Alive

One-Shot

Rating: K+

Genre: Romance/Tragedy.

Summary: I was dead inside…until her. Until her blue eyes made me live again; made me love again. InuXKag.

Alive

Darkness.

That's all I know, that's all that existed in my world. That's a lie. I knew cold as well. The feeling of numbing pain that took over whenever I looked deep into the darkness. There was nothing else.

No…that's a lie as well.

Above all else there was pain; pain of being alone, of the cold and of the darkness. No matter how much I tried and struggled, no matter how much strength I had, I was always devoured by pain. It was like a chain, shackling me to my spot, not allowing me to move or breathe.

It was my punishment.

I was a beast. I was a demon.

I wasn't allowed the pleasure of the light. Did I even know what the light looked like anymore? No, I suppose I didn't. I don't remember what warmth felt like either. I just know, on the tip of my tongue, how beautiful it was.

No, beautiful was something else. Beautiful was her. I can't remember her name anymore. I can't remember much but I remember her presence. I remember running my hand through her long black hair, holding her close. I remember her blue stormy eyes that raged with a fierce determination yet held an unyielding softness in them.

Softness.

That was something else I missed.

Her skin was always soft and warm, too. She was the opposite of everything I knew. She was good. I remember her smile; it always made my heart leap. It was a good feeling. I remember her hands in mine, or her body close to me.

What was her name?

I wish I remembered. I wish I could say it again, but I'm not allowed to speak. I can't. There's no sound that ever leaves my mouth, not even a scream of agony. Just silence. That's something else I know. I know silence. I know the deafening silence that surrounds me. It's always there, lingering.

But not when I was with her.

I remember her laughter. It was…like bells. Small bells that made me want to listen to it again and again. There was never silence with her. There were always sounds, laughter and heart beats.

Heart beats…

The rhythm I almost forgot. Do I have a heart beat anymore?

No, I'm dead inside, aren't I?

But not with her. I was alive with her.

I was warm…I saw light.

I knew love.

Love. That word is so familiar, I know it don't I? Or at least I did with her. I knew a lot of things with her. But she's not here.

I don't know anything.

But I know love. I have to. My heart used to beat with that word. It beat with that feeling of pure happiness. Is that the right word? Happiness? It feels familiar yet not.

Love. I feel like that word unleashes something in me; a feeling that I can't describe but something opposite of the dark. Something that isn't light, no, it's better. It's a feeling that makes me soar, makes me feel strong, as if the chains that have wrapped around my body are vanishing.

I like that word…Love.

I can feel wetness, from my eyes. What was that? Tears...crying…she used to cry for me. She cried because she felt pain for me. I don't want her to hurt though. I want her to smile; to laugh and push away the silence. Did she cry because she knew I was here? Did she cry because she knew that I would never see her face again…

Or remember her name?

What is it…I have to remember it. Her name reminds me of that feeling; of love. A burst of light within the darkness. An ember of warmth within the cold. The sound of laughter within the silence.

The happiness within my life.

I need to remember it, just that before I die, before the darkness takes over and I forget how to live anymore. I haven't forgotten to live, not yet. I haven't forgotten the blue skies, the sound of laughing friends…

Friends.

That's another word I know. It's like family. She was family? No. That's the wrong word.

She was home.

There. That's the word. She was home. She was my home. And them…the other girl, the other male, the small boy. Were they family? No...and yes…they were apart of home. Why can't I remember their faces? I can remember their presence though. I remember their voices. I remember the feeling of…

Of happiness with them.

They broke away the chains, they gave me light to see and they wrapped me in their hearts, fighting at the cold. There was no pain. Not with them.

There was worry. Is that the word? Yes…and concern? Concern over what?

Worry and concern…over their well being? I wanted to…to protect them. I wanted to keep them by my side. They helped me. They saved me.

They loved me.

I loved them too…but different from her. Her love was stronger. Her love made me feel…

Alive.

Her love made my pulse quicken, not in fear though. Her love made my heart beat. Her love made me remember. I remembered with her. I remembered happiness with her. I could feel with her.

There was more then pain with her.

There was beauty.

She was beauty.

What was her name?

I need to know it. I need to remember.

The chains are tightening. The darkness is growing. The cold is suffocating me and the silence is still there. The end is coming though, isn't it? I'm dying, aren't I?

Then please, before I die, let me remember.

"I love you."

Those were her words. Those words she gave to me. And I held them to my heart. I held them to my soul. I never forgot those words. She gave them to me. How could I forget something so beautiful?

I want to break this silence. I want to say them back. Let me say them back. Let me say them to her. Let me give her those words…

But she can't receive them. She's gone.

Is that why I'm here?

Because she isn't there anymore?

Yes. Her heart stopped beating.

And so did mine. The chains are hurting. I want them off. Someone help me, someone take them off, please. I'm so numb, I can't move, someone please help me. Help me take them off...

No one's coming though. I know they won't. They're all gone. My family is dead. My home is gone. I need to remember. I need someone to trust.

Trust?

That's a painful word. Trust. What is that? I trusted her, didn't I? I trusted them, didn't I? Yes. I trusted them. What does that word mean? I don't know, but it fits.

Just like it fits to say that I love them.

I love her.

It's getting harder to breathe. I can feel the darkness again, the cold. I can't breathe. The chains are at my throat. Someone save me…

Someone tell me her name.

I can feel it. My life, or what's left of it, is draining away. Fleeting memories pass me. I remember trust, happiness and friendship. I remember them. I can feel the chains tightening but it's soothing now. I'm lying down and I can't feel anything. I can't feel the pain anymore.

I can hear them…I can hear their voices…

"Trust." The other woman.

"Happiness." The male.

"Family!" The boy.

"Love." Her.

I can feel the end. I'm almost there. I'll be with them again, won't I? I'm coming. I'm almost there...just a little further...

Just wait.

"...Kagome…"

And then, I was alive.

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A/N: Not sure what prompt me to write that. There's something about this piece though, that I like. Like its InuYasha's nightmares, the fear he harbours. He's afraid of the darkness, of the cold and of the silence. He's afraid he'll forget the ones that gave him life.

But that won't happen, will it.

Take care,

Vixen