A/N: This is absolutely ridiculous and I am absolutely not sorry. Enjoy!

This is it, Lance thought to himself as he dodged a stray blast from a Galra laser-gun. This is how we all die.

Sure, he'd thought that same thing thousands of times over the years, but now? Now, he was serious.

As Keith dueled a warlord in his peripheral, Lance chanced a look over his shoulder at Pidge.

Her brow furrowed in concentration as she looked between her bayard and the ship's frame. Muttering calculations under her breath, she cast her bayard upward, grappling a rod overhead, hoisting herself up so she could land a swift kick to a soldier's solar plexus. Even as she leaned forward, her sweaty hair clung to her forehead. Blood was splattered across the cheek, either from a galra or her own wound. She was beautiful, and if they ever made it out of this alive, Lance was going to marry her.

Heck, why wait until they made it out? Lance could marry her now.

"Hey, Pidge?" he called as he elbowed a galra in the face (who promptly fell to the floor unconscious).

As her eyes met his, she took a half-hearted swipe at her face, but that only smeared the blood and sweat. "Yeah?" she replied as she shocked a passing galra.

Soldiers were closing in from all sides. Even with Hunk managing long-range defence and Keith, Shiro, and Allura all fighting hand-to-hand, they were still vastly outnumbered. Coran had even joined the fight, landing a blow here and there from the back.

A galra swung at Lance's head, and he ducked. Shooting the soldier in the shoulder, he asked, "wanna marry me?"

She spluttered, nearly losing her footing as she dodged a stray laser blast. "What?!" They'd been dating for months now, but neither of them had ever brought up marriage. Lance couldn't blame her for being caught off guard.

As a soldier charged at her, Lance shot him in the back, approaching Pidge as the galra sunk to the ground. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, he repeated himself. "Wanna get married?" he murmured into her ear, drawing his bayard over her shoulder to shoot an advancing soldier.

Despite the impending doom, Pidge stifled a laugh. "Are you sure now's the best time?" She drew away from him, but her left hand gripped his as she continued to dodge stray blasts and oncoming galra fighters.

"It might be the only time!" Lance shot back as someone swung at his head. There were enough soldiers in close proximity now that his blaster had started to become a hindrance, so he formed his broadsword instead, jabbing the soldier before they managed to land a blow.

Waiting for a free moment, he swung Pidge around to look at him again, sure to check over her shoulder for danger. "Look, Pidge, I love you, and I want to marry you. I've made my choice. What's yours?"

Pidge looked right at him, amber eyes blazing with some inscrutable passion. She wasn't wearing her glasses and her helmet had long since fallen off, so there was no barrier between her eyes and his own. Lance stifled a shiver, intimidated.

Finally Pidge leveled him with a grin, then turned away. "Coran!"

Coran? That was her choice? Lance didn't even know how to respond to that.

"Yes?" Coran shouted from a higher level, fighting off three soldiers at the same time.

Pidge wrapped an arm around Lance's shoulder, smiling at him then at Coran. "Marry us!"

Oh. That made more sense.

Coran raised an eyebrow. "Er, I'm a bit busy at the moment," he said, elbowing a galra in the arm before pushing another off the ledge he was standing on.

"C'mon, Coran!" Lance yelled back. "This might be our last chance!"

Coran stared at him askance for a moment before shaking his head. "Fine, then!" he cried, running down the ledge to get back onto the lower level. "Dearly beloved-" He cut off, parrying a blow as he sprinted down the stairs. "We are gathered here today to- hammer your heads in like a baroxigan neospizzle, you long-faced sneerlacked bumble-fissures!" He broke off again, dodging another hit.

Pidge scoffed. "Romantic."

Lance sliced a galra's gun in two, then shrugged. "Hey, you're the one who asked Coran to do it. I would've gone for Shiro."

"Shiro's knocked out," she pointed out, motioning over to where Keith and Hunk were defending his unconscious body. "We would've had to ask Hunk or Allura to substitute. Or Keith."

The thought of Keith officiating his wedding was enough for Lance to back down. "Fine, fine. Katie 'Pidge' Holt, do you take me to be your husband."

"I do."

"Awesome!" Lance proclaimed as he swung his sword over Pidge's head, taking down yet another galra.

Pidge, still grasping his left hand, turned so they were back-to-back. "Lance Alvarez!" she shouted overtop the sound of laser-guns. "Do you take me to be your wife-"

She swung her bayard with a grunt, tazing a huge, furry galra at least twice her size.

"In sickness and in health-"

Glad to have someone covering his back (while saying her vows, no less), Lance switched his bayard back to a rifle and took aim as Pidge dodged another blast.

"With health being the less likely," she muttered under her breath, which earned a dark laugh from Lance. "Till death do us part?"

Lance swiveled back to face her again. "I do."

In the heat of battle, Lance had almost forgotten that Coran was still marrying them, but at his words, the man spoke up. "Then I pronounce you…." Either he trailed off, or his voice was too garbled by the sudden sound of alarms to hear what came next.

Alarms probably weren't a good sign.

"You may now kiss!" Coran told them, though he was facing a brutish galra soldier who didn't seem too interested in kissing.

Pidge leaned up to kiss Lance, but he had to break away to fire at a galra behind her head. They continued like that for a few minutes, trying to lean in, only to be interrupted by the battle around them.

Finally, Coran exclaimed, "just kiss!" and Lance just went for it. He grabbed Pidge's shoulders and pulled her in, kissing her deeply.

The chaos seemed to fade into the background as Pidge kissed him back, open-mouthed and heated as their noses nudged against each other. How neither of them got wounded in that moment, Lance would never know, but he didn't care. He and Pidge were married, and that was all he could ever ask for.

If they didn't make it out of there, he could die in peace knowing he'd gotten married to the love of his life.