I don't own Glee! :) This story is just my first. If you have any suggestions for how I can make this better please leave them. I know how to take criticism and love help.
Summary: Jeff Is confused and hurt, which leads to the unbelievable.
Jeff
I feel as though I am falling. As though the earth is opening up and swallowing me whole. I keep going down into the darkness. Hands are grabbing and pulling at me. Leaving marks of red.
But then, I opened my eyes. The sun blaring down on me through the window.
The dreams were plaguing me night after night. Making me feel worthless. Maybe the gods were punishing me because I'm gay. I believe so, but who am I to say.
I look over to the other bed and see that Nick is already gone. Hes been avoiding me ever since that one night last week. I cant even remember the date, as though remembering would make it hurt more.
FLASHBACK
"No Nick, you have to listen!", I scream at him, thinking he will finally sit down and listen to me for once.
He sat down on his bed and looked at me with worried eyes, afraid I was going to tell him something that would change our lives forever.
I didn't know how to phrase what i was going to say. Iv never had this problem before. Iv always been so out there, not afraid to tell the world. But now, standing in front of Nick, looking in his eyes, I am now afraid. I have to get it out of my mouth, so i just say it as bluntly as possible.
"I love you."
And it hurts to see the look in his eyes, the confusion and if I looked hard enough, the pain.
He got up suddenly and left. No goodbye.
END OF FLASHBACK
I haven't talked to him since. I try to approach him but he just leaves the room as fast as possible.
Never looking at me. Leaving me alone. As though he cant see how much it hurts me.
I get out of my bed and slowly walk to the bathroom. A clear intent of harm in my mind.
I shut the door and lock it. I don't even know why.
I grab the silver metal with my hand and sink against the wall.
Turning it over in my hands I question how this all began.
It was my way out of all the pain. I understand every time I do it that it wont help in the long run, but I know that I cant stop.
I pull up my sleeve and look at my arm. Many cuts adorning it.
I pressed the metal against my arm and slowly drew a cut.
I watched the blood bubble against my skin, slowly running down my arm.
Just as I was going to do another cut, my phone went off signaling I got a text.
I checked it and repressed a laugh.
Trent. January 23, 2012. (9:03)
-Jeff! Get your blond head down to the meeting room this once! Or ill come up and grab your pretty blonde hair and mess it up!
I did another cut fast then began to clean up.
Wrapping bandages on my arm over and over again, making sure no blood wouldn't escape.
Getting my uniform on and fixing the tie, which always takes the longest for me.
I fixed my hair in my regular Jeff way and left my shared room, not looking forward to the meeting.
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As I walked in I was greeted by sound of many voices.
I walked to the back and took a seat by myself, knowing that everyone was use to me not sitting by Nick anymore.
I didn't even pay attention to anything that was being discussed. I was too busy looking at the back of Nicks head. Wishing he would acknowledge me.
But I knew that that was to much to ask for.
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The meeting ended and I slowly made my way back to my room. Not even bothering to go to my classes.
I had all my classes with Nick. On purpose of course, so we would never be separated.
Now I know thats all that he wants now.
The moment I step in the door I begin to rip at my clothes. I cant stand to be constricted and they remind too much of Nick, although everyone has to wear them.
I go to the bathroom and look in the mirror. The dark circles. The red eyes.
I peel the bandages off and grab the piece of metal.
Pressing it against my wrist, right above my vein, I know that I could end it all.
But I knew that was too much.
I slowly began to drag it up my arm, as though I was drawing.
I knew I was getting out of hand when I began to draw shapes and laugh hysterically.
I slammed my head back against the wall and dropped the razor.
Sliding back against the wall I began I cry.
I don't know how long I sat there. Crying and bleeding.
Remembering the good times in my life.
All the fun times with Nick. When we were friends. Enjoying life.
I knew that I had to get up before Nick came back from his classes.
I cleaned my arm and wrapped it again.
Changing my clothes and crawling into bed I closed my eyes, knowing that the nightmares would come back.
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There was fire. Scorching me. Making me scream. Grabbing me.
I woke up covered in sweat.
Looking over I saw Nick asleep.
I laid back down and hugged my pillow.
Wondering what tomorrow would bring.
R&R! I always read them.