Daniel Doesn't Think Enough
childofspacegypsy1
Synopsis: Daniel's thoughts after Ark of Truth. No real spoilers.
Wow. Things have changed. And somehow this felt like one of those BIG ones.
Yes, we've gone on a life-threatening missions. And yes, we've accomplished what we all set out to do. But, that happened a lot around here. What had really changed was her. Or was it him? Could it be both?
She wasn't necessarily any different. I would have paid money for the rest of the team to have seen her face when Tomin introduced her as his wife. Poor Vala. Same old Vala, gotten into something she was now wishing she hadn't. But as usual, life hadn't really given her any other option. Then I walked into Tomin's cell and saw her tending to him, and worrying about me. Why had 'Busted' flashed above her head when I spoke? She looked like she'd been zatted. And all I could think was how wonderful she is. Always a step ahead. I grinned as I tossed my rescue Vala plan out. Right.
My Vala. Now that was something that would have irked me in the past. But it was true. She was as much a part of my life as Jack, Sam, Teal'c and even Cam. Teammates and friends. Actually if I had to put a label on this relationship with Vala, it would be best friend. We've been through a lot together. And while some would say that Vala had really been the one to change and grow, she's had a bigger impact on my life than most know. She trusted me in a way few others, if any, ever had. She trusted me with her life. Not just in the physical since. She trusted that I saw something in her that no one else had. Something worth risking her freedom and self imposed barriers for. A real life. Here. With me and SG1. And THAT did strange things to my own self imposed walls.
She trusted me more than I trusted myself.
Yes, she drove me crazy, and yes I had been afraid to trust her trust in me. I had never been able to fully let her be herself without the fear that she was wrong. That I couldn't do this. That I wouldn't be able to let her in enough to trust her and therefore hurt her newfound self assurance. But, surprisingly, I did. I've grown and learned from her. That probably had a lot to do with why I so easily snapped at her fun loving antics. That doesn't mean that I'm denying that she often went too far or that she didn't know when to shut up. But that's Vala.
So...What now? Wait…what? 'What now?' Is there more?
When I think about it, it's not that I think that Vala isn't capable of a true and loving relationship. But more that I was so determined on keeping myself from being on the receiving end of that affection that I never stopped to think about whether I wanted it or not, and whether or not it was even directed my way. Now I'm not so sure that is what I really want to do anymore. She already wiggled her way into my life; I can't love her anymore than I do now.
And there is not one thing stopping me. Wait what am I thinking?