Fandom: Kuroko no Basuke
Characters/Pairings: Midorima, Kise
Words: 846
Summary: Today is not Midorima's day.
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"Hey! Midorimacchi!" an annoying voice yells. "Come help me out with something."
"Why are you here," Midorima despairs, praying dearly to the powers that be that this was merely an illusion, a helpful sign that perhaps he should get his eyes checked, that Kise would not actually dare to desecrate his sacred source of lucky items with his presence.
Unfortunately, "I'm here to get my lucky item, of course!" Kise answers, confirming Midorima's deepest fears. "I saw that Gemini was number one today, so I figured maybe I could finally get Kurokocchi to go out with me."
"Please don't use Oha-asa for such perverted purposes, and disappear from my sight at once," Midorima says quickly, deeply regretting the accuracy of Oha-asa's predictions for the first time. Cancer had been sadly proclaimed dead last today, citing unpleasant surprises and a need to keep a stiff upper lip. Had Midorima only known it would reach this extent, he would have gone and bought every cute cat mascot character instead taking the time to determine the best one as he was doing now.
"Ehh," Kise whines, certainly fulfilling the 'unpleasant' part of Midorima's day. "But I thought you'd be glad to see me finally buying into your horoscope stuff!"
"The only thing I would be glad to see you do is to leave me alone," Midorima corrects, with much feeling.
"That's mean, Midorimacchi," Kise says, turning on his crocodile tears. "I thought we were friends."
"Don't be an idiot," Midorima says, settling for a limited edition Hello Kitty doll. He still had slight doubts about how much cuter it was over the others, but, anything to end this farce. "Now," Midorima says, once Hello Kitty has been properly purchased and perched on his palm, "if you'll excuse me, I'd like to not see you again unless absolutely necessary."
"Wait, wait," Kise pleads, swiftly moving in front of him and blocking the path to salvation. "Just help me get my lucky item, and I swear I won't bother you again for today, okay?"
"Make it forever and you have a deal," Midorima agrees. Surely if he were to endure this trial now, there would be no further need to test his resolve? Oha-asa would doubtfully betray him like that, especially since he has already acquired his lucky item for the day, as well as every day before it, and every day to come. Oha-asa would never be that cruel to a devoted follower, Midorima assures himself. "Come on, let's get this over with."
"Okay!" Kise exclaims. "This'll be real quick, I promise. Thanks, Midorimacchi!"
Midorima sighs, reaching for his glasses. The day has just begun, he reminds himself. There shall plenty of time later on to make up for this unpleasantness. With that, "You can show me your gratitude instead by explaining why you need my assistance in the first place," he says. "Your lucky item should be simple enough to obtain.
"Ah, well, that's the thing," Kise says. "I kinda zoned out after hearing I was number one, so…"
"How do you live with yourself," Midorima says, aghast at such a blatant display of incompetence. "It should have been relatively easy for you to just look it up on the internet."
"Whoops," Kise laughs. "I didn't think about that one. Sorry?" he offers, clapping his hands together.
Why am I surrounded by idiots, Midorima wonders, burying his face into his palm. "Your lucky item is a wooden picture frame."
"You mean like this one?" Kise asks, grabbing a frame from one of the tables.
"Are you stupid," Midorima says. "That's clearly made from synthetic wood."
"Well, sorry," Kise harrumphs, pouting and crossing his arms like a petulant child. Midorima questions earnestly exactly what it is the female population sees in him.
"Here," Midorima sighs, shoving an antique oak frame into Kise's chest. "Now get out of my sight."
"Thanks again, Midorimacchi!" Kise beams, taking the frame into his hands and running to the counter to pay for his purchase.
Finally, Midorima thinks, reaching for the exit and into the rest of his misfortune-free day.
"Ah, wait up, Midorimacchi!" an annoying voice yells. "Wait for me!"
"What is it now," Midorima despairs. "I thought we had an agreement."
"Well, yeah," Kise says, shrugging, "but you're on your way to school, right?"
"What does that have to do with anything," Midorima says, affronted.
"Well, Takaocchi isn't with you, so that means you'll have to take the train, right?" Kise explains. "I need to ride one to Kaijou too, so I figured we could—"
"No."
"You're always such a kidder, Midorimacchi," Kise laughs, being either selectively oblivious, braindead, or both. Midorima can never really tell. "I honestly don't get why people say you don't have a sense of humor, you know? Ah, by the way, you think if I put a picture of Kurokocchi in the frame, it would increase my chances later? I should have one this size somewhere around here…"
Midorima wonders if Kise's corpse would be a good enough offering for Cancer to never be last place again.