Sometimes I need a break, you know? Like right now. I've been studying with Jeremie for five hours straight, and I'm tired. I hate history anyways. It isn't like math or science where there's stuff to figure out and only a little bit of memorization. History is all memorization. And no matter what you say, I still think that humans fight too many wars.
Usually when I'm bored like this I watch a movie with Yumi in my dorm, but Yumi is with Hiroki today so it looks like I'm on my own. I don't mind it so much. It's gorgeous outside, and I'd rather take a walk anyways. It's too pretty to be inside on a night like this. It's one of those perfect winter nights where the sky is clear and I can see a thousand stars, and if you look close enough you can see your breath puff in front of your face and taste the snowflakes if you stand with your tongue out.
I'm standing like this when someone taps me on the shoulder. I whirl around, cheeks red in embarrassment at being caught acting so childish. It's only Odd, but still.
"What are you doing outside, Princess?" He asks me. He's wearing a black jacket over his usual purple shirt, hands shoved in his pockets. He looks good in black.
"I was bored." I answer. "I've been studying all afternoon, and I can't take any more history." I grin. "What about you?"
He shrugs, all cool and nonchalant. "Kiwi wanted to go outside, and I don't have anything better to do." He pauses, and I can tell just from the way he sighs that whatever is coming next is important. But then he shakes his head and starts walking. I follow, and for a while we walk in silence.
Finally, I reach out and grab his hand. "What's wrong?" I ask him. With Ulrich or Jeremie, this would be awkward, but between me and Odd it just comes naturally. I've never been afraid to hug him or grab his hand when one of us needed it. There is no shyness or awkwardness between us.
He sighs again. "My mom is dying." He says. "It's not like we didn't know it was coming. She's been sick for a while." His eyes are on the ground and it looks like he's crying.
My heart breaks for him. As dorky as it sounds, Odd is a Mama's boy.
There's more. "My dad is leaving her."
I'm nosy, and I can't help but ask questions. "Why?" I ask, tightening my grip on his fingers.
He squeezes my hand for a second, then shakes his head. "I don't know. She's in the hospital a lot now. He's probably sick of paying the medical bills."
Now I'm angry. But before I have a chance to say anything, Odd senses my anger. "Aelita, it's fine." He entwines our fingers and my anger vanishes. But my heart still hurts for him. I pull him into a hug.
We stand there silently for several seconds, his arms around my neck and mine around his waist. My head is tucked underneath his, and he breathes into my hair. And then suddenly, he speaks.
"I used to love you, you know." He says. He puts his hands on my arms and pulls back a little so that we are still hugging, but only barely. "You were all I could think about."
I don't move. I'm not stunned, exactly, but I am confused.
"You were perfect," he continues. "You were so smart and beautiful and innocent, and I just…" He pauses. "I hated for you to learn from someone… corrupt like me."
I open my mouth to protest, to tell him that I don't think he's corrupt, but he shushes me, placing a finger on my lips.
"And you were Jeremie's girl. You were his. You belonged together. I couldn't do that, to either one of you. He'd be crushed if I did."
"He wouldn't be as crushed as you think," I say. It's the truth. Jeremie isn't like Odd at all. When Jeremie watches a movie, he sees the characters as figments of someone's imagination. Anything that happens to them is just the unfortunate circumstance of plot twists. When Odd watches a movie, he sees the characters as living, breathing people, and anything that happens to them is real. Jeremie won't view this as me leaving him, because in his mind, we were never together. Whereas if the same thing happened to Odd, he'd be crushed.
"If he loved me, he would have done something about it. I've been here for two years, and the most he's done is call me Princess." I grumble. Truth to tell, I am a little irked that he doesn't love me. Everyone else seems to think he does, and for a while I thought he did too. But I've known him for so long that the idea just seems ridiculous to me now. But there's this pressure, from everyone we know, for us to date. It's like the whole world thinks we belong together and has taken it upon themselves to drop hints until we decide to do something about it.
"You're his girl." Odd repeats, arms crossed, though not in an angry sort of way.
"I'm not his girl, exactly." I say. "I mean, we're friends, but I don't think we'll ever be any more than that."
There is a long pause. Then Odd turns to me. "What do you mean?" He asks. He's found a tree with a low branch and he helps me up onto it, then follows me.
"I mean…" I pause. What do I mean? But then I figure it out. "Jeremie is like a really protective older brother. He loves me, but in his own way. And everyone is expecting us to get together, and that isn't what I want. I mean, I do love Jeremie, but in a completely platonic sort of way."
Odd has flipped over, hanging upside down by his knees. His face is red. When I'm finished speaking, he pulls himself back up into the tree and turns to face me. "Which means…?" He asks.
"I have absolutely no idea." I giggle, which breaks the awkward tension that has built up between us.
He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him. We sit there silently for a few minutes.
"Which way do we go?" I ask.
He shakes his head. "The way I see it, if we walk away right now, nothing will change between us. We can go back. On the other hand, if we don't walk away, I can't guarantee that things will still be the same in the morning." He says. Then he sighs and buries his face in my hair, which shows me which way he wants to go. But then he pulls back suddenly. "You know what I want." He whispers. "But you have to make the decision for yourself."
We both know without saying it what will happen if I choose him. Jeremie will be fine, of course. But we will never be the same again--me and Odd, I mean. I think about it for a minute, and suddenly, what I want is clearer than it's been since I came here.
So I lay my head on his shoulder and he grabs my hand, then brings it to his lips and kisses it. I blush, and he laughs at me.
"How many guys are lucky enough to get a girl who blushes?" He wonders aloud.
I snuggle closer to him, and for a time we sit and watch the snow fall around us.
ZXCVBNM
A/N: This is totally my first non-canon fic. I kind of like this couple, though, even if I like Parker ten times more. Anyways, I wrote this while I was supposed to be organizing costumes for theatre at my school, and it took on a life of its own. I'm not sure if I like the tense it's in, though. I don't know. Anyways, I kind of put the pencil on the paper and let it do its own thing, and this is what I got. I like it, though… Whatever. Push that little purple button and review. Please? I'll give you a cookie…