This is something new for me. I always wanted to write a Kogan, but I just didn't had the balls to do it. Now I did it. I don't know about this. I'm insecure but... depending of the reaction of the people reading this, maybe I will continue it. This is my first fic for the BTR fandom... so have mercy with me, okay? ;3;

Prologue

Snow covered all surroundings, the air cold and sharp but at the same time a soft breeze caressing the skin of those who were playing on the soft carpet of pure white.

He laughed at little, his nose in an adorable shade of pink, a mud of hot chocolate and laughs around him. The sun shining brightly and their dogs running around, leaving small tracks on the snow making a show for the little boys.

''Sydney!'' One of them yelled when the dog ran blindly and crashed her big body against a tree. While the other three were laughing, the one that yelled was running towards the poor animal who was acting like nothing happened.

''I'm going to check up on them!'' Another boy smiled at the pair left and ran towards the other boy who was petting the big dog, who was moving its tail happily and more when she saw two of them giving her all the attention.

Green eyes looked at his side and soft brown hair moved with the cold breeze and both pair of eyes met, green meeting brown and a small snicker was shared between them. Blonde hair shined brightly under the sun, golden locks dancing with the air and he stood up. His taller figure made him feel tiny but protected, so he accepted the hand that was being extended at him and with a smile they started walking towards the pair with the now three dogs.

''No! Carlos! My hair is going to be all wet! STOP!'' The taller of the four roared and started to run after the smaller of them, who was laughing loudly and yelling like someone was murdering him.

''I'M NOT SOOORRYY!''

''YOU WILL BE!''

The pair was left alone again, Kendall sighing annoyed and Logan just staring at the running pair. The air was getting thicker with coldness and Logan shivered slightly, hugging himself, letting go of Kendall's hands for a moment.

Green eyes looked at the little boy and taking of one of his two coats, he put it on Logan's shoulders, the other just nodding gratefully.

''Let's go inside. They'll be back before James's hair would freeze''

Logan snickered and nodded, giving a last small glance to the snow kingdom that was their yard.

. . .

''It's weird to have a pig as a pet!''

''No it's NOT!'' Kendall roared, his face red and his body wet in sweat. Hockey practice always got the best of him.

The feeling of the ice under his skates, the yelling of the crowd at them, the speediness of the skating… it was always perfect for him. He felt free, he felt complete. He couldn't be happier in another place than on the ice.

But sometimes his loved ice was full of jerks. Like this one.

''I'm sure your dad is only keeping that thing to eat it later!'' The boy, Jett, laughed cruelly and his other two friends laughed with him dumbly.

''My father would have never do something like that!''

''Yeah, anyways, how would he? He's dead!''

Kendall tightened his grip on his hockey stick and lifting it, he aimed to hit Jett with it, the boy's eyes widening in surprise and fear at the sudden moment. Before the stick could hit Jett, a small hand was placed in his shoulder, Kendall only stopping for a moment, his breathing in ragged pants.

''Logan, let me go'' He growled under his breath, looking how the trio of idiots ran away from him with fearful but mocking faces.

''LET'S LEAVE THE BOYFRIENDS ALONE!'' Jet yelled for a last time, leaving the rink before Logan or Kendall could say something.

Logan blushed violently and Kendall just growled, throwing his hockey stick harshly against the ice and starting to leave.

''You are better than this, Kindle''

Kendall puffed and turned around, looking how Logan was just barely standing on the ice, he had a vicious grip on his hockey stick for support. His brown eyes looked sad, but not fearful. He was expecting a yell, a punch, or just Kendall leaving. It was always like that. After a fight Kendall would just disappear, even from him, no matter what.

''Just leave me alone, Logan''

And with that Kendall left the ice, leaving Logan alone, almost standing on the ice. The smaller boy sighed sadly and tried to skate, just like how his dad showed him, but it was hard. He was not a sports boy. Oh no. He was barely near that, so different from his other friends.. from Kendall, from, James, from Carlos..

From Kendall..

He tried with small and short steps, but in a wrong one, his face hit the ice roughly and his stick flew away from him. Small tears started to form in the corner of his eyes and hugging himself, he supported his weight on his knees.

''I'm cold…'' He whispered before practically dragging himself through the ice to be out of it.

. . .

''Sweetie.. visiting hours are done. We need to go'' Jennifer Knight, beautiful, red locks and soft green eyes hugged her son and her baby daughter who were sitting with their silent father, both of his usual brown and shiny eyes were closed. Katie nodded and hopped out of the bed, but Kendall ignored his mother and stared at his father, waiting, counting the seconds and hating the world more and more.

''Ken.. please…'' Jennifer whispered.

Kendall just sniffed angrily and left the room, slamming the door shut and running towards their car, feeling betrayed, angry, hurt and alone.

. . .

''He was sleeping the last time I left him…''

Logan was a really patient boy. With only ten years, he was mature than his other three friends. He learned that from his parents, he was practically a small copy of his dad.

''He's still sleeping Kindle..'' Logan whispered and hugged Kendall, letting the blonde hide his head and face under his chin, his long arms and legs practically having a vice grip on the small and fragile figure of Logan.

''He's… he's not..'' Kendall sobbed loudly, biting Logan's shoulder harshly, trying to compose himself but he couldn't..

His father.. dad.. he left, he left him alone. No more hockey, no more smiles, no more burgers on the summer, no more jokes and games… no more daddy..

''He is… did he looked different?'' Logan murmured, his face hide through golden locks. Sweat, cinnamon, maybe some kind of cologne, but Kendall smelled delicious and Logan couldn't feel shittier for it. He was enjoining it. The feeling of Kendall's long arms around his torso, his long legs at his sides, hugging him too and his face on his chest. His poor heart was beating so fast that he was feeling dizzy.

He was happy for the moment. And he hated himself for it.

''N-no…''

''Then.. just.. just think in that way… he's still sleeping…''

And Kendall nodded.

. . .

James, Carlos and Kendall were always three special boys. At the age of fourteen, the trio was starting to look at girls differently. Girls were good now, not disgusting. But for Logan… it was always the same.

So that's why, he was feeling really out of place, like some alien between humans. Just like that documentary he saw last night.

That's why, when a flushed Carlos took out of his bag a magazine with beautiful women in bikinis and more, he felt bad. Because he wasn't amazed by boobs or asses. Women were beautiful, they were amazing creatures but… but he just couldn't see them like anything special…

He just.. he just had the same reaction as the guys.. but for guys… no..

.. for Kendall..

. . .

Sixteen years of life, his hair was a messy knot of brown soft locks. His brown eyes were shy and he was practically shivering. A new year, being a sophomore was nowhere near of be easy for him. This was a new step.

And he was just not ready for it.