Hell, still slicing its way through souls with a passion that caused Alistair to sing in delight.
Maybe he wasn't even real. Maybe he was just a soulless body running on the echoes of who he once was. A sob rips from his mouth and he stumbles forwards, bracing himself against the Impala's hood with his palms, bottle slipping from his fingers to land with a wet thud at his feet. Maybe he was the Velveteen fuckin' Dean, brought to life by Sam's desperation and grief.
Oh, God, Sammy. Dean wants to be four years old again, safe from every bad thing in the world, innocent and free.
He misses Alistair, he realizes with a certain amount of black horror. He misses the torture he'd suffer under the demon's talented hands, the almost gentle way he'd speak to the victims of his wickedness, the way he'd feel around the demon – whether it be contempt, terror, grief or even awe. At least it was something. That fire that used to define Dean went out when Castiel pulled him from Hell.
"Oh please, God," Dean sobsprays, covering his face with his hands. "Please help."
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I wanted to add more Alistair, but my muse wanted Dean!grief.