Disclaimer: I don't own the Covenant.

Author's Note: Hi, guys! Okay, I know I have sucked with updating this story, and I have a reason for it. When I first started writing this story I had a clear plot of what I wanted to do and where everything was going to go and how every character would develop, but writing it I realized it wasn't as easy as I originally thought. Somewhere along the way I seriously lost the plot to the story, and rereading what I've written I know there's absolutely no way anything will turn out the way I wanted it to go. So what's my solution, you ask? Well it's very simple: rewrite the entire story. I'm taking out things that seem rushed and pointless, like the play, and I'm going to put in some more Sons/Autumn interactions. Also, I want to give more of Tully's backstory and what her beef with Reid is.

Also, the timeline is different, don't ask me how I thought it was logical for it to begin a year before with Tyler stealing Autumn's diary and for her to not notice it. But this new timeline is set during the winter after The Covenant.

So now that the rambles and apologies are over with I hope everyone enjoys this new and improved story. Hopefully you will all enjoy it more than you did with the original.

Prologue: The Diary of Autumn

"Well I've been afraid of changes 'cause I built my life around you, but time makes you bolder and children get older and I'm getting older, too."

-Landslide, Stevie Nicks/Fleetwood Mac.

Tyler Simms let out a sigh.

This week had been hard for his friend.

He still couldn't believe Mr. Danvers was dead. The funeral had been that afternoon; Sarah had held Caleb as he cried.

The funeral was small of course; everyone already believed this loss had happened a few years back.

Something about that afternoon kept bothering him; he replayed it over and over again. Autumn didn't cry, not when she found out the news about her dad, not when they buried him; Caleb had reprimanded his sister to them, called her selfish. Though Tyler hadn't said anything in her defense he wished he had now.

When it was her turn to throw in the dirt she had thrown the shovel down and left, he didn't know where, and he couldn't bring himself to follow her.

Her reaction to the ceremony, to placing dirt and burying her father, it kept replaying in his mind. The anger making her dark eyes bright, like someone had placed a torch behind them; how her mouth set into a straight line, and her jaw clenched. He'd never seen her like that before. It was almost intimidating.

Caleb, though, hadn't noticed her reaction. Instead he had shaken with fury and her mother, also oblivious to her daughter's emotions, had just lit up a cigarette with a look of anger on her face.

Tyler realized no one had seen the look of pain flash across her face as she stared down into the grave or the pleading look she had given when she stared up into the gray, raincloud filled sky.

No one cared about what she felt at the time. No one cared that the girl couldn't just bury her father. That she was terrified by the thought of it.

The four boys decided to screw the rest of the day after the service. They had gotten a case of beer and sat in Caleb's backyard drinking, and he knew Mrs. Danvers was probably inside drinking as well. Tyler could see the glow of light from behind curtains in Autumn's room and he wanted to invite her down, to let her drink away her sorrows, but knew that he couldn't.

And even if he did, he doubted Autumn would come down. Autumn would probably scoff at the thought of drinking and slam the door in his face. He had, after all, seen the girl do it a few times to Caleb.

He got up suddenly, swaying a bit, and excused himself. Making his way upstairs to the bathroom he walked by Autumn's room. Music softly played from behind the door and nothing else.

He wondered what she was doing in there as the beats of a guitar played and some guy sang about some girl he'd lost. Was she crying? Was she even in her room, or had she snuck out?

He was tempted to knock, but didn't. Instead, he made his way to the washroom.

On his way back to the yard is when he saw it though, a green velvet book laying on the floor under the phone table. It was turned so that the open, wrinkled pages were opened facing the floor.

He knew he should have turned back up the steps and knocked on her door to hand her the book, but didn't. Curiosity had gotten the better of him.

Putting it in his jacket pocket he made his way back to his friends.

-:+:-

Laying in his dorm the next day with a throbbing headache he sat on his bed with the book on his lap.

He couldn't believe in his half drunken state he had decided to take it. What was he thinking?

Thankfully Reid had found some entertain himself, leaving the youngest son with his thoughts.

Reid would have either teased him for taking the girl's diary, or opened it and mocked whatever was written within the pages.

Tyler was also opting for the latter, opening it wouldn't hurt anyone. Autumn would never know he could always sneak in and leave it in her dorm.

Tyler sighed. He'd read it and then sneak it back to her. With that decision, he opened the green book to the first page. It would have been blank and white, but taped to the page was a small photo of her family, he could tell it had been years before.

Autumn was standing in front of her already aging-far-beyond-his-years father in a gorgeous blue dress with a silver sash. Her black hair was pulled back by a silver headband and her milky skin glowed by the lighting.

He guessed she was nine in the photo making Caleb either twelve or thirteen. Next to Mr. Danvers was his much younger looking wife in an adult version of her daughters dress with no headband or sash, standing behind Caleb who wore a tux that matched his father.

Tyler began to remember the old days, when they'd hang out in the backyard of one of the son's houses, or the camping trips they'd take when the mothers would have a spa weekend.

Autumn was, not lively, but more happy and adventurous. She'd never been one to be over the top and loud, which was funny considering her best friend was Tallulah Guthrie, Spenser's southern belle who was as live and bodacious as a person could get.

Tyler remembered for a moment how Autumn use to idolize the sons. How she'd talk to him and listen to his rambles about being the baby and the last one to experience everything. How she'd prank Reid and make snarky remarks to him. How she'd arm wrestle Pogue - who she'd only beaten once cause he let her. How she use to hang around Caleb and act like a sibling to him, petty fights, teasing, talking to him.

The change had happened slowly after they had turned thirteen, when she stopped talking to them - or when they had stopped talking to her.

He never knew who stopped first. It didn't matter. They were all wrong to let the drift continue. They were wrong to stop being there for each other and being a family.

The events occurred fast, but the one that began it was when Caleb had turned thirteen. That was when life for the Danvers family had practically ended.

After Caleb got his taste of power his dad began using more than he normally did. Mrs. Danvers began drinking to cope with her husband aging and how he didn't love them enough to stop. Caleb had taken it upon himself to become Autumn's father figure.

He remembered how over the top Caleb got with his sister. How he'd turned the overprotective brother mode to the extreme and slowly he shoved her away. She never ignored them, but she never had much to say, and would find excuses to not be around the sons.

Slowly she had become a memory. No one discussed her, no one asked Caleb how she was, and they just began to not really care about her existence at all.

Pogue and Caleb had blamed her for the great rift between the once happy fivesome. Reid argued that it had been Caleb's overbearing ways that drove her away. But Tyler had a feeling it was more of the events leading up that made Autumn turn away.

If her parents had loved their children enough to not put their own desires first and been there then Caleb wouldn't have felt the need to step up. If Autumn's dad didn't use so much her mother wouldn't have been too drunk to miss out on what she had to teach her daughter. If the sons and Autumn had talked to each other there would have been hope to save their friendship.

Heaving a heavy sigh, he looked at the loopy hand writing under the picture.

Psalm 27:1 - The Lord is my light and salvation – whom shall I fear? The Lord is my stronghold of life – of whom shall I be afraid?

The words hit him. It made him realize that the girl he'd talked to out by the lake during the camping trips, and road bikes down the hills at nighttime, really was alone. He turned the page and read on.

I felt the urge to do it again, so I immediately picked this up.

I think it's my mother's but she's too drunk to ever use it. Too drunk to even notice or care that her daughter hasn't worn short sleeves since last year.

She's probably too stupid to put the pieces together even if I didn't wear long sleeves to hide what I'd done to myself.

I don't really know what to write. This is the stupidest therapy technique ever.

Am I honestly suppose too bitch at the life people whine constantly about wanting?

Yeah, I've heard the whispers around school. So what if my family is rich. Money is the only thing we have. We don't have a family. We have three strangers who live together in a house that's far too big who happen to share the same blood. If that's what people want, by all means, they can take it from me.

I don't want to complain. I don't want to feel spoilt for feeling sad; but the truth is I am sad. I feel empty, alone.

I feel like I'm in the darkness all the time, and all I want to see is this little glimmer of light to lead me to a better place, but instead, I circle around, lost.

I can only blame myself for that, I've pushed everyone away. No one loves me and no one would miss me.

My mother, my father, my brother, they have their own lives. Albeit my parents' lives aren't much better than mine, but at least what they're doing makes them feel happiness for a short period of time. Me, I haven't felt happiness in a long time.

To be honest, I'm terrified to let myself be happy. I'm afraid to let people into my life. If I'm alone, no one can hurt me. If I'm alone, no one can leave me.

I can't find a way to get back to my own life; I can't go back to my old friends who talked about superficial things.

And, to be honest, even if they weren't superficial, I don't want to be the girl I was. I'm better than her. I know how to be better than her.

Old Autumn Danvers' was a bitchy preteen who thought life was defined by parties, and to wear the latest fashions. But that wasn't life. Those things didn't matter.

Maybe if I knew that before I would have had real friends.

Tyler heard the door opened and he shut the book and shoved it in the draw of his bedside table.

Reid came in and told Tyler they were going to Nicky's. Tyler grabbed his keys and with a final glance at the draw he followed the blonde teen out to the parking lot.