This just in! I don't own anyone or anything in this story! With the exception of the idea for shaving cream bombs. Not even Hector Rameriez is mine. I borrowed him from another show! (Three guesses which one?) I just have this insane idea I got while watching 'Stuff of Heroes'. Remember that scene in the Brotherhood house. Well I had this thought…those poor souls that had to search that house. He He….
The Horror of the Brotherhood House
"This is Frank Lee with the continuing news coverage of the Mutant Crisis," The newscaster spoke from his desk. "We have new information on the mutants inhabiting Bayville. It seems there has been a second mutant hideout located. Here is now a special report with the Emmy winning newscaster of this networks most respected news program, Twenty Questions. Hector Rameriez."
The scene cut to the inside of the Brotherhood house. Standing there was a suave looking man with a black moustache, blue power suit and more than a hint of ego in his manner. "This is Hector Rameriez with an exclusive report," Rameriez stood there in front of a very familiar house. "The house behind me is the Brotherhood Boarding house, which police have now confirmed housed several mutants. Apparently they were another gang of mutants either affiliated with the X-men or a separate group. We're really not sure about that."
"We are now going to have an exclusive tour of the house," He walked up and was blocked by an officer wearing a biohazard outfit. "Let us in. We have permission to tour the house."
"We'll see about that. Hey Chief! There's a reporter who wants to see the inside. Should we give him a bio-suit?" The officer asked.
"Who is it?" The voice of Chief Bronski asked.
"Hector Rameriez."
"The Twenty Questions guy?" At this Rameriez smiled.
"Don't bother," Bronski called out. "I hate that loser! I mean the way the guy reports the news he's already a disaster. Maybe we'll get lucky and…" He walked out and saw Rameriez standing there. "Oh…That Hector Rameriez…I thought you said Hector Rakierez…different guy."
"Chief Bronski," Rameriez was slightly miffed, but was trying hard not to show it. "I wonder if you can show our viewers what you have discovered in the house."
"Certainly," Bronski ushered him in. "Watch your step. Wouldn't want you to fall and break your neck."
"So you have uncovered evidence of mutants in this house?" Rameriez asked.
"Yes we now have conclusive proof that a large gang of mutants did exist here."
"Did you find any weapons in this house?" Rameriez asked.
"Uh no," Chief Bronski shook his head. "Nothing like what was found at the Xavier institute. Unless you count the garbage around here as a biological weapon."
"Shall we have a tour of the house?" Rameriez asked.
"Certainly," Chief Bronski started with the living room. "As you can see apparently they aren't exactly the cleanest creatures on the planet. There's trash all over the place. This building should have been condemned years ago."
"Now are these mutants in any way affiliated with the X-Men?" Rameriez asked as they went into the kitchen.
"Actually from what we've discovered so far it seems that there's been some kind of rivalry between these mutants and the X-Men," Bronski told him.
"Really? What evidence do you have?"
"Well for starters," He pointed to a huge section of the wall with several messages written in spraypaint. "This is a pretty good clue." The messages were: THE BROTHERHOOD RULES! X-GEEKS DROOL! DOWN WITH THE X-NERDS! SCOTT SUMMERS IS A DORK! JEAN GREY MUST DIE! MASSECERE THE X-MORONS! FIGHT THE X-GEEKS! BROTHERHOOD IS DA BOMB! WE HATE THE X-MEN! WE REALLY HATE THE X-MEN!
"I see," Rameriez nodded. "What else?"
Bronski looked at him for a second. "Over here," He continued with the tour. "Is the kitchen. There's very little food left. Several of the dishes are broken. There's evidence that they stole food to survive. These mutants live like animals."
"As you can see viewers this is without a doubt the most squalid of conditions," Rameriez crinkled his nose in distaste at the sight of several flies and garbage. "What's in the backyard?"
"Several garden gnomes apparently," Bronski told him. "We think they may have some kind of religious significance by the way they've been positioned but we aren't sure. Many have been reported stolen from around Bayville. Let's go upstairs now."
They walked up the step. "Oh watch the third step it's kind of…" Bronski started to say.
"AGGGGH!" Rameriez's leg fell through it.
"Weak…" Bronski sighed.
"It's a trap!" Rameriez shouted. "Viewers! I've fallen into a mutant trap! HELP!"
"It's not a trap. You just have your foot stuck! Somebody help me here," He and another officer helped pull his leg out.
"Oh god it's broken!" Rameriez screamed.
"It's not broken you moron!" Bronski shouted.
"Oh it isn't," Rameriez calmed down. "As you can see viewers I am risking life and limb to bring you exclusive footage of this dangerous mutant hideout."
"Oh brother," Bronski rolled his eyes. "Oh by the way don't put your hands on the…"
Rameriez leaned against the wall and found he had put his hand in some green goop. "EEEEWWWWW!" Rameriez winced.
"Wall," Bronski sighed. "There's some kind of green slime everywhere. We have no idea where it comes from. Don't worry it's not toxic. We think."
"You think?" Rameriez's face blanched. "What if I die or something?"
"Well then we'll know we were wrong won't we?" Bronski snapped. "Come on."
"This is disgusting," Rameriez wiped his hand on a handkerchief.
"This is nothing. Wait till you see the rooms upstairs," Bronski pointed to an open room at the end of the hall. "As you can see from this huge hole and some damage, its possible that these mutants have the power to create explosions. Or they have some dynamite that went bad. This room," He opened another room where three officers were examining. "Is believed to be the room of one Lance Alvers. You can see this room is a pigsty. Clothes are strewn everywhere, homework ignored. Magazines all over the place…"
"In other words just like every other teenager in America," Rameriez said.
"Chief look at this!" One of the officers opened the closet door. There were hundreds of pictures of Kitty Pryde posted to it. "It's some sort of shrine."
"I recognize that girl," Another said. "That's the Pryde girl. From the X-Men."
"I guess they didn't all hate each other," Rameriez noted. "Looks like there may have been a little romance between the two teams. A mutant version of Romeo and Juliet."
"More like a mutant stalker," Bronski grumbled. "Let's go to another room shall we? Most of the other rooms are like this except this one," He opened the door. Everything was spotless and perfectly clean. "I mean look at this room. Not even a speck of dirt. In all my years as both a police officer and a parent I have never seen a room this clean. I mean really look at this place. This kid even has his own cleaning supplies. It's unnatural."
"Wow," Rameriez looked around. "Is that a mural on the ceiling?"
"Yup a self portrait. That's nothing," He opened the closet. "Look at this!"
"Oh my goodness! Those aren't what I think they are! Are they?"
"Yup," Bronksi took one out. "Puppets. Dozens of puppets. All hand sewn. Frightening isn't it?"
"Let's get out of here!" Rameriez said nervously. "This room is starting to creep me out. What's in that room?" He saw some officers standing around one doorway.
"This is the one room we haven't gone in yet," Bronski told him. "Even the search dogs backed away with fright."
"Viewers this is an exclusive!" Rameriez said excitedly. "We are now going to open up a suspected mutant terrorist's room live! Is it locked?"
"Uh no, but I think we should wait a minute and…" Bronski said.
"Time waits for no man Bronski!" Rameriez grabbed the doorknob. "The truth waits for no man!" He opened the door and stepped inside. "AAAAAHHHHH!" Instantly Rameriez was covered from head to toe in a white foamy substance.
"It's shaving cream," An officer looked at it. "Somebody rigged it up with a bomb made of shaving cream. Pretty clever."
"I told you so," Bronski chuckled.
"This is Hector Rameriez," He said spitting out shaving cream. "Reporting live from the Brotherhood Boarding house. Back to you in the studio."
When he thought the camera was off he started to shout. "WHERE THE HECK IS WARDROBE? GET ME A NEW OUTFIT! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS! A TWO HUNDRED AND THIRTY-DOLLAR SUIT RUINED! I SWEAR IF I HADN'T TRICKED THE BOSS INTO THINKING THAT MY OUTFITS WERE LEGITIMATE BUSINESS EXPENSES I'D…What do you mean we're still on the air? Oh…Fudge."
Yup, Rameriez is a minor character from the GI Joe cartoon series. He just seems like a perfect person to torment!