Just a one-shot/drabble that plagued me when I was trying to sleep. I had to write it down, else I might have gone mad. Takes place, erm, ten to twenty minutes after Rociel's death. Obvious spoilers. Erm, oh. Concerning Katan's way of speaking to Rociel, "-sama" has been replaced by "Lord" since, well, Heaven isn't Japan.
The reality of my death wasn't as surprising as it should have been. I closed my eyes and that was it. My long life—by human and possibly angel standards, I suppose—ended in the literal blink of an eye. When I opened them, all I could see was black. Was this Hades? That didn't surprise me, either, really. I just hoped I'd spend my after-life with him. The Angel of Death must have found it fit to send me to Hades, and who was I, a deceased angel—even though I am, or was, the Inorganic Angel—to challenge his decision?
"Lord Rociel?" A voice, hauntingly familiar, asked near my ear. Too familiar, but, it couldn't be. There was no way, in Heaven, Earth, or Hell he would be in Hades.
Then, with a start, I realized I hadn't opened my eyes. When I did, the beautiful face of my Cherubim came into view, hovering about a foot above me. He seemed worried and joyful. The worriness left his face when he realized I was alright, so to speak.
"Katan?" I whispered in disbelief. Slowly, I sat up, using Katan's outstretched hand for support. When Katan nodded that he was, infact, Katan, I felt myself on the verge of tears. A terrible pain—sorrow—like I had never known washed over my heart, wrapping its fingers around it and squeezing it in a death grip. My traitorous eyes filled with tears that I blinked, feeling the warm liquid roll down my cheeks.
Katan seemed concerned. Little did he know that that hurt the most. With an anguished cry, I threw myself at him, arms encircling around his waist. I wept, clutching him to my body like a drowning man does a life preserver. My poor, confused Cherubim held me, whispering words of comfort that fell on deaf ears. "Katan," I gasped, pulling back and wiping at my eyes and cheeks. "How—how can you stand to be near me after all the things I have done?" I finally asked him, a question that had been racing through my mind since the beginning of this mess. "How can you comfort me after I have taken your life?!"
Katan took several long moments to consider his answer. When he finally spoke up, he said in his usual, loving voice, "Because, Lord Rociel... I know, all those things you have done to make me hate you, to leave you, you did because you wanted me to be safe." He bit his lip, fixing his gaze to the grass beneath us. "I have never been afraid to die, Lord Rociel. From the beginning, I was never meant to 'live' at all. You—you gave me life. And by all rights, you should be allowed to take it."
"I never wanted to, though!" I cried, my fingers clutching his shirt tight enough to make my knuckles white. "I wanted you to live! I wanted you to surpass mine and everyone else's expectations of you. I—I... I..." I trailed off, throat constricted.
Smiling, albeit sadly, Katan said, "I know... And that is why I feel no anger towards you."
Not knowing what to say, or to do, I wrapped my arms around Katan's neck, lifting myself up onto my knees to reach him, holding him as tightly as I could without breaking any bones or bruising his skin—Can someone who's dead feel pain? I wondered absently. After a moment, I pulled back and kissed Katan, chastely, on the lips before hugging him to my breast again, whispering "I love you" over and over and over.
"I love you as well, Lord Rociel, with all my heart and soul," Katan said, hugging him just as fiercely as I held him.
And, for the first time in my life, I truly felt beautiful.