The Tales of Henwa Island
Azula the Wedding Planner
'Do not meddle in the affairs of computers for they are subtle and quick to crash.' Azula Kai
Whack!
A spider the size of a serving plate met its end at the hands of Azula and a cricket bat.
Henwa Island had once had a covering of lush jungle. People had moved there and set up a civilization but the large spiders and creepy crawlies had not moved away. They had adapted to live with the people and with the advent of houses and shops; and that mean living in their houses.
"Another spider?" Karo walked into the kitchen.
"Another freak of nature crawled in here - a big black and green freak of nature." Azula pushed the door open and tried to use the cricket bat like a golf club to send it out into the back yard. "Did they once dump toxic waste here? Last week I saw a blue caterpillar the size of a small dog in a eucalyptus tree."
"Something has to keep the population of butt ugly small dogs in check." Karo lifted the lid of the tea pot. "Speaking of freaks, why did you shave our lemur?"
"I didn't shave him." Azula pushed spider guts forward toward the door with the end of the cricket bat. "He caught fire then I shaved him so he wouldn't look lopsided."
Karo nodded as he rinsed out the tea pot. "And he did this on his own initiative or did he have help?"
"He jumped up while I was practicing my fire bending forms yesterday evening."
A last swat with the cricket bat and the spider rolled out the door and made a squishy thud on the backyard lawn.
"Which brings up a complaint from the neighbor." Karo tossed three tea bags into the pot and then filled it with water. "Our lemur keeps eating his marijuana plants and he wants it to stop."
"He should cut them back." Azula stood at the door ready to hit the spider again should it not prove dead enough. "Mitsumi wouldn't eat them if they didn't grow over our lawn."
Whack!
"Don't expect that to happen any time soon." Karo drummed his fingers on the counter as he watched the teapot. "Most people have more height than width." Karo gestured with his hands. "That guy has more width than height. Nature just shouldn't work that way."
Whack!
"I'm sure its dead." Karo said as he watched the tea pot.
"Never leave that to chance."
"You can't win." Karo said less than reassuringly. "You'll kill off one spider dumb enough to crawl into the house and meanwhile ten more lie in wait in the window well of the backyard."
"War is hell." Azula came into the kitchen and looked under the sink. "Will DDT kill off spiders?"
Karo looked at the box of 'Kill -Em' DDT powder. The green drawings of insects had a red cross through it and the box guaranteed death to invertebrates of all kinds.
"Azula!" Katara cried out from her basement window. "What is all this white powder – it's getting all over my stuff."
"Just bug powder." Azula answered back calmly. "Nothing dangerous."
"The back yard has turned white!" Katara roared. "What makes you so sure it's not dangerous!?"
"Uh well...they sell it at the market." Azula tried to sound comforting.
"Go away and take your death dealing with you." Katara slammed her window.
"Well!" Azula huffed as she walked back into the house with the box of insect powder.
Katara walked up the stairs. "Where is that yahoo of a princess you call your fiance!?"
"What has gotten into you?" Azula asked. "You have a temper but you've been going off like artillery lately."
"I have dust all over my kitchen." Katara pointed sharply at the floor. "I don't have bugs in my kitchen because I'm not a pig. While I'm at it, can one of you please get your lemur! He's zoned out on my bed. I want him gone!"
"Did she call me a pig?" Azula looked to Karo.
"Okay!" Karo raised his hands in frustration. "I've known you two for years. I've grown resigned to the fact Azula can't clean and I know you have a temper. Lately you've seemed unhappy. So what's wrong?"
"My father is marrying Lady Ursa." Katara glowered at Azula. "He's marrying that Fire Nation slut!"
"You called my mother a 'slut'?" Azula asked.
"He married my mother and then the Fire Nation murdered her." Katara walked up to Azula and in a shocking move slugged her. Azula's glasses flew across the kitchen and landed near the teapot in pieces. The box of bug killing powder in Azula's hands fell to the floor and burst and Azula dropped like a sack of concrete.
Karo wore a shocked look. He stooped and helped Azula to her feet.
Azula held her left hand over her eye. "I assume the big black and red blur is Karo? Boy have my eyes started to go."
Karo sat on the couch fondly named Big Red and drew in his sketchpad.
Azula had spent the past hour talking to her mother and waving off Katara's attempts to heal her black eye. Azula kept seeing a big light dark blue blur spouting apologies and wishing to help, offering to replace Azula's broken glasses and Azula kept waving her off as she attempted to talk to her mother over the phone.
"I'm not at all angry...well...no I think he's..." Azula held the phone with her left hand as she iced her black eye with her right. "I know I used to think Water Tribe men were mindless dumbasses but Karo taught me all men are mindless dumbasses."
Karo continued to draw the large spider whose existence Azula had ended with his cricket bat. He had no idea what made him take up cricket as sport but he had played in high school and never fully understood the rules. He still respected the bat and didn't approve of Azula using it to whack spiders.
Azula plopped her ice bag on the drawing. She faced the problem of ending a conversation on the phone with her mother who could spend hours talking. Azula pondered the grim reality she wouldn't be let go at any time soon and wondered if Lady Zhao ever sanitized the phone. She held the black Bakelite receiver and simply let her mom drone on. She had managed to deter Karo from drawing that hideous spider which in her eyes was a small accomplishment.
Katara had many occasions to respect Karo's self contained calm: he took Azula in stride and he had his own kind of tranquil nature quite unlike many fire benders.
He leafed through a pamphlet a sales agent for a religious movement had seen fit to deposit in the mailbox.
"I really don't know Hakoda that well." Azula muttered into the phone.
"And the whole earth was of one language and of one speech. And it came to pass." Karo scratched his head for a moment. "You can begin a sentence with 'And'?" Karo had a copy editor and grammar books constantly cajoling him to proper 'respectable' usagei.
"I " Azula told Karo. "Karo had a question...so the wedding will be at the Fire Nation palace in a month. Don't you think you might be rushing into things?"
Katara sat next to Karo and patted his knee.
"I don't...no...see...well."
"In the whole of Book One 11:1 – 9, I counted maybe six sentences beginning with 'and' and something in the part of my brain that deals with language doesn't like it." Karo held out the small book. "I hate to think my brain's making a judgment error and the thought the Word of God could be off doesn't offer me any more comfort."
"I have to cut this short. I have to stop Karo because he has begun to find religion or enlightenment." Azula began to bow in that odd manner of the Fire Nation denizens when they had to say goodbye on the phone. "I'm not mad and I'll come so – yes – I'll remember to invite Lady Zhao. I'll expect the wedding invitations in the next few days. I really have to go before Karo starts singing hymns or worse – begins preaching to the neighbors."
Karo handed the book to Katara. "Which one? The fat guy, the folk singer and his family?"
"Bye." Azula hung up the phone and picked up her ice bag. "Mom is marrying Chief Hakoda of the Water Tribe and the wedding is a month from tomorrow."
"The last time you got trapped on the phone speaking to your mom; you told her an alien space craft had landed in the front yard and taken me off to get probed." Karo had heard any number of such excuses after Azula had begun to zone out after a three hour phone call to her mom. She had once claimed Ba Sing Se had begun to be overrun with glaciers, continental drift had snapped the phone line and that an ambulance had crashed into the tree in front of the house and she had to root through the remains.
"I can heal your eye." Katara offered gently. "You don't want to have a bruise."
Katara's hands glowed with blue energy as water formed gloves around them.
"Ow!" Azula felt a brief jolt as Katara's healing energy began to heal the broken blood vessels around the eye socket. "One day the aliens will come and start their campaign of cow mutilations, crop circles and probing. Intelligent life has to exist out there somewhere."
"What if it gets to our level of technology and blows itself up?" Karo replied in a rather morose fashion.
Azula felt the pain slacken as Katara withdrew her hands. Azula could see things in focus at distances between a hand's width and arm length from her face.
Azula pushed her glasses up her nose as she stood on the front stoop and watched Karo sort through the day's mail.
"Hakoda of the Water Tribe and Lady Ursa to Wed." Karo read the wedding invitation that had arrived in the mail. "I wouldn't have picked that shade of blue or the red metallic script but it looks like we received one of these for everyone in the house."
"Does everyone in the Water Tribe have the last name 'Water Tribe'?" Azula asked as she held her personal invitation in her hand. "Wouldn't that make a phone book rather hard to use?"
"I read somewhere they have four hundred and seventy words for " Karo fumbled with his keys looking for the one to the front door. "Another important question: who will be the one to deliver Katara's wedding invitation? I don't think slugging you in the head and busting your glasses has helped her come to peace with this blessed union."
"Did you know Henwa Island has forty species of venomous reptiles? The newspaper printed that in one of those columns of 'Fast Facts'." Azula pushed the door open and shoved Karo through. "You talk to Katara and give her that invitation and I'll become a temporary herpetologist."
"Temporary?" Karo slumped down on the couch. "I hope the number of forty is editorial hyperbole. Forty? Now I'll have that fact front and foremost in my head when I have to reach into dark spaces."
Azula closed the door. "I assume handling poisonous snakes has a steep learning curve but lately a fanged snake would make better company than that woman."
"Dear Azula Kai...your extended health care plan has sent you a letter." Karo held out a formal looking envelope in plain brown paper.
"I had no idea they took an interest." Azula took the envelope and ripped it open.
Katara stomped up the stairs with her braid trailing behind her.
"Dominion Health Extended Care has denied my claim for a new pair of glasses because they only cover two pair a year." Azula read from behind a plain white piece of paper. "That optician charged me a packet for these." She pointed at her face. "Who would have thought two soda bottles and a wire frame cost more to put together than an internal combustion engine?" Azula looked to Katara who looked rather angry. "They use borosilicate optical glass which costs more – we have your wedding invitation."
"My father asked Aang to be his Best Man." Katara spoke as if stabbing through the air with her words. "Lady Ursa hasn't decided if she will ask me or Karo's mother to be her Best Lady."
"Wedding plans follow no rational logic." Azula pushed her glasses back up her nose. "When did you find this out?"
"My dad sent me a letter in my wedding invitation. I picked it up when I got home." Katara held up the wedding invitation she had received. "My dad wants to 'involve' me in the wedding plans."
"Dear Jackass Claims Adjustor?" Azula nudged Karo. "The University takes a chunk of my money and pays these crooks. I have a right to break as many pairs of glasses I want." Azula looked at Katara. "Sorry...maybe I might lose another pair of glasses if I say this: but can't you be happy for your dad? My mother can be a pain but she means well and has very few of the psychological problems we have."
"You don't understand."
"Karo?" Azula looked at her fiance as he sat on the couch and fidgeted. "Do you have anything profound to say?"
"My extended care plan only allows me to break on pair of glasses every two years – my bosses bought us the cheapest coverage available in the Industrialized World." Karo rambled rather quietly. "I will admit that – well – please don't take this the wrong way and detach my retina...but...you've been depressed and angry lately."
"When you come up those stairs I feel like the guy working next to the bomb disposal expert with Turrettes." Azula did her best to complete the thought Karo had begun to express.
"Have I really been that hard to live with?" Katara appeared that Monday at the door of the computer lab. She found Azula picking pieces of a paper jam out of the teleprinter and cursing at it.
Azula looked up. "I suppose you hate the idea of becoming my sister." She began to pick away at the teleprinter's paper guides with a large pair of tweezers and blowing into it. "I know I'm swelling with pride at the prospect of being in your family portrait but as my brother Zuko said: 'times have changed'." Azula looked up again. "Of course a true princess wouldn't be clearing a paper jam out of a piece of office equipment."
"I know you won't forgive me and you hold a grudge..."
Azula held up a dead moth in the tweezers. "Where did you get that idea?"
"I defeated you and Zuko claimed the throne and you had a nervous breakdown and had to spend time in a hospital." Katara stood in the door as she watched Azula drop a dead moth into a olive drab metal waist basket. "They did unspeakable things to you in that hospital."
"You broke my glasses."
"I didn't mean to add to your misery." Katara looked shamefully at the floor.
"Why not? In a hundred years who'll know the difference?" Azula smiled wryly.
Katara had to take a moment to think about this remark. "Karo said something similar once: 'If you're worried now, wait a century and you'll find the problem goes away.'" The Henwanese (or Suihanni as they called themselves) had a friendly nature but indulged in bouts of pessimism and a despair at the ephemeral nature of human existence. "Do you mean life is just too short?"
"I half expected you to slug me one day." Azula set the clamp that held the paper back in place and hoped the teleprinter wouldn't jam again. "My brother is an unhappy man. Lady Mai is an unhappy woman. I had my share of misery but if I let that depress me and then ruin my life: I would fall prey to the same weakness that afflicts my brother. You forget my stubborn streak and my unwillingness to let life make me miserable. At least if I enjoy some parts of my life, I'm stronger than my brother and Lady Mai." Azula banged the teleprinter with the side of her hand as a prod to get it working. "I can punchyou in the face if it would satisfy that odd urge for justice you harbor."
"Would you enjoy that?"
"Probably not." Azula kicked the base of the teleprinter and it began printing.
"Neither would I." Katara walked around the massive teal colored steel consoles that housed the heart of the great Admiral 670 Mainframe Computer. "In a month, we'll be stepsisters. Have you given that any thought?"
Azula kicked the teleprinter again. "I knew my mother would fall in love. She feels deeply lonely and unhappy. Goodness knows she grew to hate my sadistic and megalomaniac madman of a father. She's pushing fifty – as is your dad – so let them have this." Azula looked down at a mass of paper boiling out of the teleprinter. "I will admit to having had a girl crush on you for years so calling you sister will be weird or more weird depending on your inner nature. You have to deal with the fact your new sis' is a complete dork."
"I know about your crush on me." Katara smiled sublimely as she brushed the top of the computer console and felt its warmth. "I used to hate you as The Princess but I am very fond of The Dork. The mad genius has made me laugh and she has always been true to herself so I'll have a sister who's a dork but my radio will always work."
Karo shut the door carefully behind him with a soft click and tossed the mail onto the coffee table.
"Why are you reading the Northern Water Tribe phone book?" Karo looked quizzically at Azula as she sat on the couch.
"Anthropological curiosity?"
"Shouldn't that require you to watch people in loincloths from behind binoculars or a camera while hiding in a hunting blind?"
"Anthropologists also make up exotically believable falsehoods about those people." Azula placed the phone book down. "I wanted to know how they listed people in the phone book if everyone had the last name 'Water Tribe'. If I will become Azula Water Tribe, will I have a unique last name or the same one everyone has?"
"And?" Karo sat down and held the daily newspaper.
"They have more than one last name in the Northern Water Tribe. The system seems to work when the children take the father's first name and add the word – son – to it. I could become Azula Watertribeson." Azula put her feet up on the coffee table. "A simple system but rather uncreative – I had hoped for more. Quite a few people have the last name 'Bearson' so if you need to look up a specific 'Bearson' expect some wrong numbers." Azula read the literate meaning of the Chinese characters in the phone book listed by radical (the Chinese equivalent of the classification scheme used to list characters).
A cheerful Katara wheeled into the house and slammed the door shut. "The forecast predicted thunderstorms but its sunny and warm so why is it snowing?"
"Snowing?" Karo asked cautiously.
"White stuff is falling from the sky."
Karo knew instantly that a volcano in the Fire Nation had blown its stack. Every Henwanese man woman and dog knew when a volcanic island belonging to the Fire Nation had blown its top because the ash cloud followed the prevailing winds drove the cloud over their country and dumped white ash on anything – preferring newly washed cars and trains. Karo stood up and walked to the door and looked out.
The end of the Great War had given the hundred or so explosive and useless islands to the Fire Nation. The Henwanese lived on a nice, dormant peaceful rocks and had no use for volcanoes: they tended to drive insurance rates skyward. They had not rid themselves of the ash clouds. Karo saw white flakes floating down from the sunny sky. He had no idea which mountain had blown its top, the newspaper office would receive that news and print it.
"Ember Island blew its top again." Azula offered a qualified assurance. The once quiet resort island had erupted a dozen times in the last decade and rid itself of the top thousand meters of its volcanic peak. Ember Island had become the most raucous party-goer among a cast of noisy party-goers that included the island Roku had once lived on. "If you see our mailbox fly by then let me know. My mom picked it – a cast metal box with white flowers on either side and a white mailbox flap? It will whistle in at ballistic speed."
Karo closed the door to keep the fine dust out of the home. Azula's theory made sense. Ember Island lay right on the heading that brought ash to Henwa and was the most powerful volcanic mountain in the chain.
The Graf Zeppelin Airline had formed to serve the needs of the abundantly profitable Henwanese market. 'On an ocean liner you travel, on our Zeppelins, you voyage!' was the slogan of the company and in all truth, most people had come to trust dirigibles. A trip to the Fire Nation Capitol by sea took three or more days and promised sea sickness. A trip by Zeppelin took less than a day and had a smoothness that coddled even the most sensitive stomach.
Karo had patronized 'The Happy Tourist' travel agency for years and waited patiently as the young woman behind the counter made calls. He had come to book his Zeppelin trip and purchase the four tickets for everyone in the household. He saved a good deal by booking in advance and assured a decent stateroom – or so he thought.
He had looked forward to the trip: he hated boats but on a Zeppelin, he could enjoy good food, great views and never felt trapped on a stinking, rusting and floating piece of steel.
"We're sorry Karo," the agent hung up the phone, adjusted her red hair bow and looked at him kindly. "But the airlines can't fly through the ash because it causes damage to the engines and skins of airships. I tried with Graf, but they have canceled the direct flights to the Fire Nation until the Ember Island eruption ends. Dominion Air, Air Earth Kingdom and Fire Nation Air have told me the same thing." The agent opened a pamphlet and she turned it around on the counter for Karo to read. "All of their flights to the Earth Kingdom still run. You could go to Wakkenai or Omashu and transfer to another flight to the Fire Nation but that would cost a good deal more and take two days at least. You'd also have to book a hotel because you'd have an overnight stop in Wakkenai."
Karo read the pamphlet carefully. Only madmen or the insane followers of the Wakkenai Whalers hockey franchise would knowingly visit Wakkenai in the winter. Karo had never been there although it had become a stop for airships and ocean liners bound either north or south. It had begun as three towns but the Fire Nation occupied it and amalgamated the three fishing towns into one city. 'Wonderful Wakkenai' as the pamphlet called it, gave a few quick facts – population 210,000 as of last year. A map inside the pamphlet gave the locations of hotels, the hockey arena and museum and the invitation to attend the Annual Wakkenai Winter Festival and Sled Dog Races.
The pamphlet never told tourists of the winter storms and the chance their airship would never arrive because the weather gods had decided to bury the city in a meter of snow. It didn't tell hockey fan what they already knew – The Wakkenai Whalers sat in the basement of the standings each year. Karo had come from the newspaper office. The telegraph operator received weather information from around the world. The local weather was partly cloudy and about 23 degrees: a few degrees above average for the winter. He had not thought to check Wakkenai's weather in the latest paper but had noted Ba Sing Se had a high of -11 and periods of snow. He stood in the first floor of a building about thirty degrees north. Ba Sing Se was fifty five degrees North. He didn't hope for good weather.
"Wakkenai: high 0 degrees centigrade, snow and freezing rain." The travel agent had found the local newspaper. "Sorry."
A sign taped to a lamp post on the street that ran along the beach warned of the dangers of volcanic ash and implored people to remain indoors as much as possible. Similar signs in the native Henwanese and in Chinese appeared every few years after a surfer wound up in the mouth of a shark.
Azula didn't swim but the ash did make her life unpleasant. She breathed in small particles and coughed as each tiny piece acted like a little needle. She couldn't see anything falling from the sky but the sidewalk had a thin layer of loose ash and the leaves of the palm and eucalyptus trees had a hazy coating of the stuff. Each footfall stirred up dust and each brush past a tree made the ash take flight in a lung burning cloud.
"Ember Island aspires to be more than an Ember." Karo said as he walked up to Azula. "What overly optimistic idiot names a volcanic island 'Ember'?
Azula nodded. "Did you buy the tickets?"
"I haven't yet." Karo pulled out the pamphlet from his vest. "Ember Island screwed up all the flight schedules. Unless it stops spewing ash, we're either going to have to take an ocean liner or fly to the Earth Kingdom and then to the Fire Nation to dodge the ash. We may have to stay overnight in Wakkenai so I wanted to talk to everybody first."
Azula coughed. "We could take a boat."
"I have a pathological aversion to any form of marine travel."
"I don't understand why. If a blimp blows up or the wings fall off the plane; can you fly?" Azula brushed dust off a lamp post. "I say we vote on it and what I choose – goes."
"We'll see what Katara and my mom say." Karo replied as they turned into the driveway.
"Before you come in," Lady Zhao announced through the open living room window. "Mitsumi is trapped in the Jacaranda tree again. See if you can get him to come down."
Mitsumi could fly but didn't know that at times when he might find it useful.
"Flip a coin to see who climbs the tree?" Karo knew this was more of a wish than a real option.
"Get yourself up that tree." Azula ordered.
"What part of the primate branch of the mammal family does something this stupid belong to." Karo began climbing the tree and flicked a green furry caterpillar off the first branch. "Why this tree? It spews purple flowers every year and bears no fruit."
Karo called out in frustration: "You can fly!"
"He's been out there all afternoon." Katara came out of the house. "Something spooked him."
"I'm not having a good day!" Karo complained. "The Zeppelins can't fly to the Fire Nation so if we want to fly; we'll have to fly out to some hole in the Earth Kingdom, stay overnight and then fly to the Fire Nation."
"Why not take an ocean liner?" Katara suggested. "We could make it a vacation."
"My keys are poking me. Our species didn't evolve to climb trees and it shows." Karo looked at the roof. "Anyone want me to get all the crap off our roof while I'm up here. I see one of those telephone pole glass insulators – better to not ask how."
"Keep quiet." Azula yelled out. "Mitsumi keeps working his way out along that branch."
"The Flying Lemur or Lemurus Stupidae." Karo muttered. "He knows me and I'm nowhere near him!"
"My father has connections in the Water Tribes and we could sail on a Water Tribe ship for free."
"Good Lord No!" Azula and Karo spoke up in unison.
"Why not?" Katara asked.
"The last time I sailed on a Water Tribe ship; I had to do my bathroom business in a wooden bucket." Azula didn't put too fine an edge on that point. "We have the technology to make a toilet."
Karo clutched the trunk of the tree. "I will admit that bothered me and because Water Tribe ships have such tight quarters, I couldn't use the bucket. I get shy that way."
Katara watched as Karo inched out along the branch toward Mitsumi who had perched on the end of one of the more structurally unsound ones.
"You can fly!" Azula shouted. "Well sort of...fly."
"I can't." Karo reminded the people on the ground. "Come on Mitsumi! Just glide gently to the Earth and then I can get out of this tree."
Mitsumi took off from the tip of the branch and flew to settle on top of the nearest telephone pole. Karo held on as the branch shook and found himself flipping around it so he now hung underneath it. The ash from recent days fell into Karo's nostrils.
Karo slowly made his way to the trunk of the tree and hung from the branch for a moment until his feet landed on a branch below him and gave him time to grasp the trunk.
"A Water Tribe crew knows the sea." Katara told Karo as he inched down the trunk of the tree. "You'll be with real men who love to sail on the open ocean and have decades of experience."
Karo coughed. "Real manly men? As much as the prospect of spending time with buff men makes me tingle – I have to still say no." Karo shimmied down down the trunk. "I still would like a bathroom or at least a seat covering the bucket. If the ship had a steam engine, that would help."
"So I got vetoed because mom thinks I need to spend time with manly men?" Karo adjusted the radio to find the popular 'Thursday Night Classics' program.
"You got vetoed because your mother decided to save money." Azula said as she adjusted the cushions on Big Red. "I voted no because I believe we should make use of the steam engine but your mom decided to break the tie by simply putting her foot down. I think she wants to meet burly men."
"Ew!" Karo wrinkled his nose.
'Your program of classical music entertainment is brought to you by Zap! Laundry Detergent. Zap your laundry stains away.' The enthusiastic announcer crooned. 'In Henwanese culture, The Requiem was a special service for funerals and...'
All classical music programs began this way. The announcer explained the origins of the work and a few notes about the performers and their credentials. Katara heard this dialog. Whatever she could say about the Henwanese (or Suihan as they called themselves); they loved their musical traditions.
Mitsumi fell asleep in a ball on the floor beneath the stand for the radio and belched.
"Can you please turn that down?" Katara picked up the phone and sat on the couch. "I'm going to try to get in touch with my dad."
"I invented a new thing," Azula pushed Karo up from the couch, "I call it 'The Remote Control'."
"Quiet please." Katara whispered as she waited for the international operator to answer the line.
Karo loped over to the radio and turned the volume down.
"Have you thought of getting a phone?" Azula asked. "Then you could call people and run up your own phone bill without interrupting our radio listening."
"Hello?" Katara shouted over the phone as she motioned Azula to quiet down. "I'm Hakoda's daughter Katara. If he is staying there, could I please speak to him?"
Karo had moved up to sit beside the radio and listened with his ear next to the loudspeaker.
"Hello?" Katara answered again.
"Modern telephones allow fast, efficient and simple verbal communication between people. Our switchboard permits none of those things." Azula nudged Katara. "Use my own special direct channel to the ear of the Fire Lord known only to me and my restraining order."
"What do I do?"
Azula cracked her knuckles. "My brother has his own private line. First dial 012 then 39. Dial 76-6-4667 and wait. When the operator asks you for your name – say Princess Azula and then ask for Local 9858."
"Princess Azula. Local 9858 Please." Katara didn't feel comfortable about deception. The international dialing code for the Fire Nation capitol was 39. She knew better than to ask what the '012' was for.
The telephone rang four times. "Hello? You have a lot of nerve calling here, Azula, after what you did!"
"What did you do?" Katara held her hand over the earpiece and asked Azula.
"I celebrated the Winter Solstice as I saw fit." Azula coyly replied. "I had fifty take out Fat Boy dinners shipped to the Fire Nation palace."
"Actually this is Katara." Katara replied into the phone.
"Oh...Azula wasn't supposed to give out this number." Zuko replied rather officiously. "She shouldn't be using it either, but she does."
"May I speak to my father?" Katara asked politely.
"Hold on." Zuko had many duties to complete before retiring for the night. The Dominion and the Fire Nation had never agreed on Time Zones. Zuko had taken calls from Azula at twelve or one in the morning Fire Nation time but she had sent the call at ten in the evening their time depending on the time of year – The Dominion never used Daylight Savings Time.
Karo had his ear close to the radio as the music of the Credo swelled into a B Major chorale. He could hear Mitsumi snoring but he sang out in a pleasing tenor.
"Hi dad." Katara said. "Karo! Can you pipe down."
"We believe all in one God." Karo sang with a degree of richness that hinted he should have been fat.
Azula threw a cushion from the couch at his head. "Katara can't hear her father with your singing combined with lemur snoring."
"Karo?" Katara asked. "Have you ever sang at weddings?
"Me?" Karo pointed at himself. "Not at all."
My father says you have a very fine voice." Katara gestured for Karo to talk on the phone. "Do you want to sing at his wedding?"
Karo walked over as Katara held the phone for him. "Chief Hakoda? Thank you for your kind words."
"Do you wish to sing The Fire Nation wedding songs at our wedding?" Hakoda said patiently.
Karo hesitated. "I'm afraid I don't know them."
"What were you singing?"
"A part of a funeral mass: an aria called 'We believe all in one God, king of heaven and of earth." Karo had trouble explaining the concept beyond that. "Surely you have better talent in the Fire Nation."
Azula knew the traditional songs sang at a wedding and knew some of the difficulties faced by Karo. Suihan had a gentle sound scape and a natural rhythm that made it perfect for singing and the Henwanese had evolved singing to a high and complex art that made full use of the beautiful sounds of the language. Chinese had a brutal sound compared to it.
"What about a wedding song sung for Henwanese weddings." Hakoda offered. "Lady Ursa loves The National Philharmonic Tenors."
"The only one I know of gets sung after the jealous friends of the groom get drunk at the reception – not a ditty for formal occasions." Karo explained as he debated whether to actually sing in front of half the important people of two nations. He feared speaking in public. He had become respected for his comic art and many comic conventions had offered him money to speak to fans. He never could bring himself to do it.
"Please let me know if you wish to do it." Hakoda didn't wish to push the shy cartoonist beyond his comfort zone. "May I speak to Katara please?"
"Hi dad." Katara paused. "Karo gets shy in front of crowds." She paused again. "I know but the Henwanese aren't that bad. Well some might be rude."
"We don't waste time with formality because we've much to say and time is limited." Azula's use of 'we' caught Katara off guard because Katara had always identified Azula as the ultimate Fire Nation nationalist. Philosophically, Azula was a kindred spirit of The Henwanese Renaissance as it had begun to be called. Azula valued science and reason above tradition; yet had not ever come so close to renouncing her Fire Nation identity.
"We can't take the Zeppelin to the wedding. Are any Water Tribe ships able to give Lady Zhao, Karo, Azula and me a ride?"
"The Royal Family of King Arwoon will be at the wedding and can pick us up in the royal yacht?" Katara said happily. "My friends will definitely be happy to travel in such comfort."
"I thought he died." Azula said bluntly as she listened to the radio with Karo. "I thought 'Regìs Arvùn Alluitte Kiràtan' was dead."
"No!" Katara mouthed under her breath.
"At least he must be so old that we stand a very good chance of witnessing a burial at sea." Azula grimaced although she had to admit she had lost track of events in the Water tribe homelands. Katara's grandmother and Master Pakku had married and lived happily in the Southern Water Tribe homeland. "What keeps the old Water Tribe codgers alive? Cryogenics?"
Katara smacked Azula's shoulder. "Sorry you had to hear that. Azula has never learned to respect her elders. Anyhow, the arrangements sound great. Thanks dad."
The Northern Water tribe Royal Yacht Yue did nothing to inspire confidence. Azula asked Katara if they had ever heard of the internal combustion engine.
"Does this imply I won't be doing my business in something that flushes?" Karo decided to ask as the large sailing vessel slowly put into the harbor. "If Azula and my mom didn't both have me by the collar, I'd be running over the fence and past those teamsters loading coal onto that solid looking metal ship. I bet that coal freighter has flush toilets. Maybe we could sail with them?"
"Have I ever told you that you come from an utterly backwards country?" Azula reminded Katara. "Do they still find solar eclipses a surprise? Do they have the number zero? I hope they have a compass."
"I will let go of you two when we finally board the yacht." Lady Zhao said patiently. "Remember that we're guests on board this ship and don't do anything to humiliate me."
Mitsumi sat on top of their baggage and twitched his ears.
"A week at sea because of a volcano." Azula grumbled. "I think your mom agreed to this because she wanted to hang out with burly Water Tribe men. I know Katara wants to meet her perfect Water Tribe guy." Azula turned to Karo. "This is all your fault."
Karo watched with dread as the ship pulled up to the dock.
"My fault?" Karo protested. "What did I do? Did I forget to sacrifice a virgin to the volcano gods? I think that duty falls to the Minister of Internal Affairs or whatever knob in The Fire Nation takes care of those duties. I didn't get the memo that I had to chuck the virgin to his or her death."
A ramp thumped down next to the group and a dignified old man came down to greet the group. "I am Master Pakku of the Water Tribe. Welcome aboard."
A polar bear dog ran up to greet the group and jumped Karo.
"Get him off me! Get him off! Get him off!" Karo demanded as the large animal gave him a hearty lick to the face.
"Saro likes you." Master Pakku chuckled as Katara gave him a heartfelt hug.
"Can we get this over with?" Azula complained. Lady Zhao slapped her gently on the shoulder. "My mother in law wants to meet a single, buff and not gay – Water Tribe hunk because she's – stop hitting me!"
"Is Gran Gran on board?" Katara's eyes lit up.
"She's not going to miss the wedding of her son!" Pakku explained.
Sokka loped down the ramp. "Hey Karo and Azula! Suki and I look forward to telling you all of the stories and jokes from when we traveled with the Avatar." He helped Karo to his feet. "Love your cartoons – you have to teach me to draw."
A small child rushed up to Azula. "Mommy calls you 'that Fire Nation bitch'." With that the four year old child gave Azula hug.
"Who are you and why are you taking the pleats out of my pants?"
"Aori." The child announced. "I'm Koko's child."
"Oh sweet saints above." Karo moaned. "You remember Koko? She hit on me at Suki's wedding. I may jump overboard."
"The sharks would eat you." Katara warned Karo.
Azula heard Karo tromp down the hall. She looked around what would be 'home' for the next week. It had two small, neat wooden bunks and enough space left over for two people to stand up. Except for a small window with a wooden shutter (but no glass); Azula would have found it claustrophobic.
"Great Archangel Gabriel!" Karo yelled out loud. "I can't use this."
Azula heard Karo stomp back and slide the door open. "I thought the bucket was missing. Our galleon has a more upscale toilet. You crap through a hole into the sea! If I hold my head just right; I can see an oil rig!"
"I'll just hold it until we arrive." Azula looked into the hallway as Katara walked quietly past. "Katara? Can you clarify a few things?"
"I heard Karo yell. Lucky for us, the crew doesn't speak Henwanese." Katara said seriously. "Master Pakku has taken us on board as guests and you two start complaining. We have a word for that in the Water Tribe – rude."
"Does the Water Tribe lexicon include a word for 'toilet'?" Azula snapped back as she lay back down on her bunk and picked up a graphic novel. "I could get a huge halibut in my -"
"We'll cope." Karo interrupted as he knew the word following 'my' would be crude.
Azula mused as she blindly flipped through the pages of the novel. "Everyone has really been quiet. Toph hasn't stomped into our room to pick her toes. Koko hasn't come around to hit on Karo and her hell spawn isn't hugging my pants. We've sailed for six hours and are almost up to the field of offshore oil rigs."
Karo pulled the wooden lever and looked out into the sea beyond. The visibility was poor but he saw a huge Dominion oil rig some distance away spitting out a red orange flare and black smoke into the sky. "Do I have any skills an oil company would need? A nice union job with good food – what does it take to become a petroleum engineer?"
"Do you have any clue where petroleum comes from?" Azula asked Karo as she folded her comic over her chest.
"I really have no ideas. I know it winds up in petrol stations." Karo answered hopefully. "I have the problem half surrounded."
"Don't you think you should consider a career in operating a petrol station then?" Azula lay on her back and yawned. "I will admit the idea of pumping gas does hold more intellectual fascination than spending a week on this floating coffin."
"You can lend a helping hand if your bored." Katara replied. "Hard work builds character."
"Now you're baiting me." Azula griped.
Karo pushed past Katara suddenly and half ran and stumbled along the hallway.
"Where's he going?" Katara pointed to Karo.
"Food escape." Karo closed the door to the bathroom.
"Welcome aboard the Good Ship Yue. Water Tribe Ocean Lines – the wind blows – we suck." Azula leaned back on the bed with her back against the wall. "I have a week with Karo blowing chunks, you bothering me with timely reminders about being a well mannered person and Karo's mother playing at the cougar game."
"I have to help prepare the meals." Katara stood in the doorway and Karo crawled under her arm. "You will be happy to note we have taken your food allergies into account."
I saw a freighter steaming to the Fire Nation." Karo searched around the room. "I need to write 'Help us – we're being held hostages by Water Tribe pirates!' on the bed sheets."
Azula stood on deck and held a pair of binoculars to her eyes. "The Graf Spee of Henwa. A large and solid looking vessel."
"I sense a tremor in the force." Azula lay back in her bed with her hands behind her head.
"I sense a flickering in the light," Karo complained as he tried to fill in the newspaper crossword under the light of a flickering storm lantern. "Eight letter word for 'a kind of metal used in airplanes'."
"Aluminum...I can hear amazonian footfalls and a kindergarten kid are coming this way."
Karo pulled the shutters open and looked down at the bloom of bio-luminescent algae that followed the track of the ship. The sun had set and the green light gave off by the strange algae were the only source of light. A dark fin shape a meter tall cut through the water and followed the ship.
A knock came at the door and Azula complained as she stood up. "Sorry, but the farrier has gone home for the day. Please come back tomorrow." Azula spoke in Suihan and in a quiet voice as she slid the door open. Ah Koko...and Aori."
"I came over to say hello." Koko still looked far too tall for a woman in Azula's eyes but had the pleasant face of a young Kyoshi Warrior. "Suki and Sokka sailed to the wedding on their ship but I spent some time touring – now do I call it Suihan or Henwa? I have never traveled for fun before."
"I suppose you want to come in. Suki and Sokka have a ship?" Azula asked as she invited Koko and Aori into the cramped room. She leaned overt he bunk and grabbed Karo's collar and pulled him back into the room.
"I saw a shark the size of a train car. Not the small train cars but one of the big dining cars with two levels." Karo sat on his bunk and adjusted his glasses. "Hello Koko. How have you been all this time?"
"Until I stepped on this ship; I felt fairly good." Karo blushed. "Did you enjoy Suihan?"
"It is called Suihan?" Koko smiled as she held her daughter's hand. "I spend the last month traveling the islands of your country and I hope to move to Torquay with my mother and daughter."
Karo knew this place for it lay only fifty kilometers east of his home city. Torquay had taken its name from the old tower fort built a thousand years ago. The tower had long since fallen into the sea but the city had grown along the rugged, forested ravines that lined a small bay. Torquay had become a tourist town and cruise ships stopped their and Karo had no trouble understanding the appeal of the place. He found it surprising to find out Koko had spent time only a few kilometers from where he lived.
"I can't stay a Kyoshi Warrior forever." Koko admitted to the room. "My daughter needs an education and my mother wants to live somewhere less remote."
"What about your husband?" Karo asked tentatively.
Koko smiled weakly. "He is one of the reasons I decided to learn your language and move. Kyoshi Island and Suihan are about the same size but Suihan has made much more progress toward equality for women. My husband left one stormy night on a fishing boat never to return. My mother had to help us make a living but Kyoshi Island hardly offers job opportunities. A company from your country has a huge aluminum mine but try getting a job running a drag line as a woman."
"Can you speak Suihan? If you plan to live there, knowing the language is necessary." Azula asked dubiously. "Many other people find it quite difficult."
"Aori has a good accent but I still have problems but that will come to me in time." Koko patted her daughter on the back. "We'll cope."
"I hope the best for you." Karo nodded.
"I thought I should introduce myself." Koko turned around carefully and pushed Aori gently out of the door. "We should get some rest. It's been a long day and we're very tired."
iKaro's unease comes out of a deep structure rule in the Suihan language. Suihan has no equivalent word for 'and' to join independent clauses or sentences. Suihan can only join noun or verb clauses with 'and' but does away with conjunctions for clauses. Suihan has free word order (what linguists call a scrambler language) but the complex system of endings on nouns and verbs as well as context make clause boundaries explicitly clear.
iiAzula speaks Chinese but prefacing a sentence isn't good writing in that language either.
iiiThis is a myth and it started in Henwa. Chinese scholars from the Fire Nation made the astonishing claim the Henwanese had sixteen words for 'water'. Suihan has sixteen forms for each noun – eight singular and eight plural forms which form a list called a noun declension. They communicate the role or subject case of the noun – what it does in the clause. The system has internal logic and is very consistent but a few nouns like 'water – misti' have irregular forms that can appear to be different words.