Paizuri
A Hayate the Combat Butler Drabble
By
EvilFuzzy9
A/N: The only thing better than a crack fic is a smutty crack fic*. And also because I noticed that, in all the 100k+ words I've written for the HnG section, I have not once had Hayate put his foot in his mouth in that special way of his. So I decided to remedy that in the only way I know how: PWP. And crack.
*This statement may not be at all accurate.
Hayate frowned as his lover held his member against her chest, pressing her nearly-nonexistent breasts together in an attempt to envelop the appendage as she licked at its head.
"Ah..." he muttered, "Hina...? I understand that you really want to do this, but... Well, any way you look at it, it's really just another blowjob, isn't it? Not that I mind, now!" he added, "Because, I mean, your blowjobs are the best... But, well, don't you need really big breasts for what you're trying to do...?"
Hinagiku's temples throbbed dangerously. She squeezed more tightly against her lover's prick, eliciting a pained yelp from him. "Oyyyy..." she growled, "... And just what are you implying?"
Hayate sweat-dropped, immediately realizing that he had just put his foot in it, BIG TIME. "Ah, nothing, nothing! Nothing at all, my dear!" he stammered out in a nervous attempt at appeasement.
He was then silent for a moment, as if thinking. At last, he spoke back up."Hm, yes... It's just that, well, we've done so many other positions, and so many of them were just incredible, but we haven't done any of those in ages. You've been so busy obsessing over this one position that we've had no time for any others... Surely you, if anyone, must be tired of fruitlessly wasting time on this...!"
Hinagiku growled. "Ass. Do you think I'm doing this for myself? HELL NO! It's for you, so don't be such an ingrate!"
She squeezed harder.
"Wah!" Hayate yelped, "Owowowowowowow! Stop-stop-stop! EEeeEEeEeeeK! ... GAH! Oh, God, that hurts!-!" he screamed.
Hinagiku sweat-dropped, and let up on her squeezing. "Does... did it really hurt that bad?"
"Yes," the blue-eyed butler declared with as much authority and dignity as he could muster while buck naked and tea-bagging his lover's diaphragm.
"Ah, I see... sorry 'bout that," Hinagiku said sheepishly. "I didn't mean to hurt you, but it's just that, well..." She paused here to sigh morosely. "...ohhhh... compared to Athena, I'm just—!"
"Don't compare yourself to A-tan!" Hayate declared, clasping the pinkette's hands in his own. "You are you, and A-tan is A-tan! I love you because you're you! I picked you over A-tan, so don't go putting yourself down about not being her!"
Hinagiku smiled. "... Thank you, Hayate... That... that means a lot to me..."
Hayate returned the smile. "Great! So, on that note, A-tan gave me a call the other day..."
Hinagiku cocked an eyebrow. "Oh? What about?"
"Oh, you know... this and that..."
He bent over to plant a kiss on his lover's lips.
Hinagiku giggled lightly, returning the kiss with gusto. "I see," she remarked in between their first and second rounds of tonsil hockey.
"Uh-huh." Hayate nodded slightly when Hinagiku pulled away for a quick breather. "She's really been taking things well..."
Hinagiku rolled her eyes. "She damn well better. She isn't entitled to anything, after everything she did to you...!" she spat hotly, recalling the anecdotes Hayate had told her of his time with Miss Tennōs as a child.
Thinking of what That Girl had done to damage HER Hayate-kun never failed to darken Hinagiku's mood.
Hayate chuckled nervously. "Oh, come now, dear... She said she was sorry! What more do you want?"
"Harrumph! No amount of apologies will change what she did to you!" Hinagiku sniffed.
Hayate shook his head. "I don't get why you're so angry at her... I turned out perfectly fine, didn't I?"
Hinagiku stared at him, eyes half-lidded. "Not even by the loosest definition of the word," she dead-panned.
Hayate face-faulted."I was not that bad!"
"No, you WERE. You really, really were."
Hayate pouted. "I still say you're being too hard on her..."
"Fine, fine..." Hinagiku said with a sigh, "If it'll get you to stop whining... Then, sure, I forgive her," she lied.
Hayate immediately. "Okay!" he chirped cheerfully. "Now, on a completely unrelated note: what would you think of a threesome?"
Hinagiku blinked. "Eh? A threesome...? But Nishizawa-san is out of town on a business trip..."
"I meant with A-tan," Hayate clarified.
Hinagiku punched him in the stomach.
A/N: And, as a special bonus!
First impressions of chapter 341.
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Before
Time - 10/20/2011, Thursday, 4:03 P.M., Central Time.
Note: Looking at the start of the latest manga chapter, chapter 341, I can't help but wonder if this is somehow going to involve resolving the bet between Wataru and Ayumu, and then end up with Isumi trying to hire Ayumu as a maid... Either I'm crazy, or incredibly genre saavy.
... Suppose I'll just have to read and find out.
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After
Time 10/20/2011, Thursday - 4:07 P.M., Central Time.
Note: Well, looks like I was WAAAAAY off target. But, on the other hand, this chapter had a surprisingly high Fumi content. Hahahaha, she's hilarious, and so was the chapter, even if it ended on a somewhat depressing note with that orphan-angst from Nagi (gah, I don't really like her in large doses, but that's how we've been getting her, lately...). Not the way I'd choose to end such a funny chapter, and I'm only getting more and more anxious about the resolution of Isumi and Wataru's bet... but, eh, whatever.
Also: Heehee... Fumi's an emoticon... Kekekekeke~! ... God, that girl cracks me up. And in terms of characters, my favorite is probably either her or Ayumu, so I liked this chapter, if only for her presence in it. And Isumi's mum is a total space cadet. I'm glad I saved reading this until after work – it really cheered me up.
TTFN!