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If only I knew…
"Sonny… Sonny wait! Sonny wait!" I heard him yell out from behind me. "Sonny… stop! Just stop!" I could hear it, his loud breathing. He was getting tired, exhausting even, 'Good.' I thought, 'He deserves it!' "Sonny, please, let me explain." He was breathing hard, he was getting angry. I couldn't stop though, I had to keep going. I had to run, leave, it was all too much, too much for me to handle. They were right; a girl from Wisconsin could never make it in Hollywood. I had failed, more ways than one. I couldn't go back, I can't face that. I'm not as strong as most people would think.
48 hours earlier
"Tawni, which dress is cuter, the black one or the navy blue?" I asked my best friend of four years. It was funny, four years ago when I was sixteen I never would have believed Tawni and I would be best friends. If someone had come up to me and told me that I probably would have laughed in his or her face. But now at twenty Tawni and I get along great. We're like peas in a pod, puzzle pieces. The best of friends, who happen to be living together, who happen to be working on a movie together, who happen to be going to the biggest party of the new Hollywood generation in two days, who happen to be counted in that generation, who happen to tell each other everything, well except one little secret Sonny's been keeping for years.
"Um, the blue definitely." Tawni told me. She always had the best fashion, so I figure why not go to her for advice.
"Good that's what I was thinking." I sighed; this dress matches my date's eyes wonderfully. My heart began to pound in my chest just thinking of him. His blonde hair, bright, sparkly blue eyes, sculpted muscles. I could go on and on about him… but I can't. It's too risky to tell anyone about him.
I think Tawni knows though, I think she's known for awhile, ever since So Random! ended those two years ago. I think she knew I had feelings for him the second he walked on Gotcha with Gilroy Smith, our very first talk show. She always says how great we'd be together, always says I should have told him how I felt. If only she knew…
"So what's going on, you never pick out your dress this early? Why so excited?" Tawni questioned me. This is around the time I start to wish I could just tell Tawni everything. 'Just a few more days, then she'll know, she'll know everything, from why I was sneaking out late during So Random!. She'll know why I never ate lunch with the cast near the end of shooting. She'll know about the secret dates and meetings. I'll finally be able to brag about him and talk to someone when we have a fight. I'll finally be free of this secret.
"Oh no reason, I just want to look good, it's a big party." I lied.
"Sure Sonny, sure. So I heard about you turning down Kyle Sparks, why would you do that? He's a mega cutie. The only actor better than him is Chad Dylan Cooper."
"Oh, I don't know. I just wasn't feeling it. Maybe he'll ask you to the party." I suggested.
"I wish, he's so amazing, you know how great that would be? But no, I'm going with James Cornell, hotter than Chad and Kyle put together!" Tawni squealed her Tawni squeal.
"Oh Tawn, that's great!" I was happy for her. She'd been hinting for him to ask her out for the longest time. I'm just glad he finally got up the nerve to do it.
"I know! Seriously though Sonny, why would you say no? Please tell me you're not still hung up on Chad!" Remember when I said Tawni and I were working on a movie together? Well the lead opposite of me was played none other than Chad Dylan Cooper himself. The feelings just spit out. It's hard to control your feelings when the guy of your dreams is right in front of you. Tawni could tell. She was getting closer and closer to discovering my secret.
"Tawni, Chad and I are really close we always have been." Good. I could finally tell the truth to her.
"Sonny…" She scolded, "Don't do this again, besides I heard he's got a new girlfriend.
Yes he does, if only I could tell her who. "Tawni, Chad asked me yesterday to go with him." He did actually, saying it was finally time to tell. To go against what we were prohibited from for years.
"Really? Wow, only took him four years! About time! Well that's great Sonny, I'm really happy." Tawni exclaimed. If only she knew it didn't take him four years, actually a lot less.
"Thanks Tawn. Well tomorrows a big day, I'm going to hit the hay." I faked a yawn and went off to my room. I had a phone call awaiting me.
Day of Party
This was it. This was the day everyone would know the truth. This was the day when the world would be notified why Sonny Munroe didn't have a boyfriend for the last three years. This was the day the world would be told that their most wanted couple of Hollywood was indeed a real couple. This was finally the day I could share my happiness, my joy, with the whole world.
"Which one goes with a black suit better?" Tawni came rushing into my room, "I can't decide their going to be here in, gasp, five hours!"
"The red, didn't you day earlier he had a red tie." I helped her.
"Right, okay. Well Gina's coming in an hour to do our hair and makeup." Tawni explained for the millionth time.
"I know you've mentioned." I groaned. Gina wasn't too fond of my hair.
"I'm just nervous Sonny." Tawni was freaking out, I could tell.
"Why? Everything will be great!" The optimist I spoke out.
"This is my first real public date with James, Sonny what if things don't go well? What if the cameras get to us? Aren't you nervous for you first big date with Chad."
Yes but for much different reasons than you would think. "A little but Chad and I are fine on our own so the public eye should be fine too."
"The paparazzi always ruin everything though!" Tawni whined and collapsed onto my queen size bed.
"Tawni you like James right?" She nodded, "Then that's all that matters. Just have fun and be you."
"You're right. Hey are you okay? You went pale." Tawni asked really concerned.
"Me? Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little nervous. I think I hear Gina's car." I lied once again. It's a good thing I'm an actress, otherwise I would be terrible at this.
"Oh, I'll go get her." Tawni ran out the door, just in time for me to answer my phone.
"Sonny, I'm sorry I should've waited for your text but I couldn't. Is Tawni by you?" The voice on the other end of the phone quickly spoke.
"No she's not. What's going on Chad? I'm tired of the lies."
"I know, but I don't think tonight's the night to tell everyone. Just not yet Sonny." Chad explained, well not very well.
"Chad this was your idea! I'm not backing out Chad. We are telling everyone. I'm sick and tired of hiding it and lying to everyone, all the time! I hate it! Chad we're ready for this. Please." I tried to change his mind.
"Sonny…" Chad whined. "Fine we'll do it. You're right."
"Always am Chad, you know that." I joked.
"Really, Sonny, really?"
"Really!" I laughed.
"Very funny Sonny. I'll see you in a couple of hours. Love you."
"Love you too." I smiled, in a couple of hours I'd be able to share with the world my dream guy. I'd be able to gloat and show him off. I can finally tell our love story. We can finally be happy and move forward, maybe to the next step. If only I knew what would really happen.
The party was in full swing when we a rove. The music was jumping and the stars happened to be too! It was the perfect place to share a top-secret secret.
"I'm going to get a drink," Chad had to yell over the blaring music. "Anyone want anything?"
"I'll take whatever you're getting." I screamed back. Tawni and James were already walking towards the dance floor.
Chad then left to get the drinks but I wasn't alone for long. Selena Gomez, Vanessa Hudgens, Taylor Swift, and Miley Cyrus soon surrounded me. "So you're here with Chad. Ooo lala." Miley laughed.
"Oh be quiet." I glared. "Well it was bound to happen someday." Vanessa added.
"Well, I'm sorry. We can't all have the perfect relationship that you and Zac have." Although my relationship was pretty perfect. Tonight would just top it off. If only I knew.
"Hey ladies, how's it going?" Chad handed me my drink and smiled. I could see it in his eyes, he was as ecstatic as I was for our secret to be out there in the open. All the fear he had before was officially flushed away.
"Oh Chad, it's about time!" Taylor hit him lightly in the chest. "Yeah Chad! Who told you, you two were perfect for each other." Selena pointed to herself and laughed. "It only took you forever!" Miley chimed in. Chad and I shared a look. It was actually the perfect time. The perfect place for a wonderful secret, to be exploded out to the world.
The girls soon left, joining their own dates out on the dance floor. Chad and I took a step outside, out the back of course, the paparazzi were still shooting away out in the front.
"It's killing me in there." Chad suddenly blurted out.
"What is? Why?" I suddenly became nervous; he could easily have changed his mind.
"Not being able to hold you the way I do when it's just us. Not being able to kiss you just because I want to or because it's spontaneous. Not being able to say 'I love you' just because I want you to hear it again and again. Just wanting you to know how much I care about you and hear you say it back." Chad said just above a whisper.
"I know Chad, I know. It gets harder every day. But this is it, we're going to share everything, tell everything. We'll finally be able to go out in public. Condor Studio's isn't on our case anymore about hiding this. We can finally show the people just how truly happy we are!" My voice matched his whisper, but excitement ran through it.
"Yes finally we can tell the world our little secret." Chad smiled his goofy grim that made my knees go weak and pecked me quick on the cheek, just in case anyone was watching, not like it would matter in about two hours. If only I knew…
When we walked back inside the party exactly how we left it. Nobody had noticed our disappearance, or at least no one said anything about it. Chad and I went to dance with Tawni and James who surely were enjoying themselves, thank goodness! We dance for quite some time before the boys got tired and went to get some drinks. Tawni pulled me to the side to have a little girl talk.
"Sonny, I'm not saying this to hurt you or ruin your date with Chad because now that I've gotten to know him I really do like him. And I can really see now how much he's changed. But remember Casey Keller, well she's here and I'm pretty sure she's on her way to talk to Chad now." Tawni said honestly concerned about my reaction.
At first I was shocked, but that changed quickly to wonder and now, present state, curiosity. Why would she be here? Her last movie was like a year ago. I don't mean to be mean either, but she's not exactly the greatest. "It's not a crime for them to talk Tawni."
"You're not worried? What if she decides to swoop back in and steal his heart again?" Tawni worried.
Casey and Chad had a thing a long time ago. They dated for about a year, Chad ended it saying that they'd just grown apart but that wasn't the complete truth. They dated probably five years ago. While they were dating Chad and I began to grow closer and closer, less like friends more like a couple every day. We never cheated, although the thought was always in my head, but Chad did end things before we would have. "I'm not worried. They had a thing, sure, but that was years ago." I stated confidently.
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder." Tawni suggested.
"Shut up!" I suggested.
"Hey Chad, where ya been? What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." I rushed to him,
"I'm fine, listen Sonny I-." I interrupted, "Chad I think it's time. So how do you want to do this, just kiss? Or should we go up on the stairs since the party's moving outside?" I suggested.
"Sonny I think…" Chad tried again.
"You're right let's just go outside." I started walking through the big doors to await, in a way, my future. If only I knew…
"Hi, I hope everyone had fun tonight. I know I sure did." I laughed. "But I have something I'd like to share if you will. Chad and I have something share. The truth is that we-."
"Despise each other." Chad interceded. "We don't get along at all."
"What are you doing?" I looked around, confusion filling everybody's eyes.
"Telling the people the truth, that's what you wanted, wasn't it?" Chad whispered. He then turned to the crowd. "Tonight was just a hoax set out to bring publicity to our new movie. Sonny and I though, we thought we owed everyone the truth. Because lying to our friends, our fans, is just not right. Not the way we want to live in Hollywood." Chad shouted over the flashes of camera's and whispers of the people scattered about.
"Why are you lying to them?" I said, hurt, pain, filling up my features, my eyes.
Chad almost winced at my reflection but I couldn't see it. I could barely see anything, except the hard glare he gave me to cover up for his slip. "I'm not lying. Sonny Munroe and I will never be together." Chad yelled to the audience when he caught sight of a face I couldn't recognize. "I could never date someone like her. An ex-random. A worthless actress." He spit out, each word cut through me like a knife. "I need someone who's actually talented." Chad winced now I could see it, but didn't understand it. Why would he wince when he's breaking my heart? It shouldn't be hurting him.
I could no longer see. What the hell was going on? Why was he doing this? He had to know it would hurt me. But his face is so cold, so… emotionless, full of anger and… hatred. I had never seen him look like this before, and quite honestly it scared me. I couldn't believe it. It was all lies! Everything we had! It was confirmed with the look he was giving me, a look of pure hatred. I couldn't stand it, I wouldn't stand it. So I did something. I ran.
I heard him calling. I heard all of them calling. He was the loudest. Now that the camera's were gone he wanted to talk, wanted to care. I couldn't face them, face him. I'm not that strong. I don't have that will power. His words hurt me; it was like a stab to the heart. The pain was unbearable. I was going to break, break into a thousand pieces like a vase that was dropped.
He was still calling. He breathing still hard, getting angrier. His feelings were nothing to me right now. I was on the edge. I turned down an alley and fell. I sank hard to the ground, not caring that I'd scraped my knee. The pain in my chest was worse. He called me worthless, ugly, and untalented. The words just rang through my head like a broken record. I started to hyperventilate, my vision blurred and my head hit the ground with a bang! Then I succumbed into the darkness.
"This is all wrong, all of it so wrong." Someone was pacing, mumbling under his breath. They sounded guilty, but why? "I could've stopped this. I should've stopped this! I shouldn't have let her get to me. This is so messed up!" The person was angry. They threw something hard, against the wall.
I couldn't tell where I was. I heard the voices but all I could see was darkness. A scene was replaying in my head, a girl. She was… crying? But why? Wait, it's… it's me! Why am I crying? The scene then disappeared and a boy pops into my line of vision. He's blond, blue eyes… he's stunning. Wait, that's Chad! Oh good, someone I recognize. He's talking, saying things but I couldn't hear. He slowly faded and there I was… alone… again.
"Oh god, oh god, she's never going to wake up. Look at what he did to you Sonny! Oh god, Sonny please wake up." The voice was high pitched unlike the deep voice that was before. It was full of anger and worry. I wanted to comfort the girl but my arms wouldn't move. If only I could see her, know who it was. I wanted to help but I couldn't. I was surrounded by this darkness.
"Miss Hart you have a phone call." Another voice called out from farther away. "Right doctor, sorry. I'll be right there. Who's going to come in and be with her?" Miss Hart? Asked.
I heard shuffling and a gasp by I'm guessing this Miss Hart girl. You know now that I'm thinking about it, I think I know a Miss Hart.
"You! You shouldn't be here. No one wants you here, especially not Sonny, not after you humiliated her! I thought you cared about her Chad. I thought you had changed, but you're still the jerk you were all those years ago. It's a shame, really, because I know you care so much about Sonny, I know you care about her more than your career, yet there you go breaking her heart once again, because you can't deal with happiness!" This Miss Hart shouted at this boy.
"Tawni, shut up! You don't know anything, so stay out of it. Yes, I care about Sonny, how could I not? She's everything I could ever ask for, Yes, I care about her more than my career. I would do anything for her. What I did, I did it to protect her. If I hadn't her career, everything she has worked for, would be gone. You know just as much as I do that Sonny wouldn't have wanted that, so I protected her. That's my job Tawni; I would do anything for Sonny. You have no idea about what happened. You have no idea what you're even talking about. You have no idea what has been going on between Sonny and I for the last four years. You don't know how much she means to me." The voice stopped speaking as it was just about to crack.
I thought he'd start to cry, but Chad would never do that. Wait, I remember him! I remember Chad! The flashbacks started again but with words this time. Maybe I don't want to remember him. Then all of a sudden the darkness started to slowly fade away and I bright white light was shining through. It was attached to something even whiter. My eyes tried to close but couldn't. It was like I was frozen.
"Sonny? Look at her! What's going on?" Tawni cried. The doctor, I believe, rushed in. "Would you look at that." Joy was evident in his voice. "She's waking up!"
"What, she is?" Chad cried happily.
"Yes she is. Sonny? Sonny, can you hear me?" The doctor asked me. I could see him now; his face was right next to mine, glowing.
I looked around my room to see where I was. A white room? I wonder. I saw Tawni standing on one side of the bed, staring down at me. Chad was on the other, but I couldn't look at him for long. His face was torturous. He was pale with dark circles under his eyes. And his once blue, sparkly eyes were now dull and gray… lifeless. It was as if I was staring at a ghost, a guilty, heartbroken ghost. "Yes I hear you." I spoke in a deep, raspy, quiet manner.
"Good, great!" The doctor exclaimed. "Well, I'm going to run a few tests just to make sure you're okay. Tawni, your phone call is waiting. Chad you stay here, I'll be right back." The doctor strode out the door, while Tawni lingered by the opening. "You better not do anything to harm her." Tawni glared at Chad and then followed the doctor out.
Chad stood across the room just staring. The hurt in his eyes was almost unbearable, but then I remembered what he did. The memory once again flashed through my mind. A new pain was caused, heartbreak. I could actually feel now and it was so deep, so painful. It would take awhile to recover from this, but I'll…try.
"Sonny…" His voice was another stab in the gut. The once charming, musical voice was hard and guarded. "I… feel so terrible. If you would let me explain, I swear Sonny… just let e explain, I can. I know you're tired but I can't lose you. It's too painful. I…" His voice cut off, it was to hard for him to continue. How could I believe him though?
"Not now Chad. I can't… not now. I'm not ready. I can't… listen. It's too hard to even… look at you." I spit out slowly, quietly.
"Okay." He nodded. "Then I'll just sit here… with you." He sat on the chair in the corner. It looked so uncomfortable. I wanted him to come lay with me, to tell me everything would be alright. But that wouldn't help things at all either.
I was told when I woke up that it was early morning the next day. The first thing I see is Tawni and Chad arguing. That was also the first thing that I heard.
"Chad you need to rest or at least eat, this isn't healthy." Tawni stressed.
"You just want me to leave so you can be with Sonny." Chad argued.
"Chad you really do need to eat."
"I can't. I can't leave her Tawni. After all, it's my fault she's here in the first place. I just can't… go." Chad whispered painfully.
"Chad, I know I may not know what's been going on between you and Sonny, but I am her best friend. I had an idea. This isn't good. Sonny wouldn't want this."
"Can you two just be quiet for a second, jeeze!" I finally got the courage to speak.
"Sonny!" They said in unison, rushing over to me. "Thank God you're awake. We were so worried." Tawni took over.
"I'm fine. I just have a throbbing headache."
"Here take some water that might help." Tawni grabbed a glass and a straw and handed it to me. "I'll go get Dr. Riley."
Silence soon took over us. Awkward silence, this had never happened to us before. Chad stood off to the side. He looked so pale; it was so hard to look at. "You're not going to say anything?" I asked him hastily.
"I didn't know if you wanted to hear my voice." He sounded worse than before.
"I heard it while you were fighting with Tawni. It woke me up." I snapped. I didn't mean to be so rude; it was just nice to be able to say something.
The doctor came in after I said that, cutting off Chad's chance to speak. He said I was dealing with a minor concussion and could leave in a couple of hours. I was going to be just fine.
Tawni had an interview/photo shoot to get to, so it was just Chad and I when the time to leave came. He signed all the papers, thanking everyone for helping out. He grabbed my arm to help me out to the car, almost as if he cared. He made sure we were both in before zooming off towards home.
"I know you don't want to talk, but I can't take this. I hate not knowing what to say to you. I hate that you won't let me explain, that you won't hear my story." Chad broke the awkward silence that was building up.
"What's there to explain Chad? You humiliated me in front of everyone! You lied, deeper than all the others. Or were you stating the truth?" I hissed.
"How could you say that? How could you possibly think that what I said was true? I would have thought you of all people would catch my lie!" Chad snapped.
"How could I now?" I retorted.
"Because you know me!"
"I thought I did!" I interjected.
"You do! Sonny if I meant a word I said would I really have spent the last four years with you. Sneaking around, not letting anyone know what was going on. I love you, dammit! What I said was stupid and it's a stupid reason. I just let everything get to me and I got scared. I was afraid to lose you and that's just what I ended up doing. I was trying to protect you, when all I did was hurt you more." The pain that flashed through his eyes was hard to see that I had to turn away.
"What's your stupid reason?" I grumbled, my feelings getting in the way of my anger.
*Flashback*
"So, Chad, how ya been? Good I hope?" She said in her malicious voice.
"I've actually been wonderful, fantastic even." Chad smirked, knowing she hadn't been wonderful as him.
"Not for long." She sang in a high pitched tone.
"What are you talking about?" Chad stated, confused.
"I was doing some searching, thinking about our break up and how sudden it was."
"Oh, so you are still obsessed with me. No one can resist Chad Dylan Cooper. I don't blame you for researching me, I mean who wouldn't?" The cocky Chad spoke out, going back to his roots. She just glared so he added, "And it was not sudden, it was definitely not sudden."
"But Chad it was. You see it all started after you guessed starred on that lousy comedy show. You started hanging out with the Random's and being friendly." She practically hissed. "It wasn't right, especially since you never liked them before. And, BAM, you broke up with me so quickly, so unexpected might I add. So I was thinking who was on that show that he would hang out with, since you never would have before. Who were you with the most, who was you're name always associated with on Condor Studios. And it hit me… Sonny Munroe. She wasn't on the show before, and then all of a sudden you were on their set every day. Then I found some pictures of you two and it confirmed my suspicions." She glowed with the fact she had stumped Chad.
"What do you want Casey?" Chad glowered at her.
"I know what you plan on doing fairly soon. I know you and Sonny's plan. If you follow through with that plan, I will tell the world you cheated on me, and no one likes a cheater. I will tell some crap about Sonny. I will ruin not only your career, but hers will be gone, for good." Casey hissed.
"Why?" Chad looked at her through slatted eyes.
"Because you humiliated me, dumping me like that for no reason. It hurt me deep Chad, you ruined my career."
"I never did anything with Sonny while we were together." Chad reasoned.
"It doesn't matter, I have proof and you don't. If I were you I wouldn't drag your perfect Sonshine into this. I'd hate for thing to get messy." Casey grinned victoriously.
*End Flashback*
"So, that's it, that's why. I'm sorry Sonny. You honestly have no idea." Chad apologized.
"I should've known."
"What? You should've known what?" Chad questioned, glad that she wasn't biting his head off.
"That she had something to do with this. Tawni told me something could happen, that she would say something to you. I knew you were talking to her. I should've figured she said something, especially when you came back so pale." I mentally hit myself. How could I not have known?
"So you don't hate me?"
"I could never hate you Chad. Could I be angry with you? Yes. Am I? Yes." I stressed to him.
"I deserve it Sonny. I understand if you can't do this. I get it. I wouldn't want to either. But I do love you, Sonny and I am so sorry." Chad pulled into my driveway, getting out to help me out of the car. Making me sit there confused as ever.
When we were at my front door, I had finally wrapped my head around it. I knew what he thought. "Chad I am furious, but I'm not done with this, with you, with us. I get why you did it. You were looking out for me as I would've wanted. You were protecting me as any good boyfriend would do. I know you're sorry, I forgave you long ago. I'm not giving up on us, Chad. I love you too much." I didn't want to just give into him like that. I wanted him to work at it, but after hearing why, I couldn't. After seeing all of the pain, I couldn't. I didn't want to see that ever again. In fact, I wouldn't see that ever again because this would never happen again.
"Sonny…" I interrupted. "We now just have a ton of explaining to do." And with that I kissed him. If only I knew the reactions.
--
That had all been about 2 ½ months ago. Tonight was the premier of our movie. We told Tawni about us, and surprisingly she didn't hurt us, she was happy that I was happy. So for tonight she had James by her side, while Chad and I were going to try this telling thing again. For the last 2 ½ months we'd managed to stay clear of the media. Our names only got leaked a handful of times. So tonight was sure to rock the boat.
We stepped out of the lime, I first, as Chad was a gentleman, but him right after me. The questions started right away. We were going to answer as many as we could. "Chad! Sonny! Over here." Many reporters buzzed. "Are you two together? What happened that night? Is it true that you hate each other?" The questions came at us like fireworks. We were guided over to Gilroy Smith for the truth to finally be spilled.
"Sonny… Chad, it's so nice to see you both. Congrats on the movie, it seems like it's sure to be a hit." We smiled and thanked him, he urged on. "So, you two haven't been in the news lately, what's really going on? Do you really hate each other?"
"We don't hate each other, far from it actually." I explained.
"But what… what about that… that, uh, night awhile back? What… what was that?" Gilroy stuttered.
Chad smiled and took over. "That was my fault. I thought I was protecting her, but I only bruised her worse. The truth is… Sonny and I are dating. We've been together for four and a half years. Condor studios didn't want the word to get out because they didn't want ratings to go down. We signed a contract promising we wouldn't say anything. I got scared all those months ago. We we're going to tell everyone, but I chickened out and said some things. The truth is though; Sonny and I are in love… we have been for almost five years." Chad concluded with that, pulling me in for a kiss. As he kissed me, I knew. I knew our relationship would survive the tabloids printed about this night. I knew we'd have a future. I knew that he loved me and I loved him and really, that's all that matters.
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