Old Fears and New Hopes

She turned away from him, a pained, sorrowful expression on her face. It was like a dark shadow and Bellamy felt something was looming over them despite their seemingly completed mission. Studying her face, the relief he had expected wouldn't come and carefully, almost as if he was afraid that this would make it become true, he put his thoughts into words: „Clarke… you don't look like someone who just saved the world."

At the sound of her name, Clarke turned to look at Bellamy. She still had that faraway look in her eyes; he could tell her mind and thoughts were still with the things she had seen and done in the City of Light. However, in the blink of an eye, Clarkes gaze focused on him and her voice was grave when she answered: "Because we didn't."

She shook her head as she went on, confirming his suspicions: "Not yet."

Bellamy stared at her, not quite ready to believe what she had said. But he knew the look in Clarkes eyes too well to not believe her. Their moment of silence was interrupted as they heard the eerie, yet unmistakable sound of a sword being stabbed into flesh. Octavia had stabbed Pike, and as he fell, Bellamy was astonished to watch his sister leave the room, her face devoid of any emotion. He should`ve expected it, yet seeing his beloved sister kill one of their own without flinching shocked him and made him wonder whether he even knew her anymore.

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Bellamy turned for a few restless moments on a bed in one of the smaller chambers. He knew sleep wouldn't come tonight, despite his physical exhaustion. His restless mind kept playing Clarkes words in his head and the image of her collapsing, just inches away from death just wouldn't leave him. With a sigh he got up and went in search of one of the few empty rooms with a balcony.

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The cool night air was a relief and - to Bellamys own surprise – observing the moving clouds had a somewhat calming effect on him. They could only be distinguished from the dark sky by their lighter blue color, as a half moon was illuminating them. He let his mind wander off, gazing at the stars, thinking about life on the Ark, back when he still knew what was going on in his beloved sisters head, or at least he thought he did. And back to a time when he hadn't known Clarke. Bellamy watched a falling star, reminding him of their nearly deadly first arrival on the ground and the first time he talked to Clarke. Of course, they had had their opposite opinions back then. Yet, despite their differences, it struck him how fast they had become so important to each other. Maybe they had just had so many fights in the beginning because they were both a bit more stubborn than others. This however was probably what had kept them alive.

We need each other.

He smiled softly at this memory. Somehow, Clarke always managed to convince him that there was a way through everything if they just worked together.

"What are you smiling at?" A familiar voice asked in a low tone. Bellamy didn't even turn around when he answered, knowing to whom the voice belonged: "Old times." His voice was low, and pain laced his words so subtly that only someone who knew him very well would hear it.

Observing the frown on his face, Clarke stepped out of the shadows and looked sideways at Bellamy before she said in an empathetic tone: "Octavia will get through this. She's as strong as any of us, maybe even more so in some ways. I know how it feels when a person you love suddenly seems to turn into a stranger. But she'll always be your sister."

A silent tear ran down Bellamys cheek; a luxury he only allowed himself when he was around one of his most trusted friends. His voice broke ever so slightly, as always when he was frustrated and sad: "It's not just that. I… I mean it is… but not only what you think…" Clarke moved to stand closer to him, her shoulders touching his arm, a silent way of comforting him and letting him know she was there. She didn't push him, which he really appreciated. Bellamy often thought it one of her greatest strengths that she was able to be a hard opponent in discussions as well as being empathetic in conversations like this one.

His heart beat a little faster when he admitted one of his greatest fears, his voice low and broken: "It's just… I keep thinking what if she leaves… what if she leaves too? I couldn't take that anymore, I… I couldn't go on having lost someone again… someone, you know… someone I…" His words stumbled for the smallest instant which caused Clarke to raise an eyebrow in question. He kept his gaze fixed on the dark sky when he finished quietly: "Someone I care about."

For a moment, Bellamy thought he heard the smallest sad sigh from her. However, it might as well have been the wind and his imagination playing tricks on him. When he turned to look at her, Clarke showed him a small smile. She ran a hand down his arm to give him a little comfort. Seeing the pain in his eyes reminded her of her own difficulties when trying to deal with her fate… and her loneliness. Now that at least this fight was over, the feeling of being left alone, without someone to love, began to slowly grow. She knew that if she gave in, it would eat her soul bit by bit. Clarke wanted to fight it, but at that moment she just felt she couldn't do it alone. Tears started to cloud her vision. Yet she didn't want to give in. It was, in a way, the same struggle that she knew Bellamy was facing. She drew every possible bit of comfort from that thought, yet this didn't feel enough to help her.

Both of them had faced death, the loss of loved ones, and decisions that might have saved lives, but would haunt them forever because of their consequences. Decisions that no young people should be forced to make. Fate had tied them together. For better or for worse, they didn't know. But the fact remained that their paths would cross again and again and they both took comfort in the thought of not being in charge alone.

So, without a word and as if on cue, both of them reached for the others hand. Staring silently at the sky, Clarke and Bellamy just stood there, taking comfort in the fact that they could rely on one another. No matter what the future would bring, they would somehow figure this out.