A/N: So this is a story based off me and two of my psycho friends. The idea came to us when we were watching Eight Legged Freaks (which means I don't own the 'mutated spiders are taking over the town' idea). And I've put a lot of time into this story, so I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or Eight Legged Freaks. If I did, George would get more credit and the spiders in the movie would speak in high sqeaky voices.
"Arachnid!!" Sithe screamed, pounding on her friend's door. Arachnid had been in there for most of the day.
"Go away!" came a muffled voice from behind the wooden door. Sithe glared at the door, hands now on her slim hips.
"If you don't open this damn door right now I'm going to burn it down," she threatened. Her threat was obviously not good enough, for Arachnid did not open the door. Sithe sighed heavily and headed downstairs, running a hand through her short, choppy black hair. Finn looked up from something she was working on.
"Did you get her to come out?" she asked, trying to shove whatever it was she was working on under the couch. Needless to say, it didn't exactly work. Sithe quirked a questioning eyebrow at Finn, and got an innocent look in response.
"No, I didn't. She would be with me if I had," Sithe told her. Finn nodded and waited with a rather impatient look for Sithe to leave. Sithe rolled her eyes and stalked into the kitchen, grumbling. Finn grinned and pulled out a slightly crumpled piece of paper. It was a page torn from a magazine. Glued to it were random pictures of socks. Sithe, who had snuck back into the room, peered over the couch to look at Finn's 'masterpiece'. "Fucking sweet bitch," she said, causing Finn to jump with a scream. Sithe covered her ears with her hands. "God you're loud," she said with a scowl.
"And you're too quiet!" Finn snapped irritably.
"Finn! Sithe! Come quick!" Arachnid screamed from upstairs. The two girls looked at each other slightly uneasily. They recognized that sound in Arachnid's voice, and it usually meant trouble for them. None the less, they padded upstairs and stopped outside the door.
"You have to unlock it to let us in ya' know," Sithe said. As she finished her sentence the door unlocked with a click and slowly creaked open.
"Ok, that's not freaky," Finn said. She shoved Sithe forward. Sithe stumbled into the room before glaring at an innocent looking Finn.
"Ahem," Arachnid said, clearing her throat. The two other girls froze and slowly looked at their companion who was standing over a large, aged book.
"Yes?" they asked tentively. Arachnid grinned.
"Hold still, this won't hurt a bit!" she said before closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. "Edderkop mutatie, onbezet aan de menselijk ziel. Aanvangen!" she chanted. A flash of bright green light filled the eyesight of the three girls. Sithe and Finn gave out a startled cry before growing silent. Arachnid rubbed at her eyes and then looked at where her friends should be. "Did it work?!" she asked excitedly.
"Not exactly," came a voice from below. Arachnid looked down to see a King Cobra, head held up and hood out. Next to it was a ferret, which was currently chasing its tail.
"But it should have worked!" cried Arachnid. Her finger scanned down the page and stopped in the middle. "He he, oops," she said sheepishly.
"Oopsss?" the snake, Sithe, hissed. Arachnid grinned sheepishly.
"I should have said 'Spinnekop' instead of 'Edderkop'," she said, trying to look as innocent as possible. If cobras could growl, Sithe would have. Instead it came out more as a vicious hiss. Arachnid was now inching towards the bathroom door. Sithe tried going after her, but was too slow. Arachnid slammed the door in Sithe's face. "Ha!" she yelled through the door. She turned around and screamed bloody murder. In the bath tub, that had water in it, was a ferret. It was lounging on a small floatation device with sunglasses on. It looked at her and lowered its sunglasses slightly.
"Hey baby," it said. Arachnid nearly had a heart attack. The ferret suddenly fell off the floatation device. "HELP HELP HELP!" the ferret screamed, splashing about in the two inch deep water. It stopped suddenly. "Oh wait, never mind. I can touch the bottom," it said before crawling onto the edge of the bath tub, shaking out its fur. It almost fell back in.
"Finn?" Arachnid asked. The ferret looked at her suspiously.
"How do you know my codename?" Finn asked. Arachnid twitched.
"That's it," she said before grabbing Finn by the nape of her neck, hoisting her into the air.
"I CAN FLY!" Finn screamed.
"That makesss one of usss," Sithe yelled from the other side of the door. Finn's head jerked about.
"Who said that?" she demanded.
"I DID!" Sithe yelled from the other side. Finn looked at the door in horror.
"OMG! Arachnid! The doors are speaking to me again!" she cried. Arachnid shook Finn violently, causing the ferret's head to spin. She opened the bathroom door, looking down at an extremely pissed Sithe.
"Well itsss about time!" Sithe hissed angrily. Arachnid just looked at her before bending down and picking her up, holding her gently around the neck. She stuffed the two animals into paper bags. One was the normal brown and the other was multi-colored.
"IT GOT DARK!" Finn yelled. Arachnid ignored her as she marked the brown bag 'Ferret: switch to decaf'. She left the bag with the cobra unmarked.
"Let me out," she hissed.
"Hell no," Arachnid said, getting her stuff together after stapling the bags shut for her own safety. "I'm going to work and don't trust you two alone here," she told them as she headed out the front down, one bag in each hand. The entire trip there the brown bag was singing the never ending song in a very high pitched voice. Arachnid would have thrown the bag, had she not been driving. Once at the pet store, where she worked, she grabbed the bags and headed inside. But not before throwing the brown bag on the ground. It squeaked and then made gagging noises. "Shut up, you're not hurt," Arachnid snapped as she picked up the bag.
"Oh look, I'm not," Finn said, acting surprised. The colorful bag started to try and whistle. Arachnid sighed and walked into the store. Opening the bags, she dumped her friends into two different, individual containers that were on opposite sides of the room. Finn stood up with her front paws against the glass.
"REVOLT MY FELLOW FURRY FUZZYKINS!" she screamed. The owner of the pet shop looked at her with glazed eyes.
"Does it have rabies?" he asked.
"Sadly, no," Arachnid said. The owner merely shrugged and went back to his booze.
"FEAR THE REVOLUTION!" Finn was yelling in the background. Only now, she had a red cape on. Arachnid looked at her furry companion.
"Where did you get the cape?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.
"My minions love me!" Finn wailed dramatically, pointing a furry paw at her water dish. Strangely, there was food in the bowl marked water along with water.
"Dumbassss," Sithe mumbled and started slithering in a circle.
"What are you doing?" Arachnid asked.
"I'm lossst!" Sithe wailed before placing her tail over her nose and falling asleep. Arachnid sighed heavily, shaking her head. Why she hung out with them, she didn't know. The witch busied herself with her usual daily tasks. The pet shop owner passed the time by either drinking or going out behind the shop and smoking. Arachnid was moving towards the spider cages to feed them when she heard a small voice.
"Come closer. Closer. A little closer." Arachnid blinked and looked at the bird spider in front of her. It was watching her intently.
"Did you say something?" she asked the spider, tapping the glass gently. Said spider jumped.
"You can hear me?" it asked shocked.
"Maybe." was Arachnid's answer.
"Well then come closer my child," it said with a hidden chuckle.
"Why?" questioned Arachnid, eyeing the crouched bird spider.
"So I can eat you," the spider said innocently.
"Uh, no," Arachnid said, taking a small step back.
"Oh why not? It'll be fun. And it won't hurt. Well, it won't hurt me. It might hurt you...but it'll be fun," the spider tried to reason.
"Your reasoning skills are worse than Sithe's," Arachnid told the spider. She walked away without feeding it.
"Hey! Come back here! I'm hungry!" the spider called after her. Arachnid ignored it and refilled the mice food bowls. She came to a stop in front of Finn's cage.
"What the hell are you doing?" she questioned with a raised eyebrow. Finn had the side of her face pressed to the glass.
"I'm listening for moles," Finn told her with a nod before pressing her face to the glass again. Arachnid shook her head and went to check on Sithe.
"What the hell are you doing?" she repeated, eyebrow raised once more. Sithe seemed to be throwing herself at the glass walls of her cage.
"I have to pee!" she wailed and continued throwing herself at the cage walls. Arachnid blinked.
"Do snakes pee?" she questioned thoughtfully. Sithe ignored her and continued throwing herself at the walls. Arachnid shrugged and went back to the spider, hoping she had been hallucinating before.
"I see you came back. You must have reconsidered," the spider said. Arachnid raised an eyebrow, trying to figure out how she was going to feed the spider if it was so determined to eat her.
"Hey, what's that?" she asked, pointing towards the back of the spider's cage.
"What?" the spider asked, turning around to look. Arachnid took this chance to throw the food in, re-securing the lock afterwards. "You tricked me!" the spider said in dismay.
"Oh get over it," Arachnid told it before moving onto the cats. Ringing bells filled the air as someone entered the shop. Arachnid ignored them and continued taking care of the cats.
A/N: And that my friends concludes the first chapter of this completely random and psychotic story. Want more laughs? Review and you shall recieve.