Fanfiction between my human noble character Amaryllis and everyone's favourite Grey Warden Alistair...
Set on the eve of the final battle...
Morrigans' Ritual has been accepted...
Amaryllis burst through the door to be greeted by the sight of two naked bodies writhing together. The sweat glistened on their bodies; one a warm honey colour; the other giving off a ghostly sheen in the rectangle of light coming from the doorway. Amaryllis' body cast a long shadow over the people, who turned to stare at her for the interruption. At least, one was interrupted. Alistair's eyes found hers right at the moment of his climax—he groaned loudly, his face grimacing as horror and elation danced across his gaze, his hands clenched into fists, tearing the sheet from the beds mattress in a desperate bid not to grab at Morrigan. Morrigans' eyes were icy daggers as she took in the sight of her bedfellows' angry lover. She had no shame in her nudity and Amaryllis' jaw clenched as she took in the sight of Morrigans thighs straddling Alistair, her dark hair loose for once cascading over her back and breasts. Morrigan felt Alistair shudder beneath her with a final thrust from his hips and she smiled a slow, satisfied smile with her cold eyes fixed on Amaryllis.
"You," Amaryllis snarled at Morrigan. "You call me a friend, you go so far as to call me sister and yet it was all for this. All for the chance to wrap your legs around my ... around Alistair."
Morrigan laughed bitterly. "Do not be so foolish." She said as she slid off Alistair and stood beside the bed, paying no heed to the fact that she was still naked. Alistair scrambled to wrap the sheets around his waist. "I assure you that I had no desires for your fellow Warden. You are surely aware that I despise the man and took no pleasure in this act. Well..." she threw Alistair a look over one shoulder; he cowered under her glare. "...almost no pleasure. You were correct in what you said about his prowess in bed."
Alistair looked up at this, staring at Amaryllis. "You spoke about us? With her?" He sounded angry. "That's private."
"Not anymore, Alistair." Morrigan said wryly. Alistairs' shoulders sank at that.
Morrigan slowly reached for her robes and pulled them on.
"I do not see why you are reacting thus." She said as she buckled her belt. "You agreed to this union and it has been done. There is nothing to gain from complaining about it now."
"That is exactly what I would expect you to say, Morrigan." Amaryllis spat out. "You have no idea what it is like to have feelings, to care for something, for someone. All you are interested in is what suits you. Or rather," Amarllyis crossed her arms over her chest. "whatever Flemeth demands."
Morrigans eyes flashed in anger. "Have a care, Warden."
"Flemeth demands you seek out a Warden to impregnate you for this Old God child so naturally you acquiesce. You are no more than a puppet, Morrigan."
Morrigan did not have her staff to hand, but her fingers twitched menacingly. Before she could move, Amaryllis leapt toward her and in one motion withdrew her concealed dagger and drove in between Morrigans ribs and up towards her heart, if indeed she had a heart...
...Amaryllis started awake as a door opened behind her. She raised her head from the arms she had been using for a pillow and wiped her hands over her face. She blinked the sleep from her eyes and gazed over to the doorway.
"Oh...you're here." Alistair said sounded very unlike himself. He steadily entered the room and closed the door behind him. Amaryllis stood up.
"I'm sorry," she said croakily. "I'll go."
"No stay." Alistair said quickly. "Please. I don't...want to be alone tonight."
"You weren't." Amaryllis murmured, not quietly enough. Alistair blanched at her words. "Sorry." She said without any feeling behind the word.
"No..." Alistair started, but never finished. The Wardens stood in the room together, each resolutely staring in opposite directions neither willing to begin the most difficult of conversations. Amaryllis squeezed her eyes shut as the thought struck her mind that this was an alternative to one of them dying and the other being forced to live without them, and yet given the extreme awkwardness was it even worth it? Would they ever feel content in each other's presence again? A tear dribbled out of one eye and dripped to the floor.
"Hey...no...don't," Alistair was immediately at her side, genuine concern in his voice. "Please don't."
Amaryllis looked up at the taller man, into his hazel eyes, shot through with green as he gazed down at her. She felt his hands on her arms and couldn't stop the shiver from passing over her body. He felt it beneath his palms and released her at once to turn away from her.
"I'm sorry," she said, the word becoming a sob. "I didn't know how hard it would be." She rushed to confess, but he whirled on her.
"You didn't—" he began then sighed. "It wasn't all that pleasant for me, either." He suddenly sank onto the bed. Tentatively Amaryllis sat down beside him. A mere inch of air separated their bodies, but that air crackled with tension.
"What...what was it like?" Amaryllis asked, her voice beginning strong but fading to a whisper. She stared at her hands clasped in her lap.
"Awful." Alistair said heavily. "And yet...not."
Amaryllis bit her lip so hard it drew blood, yet Alistair went on. "She promised me it would not be an arduous task, one I would not revile. She was half right. She did not speak a word and did not expect me to, either. She used her hands and her thighs, but did not bring her mouth anywhere near me. I was not expected to do anymore than lie there, or at least I do not know whether that was expected of me, but it was what I did. She took charge, yet did not mock me as she did when I choose to follow you in terms of leadership. She must have truly wanted this ch...this child." His voice stuttered upon the word 'child'.
"And was it...easy?" Amaryllis asked.
"Easy?" Alistair asked. "Easy to endure or easy to...achieve what she wanted?"
"Oh Makers breath!" Amaryllis leapt to her feet and turned on the man she loved, who still reeked of the Korkari witch. "Was it easy to fuck her Alistair? Was it good? Did she pleasure you? Did it take long? Did you make it pleasurable for her?" Amaryllis felt hot tears flowing over her cheeks and her entire body shook yet she could not stop. "Did you like the way her skin felt? Did you kiss her? Did you want to? Do you wish you were with her now? Was she better than...better than me? Do you hate me now for everything I have put upon you? Was it even worth it?" The sobs took over her voice and her legs gave way and Amaryllis found herself crouched on the floor of her lovers room. He made no move to go to her and she was left feeling cold and lonely on the floor, her body racked with sobs. As she wept she was startled to find that she was not only crying for the situation she and Alistair found themselves in now, but she was crying for a great many things. She cried for her parents and their death at the hands of Rendon Howe, she cried for her lost brother, she cried for Wynne, for Leliana, for all her companions who might not make it through the battle, she cried for the sheer weight of the task ahead and for the tasks she had already completed because there had been no-one else to turn to. She cried for the little boy whose mother had been a scullery maid and whose father had been a king and who had been forced to grow up in a world with no true family or anyone to care for him until a Grey Warden with kind eyes had taken him under his wing, yet even now that little boys happily ever after seemed out of her reach to give to him. She cried for the child conceived on the eve of the dreadful battle, for making Alistair create a bastard child when it had been nothing short of hellish for him. And she cried for the fact that Morrigan and Alistair had created something together that it would be difficult if not impossible for Amaryllis to create with the man she loved.
Finally she could cry no more and she eased herself onto her knees and wiped her face. When she finally dared to raise her eyes to look at Alistair she saw that he had his face in his hands. Without even thinking about it she rose to her feet and knelt before him, placing her hands on his knees. He made no sound and no movement so it was impossible to know what he was thinking.
They remained as still as statues for many minutes, until finally Alistair raised his head. "I've never seen you break down like that before." He said flatly. "The one and only time I have seen you anywhere close to losing that steely facade was when we faced Arl Howe. Your desire for revenge...well, I would say it surpassed my own desire to see Loghain dead." Alistair sighed. "I've drawn strength from you all this time, taken my lead from you in every battle, in every moment. You helped me track down my sister and comforted me when she turned out to be...well, less than perfect. You found Duncan's shield for me. And not only me, you helped everyone of your companions with their problems. And I never even considered the idea that you might need to be helped yourself. That you might like to get things off your chest, have someone comfort you. You were my fearless leader first and foremost, and then you even fell in love with me. And I have failed you at every turn. I don't deserve to be engaged to you." He hung his head.
"Alistair I don't want you to be down on yourself." Amaryllis said. "I don't want...need this from you right now." She reached up and clutched his face in her hands, forcing him to look at her. His eyes were dark. "Right now I need you to help me. Tell me...tell me how you feel about me."
"I love you." He said fervently.
"How do you feel about...about what I made you do."
"You didn't make me." Alistair said. "I could have..." his words failed. Amaryllis gave a small smile.
"You said yourself that I am leader first, love second." She said sadly. "I told you what I wanted to do and you excelled yourself. The issue now is that I hate myself."
"I hate myself, too." Alistair said helpfully. "We can hate ourselves together."
"Sounds romantic." Amaryllis said getting to her feet. Alistair suddenly stood and grabbed her pulling her close. She buried her face in his chest, feeling his warmth through the thin cotton of the shirt he was wearing.
"I love you Amaryllis Cousland." Alistair said fiercely. "This cannot—will not be the end of us. This is just something, a stain on our time together, but one we can wipe away over time. We will talk about this for a long time and we will make all the hurt go away." He gazed intently into her light blue eyes, red-rimmed from crying. "I promise you this. But tonight is not the time. Tonight is not the time for those conversations."
"What then?" she asked weakly. He answered by pressing his lips against hers and pulling her body close to his.
"I love you." He breathed into her hair. "I love you, I love you, so, so much."
"I love you Alistair." Amaryllis said intently.
"We made this choice together, for our future." Alistair said. "So that we would have a future together. And I'll be damned if this night could break that."
Amaryllis smiled into his neck. She couldn't believe that this of all things was provoking such a decisive reaction from her sweet, sometimes childlike fellow Warden. They had both been forced to grow up during their adventures and she was intensely proud of him at this moment. He turned and gently tugged her onto the bed to lay beside him, wrapped within his arms.
"You know," she said softly as he traced patterns on her bare arms. "I really do think you'll make a wonderful king."
He tensed a little beneath her. "Seriously, Alistair, I'm didn't recommend you for the ruler of Ferelden merely because I thought we'd both look good in crowns." He gave a small snigger at that. "And I do not care what blood you have or how it makes you appealing to some to become king. I recommended you because I think that you are kind and good and honest and true. I think you will make an incredible king because you can relate to your subjects in a way that Anora isn't, or anyone else I have met. I think Duncan would be proud of you."
They lay in silence for a short while.
"Thank you." Alistair said.
They lay wrapped together all night, drifting off to sleep only a few hours before the sun rose on the morning of the battle, safely cocooned away from the rest of the world, from hard choices and troubled childhoods, from the archdemon and the Blight itself. For those few hours they were merely a boy and a girl who were in love.
For now there was peace.