So this is love?

by Elifelntine

Satoshi knew there was such a thing as too late. He just didn't think that would ever happen when it came to Mayaka. But what happens when it's too late for him and Mayaka? What happens when Mayaka gets tired of waiting for him? Is it too late for Satoshi to receive love?

It wasn't supposed to be this way. Of course, Satoshi knew it was selfish of him to keep Mayaka waiting and waiting, but he would tell her about his true feelings some day and they would get married and ride off into the sunset like a fairy tale. Not that Satoshi believed in fairy tales, but it was the closest to a happy ending he believed he was going to get. He knew time was running out, but he thought he had some time left to figure out everything, but that was just the thing with time, it doesn't just sit around waiting for you to clean up your messes. He should have known when Mayaka took him aside and said, "Look Satoshi, I have something to tell you," that it wasn't going to be about her love for him because even she knew that he'd heard it from her lips a hundred different ways.
"What is it Mayaka?" He asked, with his trademark grin.
"It's not official yet, but I think you should know, that I'm dating someone." She looked him straight in the eye as she said it, and just like that, everything he thought he ever knew slipped through his fingers like sand.
"Ah. Congratulations." He said, forcing himself to keep smiling. "I'm happy for you. Truly."
She frowned. If there was anyone who knew his true feelings, it was Mayaka. "I'm sorry." She said, averting her gaze. "But you know, I couldn't wait forever."
He had so many questions to ask her, but he kept his mouth shut. What was he supposed to do now? All visions of sailing off into the sunset with the love of his life dissipated into thin air because he couldn't sort out himself first. Well. Going into the Classics Clubroom was going to be awkward now. He could skip it of course. There were plenty of excuses he could make. He was busy with the Handicrafts Club. Or he was busy with the Executive Committee. And both of them were just as plausible. He'd get over it. Probably.

Never.

He cycles home early. He likes cycling, of course. But he doesn't care to like it now that everything's falling apart. How could the sky be so blue, the grass so green, the air so fresh, the world so perfect looking when nothing is really okay at all? He stops outside the arcade. A few games would take his mind off things. Or at least, that's what he hopes. He glances at the other bike with surprise.
Houtarou?
He sees Houtarou playing by himself.
"You didn't go to the Classics Club?" He asks.
"Mm."
"Saving energy?"
"Mm."
He sits beside Houtarou. Houtarou probably figured out he'd come here. "Mind if I play?"
"Go ahead."
Satoshi loses, but it's not a big deal. After all, he's just lost something greater and it's still weighing on his mind. "Good game." He mutters.
"You okay?" Houtarou turns to face him.
Satoshi forces a laugh. "Of course. I mean losing isn't a big deal, ri-"
"Satoshi."
Right. Of course. This is Houtarou, after all. There is little that escaped his observation.
"I suppose you already know." Satoshi shrugs. "Mayaka."
Houtarou simply nods. "Yeah. So. How are you?"
"Fine." Satoshi shrugs again.
Houtarou sighs. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really." Satoshi replies, even though he knows Houtarou is truly trying to muster up the energy to provide him comfort. On any other day, Satoshi might have appreciated it, even admired his efforts, but things have changed. And not even for the better.
There is silence. Companionable silence perhaps, because silence is one way Houtarou can give Satoshi the space he needs.

"Houtarou?" He says finally.
"Mm?"
"You know that feeling when you're just too late?" Satoshi asks.
"Mm."
"Well. I made Mayaka wait too long. And now it's too late." Satoshi tries not to cry. He doesn't do crying. Not in public, at least. He does smiling and laughing and making people groan at his jokes.
"You're in a habit of making people wait, aren't you?" Houtarou asks suddenly, hitting him lightly on the head.
"What?"
"You have no idea how long I've waited for this." Houtarou says softly, leaning towards him.
"You're enjoying my misery." Satoshi accuses, annoyed, particularly because he has no idea what Houtarou is trying to say.
"I'm sorry." Houtarou apologises. "I swear I didn't mean to." He leans in and swiftly kisses him on the cheek. A short, sweet fleeting kiss. Like a cool breeze on a hot day. The kind that Satoshi used to think he would give Chitanda in public, or in front of her parents when they start dating.
"Wha-?"
"I'm not sorry for that, though." Houtarou shrugs.
"Exactly what are you trying to say?" Satoshi asks, at an attempt at being annoyed, because he certainly feels that way, but a blush forms on his cheeks against his better judgement.
"I'm saying," Houtarou begins slowly with his cheeks slightly flushed. "That just because it's too late to date Mayaka, it doesn't mean it's too late for love."
Satoshi laughs sardonically. "Are we going to sail off into the sunset and live happily ever after? You seem to have the perfect idea of romance. I've always wanted to be kissed after losing an arcade game and a potential girlfriend."
Houtarou snorts. "I don't believe in fairy tales. I hardly think you would either. But I do believe the sun is setting."

As they walk home with their bicycles, Satoshi pauses to stare up at the darkening sky. He holds up his hand as if he's reaching something, but he can't quite reach it. "This doesn't make everything okay. You know that, right? It still hurts."
Houtarou smiles sadly at him. "Sorry, I kind of rushed into it. I got sick of waiting for you. It's a waste of energy."
"That's not what Mayaka did when she got sick of waiting." Satoshi retorts.
"As it happens, last time I checked, I'm not Mayaka." Houtarou shoots back.
"You're still capable of inducing pain."
"Yeah, it was probably too early for that." Houtarou sighs.
I wasn't ready." Satoshi says. "I'm scared I'll never be."
"You don't get it, do you?" Houtarou asked.
"What?"
Houtarou grabs his arm. "Are you trying to be perfect or something?"
"Well no," Satoshi says with a shaky laugh. "I just want to be less messed up."
Houtarou pulls him closer until they're face to face, and he glares into Satoshi's teary eyes. It almost shocks him into silence. "You don't need to be less messed up. If you'd just understand that, Mayaka would have been more than happy to help you on your journey to be less messed up."
"But she didn't. And now she's gone." Satoshi doesn't know how long he can pretend. He's not even sure if it's worth pretending around Houtarou anymore.
"You didn't let her." Houtarou says as a way of explanation.
Satoshi huffs. "Well, it's too late to let her now. What am I supposed to-"
"You let me." Houtarou interrupts, before kissing him again. It was a deeper, longer, lingering kiss. Like the warmth that you feel inside after drinking hot chocolate.
Satoshi finally pulls away to breathe and glances at him. "You've changed."
"I blame Chitanda." Houtarou shrugs.
"That's rude." Satoshi crosses his arms. "You can't blame Chitanda. She's practically an angel. I blame Tomoe nee-chan"
"That's rude too!" Houtarou protests. "You can't blame Onee-chan. She's my sister!"
"Why not?" Satoshi grins. "I wanted to marry her once."
"Satoshi." Houtarou rolls his eyes.
"She was the first person that understood me." Satoshi laughs, and Houtarou is relieved that it's genuine. Though, it would take longer than an afternoon to make Satoshi truly happy again.
"That's the weirdest way for us to end up related." Houtarou suppresses his own genuine smile.
"No, the weirdest way is if I decided to marry your dad. Or your mum." Satoshi suggests.
"Satoshi. Stop. You're going to make me throw up on the way home."
"I'm kidding, I'm kidding."

"So, you're really going to help me be less messed up?" Satoshi asks, before they split paths.
"Of course." Houtarou nods.
"Thank you. Um. Actually… Can I stay over at your place? I want to start as soon as possible."
Houtarou pauses before replying, "Sure. Why not? There's no one home anyway."
"Are we together?" Satoshi asks. "I'm not sure if I want to be yet. I literally just… well you know."
"Um. Do two kisses guarantee anybody they'll get together?" Houtarou asks. "I don't really know how it works."
"That works in anime. Though usually, it's one kiss that seals the deal." Satoshi explains.
"That's fairy tales." Houtarou corrects, making Satoshi raise his eyebrows in surprise. But it's Houtarou, so it's hardly surprising if he's beaten by him. "Well, it's not as if we believe in either."
"You're right." Satoshi replies. "But I still need time."
"You really need to stop people from wasting their energy waiting around for you."
Satoshi whirls around to face him. "How could you keep wasting your energy when Mayaka couldn't? I don't get it. You're Houtarou."
"I'll take that as a compliment."
"I'm serious. I really don't. It doesn't make any sense."
"Love isn't supposed to make sense. You're wasting your energy just trying to make sense of it all."
"So… this is love…?"
"Satoshi, did you just quote a fairy tale? I thought we were over that already."
Satoshi turns away, and stares at the sky, now filled with stars. The kind that promise something good. The kind that once promised him Mayaka unfurling from a blooming flower.
He'd get over it. Probably.

Some day.