A/N: This is a one shot, it's really just mean to be funny. I will admit I honestly loath Irene Adler, but I did think of one thing she could be good for, and this is it.
Also I apologize before hand, I am troll of an author at times. :) No warnings. Enjoy.
Not Who You Expected:
It was three years since she had last entered 221B in an attempt to seduce the only man she was ever smitten with. Irene mourned Sherlock's supposed death, but unlike John, she had moved on. The news that he had miraculously been alive all this time had taken even her by surprise.
"I should have known better. A man like you could never stay dead for long." She called out through the flat freely.
There was no response but she knew she wasn't alone. The door had been left unlocked and she could smell the faint scent of a man's cologne.
She dropped her silk black gloved to the floor, "I've missed you." Her voice was playful, not filled with emotion. "Just think of all the fun times we could have had together, both hiding out away from on looking eyes." He coat fell to the ground next.
A door creaked open and Irene could swear she heard a chuckle.
"Oh my, waiting in the bedroom for me are you? And here I thought you had come across as almost shy when we first met." She stepped closer toward the hall where the noise had emanated from.
A flash of black came from an open doorway. "Beckoning me in now? Well, if you insist." Irene began undoing the buttons of her shirt but she was unprepared for what awaited her.
"Well this is a rather pleasant surprise." The figure in the dark trench coat was significantly shorter then the man Irene had come to see. A hat shielded the wearer's face, only strands of blonde hair could be seen. "I doubt I'm who you were expecting to find, but I think we could have some fun just the same, what do you think?"
Irene's hands freezed mid button when she realized she wasn't in the presence of Sherlock. "You." Her eyes narrowed.
"Me?" The hated figured voice teased. The figure took a step forward placing a hand on Irene's waist. "I don't believe we've met before actually." The well-manicured hand slid up Irene's blouse and undid the final buttons. "But I do believe we have a few minutes before my brother comes home."
Irene couldn't resist the smile she felt coming on. She placed her hands inside the coat to feel the warm thin body of someone very female. "Not at all what I expected, but I'm not complaining."
The two hadn't heard the outside door open and close or the footsteps nearing them.
"Sherlock? Are you home yet?" 'bloody git left the front door unlocked again. '
He saw through Sherlock's bedroom door a coated figure with the back towards him and The Woman, in a rather intimate scene. John dropped the bag of groceries he was carrying, he was steaming mad.
"That's it. I'm done. I'm moving out, don't try to stop me!"
"John?"
"You know exactly how I feel about that woman. It's too late now." He headed for the door and to his great shock saw Sherlock standing half outside the flat just coming in.
"By 'that woman' I can only surmise you mean Irene Adler, whom I have already promised to you I never have and never will have any feelings for. Though I'm still not clear as to why you dislike her and especially the incredulous idea that I would ever harbor thoughts like that towards her. Unless of course there is something you are not telling me John."
"Wha- what? How are you there?"
"John, you aren't making any sense again."
John spun on his feet going back toward Sherlock's room, the detective followed out of curiosity. "Who the devil are you?"
The coated figure had already pushed Irene down onto Sherlock's bed, intent was obvious. She removed her hat allowing her shoulder length blonde hair to fall to it actual length. John was aghast. "Harry, get the hell out of my flat!"
Harry stood to leave but as she passed John she smiled and leaned close to his ear, "Just thought I would seduce her so you could have your little flatmate all to yourself." She gave a knowing wink.
John reddened having nothing to say. Hi eyes fell on Irene now. "The hell are you doing here?"
Irene's eyes flashed towards Sherlock, leaning against a wall near John, only mildly amused by the situation at hand. "I came to see you of course." She smiled at the detective but he looked away.
She stood secretly glad she hadn't taken her shirt off all the way yet and that she still had her stilettos on. She made no move to button her shirt back up though. "Did you miss me Sher-lock?" She drew his name out longer then necessary.
"My mind is rather occupied, in the time that I have been gone I have only had enough free space in it to miss one person." He turned and flashed a quick smile at John. "If you hurry you could probably catch up with Harry and pursue what she was offering though."
Irene scoffed and walked out of the flat, leaving her gloves and jacket behind. In the taxi home she muttered to herself, "You win John."
A/N: I hope you liked this. It's a pairing I have always wondered about but have never seen happen. It's aways struck me as odd since Harry and Irene are both confirmed lesbians yet I've never seen people write about it.
My other stories are far more serious then this. :) You should check them out. Thanks for reading.