warnings: 1x2, angst, NCS (implied)
DUO'S DISAPEARANCE
The open door banged on its broken hinges; shattered glass and dishes lay scattered; the chairs and table were overturned and dried blood stained the faded tiles. Hilde sat on an upright kitchen chair with her face buried in her hands, eyes tightly closed to block out thelphysical evidence of Duo's kidnapping. "Oh, Duo." she cried.
He'd struggled valiantly while she'd been too afraid to help him. Infact, because he had tried to protect her, he'd been taken so easily. Not that he'd stood a chance against the big men... Hilde's thin body shook with her sobs. Her berret lay on the floor amongst the damage; her short hair was in disarrayed spikes.
The sound of thick boots crunching glass caused her blue eyes to widen in surprise; she slowly let her teary gaze traved upward. A boy in baggy army pants and tight green tank with glinting metal dog tags around his neck stood in front of her. Shorn dark brown hair hung above narrowed prussian blue eyes.
Hilde shivered, feeling the penetrating, sleeping rage. "Hiro...Duo's gone." she whispered, looking away. Hiro snorted, ignored her and looked around some more. He squat down, examining muddied footprints when he grabbed an obscure peice of torn, dirty white cloth. He stood up and lazily arched his back, flexing his muscles, then clenched the cloth in a tight fist. "Those bastards...they've just signed their own death warrants."
"Who are they?" Hilde interupted his muttered oath, then cried out as two scultped arms flew past her head to grip the chair's back. Hiro's hard face was so close to Hilde's that she could feel his breath on her tingling skin. His intense eyes smoldered with a spark that promised to turn into an inferno. "You're not a real soldier; you can't protect him. So this is none of your business." Hilde's heart leapt up into her throat as the chair was shoved over.
Hiro growled to himself, "the White Fang are deliberately leading me to them. No well trained terrorist is this careless." He shoved the cloth, their symbol, into a pocket before he turned and walked out the door and into the bright, beautiful day. Hilde lay panting; she heard the sound of something rolling, then saw a grenade. Fear constricted her thin, pathetic chest as she leapt to ther feet and ran out of the broken door. Seconds later, the trailer was engulfed in flames. Afraid of the burning blaze, she called out, "Damn you! destroy the evidence! Now, no one will be able to find him! I hate you!!!!!!" Her words were wasted; Hiro was already gone. [pic]
Hiro watched a group of soldiers with white bands on their arms showing bright against the darkness of the corridor. They passed unaware of him up in the vent. He stealthily army crawled another 50 paces before opening a vent and dropping into the blackness. He clicked on his miniature flashlight; his face contorted with rage at the sight before him.
At the edge of the dim light lay a slender, softly curved body engulfed by a snarled, matted mass of honey brown hair. He crept foward, gingerly burshing away the knotted locks. Vicious bruises, deep lacerations, welts, and jagged cuts were hidden by dried blood and semen. This was his fiery little hell cat? An odd emotin tugged in his heart; he slammed it down. Gently, he took him into his arms. He growled protectively when he saw his torn anus and front where genital mutilation had been done. Stitches held the flat front together.
Long, dark lashes fluttered ½ way open, revealing dull, glazed purple eyes. "Hey, guess I"m a mess." he tried to smile, but his full, swollen lips just cracked and bled.
"Don't joke with me. I"m not HIlde."
"Is she O.K.?"
"She's fine."
Duo's strength waned, and he went limp again. "They'll pay for this." He swore.
Hiro climbed up a rope back into the vent with Duo clutched to him. His small body, barely tall enough for his lips to easily brush his forehead, barely hampered him as he easily manuvered them into the vent and replaced the grate. Duo moaned softly, and felt Hiro stroke his tangled hair. His mind, numb to block the images of his rape and beating, barely registered where he was. He attempted to rise on his stiffening limbs but couldn't. Carressing, calloused hands washed away his tenseness. Was that Hiro...No, he didn't want him. Hilde? Maybe, she needed someone to protect her...As for himself, he managed to survive alone, so far. But, oh, how he longed for Hiro to claim him as his!
Hiro held Duo to him with one hand and readied a grenade to payback those mother fuckers who'd harmed him when he felt the tears spilling from his closed lashes. "Wren," his little body trembled as he burst into tears. He dropped the grenade, undetinated, to hold him with both hands. "Wren, hush. It's alright. Hold onto me and I'll keep you safe. '' Duo wrapped his shapely, bruised legs around him and clutched his neck. Hiro supported him with one hand and crawled down the vent.
He paused only once to contemplate turning back for vengence, but, after a couple of feet, Duo'sweak grip was already loosening. He heard the soft gurgle of fluid deep in his chest as he tried to breathe. "I'll be back." He vowed and carried him the rest of the way silently.
Soft, thick lashes were dark against the pale skin. They slowly raised, revealing clear, bright purple eyes. Duo lay under warm, thick blankets in a sunlit, small bedroom. His mind was blurred with distant, dark images seared in pain but he couldn't recognize them. As quick as they came, they were gone. When he heard the door click open, he turned his head and winced as his swollen, discolored cheek brushed the plush pillows.
A girl with a rasperry berret sat a tray on the dresser by the bed. She sat dwon on the mattresse's edge, smiling with relief. " You're awake!" She frowned when she saw the blankness in his lovely eyes. Duo blinked; he did't know her name, or what she was to him. He only had a vague feeling about her...he knew he should know her, but he couldn't place her. She was...a friend?...a sister?...someone who needed his protection. He whimpered at the swirling thoughts in his head, then smiled weakly at her look of distress. "Hey, it's good to be back in Kansas."
She returned his smile, apparently releived. "I put your ruby slippers in the closet." She held a glass of water to his lips; he tried to sit up but didn't have the strength. The girl put a slim arm around his shoulders but she couldn't support his light weight, and he was too weak to help. He fell back down and moaned softly at the impact. "Hieo said you're to have plenty of fluids in you. You're, among other things, dehydrated." The girl held the glass again, attempting to pour a little into his parted, panting lips, but only succeded in spilling it all over him and the blankets.
When the wave of coldness hit him, he began shaking uncontrolably. The girl's eyes filled with tears of remorse. "I'm sorry." she sobbed as she tossed the wet blankets in a pile on the floor.
"It's allright." Duo murmurred through chattering teeth. She unbuttoned the pj top with shaking hands. Tears fell down her cheeks as, between the 2 of them, they managed to remove his thin clothing.
"I'll go get another set. Sorry, but I couldn't find anything heavier than this light summer crap. Both of us only wear this these thin camisoles and shorts. And I don't dare go into Hiro's room...." The girl shuddered while Duo shrugged and studied her with curious eyes.
This girl, he hadn't placed her name yet, but knew he was safe with her, was thin; thinner than him, although not by much. While he was slender with soft curves, she was straight, just skin and bones. Even he could grab her tiny arm and snap it like a twig. Yet he knew he'd never hurt her; he cared for her like....something....her essence was familiar, eventhough she herself wasn't. All he knew was he didn't feel fear in her prescence. He wanted to ask her name, who he was, where they were, but he didn't feel right asking her these things. That she couldn't handle it, and, neither could he. He still wondered, though, what they were....lovers? A note of denial rang through his head, making it hurt. There was someone else whom he loved, who claimed his heart. But, if that was true, then why did his heart suddenly hurt as much as his head? "Ai...Itai..itai..." he moaned, wishing the thoughts in his head would quit swirling and making him light headed.
The girl returned with another shirt, shorts, brush, and diaper. She blinked repeatedly to see through her tears. "It's alright". He caught her hands and tried to smile through the cold that still numbed his body, and his pounding head, which made it hard to focus on anything. The girl leaned in close to him, her eyes, which darkened, stared into his wide ones. Suddenly, she leaned down, her lips pushing against his chattering ones, her tongue begging for entrance. He tried to squirm away, but was trapped.
"Hilde, don't you have supper to fix ?" A hard voice caused them both to jump and look at the figure in the doorway. His heart lurched and tears sprang to his eyes. This was the one, the shadow that haunted his heart. His heart knew he was the one he wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips plunder his, but...why did he feel so hesitant and hurt about him? Maybe...he didn't want him? Not that he'd blame him, hell, he wouldn't want himself, either.
The girl, Hilde, slunk away, but glared up at the other one. "I was just giving him the love you deny him, Hiro. He's been hurt, and he doesn't need anymore pain. Least of all from you." Hm...Hiro...so that was his name. Had Hilde mentioned him before? He tried to remember, but couldn't think through the fog that had settled in his brain, releiving his pain and fear.
Hiro grabbed Hilde by her stick arm and tossed her out of the room. "Damn you!" she called to the door slammed in her face. Hiro strolled over and gazed down at him. Duo shivered from more than the cold as he looked up at him. He wore baggy jeans only. His bare chest had smooth, tan skin with rock hard muscles beneath. He took Hilde's place on the bed and those intense eyes Duo couldn't meet, even from a distance, up close caused him to close his. This boy really didn't want him, but he needed him. More tears spilled, and his trembling increased as harsh sobs assaulted his thin, battered body. The mists in his mind began to swirl, revealing some of the dark, twisted shadows hidden in the recesses of his mind. Something horrible happening to him, an intense amount of pain and shame. He gasped, suddenly, choking on a sob and excess fluid in his throat. His stifled scream made the shade, before it could become completely coherent, fade away in the grey fog once again. But this thing, he now knew, whatever it was, was terrible enough that he must keep it from Hiro, lest it drive him from him further with his weakness. Hiro, apparently, already found him weak enough to be as disgusting and pathetic as Hilde.
Hiro lowered his head, Hilde's words and Duo's sobs pricking at his conscience. He'd saved him, but he never really comforted him. That concept was so foreign to him, as was this wonderful, beatutiful fey. He gritted his teeth, vowing to right his wrong. He must be infinitely gentle with him, soothe him, and hold him. Wasn't that what he always secretly dreamed about? Posessing this wild, spirited child? But, before he could have his body, he must win over his soul. But how did one go about this type of battle? He wasn't some enemy to conquer, something easily killed....okay, easily killed, yes...he'd already done that with his heart...which was to be won...how? "I'll finish where Hilde left off."
Duo was choking on his sobs and excess fluid. Hiro took him into his arms, patting his back until he spat up the blockage in his raw throat. He wiped Duo's mouth on the dirty shirt Hilde'd removed, which he'd also thrown up on. Duo lay with his head on his shoulder, his breathing still somewhat rattling, but at least he was able to draw air into his lungs. For now. When his trembling turned into shaking, and goosebumps dotted his soft flesh, Hiro put the clean baby tee on him, rubbing his chilled flesh and holding him tightly. When he was warmer and ceased shaking, Hiro undid the wet diaper on him. He blushed and glanced down. "I-I didn't know...what happened?" He beheld his flat front where Hiro'd removed the stitches. The skin there was smooth, hairless, raw, and red. It was infected. He was lucky he couldn't feel it; otherwise, he'd have been crying from pain.
The white haze in his mind was sturring again. The shadows were still just as defineless, just black, quick moving blotches, but they seemed more real. Amongst the darkness and pain surrounding him, there was a flash of aknife, and sudden, fiery pain and fear. His body twisted and turned, writhing, sturggling in vain to get away, to escape... Hiro shook him gently. His breathing was fast and eratic; his body began shivering once again. He put the clean diaper on him, then brushed a soft kiss against his bangs. Hiro held him in his strong, encompassing embrace, silently assuring him his protection. If not his love, then at least his protection. Always his protection. After a few moments, he whispered in his ear, "Dajibou?"
Duo licked his lips."H-hai..n-n-n...itai...itai.." he buried his face in his shoulder and wept. Hiro stroked his shaking back. "Tell me." he softly commanded.
"T-there's shadows in-inside me...I...I know I should know something, but I don't remember. I don't want to remember, and I don't know why. Oh, there's so much I don't know, that I'm not sure of.....Gomen, gomen, gomen, I made a mess, didn't I? I didn't want to, they made me, it hurt, Oh, God, it hurt! Gomen, I tried to stop him, but he was too strong, he told the others....they obeyed him...I tried, I tried, and I failed. I'm tainted, no good, Oh, God, please forgive me! Please forgive me! I didn't..."
His sobs hitched in his throat, threatening to block off his air way again. He screamed against Hiro's chest as his body once more convulsed as the nightmare rose and took a firm hold of his body. Hiro wrapped him in a blanket and held him until he'd calmed down much later. He lay, body slumped against him, unable to support himself, his head on his shoulder. Hiro was absentmindedly stroking his soft, wavy honey brown hair, untangling the washed, textured tresses. Hiro's eyes were gazing out of the window, into cloudless sky. He was being unusually calm and gentle, and, after all he'd been through already, he found this a little startling, but mostly relaxing. He lay quiet against him until his hands unexpectedly tightened aobut him harshly. "I"m going to kill those mother fuckers." Hiro hissed vehemently
He whimpered, and Hiro looked down at him, broken from his thoughts. "Hiro?" he questioned timidly. He saw his strong fingers digging into the soft flesh of his upper arm, and loosened his hold; he was already bruising. He kissed him again. "Gomen." He whispered as Duo snuggled closer. He tenderly stroked his hair, unable to get enough of the soft, walnut waterfall. He had a sudden suspicion when he whimpered his name once more. Hiro. Not Hee-chan, what he always called him, from the first time he'd learned his name. He cupped his cheek, guiding his head up so he could see into his shadowed violet depths. "Who am I?"
His eyes widened, startled, and he shivered again. Hiro made a mental note to turn the furnace up. "What's my name?" He murmurred to the suddenly very stiff and terrified little body in his arms. Duo licked his lips and closed his eyes, but he still held his chin immobile. He whimpered, trying to fight the thick fog in his brain. "H-iro." he whispered meekly. He nodded, but he missed it- he was afraid to look at him. He didn't understand what he wanted from him. "What's her name." Hiro shook him gently so he looked at him, and he pointed to the door. Understanding who he meant, he tried hard to clear the haze. "Um....Hil....." What was it? He thought he'd heard it before, upon shortly waking up. "Um.....Hil....Hil......Hilde?" Hiro nodded again. "What is your name?" He racked what little surface knowledge of his brain he could, but nothing came to him. He pressed harder, and his head began to hurt and images swirl about him. He shook his head and whimpered as the shadows started to draw close again.
Hiro ran his calloused hands lightly over Duo's trembling body. He waited and kissed his forehead softly. He whimpered again, knowing he'd once more disapointed him. "G-gomen." he said in between sobs.
He began stroking his hair once more. "Hush, wren. Hush. It's alright; you have mild amnesia from what happened to you. Your mind is probably trying to block the images."
He nodded against him. "Gomen, I'll try harder to remember."
"No." He looked up at Hiro's suddenly harsh voice. "It's better, for you, if you can't remember. I know what they did, and they'll pay. I swear they will. I will avenge you." He shuddered at the feirce tone Hiro's voice took, then kissed his throat.
Hiro looked down at him, wiping away his tears with his thumb then gently stroking his flushed cheek. "Wren, don't cry. I"m here."
For some reason he didn't know, this brought a sudden lightness to his heart, and he smiled weakly. "Y-you want me? I- I'm Wren?"
He burst into full fledged tears then, and burried his face against Hiro. He stroked his hair, the leaned him back, so he was gazing up into his face. "Hush. You're Duo, and you're mine."
"I never thought..." he cried tears of joy. Hiro fingered the angry bruises that marred the smattering of freckles on his sweet, heart shaped face. The purple and blue areas glistened from the sheen of tears. He kissed the crystalline drops away, then his soft lips. Duo snuggled up, and, exhausted, fell asleep nestled in his arms.
When Duo awoke, he was alone under freshly laundered sheets and feeling a little bit better. Which meant the fog had settled nicely over his senses; it wasn't rolling around, causing him to feel anything. He slowly tried to sit up, only to have his head start pounding under the delirious, heavy mists that weighted him down. Falling back upon the pillow, he let that weight settle over his body, into his bones and drive out the pain.
Over the clink of dishes being washed came two arguing voices. One dominant and male, the other defiant and female.
"I really care for him. You'll hurt him."
"I"ve never raised a hand against him. You can't protect him."
"He's strong. He's a better soldier than I ever was. He doesn't need protected."
"Sure. That's why he's one bloody mess. He has amnesia, is extremely weak and vulnerable, plus some other damage that hasn't made itself apparent yet. He's going to be scarred for life, both physically and emotionally. All because he can defend himself against rebels willing to harm anyone they can, even the innocent."
"Go to hell."
"Been there. It's quite nice; maybe you'd like to go." Duo gasped at the underlying threat in Hiro's voice. Panic seized him, winding like a snake through the fog and siezing control of his body with a rush of adrenaline. He had to stop this fight before Hiro hurt Hilde.
But would he really do that to her? He knows how weak she is. Self- control. Hiro's self control. The Perfect Soldier. Hiro's anger. These thoughts, which only confused him a little, ran through his head as he attempted to stand up. Barely managing to sit up, he grabbed onto one of the bed's poles and pulled, lurching to his feet, only to discover he couldn't feel his lower portion. His slender legs gave way and he crumpled in a heap with a little cry.
Hiro's more attuned, sensitive ears sent him rusing and screaming at Hilde for water. Hilde scrambled to obey. Hiro was kneeling with Duo's limp body cradled against him and trickling water into his parted lips, and bathing his forhead with a cool, damp cloth. Duo's thick, reddish brown lashes fluttered, and he stared up at Hiro with bright, fevered, questioning eyes. "I can't feel my legs." If he had the strength, he would've panicked. But that would mean thinking through the fog to the dark shadows that lurked beneath, waiting to consume him. He was blissfully content to let Hiro hold him and take care of him. There was little else he could do.
Hiro kept his anxiety firmly clamped down under a veneer of calm as he gently lifted Duo back onto the bed, devised him of his clothing, and felt along his body. He had already checked Duo's body thoroughly, and he found nothing new. There had been a fever that raged the delicate body for days, leaving it very frail, and the other wounds had demanded immediate attention and concern, less they become infected. Broken bones had healed. He found nothing new on Duo's front, so he rolled the boy over and ran his hands along his backside.
Hiro bypassed the deep cuts and lacerations that he'd stitched over, the wounds he already knew, when his hand bumped something. Along the base of Duo's spine ran a vicious cut, the one that had taken him the longest to stitch up. The abused tissue around it was a deep, rich plum with black areas. The bottom of the bruise was puffier and darker than the top, but this injury had already been attended too.
Hiro fought back a sob at what this meant. Along the journey back, they had stopped at an old acquantence of Hiro's. Sally Po, medical doctor for a rebel faction in China, had tended, under his close supervision, to Duo. The boy had been in a coma. But time was pressing; Hiro had work to do, and wanted Duo safely tucked away with Hilde, who could care for him. Once Duo had stabalized, Hiro had taken him home. He'd been gone for a month, and Duo hadn't woken up. He had been keeping an eye on the White Fang, waiting and plotting his mission and revenge. Then Duo had woken up, drifting in and out of consciousness. It had been about 3 months before Duo had woken up fully coherent, and another 2 weeks before he woke up and remembered waking up. Hiro had stayed with Duo, attending him constantly. Part of it was guilt. If it hadn't been for him, the White Fang would have had no interest in Duo at all. In his heart, he knew this wasn't true- Duo would have fought the White Fang, and gotten himself into trouble. Hiro had kept him safe. But he still felt guilt, anger, and sorrow. He wanted to do something constructive, like rip those bastard's throats out. And heal Duo. He just wanted Duo back again. Sorrow washed over his anger, driving it to the back of his heart for later.
Instead of sobbing, Hiro let out a low growl that caused Duo to jump, worried that he'd somehow angered Hiro. "Hiro?" he questioned tentatively. Hiro found himself forced to look at the eyes that he'd avoided. Emotionally, he couldn't handle the depth and swirling, confused emotions so trustingly displayed. He had forced himself to concentrate just on assessing Duo's battered, broken body, even though he knew every scrape and bump on it. Those eyes he so loved, which sparkled with warmth, joy, and vitality in his memory, were dull and full of trust. Most of that well of emotion was locked down under a heavy fog, which only the barest of thoughts could flicker through.
Duo saw the perplexed look on Hiro's face. This face always seemed to be made of stone, unmoveable. Yet it was now full of sadness, those always stormy eyes misting over slightly. What? "H-Hiro?"
Hiro couldn't hold back anymore. His instinct was to gather Duo to him, which he did. Then he leaned over, brushing soft locks of cinnamon shot honeyed hair out of Duo's heart shaped face, which was laying on his shoulder. He kissed his forhead, his tears fineally leaking out and spilling onto his soft, bruised skin.
Duo whimpered in confusion and tried to nuzzle against him, but Hiro's hands held him firmly. "No, Duo. I-" Hiro choked on a sob. He must face it, must tell Duo the truth. "There- there is something I have to tell you. About what happened." Hiro decided that Duo didn't need to know everything, just a few. His amnesia seemed to be blocking more and more out of Duo's mind. Hiro wanted to keep it that way.
Duo's fevered eyes widened to twice their natural size, seeming to take up his whole heart shaped face, which was contorted with fear and shock. His gaze locked onto Hiro's face, absorbed by the conflicting emotions swirling like violent waters. The face that was impenetrable stone, never smiling, laughing, or crying. The boy of no emotions was now overcome with them. All because of him. Something was wrong with him, and it was tearing Hiro apart. His legs. They couldn't move.
Panic wound snake like through the thick fog, which, thankfully, confused the shadows lurking in his mind, ready to pounce, keeping the reason why his legs would't work at bay. It took ahold of him, causing him to shake and emit little whimpers. The sight of Hiro's worried stricken face became blurred as tears fell from his eyes, down his softly rounded cheeks, and into his parted lips. His breath increased until it hitched in his throat, and the fluid congualated.
Seeing Duo was close to choking, Hiro stifled the urge to thwack him on the back. One good hit would have cleared his airway, helped him spit the fluid out, and also could damage the healing lacerations and marks on his back. So he had to settle for gently rubbing his upper back and kissing his eyebrow, nose and wet cheek, praying that he got Duo settled down before the fluid killed him. Duo shuddered, gave one violent cough, and a glob of thick, greenish snot came out and landed on the old carpet. He whimpered, still quivering and crying, but calming down. Hiro wiped his tears away, suppressing his anxiety and grief in fear of overwhelming Duo again. Instead, he embraced his relief, leaned close to Duo and nuzzled his cheek. "Sh. It's ok. Please don't cry, Duo. It's going to be alright, don't cry."
With Hiro's warm, tender eyes on him, Duo sniffled and blinked once, a last tear falling. Hiro kissed it away, then brushed his bangs out of his eyes. Duo, worn out after nearly choking, suddenly felt secure as he looked at Hiro's eyes, which were full of love for him. He blinked once more. The knowledge of Hiro's love wrapped him in a sense of security, making him forget the reason for his panic, but, strong as it was, it couldn't penetrate through the mists of his mind to settle into him. If it had, he would have smiled and jumped for joy, flying to the moon and back. As it was, he could only float in the warm feeling that surrounded him, wiping the recent events away.
Then Hiro's eyes changed. That soft look was washed away as he jerked himself from the sweetness of Duo's expressions to the unfinished business at hand. Duo watched with curiosity as those eyes changed from gentle, lapping waves to swirling waters. Those eyes had never changed before, and now they were experiencing so many mixed emotions. Duo felt overwhelmed, and his breath hitched a little until Hiro ran a hand over his face, closing his widened eyes, shutting off the effects the flickering shades of dark and light violet had on him.
He kissed Duo reassuingly and laid his forhead against Duo's. He drew in a deep, shaking breath, recovering from those so open, close moments to steel himself for what he must now finish. Calmly, he said, "Duo, I need you to listen to me, okay? This is so hard to tell you-it's breaking my heart. But you need to know this. Do you trust me?" He paused as Duo nodded and whimpered. "Hush." Hiro stroked Duo's hair, then continued. "Duo, you were kid- taken from me. The people who took you...hurt you. Very bad. Before you awakened here, you had been in a hospital of sorts. You- It's taken you a long time to heal, and you're only ½ way there. There was alot of trauma...damage...done to you. You barely survived. You're amnesia is an effect of all the trauma you've been through. Because of all of this...I'm not sure if you'll ever...ever... walk again." Hiro didn't add that the amnesia was more psychologically than physically induced, which meant that only time would tell if Duo would ever be alright again.
Duo let out a low keening sound, but kept himself under control, which came from exhaustion- he was far too tired for another round of choking. He blinked when he felt Hiro's hot tears falling on his cool cheeks. He brought one hand up and ran it through Hiro's thick, touseled hair.
Hiro let his tears fall, unaware at first of Duo's fine hand carding through his hair. He just remembered Duo so pale and helpless in the hospital bed. He remembered inserting the feeding tube into his stomach, and breathing tubes down his nose. Of their own accord, one hand rubbed Duo's stomach, where the scar from the tube's insicion was, then clutched him feircely to his chest. The memory of it put Hiro on edge, until he wanted to shake himself apart, but he blotted out his emotions with the trained ease of a perfect soldier and concentrated soly on the next steps.
Duo was doing much better now. The boy still could not eat solid food. When Hiro had tried to feed him a bowl of soup, the boy had choked. He was on baby food, which was easy for Hilde to prepare since it was already mashed, and easy on Duo's still weak body. Duo was still so helpless. He needed to be bathed and fed. Hilde often fed him, and Hiro bathed him. He didn't trust that onna; she might accidentally drown him. Besides, he liked having Duo in the tub with him, and he hadn't complained about it. What tore at his heart the most was that Duo was now realizing just how weak and dependant he was. Yet, there were times when those violet eyes, always so soft and dimly lighted now, would come alive and give him hope. Such as now, with Duo running his hand through Hiro's hair. The old Duo was there, buried, but there. Somewhere.
Capturing Duo's smaller, finer boned hand in his calloused one, he vowed ferevently, "Everything will be alright. I'll make it so. I promise." Raising his head, he saw Duo staring at him with a soft, relaxed look and drooping eyelids. He kissed his forhead and watched as the light, strawberry lashes fluttered closed in exhaustion.
* * * * * * * * Hiro sat at the small, round table of the cramped kitchen, drumming his fingers on the vinyl surface. The room only had a sink, fridge, stove, microwave, cupboards and table squeezed in. There was hardly any room to move about. The entire apartment was like that. He had the money to afford a spacious, luxurious condo or house, preferably a house, but this place was remote, hard to find, and completely conscpicious. It was a perfect hide out until he could tear himself away from Duo and go kill those mother fuckers....Hiro shook his head, repressing his anger for later....he had to break away, to complete this mission....not just a mission, but revenge.....then, he, Duo, and Hilde could go and live in real house. Hiro smiled.
He looked at the clock. 8:54 ; almost time to wake Duo up. Hilde was still in bed- it was Hiro's turn to take care of Duo. Actually, Hiro cared for Duo everyday. He was just unable to tear himself away. Most normal people would have contracted care giver's frustration by now, but not him....Duo was his life, his heart. With out Duo, he'd still be a cold hearted bastard. And Duo....Hiro felt tears prick his eyes....Duo hadn't changed much over the past 4 months. The physical wounds had healed, the bruised and lacerations, which had been the end and the last to heal. But Duo was still very...not Duo. He couldn't walk-Hiro'd had to order him a wheelchair-, couldn't eat solid food completely yet, though he'd improved some, he slept alot, and was very mellow. His skin was as smooth and soft as before, and Hiro and Sally couldn't find no physical reason why Duo was still such a wreck. It was the psychological torture he'd undergone....activating a defense mechanism deep in him, Duo's mind had gone dormant, dragging his spirit down with it. So there was no telling if Duo would ever heal, or if he'd even heal completely. Hiro knew the odds of Duo ever being Duo again were a zillion to one. But he would accept any form of improvement on Duo's part.
9:00. Time to go get Duo up.
DUO'S DISAPEARANCE
The open door banged on its broken hinges; shattered glass and dishes lay scattered; the chairs and table were overturned and dried blood stained the faded tiles. Hilde sat on an upright kitchen chair with her face buried in her hands, eyes tightly closed to block out thelphysical evidence of Duo's kidnapping. "Oh, Duo." she cried.
He'd struggled valiantly while she'd been too afraid to help him. Infact, because he had tried to protect her, he'd been taken so easily. Not that he'd stood a chance against the big men... Hilde's thin body shook with her sobs. Her berret lay on the floor amongst the damage; her short hair was in disarrayed spikes.
The sound of thick boots crunching glass caused her blue eyes to widen in surprise; she slowly let her teary gaze traved upward. A boy in baggy army pants and tight green tank with glinting metal dog tags around his neck stood in front of her. Shorn dark brown hair hung above narrowed prussian blue eyes.
Hilde shivered, feeling the penetrating, sleeping rage. "Hiro...Duo's gone." she whispered, looking away. Hiro snorted, ignored her and looked around some more. He squat down, examining muddied footprints when he grabbed an obscure peice of torn, dirty white cloth. He stood up and lazily arched his back, flexing his muscles, then clenched the cloth in a tight fist. "Those bastards...they've just signed their own death warrants."
"Who are they?" Hilde interupted his muttered oath, then cried out as two scultped arms flew past her head to grip the chair's back. Hiro's hard face was so close to Hilde's that she could feel his breath on her tingling skin. His intense eyes smoldered with a spark that promised to turn into an inferno. "You're not a real soldier; you can't protect him. So this is none of your business." Hilde's heart leapt up into her throat as the chair was shoved over.
Hiro growled to himself, "the White Fang are deliberately leading me to them. No well trained terrorist is this careless." He shoved the cloth, their symbol, into a pocket before he turned and walked out the door and into the bright, beautiful day. Hilde lay panting; she heard the sound of something rolling, then saw a grenade. Fear constricted her thin, pathetic chest as she leapt to ther feet and ran out of the broken door. Seconds later, the trailer was engulfed in flames. Afraid of the burning blaze, she called out, "Damn you! destroy the evidence! Now, no one will be able to find him! I hate you!!!!!!" Her words were wasted; Hiro was already gone. [pic]
Hiro watched a group of soldiers with white bands on their arms showing bright against the darkness of the corridor. They passed unaware of him up in the vent. He stealthily army crawled another 50 paces before opening a vent and dropping into the blackness. He clicked on his miniature flashlight; his face contorted with rage at the sight before him.
At the edge of the dim light lay a slender, softly curved body engulfed by a snarled, matted mass of honey brown hair. He crept foward, gingerly burshing away the knotted locks. Vicious bruises, deep lacerations, welts, and jagged cuts were hidden by dried blood and semen. This was his fiery little hell cat? An odd emotin tugged in his heart; he slammed it down. Gently, he took him into his arms. He growled protectively when he saw his torn anus and front where genital mutilation had been done. Stitches held the flat front together.
Long, dark lashes fluttered ½ way open, revealing dull, glazed purple eyes. "Hey, guess I"m a mess." he tried to smile, but his full, swollen lips just cracked and bled.
"Don't joke with me. I"m not HIlde."
"Is she O.K.?"
"She's fine."
Duo's strength waned, and he went limp again. "They'll pay for this." He swore.
Hiro climbed up a rope back into the vent with Duo clutched to him. His small body, barely tall enough for his lips to easily brush his forehead, barely hampered him as he easily manuvered them into the vent and replaced the grate. Duo moaned softly, and felt Hiro stroke his tangled hair. His mind, numb to block the images of his rape and beating, barely registered where he was. He attempted to rise on his stiffening limbs but couldn't. Carressing, calloused hands washed away his tenseness. Was that Hiro...No, he didn't want him. Hilde? Maybe, she needed someone to protect her...As for himself, he managed to survive alone, so far. But, oh, how he longed for Hiro to claim him as his!
Hiro held Duo to him with one hand and readied a grenade to payback those mother fuckers who'd harmed him when he felt the tears spilling from his closed lashes. "Wren," his little body trembled as he burst into tears. He dropped the grenade, undetinated, to hold him with both hands. "Wren, hush. It's alright. Hold onto me and I'll keep you safe. '' Duo wrapped his shapely, bruised legs around him and clutched his neck. Hiro supported him with one hand and crawled down the vent.
He paused only once to contemplate turning back for vengence, but, after a couple of feet, Duo'sweak grip was already loosening. He heard the soft gurgle of fluid deep in his chest as he tried to breathe. "I'll be back." He vowed and carried him the rest of the way silently.
Soft, thick lashes were dark against the pale skin. They slowly raised, revealing clear, bright purple eyes. Duo lay under warm, thick blankets in a sunlit, small bedroom. His mind was blurred with distant, dark images seared in pain but he couldn't recognize them. As quick as they came, they were gone. When he heard the door click open, he turned his head and winced as his swollen, discolored cheek brushed the plush pillows.
A girl with a rasperry berret sat a tray on the dresser by the bed. She sat dwon on the mattresse's edge, smiling with relief. " You're awake!" She frowned when she saw the blankness in his lovely eyes. Duo blinked; he did't know her name, or what she was to him. He only had a vague feeling about her...he knew he should know her, but he couldn't place her. She was...a friend?...a sister?...someone who needed his protection. He whimpered at the swirling thoughts in his head, then smiled weakly at her look of distress. "Hey, it's good to be back in Kansas."
She returned his smile, apparently releived. "I put your ruby slippers in the closet." She held a glass of water to his lips; he tried to sit up but didn't have the strength. The girl put a slim arm around his shoulders but she couldn't support his light weight, and he was too weak to help. He fell back down and moaned softly at the impact. "Hieo said you're to have plenty of fluids in you. You're, among other things, dehydrated." The girl held the glass again, attempting to pour a little into his parted, panting lips, but only succeded in spilling it all over him and the blankets.
When the wave of coldness hit him, he began shaking uncontrolably. The girl's eyes filled with tears of remorse. "I'm sorry." she sobbed as she tossed the wet blankets in a pile on the floor.
"It's allright." Duo murmurred through chattering teeth. She unbuttoned the pj top with shaking hands. Tears fell down her cheeks as, between the 2 of them, they managed to remove his thin clothing.
"I'll go get another set. Sorry, but I couldn't find anything heavier than this light summer crap. Both of us only wear this these thin camisoles and shorts. And I don't dare go into Hiro's room...." The girl shuddered while Duo shrugged and studied her with curious eyes.
This girl, he hadn't placed her name yet, but knew he was safe with her, was thin; thinner than him, although not by much. While he was slender with soft curves, she was straight, just skin and bones. Even he could grab her tiny arm and snap it like a twig. Yet he knew he'd never hurt her; he cared for her like....something....her essence was familiar, eventhough she herself wasn't. All he knew was he didn't feel fear in her prescence. He wanted to ask her name, who he was, where they were, but he didn't feel right asking her these things. That she couldn't handle it, and, neither could he. He still wondered, though, what they were....lovers? A note of denial rang through his head, making it hurt. There was someone else whom he loved, who claimed his heart. But, if that was true, then why did his heart suddenly hurt as much as his head? "Ai...Itai..itai..." he moaned, wishing the thoughts in his head would quit swirling and making him light headed.
The girl returned with another shirt, shorts, brush, and diaper. She blinked repeatedly to see through her tears. "It's alright". He caught her hands and tried to smile through the cold that still numbed his body, and his pounding head, which made it hard to focus on anything. The girl leaned in close to him, her eyes, which darkened, stared into his wide ones. Suddenly, she leaned down, her lips pushing against his chattering ones, her tongue begging for entrance. He tried to squirm away, but was trapped.
"Hilde, don't you have supper to fix ?" A hard voice caused them both to jump and look at the figure in the doorway. His heart lurched and tears sprang to his eyes. This was the one, the shadow that haunted his heart. His heart knew he was the one he wanted to kiss him, to feel his lips plunder his, but...why did he feel so hesitant and hurt about him? Maybe...he didn't want him? Not that he'd blame him, hell, he wouldn't want himself, either.
The girl, Hilde, slunk away, but glared up at the other one. "I was just giving him the love you deny him, Hiro. He's been hurt, and he doesn't need anymore pain. Least of all from you." Hm...Hiro...so that was his name. Had Hilde mentioned him before? He tried to remember, but couldn't think through the fog that had settled in his brain, releiving his pain and fear.
Hiro grabbed Hilde by her stick arm and tossed her out of the room. "Damn you!" she called to the door slammed in her face. Hiro strolled over and gazed down at him. Duo shivered from more than the cold as he looked up at him. He wore baggy jeans only. His bare chest had smooth, tan skin with rock hard muscles beneath. He took Hilde's place on the bed and those intense eyes Duo couldn't meet, even from a distance, up close caused him to close his. This boy really didn't want him, but he needed him. More tears spilled, and his trembling increased as harsh sobs assaulted his thin, battered body. The mists in his mind began to swirl, revealing some of the dark, twisted shadows hidden in the recesses of his mind. Something horrible happening to him, an intense amount of pain and shame. He gasped, suddenly, choking on a sob and excess fluid in his throat. His stifled scream made the shade, before it could become completely coherent, fade away in the grey fog once again. But this thing, he now knew, whatever it was, was terrible enough that he must keep it from Hiro, lest it drive him from him further with his weakness. Hiro, apparently, already found him weak enough to be as disgusting and pathetic as Hilde.
Hiro lowered his head, Hilde's words and Duo's sobs pricking at his conscience. He'd saved him, but he never really comforted him. That concept was so foreign to him, as was this wonderful, beatutiful fey. He gritted his teeth, vowing to right his wrong. He must be infinitely gentle with him, soothe him, and hold him. Wasn't that what he always secretly dreamed about? Posessing this wild, spirited child? But, before he could have his body, he must win over his soul. But how did one go about this type of battle? He wasn't some enemy to conquer, something easily killed....okay, easily killed, yes...he'd already done that with his heart...which was to be won...how? "I'll finish where Hilde left off."
Duo was choking on his sobs and excess fluid. Hiro took him into his arms, patting his back until he spat up the blockage in his raw throat. He wiped Duo's mouth on the dirty shirt Hilde'd removed, which he'd also thrown up on. Duo lay with his head on his shoulder, his breathing still somewhat rattling, but at least he was able to draw air into his lungs. For now. When his trembling turned into shaking, and goosebumps dotted his soft flesh, Hiro put the clean baby tee on him, rubbing his chilled flesh and holding him tightly. When he was warmer and ceased shaking, Hiro undid the wet diaper on him. He blushed and glanced down. "I-I didn't know...what happened?" He beheld his flat front where Hiro'd removed the stitches. The skin there was smooth, hairless, raw, and red. It was infected. He was lucky he couldn't feel it; otherwise, he'd have been crying from pain.
The white haze in his mind was sturring again. The shadows were still just as defineless, just black, quick moving blotches, but they seemed more real. Amongst the darkness and pain surrounding him, there was a flash of aknife, and sudden, fiery pain and fear. His body twisted and turned, writhing, sturggling in vain to get away, to escape... Hiro shook him gently. His breathing was fast and eratic; his body began shivering once again. He put the clean diaper on him, then brushed a soft kiss against his bangs. Hiro held him in his strong, encompassing embrace, silently assuring him his protection. If not his love, then at least his protection. Always his protection. After a few moments, he whispered in his ear, "Dajibou?"
Duo licked his lips."H-hai..n-n-n...itai...itai.." he buried his face in his shoulder and wept. Hiro stroked his shaking back. "Tell me." he softly commanded.
"T-there's shadows in-inside me...I...I know I should know something, but I don't remember. I don't want to remember, and I don't know why. Oh, there's so much I don't know, that I'm not sure of.....Gomen, gomen, gomen, I made a mess, didn't I? I didn't want to, they made me, it hurt, Oh, God, it hurt! Gomen, I tried to stop him, but he was too strong, he told the others....they obeyed him...I tried, I tried, and I failed. I'm tainted, no good, Oh, God, please forgive me! Please forgive me! I didn't..."
His sobs hitched in his throat, threatening to block off his air way again. He screamed against Hiro's chest as his body once more convulsed as the nightmare rose and took a firm hold of his body. Hiro wrapped him in a blanket and held him until he'd calmed down much later. He lay, body slumped against him, unable to support himself, his head on his shoulder. Hiro was absentmindedly stroking his soft, wavy honey brown hair, untangling the washed, textured tresses. Hiro's eyes were gazing out of the window, into cloudless sky. He was being unusually calm and gentle, and, after all he'd been through already, he found this a little startling, but mostly relaxing. He lay quiet against him until his hands unexpectedly tightened aobut him harshly. "I"m going to kill those mother fuckers." Hiro hissed vehemently
He whimpered, and Hiro looked down at him, broken from his thoughts. "Hiro?" he questioned timidly. He saw his strong fingers digging into the soft flesh of his upper arm, and loosened his hold; he was already bruising. He kissed him again. "Gomen." He whispered as Duo snuggled closer. He tenderly stroked his hair, unable to get enough of the soft, walnut waterfall. He had a sudden suspicion when he whimpered his name once more. Hiro. Not Hee-chan, what he always called him, from the first time he'd learned his name. He cupped his cheek, guiding his head up so he could see into his shadowed violet depths. "Who am I?"
His eyes widened, startled, and he shivered again. Hiro made a mental note to turn the furnace up. "What's my name?" He murmurred to the suddenly very stiff and terrified little body in his arms. Duo licked his lips and closed his eyes, but he still held his chin immobile. He whimpered, trying to fight the thick fog in his brain. "H-iro." he whispered meekly. He nodded, but he missed it- he was afraid to look at him. He didn't understand what he wanted from him. "What's her name." Hiro shook him gently so he looked at him, and he pointed to the door. Understanding who he meant, he tried hard to clear the haze. "Um....Hil....." What was it? He thought he'd heard it before, upon shortly waking up. "Um.....Hil....Hil......Hilde?" Hiro nodded again. "What is your name?" He racked what little surface knowledge of his brain he could, but nothing came to him. He pressed harder, and his head began to hurt and images swirl about him. He shook his head and whimpered as the shadows started to draw close again.
Hiro ran his calloused hands lightly over Duo's trembling body. He waited and kissed his forehead softly. He whimpered again, knowing he'd once more disapointed him. "G-gomen." he said in between sobs.
He began stroking his hair once more. "Hush, wren. Hush. It's alright; you have mild amnesia from what happened to you. Your mind is probably trying to block the images."
He nodded against him. "Gomen, I'll try harder to remember."
"No." He looked up at Hiro's suddenly harsh voice. "It's better, for you, if you can't remember. I know what they did, and they'll pay. I swear they will. I will avenge you." He shuddered at the feirce tone Hiro's voice took, then kissed his throat.
Hiro looked down at him, wiping away his tears with his thumb then gently stroking his flushed cheek. "Wren, don't cry. I"m here."
For some reason he didn't know, this brought a sudden lightness to his heart, and he smiled weakly. "Y-you want me? I- I'm Wren?"
He burst into full fledged tears then, and burried his face against Hiro. He stroked his hair, the leaned him back, so he was gazing up into his face. "Hush. You're Duo, and you're mine."
"I never thought..." he cried tears of joy. Hiro fingered the angry bruises that marred the smattering of freckles on his sweet, heart shaped face. The purple and blue areas glistened from the sheen of tears. He kissed the crystalline drops away, then his soft lips. Duo snuggled up, and, exhausted, fell asleep nestled in his arms.
When Duo awoke, he was alone under freshly laundered sheets and feeling a little bit better. Which meant the fog had settled nicely over his senses; it wasn't rolling around, causing him to feel anything. He slowly tried to sit up, only to have his head start pounding under the delirious, heavy mists that weighted him down. Falling back upon the pillow, he let that weight settle over his body, into his bones and drive out the pain.
Over the clink of dishes being washed came two arguing voices. One dominant and male, the other defiant and female.
"I really care for him. You'll hurt him."
"I"ve never raised a hand against him. You can't protect him."
"He's strong. He's a better soldier than I ever was. He doesn't need protected."
"Sure. That's why he's one bloody mess. He has amnesia, is extremely weak and vulnerable, plus some other damage that hasn't made itself apparent yet. He's going to be scarred for life, both physically and emotionally. All because he can defend himself against rebels willing to harm anyone they can, even the innocent."
"Go to hell."
"Been there. It's quite nice; maybe you'd like to go." Duo gasped at the underlying threat in Hiro's voice. Panic seized him, winding like a snake through the fog and siezing control of his body with a rush of adrenaline. He had to stop this fight before Hiro hurt Hilde.
But would he really do that to her? He knows how weak she is. Self- control. Hiro's self control. The Perfect Soldier. Hiro's anger. These thoughts, which only confused him a little, ran through his head as he attempted to stand up. Barely managing to sit up, he grabbed onto one of the bed's poles and pulled, lurching to his feet, only to discover he couldn't feel his lower portion. His slender legs gave way and he crumpled in a heap with a little cry.
Hiro's more attuned, sensitive ears sent him rusing and screaming at Hilde for water. Hilde scrambled to obey. Hiro was kneeling with Duo's limp body cradled against him and trickling water into his parted lips, and bathing his forhead with a cool, damp cloth. Duo's thick, reddish brown lashes fluttered, and he stared up at Hiro with bright, fevered, questioning eyes. "I can't feel my legs." If he had the strength, he would've panicked. But that would mean thinking through the fog to the dark shadows that lurked beneath, waiting to consume him. He was blissfully content to let Hiro hold him and take care of him. There was little else he could do.
Hiro kept his anxiety firmly clamped down under a veneer of calm as he gently lifted Duo back onto the bed, devised him of his clothing, and felt along his body. He had already checked Duo's body thoroughly, and he found nothing new. There had been a fever that raged the delicate body for days, leaving it very frail, and the other wounds had demanded immediate attention and concern, less they become infected. Broken bones had healed. He found nothing new on Duo's front, so he rolled the boy over and ran his hands along his backside.
Hiro bypassed the deep cuts and lacerations that he'd stitched over, the wounds he already knew, when his hand bumped something. Along the base of Duo's spine ran a vicious cut, the one that had taken him the longest to stitch up. The abused tissue around it was a deep, rich plum with black areas. The bottom of the bruise was puffier and darker than the top, but this injury had already been attended too.
Hiro fought back a sob at what this meant. Along the journey back, they had stopped at an old acquantence of Hiro's. Sally Po, medical doctor for a rebel faction in China, had tended, under his close supervision, to Duo. The boy had been in a coma. But time was pressing; Hiro had work to do, and wanted Duo safely tucked away with Hilde, who could care for him. Once Duo had stabalized, Hiro had taken him home. He'd been gone for a month, and Duo hadn't woken up. He had been keeping an eye on the White Fang, waiting and plotting his mission and revenge. Then Duo had woken up, drifting in and out of consciousness. It had been about 3 months before Duo had woken up fully coherent, and another 2 weeks before he woke up and remembered waking up. Hiro had stayed with Duo, attending him constantly. Part of it was guilt. If it hadn't been for him, the White Fang would have had no interest in Duo at all. In his heart, he knew this wasn't true- Duo would have fought the White Fang, and gotten himself into trouble. Hiro had kept him safe. But he still felt guilt, anger, and sorrow. He wanted to do something constructive, like rip those bastard's throats out. And heal Duo. He just wanted Duo back again. Sorrow washed over his anger, driving it to the back of his heart for later.
Instead of sobbing, Hiro let out a low growl that caused Duo to jump, worried that he'd somehow angered Hiro. "Hiro?" he questioned tentatively. Hiro found himself forced to look at the eyes that he'd avoided. Emotionally, he couldn't handle the depth and swirling, confused emotions so trustingly displayed. He had forced himself to concentrate just on assessing Duo's battered, broken body, even though he knew every scrape and bump on it. Those eyes he so loved, which sparkled with warmth, joy, and vitality in his memory, were dull and full of trust. Most of that well of emotion was locked down under a heavy fog, which only the barest of thoughts could flicker through.
Duo saw the perplexed look on Hiro's face. This face always seemed to be made of stone, unmoveable. Yet it was now full of sadness, those always stormy eyes misting over slightly. What? "H-Hiro?"
Hiro couldn't hold back anymore. His instinct was to gather Duo to him, which he did. Then he leaned over, brushing soft locks of cinnamon shot honeyed hair out of Duo's heart shaped face, which was laying on his shoulder. He kissed his forhead, his tears fineally leaking out and spilling onto his soft, bruised skin.
Duo whimpered in confusion and tried to nuzzle against him, but Hiro's hands held him firmly. "No, Duo. I-" Hiro choked on a sob. He must face it, must tell Duo the truth. "There- there is something I have to tell you. About what happened." Hiro decided that Duo didn't need to know everything, just a few. His amnesia seemed to be blocking more and more out of Duo's mind. Hiro wanted to keep it that way.
Duo's fevered eyes widened to twice their natural size, seeming to take up his whole heart shaped face, which was contorted with fear and shock. His gaze locked onto Hiro's face, absorbed by the conflicting emotions swirling like violent waters. The face that was impenetrable stone, never smiling, laughing, or crying. The boy of no emotions was now overcome with them. All because of him. Something was wrong with him, and it was tearing Hiro apart. His legs. They couldn't move.
Panic wound snake like through the thick fog, which, thankfully, confused the shadows lurking in his mind, ready to pounce, keeping the reason why his legs would't work at bay. It took ahold of him, causing him to shake and emit little whimpers. The sight of Hiro's worried stricken face became blurred as tears fell from his eyes, down his softly rounded cheeks, and into his parted lips. His breath increased until it hitched in his throat, and the fluid congualated.
Seeing Duo was close to choking, Hiro stifled the urge to thwack him on the back. One good hit would have cleared his airway, helped him spit the fluid out, and also could damage the healing lacerations and marks on his back. So he had to settle for gently rubbing his upper back and kissing his eyebrow, nose and wet cheek, praying that he got Duo settled down before the fluid killed him. Duo shuddered, gave one violent cough, and a glob of thick, greenish snot came out and landed on the old carpet. He whimpered, still quivering and crying, but calming down. Hiro wiped his tears away, suppressing his anxiety and grief in fear of overwhelming Duo again. Instead, he embraced his relief, leaned close to Duo and nuzzled his cheek. "Sh. It's ok. Please don't cry, Duo. It's going to be alright, don't cry."
With Hiro's warm, tender eyes on him, Duo sniffled and blinked once, a last tear falling. Hiro kissed it away, then brushed his bangs out of his eyes. Duo, worn out after nearly choking, suddenly felt secure as he looked at Hiro's eyes, which were full of love for him. He blinked once more. The knowledge of Hiro's love wrapped him in a sense of security, making him forget the reason for his panic, but, strong as it was, it couldn't penetrate through the mists of his mind to settle into him. If it had, he would have smiled and jumped for joy, flying to the moon and back. As it was, he could only float in the warm feeling that surrounded him, wiping the recent events away.
Then Hiro's eyes changed. That soft look was washed away as he jerked himself from the sweetness of Duo's expressions to the unfinished business at hand. Duo watched with curiosity as those eyes changed from gentle, lapping waves to swirling waters. Those eyes had never changed before, and now they were experiencing so many mixed emotions. Duo felt overwhelmed, and his breath hitched a little until Hiro ran a hand over his face, closing his widened eyes, shutting off the effects the flickering shades of dark and light violet had on him.
He kissed Duo reassuingly and laid his forhead against Duo's. He drew in a deep, shaking breath, recovering from those so open, close moments to steel himself for what he must now finish. Calmly, he said, "Duo, I need you to listen to me, okay? This is so hard to tell you-it's breaking my heart. But you need to know this. Do you trust me?" He paused as Duo nodded and whimpered. "Hush." Hiro stroked Duo's hair, then continued. "Duo, you were kid- taken from me. The people who took you...hurt you. Very bad. Before you awakened here, you had been in a hospital of sorts. You- It's taken you a long time to heal, and you're only ½ way there. There was alot of trauma...damage...done to you. You barely survived. You're amnesia is an effect of all the trauma you've been through. Because of all of this...I'm not sure if you'll ever...ever... walk again." Hiro didn't add that the amnesia was more psychologically than physically induced, which meant that only time would tell if Duo would ever be alright again.
Duo let out a low keening sound, but kept himself under control, which came from exhaustion- he was far too tired for another round of choking. He blinked when he felt Hiro's hot tears falling on his cool cheeks. He brought one hand up and ran it through Hiro's thick, touseled hair.
Hiro let his tears fall, unaware at first of Duo's fine hand carding through his hair. He just remembered Duo so pale and helpless in the hospital bed. He remembered inserting the feeding tube into his stomach, and breathing tubes down his nose. Of their own accord, one hand rubbed Duo's stomach, where the scar from the tube's insicion was, then clutched him feircely to his chest. The memory of it put Hiro on edge, until he wanted to shake himself apart, but he blotted out his emotions with the trained ease of a perfect soldier and concentrated soly on the next steps.
Duo was doing much better now. The boy still could not eat solid food. When Hiro had tried to feed him a bowl of soup, the boy had choked. He was on baby food, which was easy for Hilde to prepare since it was already mashed, and easy on Duo's still weak body. Duo was still so helpless. He needed to be bathed and fed. Hilde often fed him, and Hiro bathed him. He didn't trust that onna; she might accidentally drown him. Besides, he liked having Duo in the tub with him, and he hadn't complained about it. What tore at his heart the most was that Duo was now realizing just how weak and dependant he was. Yet, there were times when those violet eyes, always so soft and dimly lighted now, would come alive and give him hope. Such as now, with Duo running his hand through Hiro's hair. The old Duo was there, buried, but there. Somewhere.
Capturing Duo's smaller, finer boned hand in his calloused one, he vowed ferevently, "Everything will be alright. I'll make it so. I promise." Raising his head, he saw Duo staring at him with a soft, relaxed look and drooping eyelids. He kissed his forhead and watched as the light, strawberry lashes fluttered closed in exhaustion.
* * * * * * * * Hiro sat at the small, round table of the cramped kitchen, drumming his fingers on the vinyl surface. The room only had a sink, fridge, stove, microwave, cupboards and table squeezed in. There was hardly any room to move about. The entire apartment was like that. He had the money to afford a spacious, luxurious condo or house, preferably a house, but this place was remote, hard to find, and completely conscpicious. It was a perfect hide out until he could tear himself away from Duo and go kill those mother fuckers....Hiro shook his head, repressing his anger for later....he had to break away, to complete this mission....not just a mission, but revenge.....then, he, Duo, and Hilde could go and live in real house. Hiro smiled.
He looked at the clock. 8:54 ; almost time to wake Duo up. Hilde was still in bed- it was Hiro's turn to take care of Duo. Actually, Hiro cared for Duo everyday. He was just unable to tear himself away. Most normal people would have contracted care giver's frustration by now, but not him....Duo was his life, his heart. With out Duo, he'd still be a cold hearted bastard. And Duo....Hiro felt tears prick his eyes....Duo hadn't changed much over the past 4 months. The physical wounds had healed, the bruised and lacerations, which had been the end and the last to heal. But Duo was still very...not Duo. He couldn't walk-Hiro'd had to order him a wheelchair-, couldn't eat solid food completely yet, though he'd improved some, he slept alot, and was very mellow. His skin was as smooth and soft as before, and Hiro and Sally couldn't find no physical reason why Duo was still such a wreck. It was the psychological torture he'd undergone....activating a defense mechanism deep in him, Duo's mind had gone dormant, dragging his spirit down with it. So there was no telling if Duo would ever heal, or if he'd even heal completely. Hiro knew the odds of Duo ever being Duo again were a zillion to one. But he would accept any form of improvement on Duo's part.
9:00. Time to go get Duo up.