Rating: R for bad language
Challenge note: This is a response to the Tracy Imzadi Challenge and my own J/P challenge. And I do believe that this is my first attempt at writing first person so I have no clue how Janeway it actually sounds.
WARNING: I don't consider it slash but Kathryn does kind of hint that she was attracted to Seven. You can just ignore that if you want to. I'd also like to apologize for calling God a Voyeur.
Welcome Home with a Bang
Chapter 1
Bang
So many people are saying that's how it ended, with the Borg cube exploding. My opinion is that that was where it began. A seven-year journey had almost ceased to be a narrative with a beginning and an end and had been replaced with my life. With that realization came such shock at being back in the Alpha Quadrant and being handed back the life I had before. Suddenly that began to feel abnormal and more like a work of fiction I'd stepped into than Voyager had. I can't help but think of Harry who experienced life on earth as if he'd never been on Voyager, courtesy of an alien species. I can only imagine how he felt during that experience, but I can imagine it a lot clearer now.
"My God, It's huge" That's what Tom said when we were first back on Earth. The universe we'd crossed in seven years, may have been large, but nothing was more distinctly grand in stature than the blue sky of earth, viewed from the bottom up. The difference between being alone in the Delta Quadrant with only us few hundred and unknown amounts of unknown had been daunting. Now, in sector 001, standing on Terran soil and surrounded by trillions of Federation people and places, that was what seemed huge.
That and the responsibilities and tasks we faced now. We'd returned to Earth in the center of 36 proud Starfleet vessels. I wasn't really giving the orders at that point. Maybe I was a bit shell-shocked and just parroted everything Admiral Paris said until Voyager was docked. Now I can't help but think that maybe that's all I did through most of my career until I met the Caretaker. Either way, I know Tom was at the helm and I know everyone was watching me and I know I was allowed a certain amount of uncertainty and shock after everything; at least, that's what the Counselor keeps telling me anyway. Have I mentioned the Counseling yet? Don't worry. If the Borg, Kazon and Hirogen hadn't driven me crazy then I wasn't destined for the loony bin quite yet, although, I'm sure there would have been some sad poetry about that. No, the Counseling is a requirement of having been on any deep space mission, although I'm so glad that as Captain of Voyager, I'm getting a little bit of special treatment for my, less than typical deep space voyage.
Do I sound a tad bitter? I'm sorry, I'll think about doing something about that.
But yes, after Voyager docked, we were all given thorough medical examinations at the lunar space station orbiting Earth. No telling what we brought back from the other side of space you see. Within 48 hours of examinations and rest, I was sitting at a desk across from Owen. It seemed that my first hurdle wouldn't be so high thankfully. I was dreading the tedium of recounting and defending my every action over the past seven years, but at least Admiral Paris would have already read all my logs by now, as well as those from the rest of the senior staff, so there would be no need to tell stories.
Well except for the part where I'd married his son anyway.
Oh, speaking of marriage and love and things, I should probably note that B'Elanna is fine. She and Harry and baby Miral are still at the medical facility on Lunar Station with the doctor. Extra time had to be taken to review Voyager's last official child. Tom and I are going up to visit them when things cool down a bit. It wouldn't do for us to ignore our godchild would it?
But we should get back to my own weary tale. Did you notice me sidetracking to happier topics? The meeting with Owen went well. It was just prep for the next round of action. My concern for the crew was satisfied for the moment. He assured me that the Federation judicial council had met a few months before and based on my own logs sent ahead, and the secondary logs of Tuvok, they had decreed that the former Voyager Maquis would not be tried for their involvement in that group. The death of the Maquis movement years before was a factor, as were my own words, but the real truth behind their pardon lay in the lack of outrage over the Maquis in general public opinion and the somewhat broken spirit of the Federation after the wars which we missed.
Broken spirit of the Federation. That sounds a lot worse than it really is but that's how I'm forced to see it. This isn't quite the same place I remember, or did I just change? Lets drop that topic shall we.
I'll never forget the look on Owen's face when he read the official ship report list, which listed the marriage of Kathryn Janeway, Captain, to Thomas Robert Paris, Lieutenant. He read it right in front of me for the first time. It may have said marriage and life commitment and flowers to someone else but I can tell you Owen's face said exactly what he was thinking. Fucking. Kathryn and Tom are fucking. I was amused at this, totally. I never really honestly thought he'd be immediately accepting of us and I'd decided, with a little encouragement from my husband, that it didn't matter. But nonetheless, Owen wasn't pleased. I saw his thoughts on how this all came about, shifting between me taking advantage of Tom or Tom taking advantage of me. Right about when he couldn't decide which had actually occurred, he realized that we were probably well suited. In typical fashion for Admiral Paris, he ignored it for the rest of the meeting. I wasn't offended; I was expecting it.
With all that out of the way, we had the parade. Tom and I saw each other for the first time since stepping off Voyager. We were on the bridge; he looked a little nervous about me having met his father already, and having subtly sprung the news. Tom's visit with his dad in the station sickbay had been less eventful, seeing as it had been before my meeting. I rolled my eyes and winked. It was pretty much all I could do at the moment.
Tom smiled.
Dear God,
I'd like to inform you that Tom Paris smiled at me today. Yes, I know this is just one of 50 billion communiqués I send you on a daily basis, but this is just one incredible smile I got today and I just wanted to thank you for giving that boy such nice teeth and such beautiful eyes. Don't worry. I'll be thanking Tom later privately. No peeking.
-Kathryn Janeway.
Anyway, Voyager entered a low orbit around earth and then entered the atmosphere. Tom was living high and enjoying himself. I was feeling a lot better myself having step two of coming home complete. If you tell anyone else this I'll deny it but in the first year of being in the Delta Quadrant I used to stay up late and dream about getting home. Ok, that's not the embarrassing part. Everyone did a lot of thinking about the Alpha Quadrant those first years. No, the embarrassing part is the list I made, the to-do list of things to do when we got back. Task 1 was get the crew and ship back to the Alpha Quadrant. (Check) Task 2 was to have my first debriefing interview (check) Task 3 was to have a parade or party or something. Some days I had to revise this list and change Task 3 to 'attend my court-martial hearing' but those were cynical days.
Tom didn't crash Voyager into the bridge or any tall buildings so I'd say it was a good evening. We docked Voyager back at lunar station and all 145 of us beamed down to the surface into the nicest hotel San Francisco had to offer. We weren't being released to our very, very long shore leave yet. Head Quarters demanded a complete psychological review of all of us before we got a break. This would also include meetings and reviews to decide how to deal with certain "elements" of the Voyager crew. That was okay for me. I wouldn't have been able to relax if I didn't know that everything was going to work out all right for Seven and the Doctor.
Tom and I got the honeymoon suite. I knew Owen had a sense of humor in him. I won't dare call it a kind streak.
This was when I met the Counselor. Deanna Troi, being one of the finest in her field as well as a decorated Commander on the Enterprise was given the lovely task of evaluating the entire senior staff. I'll gladly admit it; we are 'special cases'.
I'll admit something else too. I was looking forward to laying my story on the ears of someone paid to listen. An objective pair of ears whom I don't command or nibble on was right up there on my Christmas list. (But while I'm admitting to things, Tom's sensitive ears are a joy anytime)
I met Deanna in her temporary office in Fleet Headquarters. It was rather large and very nice but was still quite obviously a temporary place of business. Deanna had a few statues around, a nice painting, a few trinkets on her desk and several very comfortable couches and chairs. I liked her immediately.
I'll spare you the dialogue of our meeting but it went something like this: She introduced herself, I did the same, she offered me an alien pastry of some type with cream cheese on it. She had one too and made some bizarre face when she ate it. This lead to a brief conversation on a bet she made with her husband about a month without chocolate. It was an icebreaker.
But cream cheesy pastries were not the reason I benefited from talking to Deanna. She didn't want to hear the same dreary tale about my exploits and decisions across the galaxy. Even though I was ready to tell them, Deanna hit straight to the things that were probably bothering me by starting with the only sure and certain truth in my life. We talked about Tom.
I told her about hearing about him from the elder Paris during my Academy days and later under his command. I told her about that day in Auckland and my now questionable motivations for getting him out of prison. Deanna locked her brown eyes on to mine and said that It wasn't a problem in the least and that Fleet wouldn't have approved that decision seven years ago if it hadn't been a sound and just decision.
Well I don't need to tell you that that was a load off my mind. I thought I'd been relieved when Tom had received official confirmation of his free status from all former charges and time served in prison, and yet, this seemingly inconsequential statement had made all the difference in the world.
Counseling went uphill from there with only occasional bumps in the road.
Discussions of Tom and our lives together led to a slight detour into informality where Deanna fought the urge to gush about her husband. She married Will Riker if you can believe that. I told her about my one ill-fated first date with the man and somewhere along the line we both had trouble breathing from the giggles. I was giggling which was something I dearly missed.
From this comfortable cone we ventured out into the things I felt guilty about. I felt guilty about those we lost on the mission, although I must admit, I felt a lot better compared to what my future self must have. We talked about that too. Things a different Kathryn Janeway confessed to me, things I wasn't prepared to deal with. We talked about Seven as much as I'd allow. I'm still shocked that I'd prevented her death by going back in time and destroying the Borg Hub. It's not surprising to me that I would do that for Seven but it forces me to define our relationship as something which I don't think it can be. I am her teacher, mother, captain, one time possible lover and friend and I was scared of how our change in venue would affect this woman whom I loved very deeply. It's all a bit overwhelming still.
She and Chakotay are going through this same process and Seven will be working with Deanna at Fleet Command and the Academy for a few more months to fully learn how to live within the Federation. I heard a rumor that she's going to accept a private science posting somewhere or another. I'll know the plans are certain when either she or Chakotay calls us. Of course Chakotay will follow her, although I've heard other rumors among the upper echelons that Fleet is going to offer to a posting with his full rank as Commander. I wish both of them the best where ever they end up.
Before you ask, Deanna did coax out a confession of my feelings regarding Chakotay at least. Nothing too great a secret there though. Tom teases that if the guy couldn't score with me on a deserted planet, how in the galaxy did he end up with Seven? I'm so close to being offended until he sighs and says
"Poor Chakotay, having to settle for second best"
Jealous? Deanna asked me while we were discussing Seven and Chakotay. Nope, who needs it?
Challenge note: This is a response to the Tracy Imzadi Challenge and my own J/P challenge. And I do believe that this is my first attempt at writing first person so I have no clue how Janeway it actually sounds.
WARNING: I don't consider it slash but Kathryn does kind of hint that she was attracted to Seven. You can just ignore that if you want to. I'd also like to apologize for calling God a Voyeur.
Welcome Home with a Bang
Chapter 1
Bang
So many people are saying that's how it ended, with the Borg cube exploding. My opinion is that that was where it began. A seven-year journey had almost ceased to be a narrative with a beginning and an end and had been replaced with my life. With that realization came such shock at being back in the Alpha Quadrant and being handed back the life I had before. Suddenly that began to feel abnormal and more like a work of fiction I'd stepped into than Voyager had. I can't help but think of Harry who experienced life on earth as if he'd never been on Voyager, courtesy of an alien species. I can only imagine how he felt during that experience, but I can imagine it a lot clearer now.
"My God, It's huge" That's what Tom said when we were first back on Earth. The universe we'd crossed in seven years, may have been large, but nothing was more distinctly grand in stature than the blue sky of earth, viewed from the bottom up. The difference between being alone in the Delta Quadrant with only us few hundred and unknown amounts of unknown had been daunting. Now, in sector 001, standing on Terran soil and surrounded by trillions of Federation people and places, that was what seemed huge.
That and the responsibilities and tasks we faced now. We'd returned to Earth in the center of 36 proud Starfleet vessels. I wasn't really giving the orders at that point. Maybe I was a bit shell-shocked and just parroted everything Admiral Paris said until Voyager was docked. Now I can't help but think that maybe that's all I did through most of my career until I met the Caretaker. Either way, I know Tom was at the helm and I know everyone was watching me and I know I was allowed a certain amount of uncertainty and shock after everything; at least, that's what the Counselor keeps telling me anyway. Have I mentioned the Counseling yet? Don't worry. If the Borg, Kazon and Hirogen hadn't driven me crazy then I wasn't destined for the loony bin quite yet, although, I'm sure there would have been some sad poetry about that. No, the Counseling is a requirement of having been on any deep space mission, although I'm so glad that as Captain of Voyager, I'm getting a little bit of special treatment for my, less than typical deep space voyage.
Do I sound a tad bitter? I'm sorry, I'll think about doing something about that.
But yes, after Voyager docked, we were all given thorough medical examinations at the lunar space station orbiting Earth. No telling what we brought back from the other side of space you see. Within 48 hours of examinations and rest, I was sitting at a desk across from Owen. It seemed that my first hurdle wouldn't be so high thankfully. I was dreading the tedium of recounting and defending my every action over the past seven years, but at least Admiral Paris would have already read all my logs by now, as well as those from the rest of the senior staff, so there would be no need to tell stories.
Well except for the part where I'd married his son anyway.
Oh, speaking of marriage and love and things, I should probably note that B'Elanna is fine. She and Harry and baby Miral are still at the medical facility on Lunar Station with the doctor. Extra time had to be taken to review Voyager's last official child. Tom and I are going up to visit them when things cool down a bit. It wouldn't do for us to ignore our godchild would it?
But we should get back to my own weary tale. Did you notice me sidetracking to happier topics? The meeting with Owen went well. It was just prep for the next round of action. My concern for the crew was satisfied for the moment. He assured me that the Federation judicial council had met a few months before and based on my own logs sent ahead, and the secondary logs of Tuvok, they had decreed that the former Voyager Maquis would not be tried for their involvement in that group. The death of the Maquis movement years before was a factor, as were my own words, but the real truth behind their pardon lay in the lack of outrage over the Maquis in general public opinion and the somewhat broken spirit of the Federation after the wars which we missed.
Broken spirit of the Federation. That sounds a lot worse than it really is but that's how I'm forced to see it. This isn't quite the same place I remember, or did I just change? Lets drop that topic shall we.
I'll never forget the look on Owen's face when he read the official ship report list, which listed the marriage of Kathryn Janeway, Captain, to Thomas Robert Paris, Lieutenant. He read it right in front of me for the first time. It may have said marriage and life commitment and flowers to someone else but I can tell you Owen's face said exactly what he was thinking. Fucking. Kathryn and Tom are fucking. I was amused at this, totally. I never really honestly thought he'd be immediately accepting of us and I'd decided, with a little encouragement from my husband, that it didn't matter. But nonetheless, Owen wasn't pleased. I saw his thoughts on how this all came about, shifting between me taking advantage of Tom or Tom taking advantage of me. Right about when he couldn't decide which had actually occurred, he realized that we were probably well suited. In typical fashion for Admiral Paris, he ignored it for the rest of the meeting. I wasn't offended; I was expecting it.
With all that out of the way, we had the parade. Tom and I saw each other for the first time since stepping off Voyager. We were on the bridge; he looked a little nervous about me having met his father already, and having subtly sprung the news. Tom's visit with his dad in the station sickbay had been less eventful, seeing as it had been before my meeting. I rolled my eyes and winked. It was pretty much all I could do at the moment.
Tom smiled.
Dear God,
I'd like to inform you that Tom Paris smiled at me today. Yes, I know this is just one of 50 billion communiqués I send you on a daily basis, but this is just one incredible smile I got today and I just wanted to thank you for giving that boy such nice teeth and such beautiful eyes. Don't worry. I'll be thanking Tom later privately. No peeking.
-Kathryn Janeway.
Anyway, Voyager entered a low orbit around earth and then entered the atmosphere. Tom was living high and enjoying himself. I was feeling a lot better myself having step two of coming home complete. If you tell anyone else this I'll deny it but in the first year of being in the Delta Quadrant I used to stay up late and dream about getting home. Ok, that's not the embarrassing part. Everyone did a lot of thinking about the Alpha Quadrant those first years. No, the embarrassing part is the list I made, the to-do list of things to do when we got back. Task 1 was get the crew and ship back to the Alpha Quadrant. (Check) Task 2 was to have my first debriefing interview (check) Task 3 was to have a parade or party or something. Some days I had to revise this list and change Task 3 to 'attend my court-martial hearing' but those were cynical days.
Tom didn't crash Voyager into the bridge or any tall buildings so I'd say it was a good evening. We docked Voyager back at lunar station and all 145 of us beamed down to the surface into the nicest hotel San Francisco had to offer. We weren't being released to our very, very long shore leave yet. Head Quarters demanded a complete psychological review of all of us before we got a break. This would also include meetings and reviews to decide how to deal with certain "elements" of the Voyager crew. That was okay for me. I wouldn't have been able to relax if I didn't know that everything was going to work out all right for Seven and the Doctor.
Tom and I got the honeymoon suite. I knew Owen had a sense of humor in him. I won't dare call it a kind streak.
This was when I met the Counselor. Deanna Troi, being one of the finest in her field as well as a decorated Commander on the Enterprise was given the lovely task of evaluating the entire senior staff. I'll gladly admit it; we are 'special cases'.
I'll admit something else too. I was looking forward to laying my story on the ears of someone paid to listen. An objective pair of ears whom I don't command or nibble on was right up there on my Christmas list. (But while I'm admitting to things, Tom's sensitive ears are a joy anytime)
I met Deanna in her temporary office in Fleet Headquarters. It was rather large and very nice but was still quite obviously a temporary place of business. Deanna had a few statues around, a nice painting, a few trinkets on her desk and several very comfortable couches and chairs. I liked her immediately.
I'll spare you the dialogue of our meeting but it went something like this: She introduced herself, I did the same, she offered me an alien pastry of some type with cream cheese on it. She had one too and made some bizarre face when she ate it. This lead to a brief conversation on a bet she made with her husband about a month without chocolate. It was an icebreaker.
But cream cheesy pastries were not the reason I benefited from talking to Deanna. She didn't want to hear the same dreary tale about my exploits and decisions across the galaxy. Even though I was ready to tell them, Deanna hit straight to the things that were probably bothering me by starting with the only sure and certain truth in my life. We talked about Tom.
I told her about hearing about him from the elder Paris during my Academy days and later under his command. I told her about that day in Auckland and my now questionable motivations for getting him out of prison. Deanna locked her brown eyes on to mine and said that It wasn't a problem in the least and that Fleet wouldn't have approved that decision seven years ago if it hadn't been a sound and just decision.
Well I don't need to tell you that that was a load off my mind. I thought I'd been relieved when Tom had received official confirmation of his free status from all former charges and time served in prison, and yet, this seemingly inconsequential statement had made all the difference in the world.
Counseling went uphill from there with only occasional bumps in the road.
Discussions of Tom and our lives together led to a slight detour into informality where Deanna fought the urge to gush about her husband. She married Will Riker if you can believe that. I told her about my one ill-fated first date with the man and somewhere along the line we both had trouble breathing from the giggles. I was giggling which was something I dearly missed.
From this comfortable cone we ventured out into the things I felt guilty about. I felt guilty about those we lost on the mission, although I must admit, I felt a lot better compared to what my future self must have. We talked about that too. Things a different Kathryn Janeway confessed to me, things I wasn't prepared to deal with. We talked about Seven as much as I'd allow. I'm still shocked that I'd prevented her death by going back in time and destroying the Borg Hub. It's not surprising to me that I would do that for Seven but it forces me to define our relationship as something which I don't think it can be. I am her teacher, mother, captain, one time possible lover and friend and I was scared of how our change in venue would affect this woman whom I loved very deeply. It's all a bit overwhelming still.
She and Chakotay are going through this same process and Seven will be working with Deanna at Fleet Command and the Academy for a few more months to fully learn how to live within the Federation. I heard a rumor that she's going to accept a private science posting somewhere or another. I'll know the plans are certain when either she or Chakotay calls us. Of course Chakotay will follow her, although I've heard other rumors among the upper echelons that Fleet is going to offer to a posting with his full rank as Commander. I wish both of them the best where ever they end up.
Before you ask, Deanna did coax out a confession of my feelings regarding Chakotay at least. Nothing too great a secret there though. Tom teases that if the guy couldn't score with me on a deserted planet, how in the galaxy did he end up with Seven? I'm so close to being offended until he sighs and says
"Poor Chakotay, having to settle for second best"
Jealous? Deanna asked me while we were discussing Seven and Chakotay. Nope, who needs it?