full title: You Mustn't Tell Me How I Know Your Face Like the Back of My Hand
I just want to run to you and break off the chains, and throw them away.
They tell him Dalton isn't real when he wakes up. Puck and the guys never told him to be a spy. He answered to a message-less cell phone each time he smiled at the screen. It's just a bump to his head, causing him to think his way. But Dalton doesn't matter. Dalton doesn't matter at all.
But Blaine does… and there isn't a Blaine.
Karofsky gets sent to alternative school so the halls are safe. Sectionals are coming soon and when Finn suggests Hey Soul Sister, Kurt bursts down into tears in front of the glee club. Then, as Christmas rolls around, he can't listen to Zooey Deschanel on the radio singing the female part to Baby It's Cold Outside. Hey Monday becomes his most hated band and don't even get him started with Teenage Dream.
It's hard to believe what could have possibly been the best thing in his life, turned out to be a figment of his imagination.
By the time he graduates and heads off to New York for college, he puts it behind him. The classes are looser and Kurt has more time on his hands. Usually, it constitutes running around trying to find jobs. He isn't exactly the richest New York college kid around.
One day, while exiting the coffee shop next to Columbia, he bumps into someone entering. Kurt barely has time to look up when he sees the flash of gelled hair pass by him. Eyes widening, Kurt spins around by the other person has already disappeared into the crowd of customers. A few hours later, Kurt is off on a stroll of the grounds, refilled coffee in his hands and humming to Defying Gravity. He bumps into someone again. This time he looks up.
The coffee crashes to the ground.
"Oh, sorry," Kurt apologizes in a rather hysterical voice.
The man opposite him bends down to pick up the cap while Kurt grimaces at the sticky cup. "Here." The man is holding out a napkin taken from the Chick-fil-a bag he's holding. Kurt takes it gingerly and mutters a few words of thanks before throwing ruined cup and napkin in a nearby trash bin. "Sorry about that," Chick-fil-a guy says. "I wasn't looking at where I was going."
"It's fine."
"Buy you another coffee?"
Kurt freezes. "No, it's fine," he manages to force out. It comes out sounding extremely callous.
"Alright, sorry," the other man responds to Kurt's biting tone. "Hey, you're the freshman aren't you? In last month's production." Kurt nods. "You were pretty good."
"Thanks," Kurt replies, not daring to look the other man in the eyes.
"Yeah, my friend Jake was in it. Kurt Hummel right?" Kurt nods again. He remembered my name from the program? The man extends his hand. "Nice to meet you. Blaine Anderson."
That night, Rachel comes over to visit from Julliard. Normally, heart to heart talks are reserved for Mercedes but he needs to spill. Rachel looks on almost pityingly. It's not what Kurt wants, but it's what he'd expect –even if it were Mercedes instead. "And just when I got over it you know?" he sobs, wiping the tears away. Rachel takes him in a hug and they sing for the rest of the night.
He meets Blaine a few other times, library, hallways, commons. Truthfully, Kurt avoids him, resisting the urge to stalk the exact replica of his made up boyfriend. Besides, you don't even know if he's gay in reality.
Blaine, however, looks like he does the opposite of Kurt's avoiding. Every time he meets Kurt, he's always chatting him up, wanting to know everything. Eventually, Kurt agrees to meet for that reimbursed coffee. Then it settles into routine. Kurt wants to end this desperately. He doesn't want to feel a second heartbreak, but he's too nice to cut it off with someone who seems to be enjoying this.
Finally, Blaine asks Kurt out to dinner. So he is definitely 100% gay, Kurt muses as the words tumble from Blaine's mouth. "I can't," Kurt finds himself saying.
"Oh…" Blaine looks extremely disappointed.
"I've got practice tonight," Kurt lies.
Blaine frowns but gives a shrug. "Okay. Well maybe some other time."
"Yeah," Kurt replies with a fake smile and they hug as Blaine leaves the small New York condo.
A few weeks later, Blaine asks him on another date. This time, there is no excuse so Kurt agrees to grab a quick lunch with him. They chat and laugh; Blaine holds his hand. Nothing else goes on and Kurt thinks, maybe this isn't so bad. I can break it off with him.
Then Blaine asks him out to dinner. He starts putting the moves on, bringing flowers sometimes. It's assumed amongst Blaine's friends that he's dating Kurt. Kurt… doesn't want it.
"Dinner?" Blaine asks, handing a rose to Kurt. Kurt takes it gingerly and plants it in the vase of many other flowers Blaine has given him.
"When?" Kurt asks, shaking on the inside.
"How 'bout… Friday?" suggests the other student.
"Busy," Kurt spews out before he can stop himself. He really really wants to go on that date, but he really really can't.
"I thought last night was the last performance."
"We have new productions all the time, Blaine," Kurt chastises. "And exams are soon."
"Oh…" Blaine mutters. Then he ponders the second rejection again. "Kurt," he begins, "it feels like you're always blowing me off."
"Hm?"
"I mean, I like being with you and everything. You're funny and great, but every time I try to ask you out or something, you never want to go. You don't have to dance around it if you don't want it. Just tell it to my face."
"It's not like that," Kurt replies.
"Then what is it like?" Blaine asks with a little more impatience painted in his voice.
"Just… you won't understand."
"I thought we were friends Kurt and I really like you."
"Just stop."
"Kurt, you move me and-"
"Just stop!" Kurt screams, clutching his head. "Stop it! I'm not asking you to take me out. Just get out of here."
"Kurt." Blaine reaches out to comfort the other man.
"Don't touch me!" Kurt yells. "Get out! I hate you! Why'd you have to find me? Get the hell out!" He points towards the slightly ajar door and Blaine slowly backs away, not before hearing Kurt collapse onto his bed and bawl eyes out.
Blaine sits in the lobby, watching the various tenants come and go. He can't bring himself to leave until the sun has finally set. It's like that each day. As classes end, and when Blaine is sure Kurt has locked himself in his condo, he sits in one of the lobby chairs. One day, while lost in thought, a couple approaches him.
"You're Blaine right?" The dark-haired boy looks up. "I'm Finn; this is Rachel. Could we talk?"
The three of them go to a coffee shop and Blaine fumbles with the packet of Splenda, spilling a few grains of artificial sweetener on the Starbucks table. "I'm Kurt's step-brother," Finn says as he takes a sip of his coffee.
Blaine nods dumbly, thinking that he's about to die.
"I'm Rachel," the woman next to Finn says. "We went to high school with Kurt."
"Okay…" Blaine mumbles, swirling his coffee cup.
"Blaine," Rachel continues. "You have to understand, Kurt's never had a real boyfriend before."
"What, he had an imaginary one?" Blaine retorts, not realizing how bitter he's become in the past few days. The glance exchanged between Finn and Rachel makes his heart skip a beat.
"McKinley High wasn't exactly the best place for underdogs. You can imagine how it was for Kurt. The jocks not in glee club weren't exactly the most welcoming group," Finn explained. "And well one day-"
"This guy name Karofsky," Rachel interjects, "kissed Kurt and tried to get more. And Kurt fought back this time. Even then, he's still no chance for a footballer. By the time Finn and the rest of the guys got there, Kurt was out cold. He was in a coma for two weeks and when he woke up, he had a whole world made up in his head."
"Yeah," Blaine forced himself to say, downing half his coffee.
"He thought he transferred to this place called Dalton," Finn continued. "An all-boys boarding school with a zero-tolerance policy for bullying. In that made up world… he met you." Blaine tightened his grip on his coffee cup. "Well, he dreamt you up I guess. He looked up to you because you were the first openly proud gay guy he thought he'd ever met. You were together I think. When he woke up and realized none of that actually happened, he was devastated. Nothing could stop him crying."
"Our glee club skipped an entire week of school just to stay with him at the hospital," Rachel added. "So what we're saying is that we think Kurt thinks that this could all just be another dream. He loves you Blaine. He loves you a lot. You're everything he imagined and right when he started to get over it, you come into his life. Do you understand why he'd be so upset?"
Blaine nods dumbly, tears forming in his eyes. "But…" he begins shakily. "I really like him," he confesses. "I don't know why, but the first time I met him I just thought 'this is someone I can walk around in Central Park hand-in-hand.' I didn't even know him, just some guy on stage. But it was like I could be intimate without having known him for my whole life."
"Love at first sight," Rachel smiles. She takes his hand and gives it a comforting squeeze. "I may not know you much and you're on my to-kill list for hurting Kurt, but… maybe you should tell him that."
Blaine's lip quirks upward and in fiddles with the cardboard protector on the Starbucks cup. "Yeah," he replies. "Yeah…" Then he gets up and throws away the half empty cup, not hearing Finn and Rachel's conversation as he left.
"Do you think-"
"Of course Finn. Kurt dreamt up the perfect guy and then meets him. Of course it'll be alright."
I just want to be so much and shake off the dust that turned me to rust.
Blaine waits impatiently as the elevator makes its ascent to Kurt's floor. "Kurt," Blaine calls as he knocks on the door. "Kurt, open up." Silence hangs over the hallway. "Please," Blaine begs. "I'm sorry that I pushed too far. I should have asked." Then he takes a deep breath. Upon hearing the lingering silence, he confesses, "I love you." Silence. "I love you," he whispers in repeat. "I don't know why," he begins, "but I do. And I want to be with you. Please Kurt." He knocks again, gently. This time the doorknob turns and the door creaks open.
"Hey," Blaine smiles. He reaches out for Kurt's hand, waiting for the other student to pull away. But he doesn't. And, gathering up his courage, Blaine takes one stop further, raising his free right hand to stroke Kurt's cheek. "I want to try something," he breathes. "You decide when to stop, okay?" Then Blaine slowly moves in, tilting his head.
Fireworks don't even begin to describe it.
The butterflies in his stomach are replaced by a dozen nuclear bomb explosions. His head is swarming with runaway thoughts. All he thinks is holy shit, this is amazing. He's completely on autopilot right now.
Kurt must feel the same way because suddenly Blaine is up against a wall. They're fighting for dominance as they press their bodies up against each other. Suddenly, Blaine feels cold and wet against his cheeks. Seconds later, he realizes that these are Kurt's tears. He brings his arms around Kurt's waist and gives a reassuring squeeze, pulling away from the kiss and letting the taller man rest his head on Blaine's shoulder. "Shhhhhhh… It's okay. It's okay. I've got you. I love you. I'm not letting you go," Blaine whispers like a mantra. Kurt cries into Blaine's shoulder, staining the gray t-shirt with tears.
In that moment it feels like they know everything about each other, like they've been together all their lives. Blaine knows that what he's feeling is right. He knows that the moment he bumped into Kurt on campus, he knew he was in love. It was just something that kept drawing him back to Kurt. It was as if they were always meant to be and if Kurt imagined him so vividly and so accurately in his concussion-induced utopian world, then maybe that conjecture wasn't so far off after all.
"I love you," Blaine whispers, kissing Kurt's cheek. The aching feeling in his heart doesn't go away. He feels like he doesn't need dates or coffee to convey how strongly he feels. Kurt takes a shuddering breath and utters the words he's replayed over and over in his head.
"I love you too Blaine Anderson."
Sooner than later, I'll need a savior; I need a savior.
Title and lyrics are all by LIGHTS. (Songs are February Air and Saviour, respectively).
I don't own Glee.
A few "Kurt wakes up from a fight with Karofsky and Dalton was all a dream" fics have been floating around lately. I decided to take a whack at it, because the ones I've read don't make them get together at the end.