Title: Tests and Trials

Summary: Rodney is still being troubled by Duranda, and he feels like he no longer belongs on Atlantis. Why should he stay if his team, and friends are going to doubt him? McKay, team friendship. Set in season 2, a few weeks after Trinity but before Instinct.

Spoilers: Trinity and that's about it.

Author's Note: I wrote this last year when Trinity aired, and I've only just found it. I will apologise for the poor spelling and grammar now, because unfortunately I forgot to send this to my beta. Hopefully there's nothing too bad in there. This is NOT slash, and I don't think it can be even if you stand on one leg and squint really hard. This is a one-shot story, and I hope you enjoy it. D

Tests and Trials.

The ancient city of Atlantis shimmered slightly in the moonlight, the ocean that surrounded it glittered and reflected the deep blue sky above with it's many constellations of stars and planets. The sea's gentle waves lapped against Atlantis' base and the sound was carried across the beautiful city by the soft breeze.

A man was stood on one of balconies overlooking this beautiful sight, his face was hidden in shadow as he stood stock still against the railings. His hands were clutching the metal terribly hard, like he was afraid it might fall away if he let go. His breathing was fast and shallow as though he had been running, and he was trembling slightly though it was impossible to tell if it was from the cool breeze or from something else.

Suddenly the man raised his head to look up at the moon and his face was thrown into light, he had short, dark brown hair and startlingly blue eyes, his face was a mask of sorrow and pain as he gazed up at the bright moon that orbited this planet.

"What happened?" he whispered, his face was damp from either tears or sea water and his voice was shaking.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!" he screamed to the sea, the waves simply continued to hit the side of the pier in answer to his rhetorical question. He slumped over the barrier to the water and let the spray lash at his face, he considered letting go of the metal railings and simply falling into the ocean now.

Who would care if I did?' he thought glumly as he pulled his head backwards and moved slowly away from the barrier. His whole world had been turned upside down after the events of Duranda, but that had been over a month ago and still he hadn't regained trust back from his colleagues. His work was being second guessed, his so called friends were watching him with fear and he was now the butt of a thousand and one jokes made by the many scientists and soldiers on Atlantis.

"You know, you could have been a bit nicer to me! I am the smartest guy here! Well...I was." his voice trailed away, as he once more bent his face to hide it in shadow. For a long while he just stood and listened to the sound of the waves hitting the pier, the sound had once been soothing for him, a haven to go to on evenings like this but no more, now it was the sound of failure, the sound of three quarters of a solar system being blown to smithereens. He sighed as he stood up straight, he took one last look out at the horizon before turning and walking out of the door which flew open at his approach. There was no time to blubber about this now! He'd have to bottle it up for a bit longer but now he needed to work. He headed swiftly towards his lab, he knew it would be empty now as it was about 3 in the morning and most of his team were in bed.

He passed a few soldiers who were stuck doing the late shifts, but none of them acknowledged his approach mainly because he didn't acknowledge them either. He soon rounded the corner into his lab and rushed to his table, there upon it sat his pride and joy (for the moment anyway) a small round object which flashed occasionally if it was opened. Before Duranda he had been able to toy with this object and become immersed in it's intricate design but now, now it couldn't keep him occupied for more then 5 minutes at a time.

'Well I need those five minutes.' he thought as he picked it up carefully, he sat behind his desk and looked at the strange object for a moment before he carefully prized the top of the object off, within seconds the inside wiring of it was showing. Rodney was able to content himself for about 7 minutes (a definite record!) with the small machine, he prised a few more wires out of the casing and had exposed the strange power conduit inside before he lost interest in it and had to put it carefully back down on the bench.

He rubbed his eyes wearily, he didn't know what was wrong with him normally he could go on for hours and not feel tired at all, but now it was different. Now he had so many other things rushing through his mind, that he seemed unable to concentrate on one thing at a time. And even if he did find something that interested him, he didn't feel confident enough to toy around with it to see what it did. He had to get one of his other scientists to look at it, just to make sure he wouldn't blow everyone up.

God he hated this! He hated feeling so useless, for the first time since he'd entered this city he felt like he didn't belong. He actually felt like picking up his bags, dialling a random planet in Pegasus and just living there for the rest of his life. He lowered his hands and let them fall on his lap, allowing his tired eyes to wander around the empty room. He had always liked the lab to be quiet, but now...now it seemed too quiet! There wasn't enough hustle and bustle, there wasn't the noise of other scientists screwing up! Of them making discoveries and hurrying over to him to show him excitedly what they'd found. And then have their ideas blasted down to earth, in a pile of smoke and ash. He missed those days! The days when other's looked at him with fear and respect, and not with anger and shame.

He'd saved this goddamned planet enough times to have earned at least one wrong move, he'd managed to help them escape so many disasters! Why couldn't they let this go?

'Because you made a mistake!' Said a nagging voice in his head. 'You've always said that you were incapable of mistakes, and yet here you are sitting in the lab on your own pining for the days when others feared you! When others thought you really were unable to make mistakes! Now you've blown up 3/4s of a solar system, and you just expect them to welcome you back with open arms? Get a grip Rodney! Use that genius brain of yours to figure out that it's gunna take time for them to trust you! It may even be years, before they let you forget this.' He bowed his head dejectedly, knowing that his thoughts were right. It would take time for the others to forgive him, and he should just get over this! He stood slowly, and moved to the door of his lab. His stomach let out a loud rumble and he stifled a laugh, he hadn't eaten anything today! Normally he would be complaining about his Hypoglycaemia but not today! He began to move towards the canteen, glad that it was so early. No one else should be in there, so he could grab some left over food and just sit at a table in peace.

He moved towards the doors and they open quickly, sensing his gene and his foul mood. He had always wondered if this city had some kind of psychic connection to it's inhabitants. It seemed to be able to tell if a person was angry, sad, scared etc and would almost act accordingly. Right now, all the doors he walked towards opened extraordinarily quickly! He walked in and grabbed a tray, he saw that there was still several pieces of food and he grabbed as much as he could. Avoiding all things containing even the faintest trace of lemon, of course.

He moved over to a table and sat down heavily, putting his tray down on the tabletop. He began to pick at his food, trying to find an appetising piece. Finally he just closed his eyes and stuffed a bread roll into his mouth, savouring the slightly stale taste.

"We can't avoid him all the time!" Rodney's eyes snapped open, at the sound of a voice in the hallway. What? No one should be up at this time! Who were they talking about?

"John I am not saying we are avoiding him!" He recognised these voices! His team! Oh no...he looked around trying to find a place to hide.

"I believe he is avoiding us."

"I know. God dammit! I wanted to forgive him! Hell I've already forgiven him, but he's never around for me to tell him!"

" Maybe you should try harder Sheppard."

"Oh funny Ronon, funny!" It was too late, Teyla, John and Ronon entered the canteen. He turned his gaze down towards the table, hoping to go unnoticed for the moment. But it didn't work, Teyla spotted him first and nudged the others.

"Hey McKay." John said quietly, and Rodney resigned himself to the fact that he had to look at them. He raised his face to look at them, and sent them all a fleeting half-smile. Teyla returned it, and began to walk towards him. His breath hitched slightly as he watched John, wondering if he'd come over too. He did, and Ronon followed soon after, with a big loaded tray.

It held more food than even Rodney's! And the minute the Satedan sat down he began to eat, shovelling the food into his mouth as fast as he could.

"Slow down big fella!" John said staring at Ronon, half amused half exasperated. Many a time he had tried to teach Ronon table manners, and every time he had failed miserably. Ronon sent him a glare and didn't slow down,

"Okay." John said holding his hands up in surrender, before he turned to Rodney. "So...why have you been avoiding us?" Rodney blanched at the question, he hadn't expected them to be so forward.

"Um...uhr..." What should he say? The truth? "I...IfeelterribleaboutDurandandIdon'twantyouguystohateme." This last sentence came out so fast, that it sounded like one enormous word! The others looked puzzled, and even Ronon stopped eating whilst he tried to figure out what the scientist had said.

"Oh..." Rodney dropped his gaze to the tabletop again, feeling dreadful.

"Rodney, we don't hate you." He looked up into Teyla's beautiful brown eyes, and saw in them not anger and shame, but kindness, sympathy and understanding.

"But...I made a mistake!"

"We all make mistakes McKay, it' s a fact of life." John said trying to shrug, but Rodney say him wince slightly as memories began to flood the Colonel's mind.

"Yeah." Ronon said simply, as he returned to his food.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Rodney, look we couldn't help but be a bit...distant with you." Rodney looked straight into John's face, his blue eyes searching the dark hazel ones. "You screwed up, but that's past. We've forgiven you! I've forgiven you!"

"Really?"

"Yes." Rodney began to smile, not the half-hearted smile he'd been using before but a proper smile. A proper broad grin, spread across his face.

"So you really all forgive me?"

"YES!" John and Teyla said in unison, before glancing at Ronon.

"He does too." John said quickly, as Ronon didn't even look up from his food. Rodney grinned at them all, feeling a large weight in his stomach lift. He knew that there were still people in the city who didn't trust him, hell most people in this city would never trust him again! But at least he had his team with him! At least they were here, and they had forgiven him. That was all that matter for the moment. Apologies would be made, and he would have to start building bridges with the scientists but in the here and now, everything was fine.

I hope you enjoyed it, and please do review. , thanks for reading.