A/N: I started watching Eureka when it was in its final season and so I miss the whole big fanfic craze. But I had to write this because I always wanted to know what could have happened if Zane had proposition Jo before they failed Astraeus mission. This is my take on if Jo hadn't been able to open her heart to Zane.
I'm not sure why but my heart just broke. I watched Zane walk away and couldn't bring myself to stop him. What did he want me to do? Run after him? Beg him to stay with me? Scream? Or Cry? Anything to ensure that he'll be here tomorrow? I can't bring myself to say the words that are ready to drip from my lips.
Zane glances back, just one more look. I drop my eyes to the ground, shame and embarrassment clouding them, not wanting him to see. When I finally glance back up, he's gone. I have nothing left but the dark stale void that engulfs me.
I drop down onto my couch and take a sip of my wine. 'What the HELL! Bottoms up!' I think as I drain the entire glass. I flashback on that night 6 months ago, that changed everything for us.
I press tightly closed lips to Zane's only for a few seconds before yanking away.
"See! Nothing!" I say, my voice breaking on the last word. I move around him desperate to put some distance between us; but as always he has other plans for me.
He reaches out and grabs my arm, stopping me in my track. I turn to tell him to let go, but the look on his face kills the words on my lips. My body betrays me, as he stares at my face, my want and need for him clearly written across it. He pulls me into his arms and my world begins the usual yet somehow unfamiliar spin. For a while I lose myself in him…. In the memories of what use to be.
"Zane, I can't!" I choke out, after finally winning the struggle with my body to detach myself from him.
"Why? Why can't you just take a chance on me JoJo?" He asks me.
Simple enough question as it is, my head is still left reeling as I struggle to find the words to explain to him just why I couldn't take that chance again.
"I just can't Zane! I've done this before with you… the other you! And at the end of the day all that happened was that we hurt each other. I'm not willing to go through that again." I tell him, not able to bring myself to match his glance.
"That doesn't mean that will happen to us this time. That was a different version of me. And this is a new version of you." He tells me.
"What do you mean a new version of me? I'm pretty much the same person I was before all this stuff happened, with the exception of a different job." I reply, pulling further out of his arms.
"You may think you are but you've changed, Jo. You had to, there wasn't any other choice. You were thrust into this new word, were dynamics had changed and nothing was the same as you remembered it. You had to change to fit into this new world, into your new life." He says, pulling me back into his arms.
"Okay, so maybe I've changed a little since coming here. But a person is always who they really are at their core!" I tell him. "That part of us hasn't changed."
"Maybe in essences we are the same people but maybe it's the little changes that will make this relationship better than it ever was before." He whispers to me. "Just try JoJo! That's all I'm asking."
"I can't promise you that Zane! But I can promise you here and now!" I tell him wrapping my arms around his neck.
"I guess that'll have to do for now at least!" He says before leaning down and recapturing my lips with his.
I don't know how I let things continue to go on but the next night there I was on his doorstep with little memory of getting in the car and driving there. I pretended that I was only doing this to get him out of my system but the sad truth was that I simply wasn't willing to give him up.
Maybe this is what I deserved for being selfish and holding on to him with one hand and trying to push him away with the other. I could tell that I had broken his heart the moment the words left my mouth.
I smile as he brings the last bag into my newly finished house. I turn and finish putting the take-out from Café Diem onto plates.
"There you go JoJo! You are officially moved back into your house." He says coming to stand beside me, leaning against the counter.
"Yeah and hopefully no one will blow it up or burn it down!" I say, glancing at him quickly.
"I said I was sorry about that!" He says, kissing the side of my head.
"I know! Just please don't do it again." I tell him, handing him the plates of food and going to get two wine glasses out of the cabinet. I grab the bottle out of the freezer and follow him out into the living room.
"Fireplace please, Aida." I call to my house as I sit the bottle down on the table.
"Okay Jo." Aida reply's, before a fire comes roaring to life.
"So how was your day?" Zane asks me.
"I feel so stress about everything with the Astraeus mission going on. I know dropping out was the right thing for me to do; but one great part of being a part of the contenders was not having to handle all the problems at GD." I say, between bites of my salad. "Now I swear anything that could go wrong has been going wrong."
"Well who would have thought Perish would have actually tried to eliminate some of the crew so that he could go to Titan. I mean everyone knows he has some angry issues, especially towards Fargo. But even I didn't see this coming." Zane says.
"I don't think anyone thought Perish would go that far. Now not only is he not going to Titan, he stands the risk of being redacted." I say putting down my now empty plate.
"Well Perish did always believe that he was underappreciated at G.D. maybe it's a good thing if he gets redacted. He might be able to find somewhere he can actually be happy." Zane says, causing me to stare at him. "What?"
"I didn't know you cared that much about Perish." I tell him with a quiet chuckle.
"Just because he irritates the hell out of me sometimes doesn't mean I don't like him and want what's best for him." Zane says, not quite meeting my eyes.
"See I like this version of you! The version who isn't putting up this constant façade of not giving a fuck about anybody, that's the guy I remember being in love with." I tell him.
"So if I was that guy you would be willing to be with me for real? Meaning no sneaking around and hiding, I get to hold you and kiss you in front of everyone." Zane asks me taking me by surprise.
"Zane…" I start but falter after a couple of minutes.
"Just hear me out JoJo! We spend every night together and the whole town knows there is something going on. Plus…I'm in love with you JoJo." He says staring into my eyes as he says it.
"Zane please don't do this! We were fine how we are, why do you want to complicate it?" I whisper trying to stop the tremble that was threating to take over my voice.
"Complicate it? How is being together for real complicating things? Trust me all this sneaking around and trying to hide this when everyone in town already knows that something is going on is already beyond complicated." He says grabbing my hand. "Being in a real relationship will uncomplicated things JoJo."
"I just can't Zane! Can please not talk about this right now?" I ask him getting up and taking our dishes to the kitchen. I hear him follow behind me.
"I can't just let this go Josephine! I keep putting myself out there with you, trying to be the man that you seem to want me to be. But somehow that's still not enough, and I don't know what else to do to make you happy." He says in a very soft voice, causing me to swing around to stare at him.
"I am happy Zane! I'm happy with how we are now! Where there is no pressure or other people trying to make us into what they think we should be. I'm not saying that I don't want to be with you because I am with you. Maybe not officially but in every other way that counts, I'm here with you. Why can't we just be Zane and Jo, the way we are right now?" I ask him, really hoping that he will see it my way and just drop this conversation.
"It's just not enough anymore Jo! I want to be with you in every way not just when we are alone. I want to be able to hold your hand while we walk down the halls of G.D., I want to be able to kiss you over breakfast and dinner at Café Diem, and I want to be able to tell you I love you without the risk of you freaking out on me. I'm sorry but no strings attached just isn't enough."
"Well I'm sorry too because I can't give you what you want. I can't be that girl for you right now!" I tell him, immediately regretting the words as they poured from my lips.
The look of heartbreak and distressed on his face cause my heart to rip clear out of my chest. The regret that I feel as he is barely able to contain the tears that are threatening to pour down his face becomes almost unbearable.
"Zane…" I say to him trying to explain.
"No… I get it! I'm not the Zane who you commit yourself to. And to be honest I don't think I don't think you would ever let me be that guy for you no matter what I do. So I'm just going to back out now before either one of us gets hurt any more than we already are."
"Zane…" I choke out trying to stop the sobs that are trying to take me over.
I watch as he shakes his head at me before turning and walking back towards the living room. I follow behind him struggling to find the words to stop him and get him to understand. It's not that I was afraid that he could never be the old Zane it that he has already come to mean more to me than I ever thought possible even with the other Zane. The love that I feel for him is so overwhelming that sometimes I can't breathe. My heart keeps telling me that I'm making the biggest mistake of my life not agreeing to be with him; but my head just isn't willing to go there with him again, not yet at least. My internal battle allowed little time for me to speak up and say anything; besides what was I supposed to say.
Zane grabs his jacket from off the back of the couch and head towards the door. I'm powerless to stop him.
So now here I am sitting here drinking glass after glass of wine. Hoping against all hope that I will wake up in the morning and this would have all been some stupid joke. But I know it won't be, just as I know that no matter how much I hope there won't be a second chance for me to go back and say yes to Zane's proposal. I have to accept that fact my dreams of what I could have with Zane are gone and there isn't anything that can change that.
My heart was broken the moment Zane walked out of the Sheriff's office, then broken again when I was thrust into this new world, this new life where not only was I no longer the town's deputy I also didn't have the love of my life anymore. And somehow I was able to survive and pull my life back together. Then he kissed me and my world was turn upside down and I rapidly started to fall in love with him again. Why I just couldn't say it to him I will never know. But now here we both are… BROKEN… and I'm not sure the pieces can be put back together this time.