DISCLAIMER: Sunrise owns My-Hime and its characters.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This one-shot deals with something that happens to lesbians, but is not talked about. It has become the community's "dirty little secret."
Himitsu
I was finishing up my work for the day. The greasy rag hanging out of my back pocket was filthy, marking another busy day. I lost count of all the motorcycles I repaired today. It didn't really matter, since this was my life's second passion. That old saying about time flying when you're having fun is true, at least for me.
In the washroom, I stripped off my dirty overalls, washed up, and cleaned up my little shop. I gave the place a last once over, to make sure I didn't forget to do anything, then turned off the light and locked up. My Ducati sat patiently waiting for me. I hopped on and headed home to my life's first passion.
I pulled in the garage and parked my bike next to my wife's luxury sedan. Before I could open the garage door to the house, it opened and I was pounced on.
"My Natsuki," Shizuru wrapped her arms around my neck and purred in my ear.
"Oi Shizuru. Can't you wait until I'm at least in the house?"
"But Natsuki is just so adorable, I cannot help myself," Shizuru kissed my cheek, grabbed my hand, and pulled me inside the house.
For the past six months, since Shizuru came back into my life, I have been the happiest I have ever been.
A week later, I was thoroughly immersed in repairing a customer's Ducati when my mobile phone rang. It was on the counter and I was completely into the Ducati, so I let the call go to voicemail. I rarely get to work on a Ducati that isn't my own, so I stayed late to finish it. After I finished the repairs, I remembered I missed a call and checked my mobile. It was just Shizuru. Probably reminding me it was quitting time, but I checked the voicemail message she left. Oh shit, I completely forgot her parents are in town and coming for dinner tonight. I quickly washed up, locked up the shop, and sped home.
As I drove up to the house, I knew Shizuru's parents were no longer there. I pulled in the garage and parked my bike. Swallowing hard, I tentatively opened the garage door and peered inside. All the lights in the house were off, except for the one Shizuru left on for me when I worked late. I figured I was in a lot of trouble, but I checked the oven. If Shizuru was mad at me, it would be empty. I slowly opened the oven door and found the dinner plate Shizuru left for me. I let out the breath I was holding and took out the plate. From the looks of the food on the plate, Shizuru really outdid herself.
I turned on the kitchen light, grabbed an ice tea and my bottle of mayo from the refrigerator, and then sat down at the table. I took a drink from my ice tea and was about to squirt mayo on my dinner when I heard a familiar lilting voice.
"My Natsuki is not going to ruin the dinner I so diligently prepared, by covering it with mayo?"
"N-n-no Shizuru," I stammered and put down the bottle of mayo.
Shizuru sat down across from me.
"Natsuki missed dinner with my parents."
"Gomenasai Shizuru. I got caught up with repairing a Ducati and lost track of time," I said sheepishly and put some food in my mouth.
"Natsuki knew how much I wanted her home for this dinner," Shizuru evenly stated, but I could hear the anger in her voice.
"Hai," I softly said.
"What does Natsuki have to say for herself?"
"Gomenasai. Gomenasai I missed dinner with your parents."
Shizuru smiled.
"My Natsuki is forgiven."
Three months after graduating from Fuka Academy, Shizuru moved back to Kyoto, stating she could no longer be so close to me, yet so far. At the time, I wasn't anywhere near accepting her feelings for me. My internalized homophobia was in full bloom, so I didn't stop her. Looking back on the past two years without her, I wish I had.
The following week after I missed dinner with Shizuru's parents, I was in the middle of draining the oil tank of a Suzuki when my mobile phone rang. I glanced at the window and saw it was Shizuru. After quickly wiping my hands, I slid open the phone and answered.
"Hai Shizuru."
"Did my Natsuki lose track of time again?"
"Are your parents over tonight?"
"No, but Mai and Mikoto are."
"Damn! I'll be right home!" I yelled and closed my phone.
I quickly plugged the Suzuki's oil tank back up, cleaned up, locked up the shop, and rushed home.
I pulled in the garage, parked my bike, and burst through the garage door, nearly mowing down Shizuru.
"Ara, ara, Natsuki needs to be more careful," Shizuru half-heartedly teased as she held a platter of food over her head to keep it safe.
"Here, let me take that," I said and reached for the platter.
"Natsuki needs to go clean up first," Shizuru said, pulling the platter out of my reach and walking out to the dining room.
I sheepishly followed her out of the kitchen. I smiled at Mai and Mikoto on my way to the bathroom to clean up for dinner. The four of us had a wonderful dinner. The culinary skills Shizuru acquired while she was living in Kyoto were good enough to impress Mai. After dinner, the four of us watched some sappy romantic movie Shizuru had on DVD. Mai and Shizuru absolutely loved the movie, while Mikoto and I just didn't get it. Mai and Mikoto left an hour after the movie finished, because Mikoto was getting sleepy and Mai didn't want to have to carry the feral girl home.
After they left, I helped Shizuru clean up. I brought everything in from the dining room, while Shizuru loaded the dishwasher. I placed the final serving platter on the kitchen counter for Shizuru.
"That's the last of it. Do you need anything else?"
"Ookini Natsuki. Would you mind drying the hand-washed dishes?"
"Sure."
I reached for one of the platters in the drying rack. It slipped and crashed to the floor, shattering into several pieces.
"Gomenasai! Gomenasai! I'll clean it up!" I quickly apologized and ran off to get a broom.
"Natsuki, I will take care of it. Please leave it."
"No, I'll clean it up," I insisted as I began sweeping up the pieces with the broom I retrieved.
"Did Natsuki not hear me? I said I will take care of it later," Shizuru firmly said.
"No, I can do it," I continued sweeping and actually made the mess worse.
"Natsuki!" Shizuru commanded.
I froze and stared at Shizuru. She never raised her voice to me, ever.
"Please, let me," Shizuru softly said and reached for the broom in my hands.
I involuntarily flinched and timidly held out the broom to Shizuru, keeping my eyes on the floor.
"Natsuki?"
"Nani?" I said, never raising my eyes.
"Natsuki, look at me."
I slowly raised my eyes and looked at Shizuru.
"Why did my Natsuki flinch? Did she think I was going to hit her?"
I shook my head.
"Natsuki?" Shizuru said in that tone she used when she knew I was keeping something from her.
"No," I said and quickly left the kitchen.
Several minutes later, I heard the garage door open and close. I knew Shizuru had dumped the platter remnants. I continued to watch television, but had no idea what I was watching. Shizuru finished up in the kitchen, turned out the light, and joined me in the living room.
She sat down next to me on the couch.
"What is Natsuki watching?"
"The news, I think," I absently replied.
"Natsuki would have a better idea if she turned on the volume," Shizuru teased.
"I guess so," I smiled and hit the mute button on the remote.
Shizuru and I watched the news in silence. Afterwards, we went to bed.
I quickly undressed and jumped into bed. Shizuru went through her nightly ritual and slipped into bed a few minutes later. I was turned on my side, trying to get to sleep. Shizuru wrapped her arm around my waist and drew me in. She snuggled up behind me and we fell asleep.
The next day, Shizuru let me sleep in late, as she always did on Saturday. This morning, I woke up thirty minutes early, so I lazed in bed and waited for Shizuru to come wake me at ten o'clock as usual.
Ten o'clock came and went, but Shizuru didn't come wake me. I got dressed and went downstairs to find her. I found her in the kitchen with her face buried in her hands.
"Shizuru?" I softly asked.
"Natsuki!" Shizuru yelped startled.
"What's wrong? You didn't come to wake me up."
"Kannin na Natsuki. I was speaking to a young lady named Elise," Shizuru's voice was strained.
I could feel my entire body begin to tremble and my stomach went sour. It felt as if all the blood drained from my body, but I was too scared to move. I didn't remember hearing the telephone ring, but then I saw my mobile phone sitting on the table next to Shizuru.
"Natsuki, who is Elise?" Shizuru asked and I could hear the jealousy dripping from her voice.
"A friend," I lied.
"Just a friend?" Shizuru skeptically asked.
"A young American woman I met while you were in Kyoto," I elaborated a bit.
"Were you lovers?" Shizuru bluntly asked.
I didn't know what to say, so I stood silent.
"Na-tsu-ki? I asked you a question," Shizuru tersely said.
"N-n-no," I lied.
"That is not what Elise told me," Shizuru angrily said.
I closed my eyes and prayed for death.
"Elise informed me she is your ex-lover!" Shizuru raised her voice and slammed her palms down on the table.
The sound startled me and my body began to involuntarily tremble again. I felt sick to my stomach and ran to the kitchen sink. I leaned in and emptied my stomach. I reached up and turned on the faucet, rinsing down the sink, and washing out my mouth. Afterwards, I turned to return to the kitchen table, but nearly ran into Shizuru, who was now standing next to me.
"Oi, Shizuru."
"Natsuki, are you ill?"
"No."
"Nerves?"
I stared into Shizuru's eyes.
"Nervous about your ex-lover Elise?"
Hearing her name sent my body into spasms again. I began to shake and my legs gave out. I crumpled onto the kitchen floor. Shizuru knelt down and stared at me.
"Natsuki?"
"Hai."
"Ah, so, then Natsuki had better get control over her nerves, because her ex-lover Elise is coming for a visit tomorrow."
"NANI?" I exclaimed.
"Hai."
I felt sick again and curled up into a tight ball on the kitchen floor, once again, praying for death.
"My Natsuki has nothing to worry about. I am looking forward to meeting her ex-lover," Shizuru said with venom in her voice.
My body started violently shaking and I began to sweat.
"Natsuki? Are you alright? You look terrible," Shizuru said with genuine concern.
"No," I weakly said.
Before I could stop her, Shizuru called for an ambulance and I was rushed to the emergency ward of the local hospital.
When we arrived at the emergency ward, the paramedics transferred me onto a gurney in a small examination room to wait for the on-call doctor to see me. Shizuru stood next to me, holding my hand.
"So, Kuga-san? You passed out?"
I looked in the direction of the female voice and paled.
"H-h-hai sensei."
"Well, let me take a look at you," the doctor looked up from her clipboard, looked at me, and then immediately looked at Shizuru.
Shizuru looked at the doctor puzzled.
"Natsuki-san?"
"Hai Mizuno-sensei."
"Who is this?"
"This is Fujino Shizuru, my wife."
"Stay or go?"
"She can stay."
Shizuru looked at me, the doctor, and back at me, utterly confused.
"Why are you in my emergency ward again? I thought I told you I didn't want to see you again after the last time?"
"You did," I sheepishly responded.
Shizuru stood watching us confused and frustrated.
"Then why are you here?" Mizuno-sensei teased.
"I passed out."
"At least you look alright, but let me take a better look at you," Mizuno-sensei said as she lifted my hospital gown and looked at my body.
"See, I just passed out."
"It's nice to see you without bruises for once," Mizuno-sensei said.
"BRUISES?" Shizuru asked rather loudly.
"Natsuki-san?" Mizuno-sensei asked.
"You can tell her," I acquiesced.
"Yes, several bruises and a couple of broken ribs. Natsuki-san was a regular here a little while ago."
"Natsuki, were you motorcycle racing again?" Shizuru asked.
"I wish she were, since that would've justified the severity of her injuries, but alas, she wasn't."
"How?" Shizuru asked, now very confused.
The doctor looked at me for permission to tell Shizuru. I looked down at my feet. Shizuru gave the doctor an impatient look. After several minutes, I finally nodded.
"Domestic violence," Mizuno-sensei stated.
"Domestic violence? Was Natsuki seeing a man as well?" Shizuru asked, very livid.
"No," I softly said.
Shizuru stared at me and the doctor, her eyes wide with confusion. The doctor sighed.
"Natsuki-san was being beaten by her girlfriend, Elise," Mizuno-sensei said.
Shizuru reeled backwards from the news and fell into the chair behind her.
"A woman? A woman beat my Natsuki?" Shizuru uncharacteristically mumbled.
I gave the doctor a pleading look and she nodded.
"Fujino-san?" Mizuno-sensei softly asked.
"Hai?" Shizuru distractedly responded.
"Fujino-san?" Mizuno-sensei asked a bit louder, trying to bring Shizuru out of her shock.
Shizuru shook her head a few times and looked up at the doctor.
"Natsuki? How could you let that happen?" Shizuru asked.
I looked at the doctor.
"I'll leave you two alone. You obviously need to talk. I'll be back in thirty minutes."
I leaned my head back on the pillow and looked at the ceiling. I felt tears roll down the sides of face.
"Shi-zu-ru, I didn't let it happen," I said, never taking my eyes off the ceiling.
I could see Shizuru staring at me out of the corner of my eye.
"It started out innocently enough. One day, we were talking and something I said set her off, so she punched me in the arm. I didn't think anything of it at the time. About two weeks later, in her apartment, we were talking and something I said set her off again. She punched me in the stomach. I was shocked and ran out of her apartment. The next day, she sent flowers with an apology and asked me to meet her. We met in a public place and she apologized. She promised it would never happen again."
"Natsuki, did you see her again?"
I nodded my head and Shizuru closed her eyes in pain.
"A few weeks later, we were in her car headed for a movie. Once again, something I said set her off and she punched me in the arm. Unfortunately, I could not just get out of a moving car, so I was at her mercy. She continued to punch me as she drove. Shizuru…"
I looked over at Shizuru. Her eyes were closed and tears rolled down her cheeks.
"She beat me so badly; she was forced to bring me here to be treated. That was the first time I met Mizuno-sensei, but not the last."
Shizuru opened her eyes and looked at me. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.
"You know I pride myself on being a tough person, but I was terrified of her. She threatened to kill me if I told anyone and hurt anyone I told. I tried to stop seeing her, but she threatened to hurt my friends. I honestly believed her threats. Shizuru, no one warns women about domestic violence from other women. They only tell you to be careful of men. I never thought another woman, who claimed to love me, could brutalize me. I was SO ashamed."
I wiped the tears from my eyes with my sleeve and closed my eyes.
"Natsuki, was there anyone you could have told?"
"Not that I felt I could safely. I didn't want to put anyone in danger. I didn't even tell Mizuno-sensei, until my third visit for the broken ribs. That scrappy little doctor was relentless with her questioning. I finally confessed I sustained the broken ribs when Elise repeatedly kicked me after knocking to the ground in the park."
I lifted my sleeve to wipe my eyes again, but I felt a handkerchief dab away the tears. I opened my eyes and saw Shizuru standing next to the gurney. I weakly smiled at her and she returned an equally weak smile. Our eyes locked.
"The violence stopped when she was transferred to another military base."
I could not look Shizuru in the eyes anymore, so I looked down at my feet.
"Shizuru…after you left, I honestly did not know if I would ever see you again. I realized and accepted my lesbianism too late. I met Elise in a bar very soon after I came out to myself. If I could take everything back, I would, but I can't…"
I broke down and sobbed. Shizuru stood looking at me for several minutes before speaking.
"Natsuki? Did you love her?"
"No. I loved…love you and only you."
Shizuru smiled and took my hand. I looked up at her and smiled back. She raised her hand and brought my hand to her lips.
"Ladies? I hate to kick you out, but we have other folks in need of my charming bedside manner," Mizuno-sensei said as she walked in.
The doctor gave me a prescription for a mild sedative and told me she didn't want to see me there again.
Shizuru and I took a taxi home. The ride was silent as we were both lost in our own thoughts.
Once we got home, Shizuru helped me to bed and gave me one of the pills. She headed to the bathroom to begin her nightly ritual. By the time she slipped into bed, the pill was kicking in and I could barely keep my eyes open. Shizuru wrapped her arm around my waist, pulled me tightly into her, and kissed the side of my neck.
"Shizuru?" I groggily asked.
"My Natsuki?"
"What about tomorrow?"
"My Natsuki has nothing to worry about. I am looking forward to meeting her ex," Shizuru said with venom in her voice.