Author's Note: This is just a quick note. I know that there are a lot of post Mockingjay fanfictions out there, but I don't feel like their realistic so I thought instead of moaning and groaning over it I should write one myself. So here it is.
Disclaimer: I do not own The Hunger Games trilogy. Suzanne Collins does.
The crisp sunshine makes its way through my window and spills over the main room effectively waking me up. I can't help but glare at it. How could the sun shine so bright when she's gone? When my innocent little sister was taken from this world far too soon.
The nightmares are worst now. Sometimes they're not so bad and I only dream about mutts ripping me apart. Other times they're portentous and are about sweet little Prim burning alive as President Snow cackled and laughed blood.
I'm still not ready to live. I'm not ready to let her go. If I stop thinking about her will I forget? No, there's no chance I will. Her primroses still grow strong in the front of the house even if I don't tend them. I think Peeta does when I'm in my own world and I leave. That can happen for days. I'd probably be dead by now if it wasn't for Greasy Sae forcing me to eat and drink.
Suddenly I let out a crude sharp laugh. It's funny to think that out of Peeta,Haymitch,and me that the old drunk is doing the best. The smirk that had made its way to my face slowly disappears as I think about him.
I heard he's doing well and has had the bakery get rebuilt. He's still not the same,I think bitterly.
He could still turn into a belligerent mutt around me. He could still lash out and turn into a sadistic basket case. Even with all these thoughts running through my mind I find myself missing him. I miss how he would comfort me on the train at night. How we would chase away each other's nightmares.
As I loath and think about these semi-happy memories I hear the door creak open. I turn my head slowly and expect to find Sae,but I see him. Immediately I curl into myself and look at the empty fireplace.
"I brought you some bread." His voice cuts through the silence like a dull knife cutting through bone. It almost sounds like the Peeta I remember. Almost.
"What do you want?" It's the first words I've spoken for weeks and they sound crude and rash.
He shakes his head before he starts speaking. "Nothing. I Just wanted to give you some cheese buns. I remembered they were your favorite." He says the last part triumphantly. This causes me to furrow my brow. He was actually proud at him self for remembering something about me that wasn't tainted by the capital.
I almost smiled until I remembered he could try to kill me at any second. "Are you sure this is safe?" The words came out harsher then intended.
The corners of his mouth turn down. He obviously doesn't need any further explanation. He knows what I mean.
"Probably not." He states honestly.
"Then why are you here?" Again it sounds too harsh.
He shrugs while twirling a cheese bun in his hand before finally speaking. "I had already made them and the bakery isn't open for another month. I didn't want them to go to waste." That's it. It was that simple of an explanation.
I eye him wearily and take in his appearance. He's showered and has clean clothes on. I see nothing different about him except the healing of his skin and how his eyebrows have returned. I feel self conscious all of a sudden and secretly thank Sae for forcing me to bathe yesterday. My hair is loose around my shoulders and I wear an oversized pair of pants along with a large shirt.
Pushing these thoughts away, I let out a pathetic "oh," and bury my face in my knees.
"Dr. Aurelius says I'm getting better. I-" He hesitates for a moment. "I don't have as many flash backs anymore and I haven't had an episode for a month." He's trying to get a reaction out of me.
"That's good." I mutter,not really caring. He's never going to be the same Peeta.
It's clear on his face that he's disappointed in my reaction. Slowly,he puts the cheese bun he was twirling in his hand down onto the tray.
Buttercup walks into the room just then. I'm not sure who's feeding him,but he must be attaining some nutrients some how.
He stares at Peeta and then hisses. The ugly cat makes its way behind my chair and curls into a ball.
Peeta barely pays any mind to Buttercup and instead looks at me with a focus that I've only seen a couple of times.
"Peeta?" He grips the side of the table and sinks down. His hands are now on either side of his head and he's muttering incoherently. His eyes luster over with fear,anger, and something else that I can't make out because he shuts his eyes tight.
I get up slowly and make my way towards him. I hear him quietly chanting the word 'no' to himself.
"Peeta?" I gently touch the side of his face and noticeably feel his jaw clinch.
He's gritting his teeth and letting out soft oaths.
"Come back." I say softly. "Please."
He's breathing hard now and he opens his eyes. His pupils go from big to small. They keep this pattern for about seven minutes before they return to normal.
When it's over he clumsily pulls his body up and mumbles apologies. He starts to hastily retreat but I grab his wrist.
"Stay." I don't want to be alone today. I inhale a shaky breath. "Just stay." He hesitates but nods anyways.
"You're scared of me. Real or not real?" His blue eyes plead.
"Not real." Because after all it is true, right? Even though he's tried to strangle me,bash in my head,and kill me a numerous amount of times I'm not scared of him. He's Peeta Mellark,he's the boy with the bread.
"Maybe you should be."
I shrug. "Maybe."