The boy who was cursed
Mr and Mrs Deutsch moved from Streussenhaben (Germany), for no less than 15 years ago, to domicile into the polluted pesthole, which most people usually call London. Mr German Deutsch was a very good-natured, slightly overweight man who loved children and German sausage, preferably the so-called Bratwurst, his native country's proud national dish. Generally he wore green brace/knee breeches, with a white shirt underneath, decorated with lots of grease marks (from the sausage). He was very fond of his job, which naturally could not be anything but the top executive at his own enterprise; Sausage Jawohl AB, which manufactured the best sausages in the country (according to himself; however the critics did not agree at all). Mrs Buttercup Deutsch was a sinewy hag, very manipulative and mean. She had married Mr Deutsch solely because of the brass farthing. She spent all her time at home, idling, while glowering at her son, Paddy, whom she hated. She deeply regretted the night they created the ugly little freak. The Deutsch's lived thereby a normal, however a bit routine-like, life in the suburban. BUT!!! Who came THEN into their lives if not little Merry Poppis, nephew of Mrs Deutsch. Their lives would never be the same again.
Everything began on a perfectly normal Tuesday. When Mr Deutsch was on his way to work he saw something most unusual: There was a scabby gorgonian cur, which sat eyeing the garden wall, with what Mr Deutsch perceived as very seductive bedroom eyes. He rubbed his pig eyes for a moment. When he looked again, the dog was at full steam to excitedly cadge the poor garden wall. Mr Deutsch intook a disgusted face and sat down in the car, whence he drove away.
On the way to his job, he saw more odd things than the waggle dog. What he saw? Well, it was… notably. He saw: A man with spangled pink trousers who climbed a lamp post, a naked dwarf merely dressed in spectacles who blew his nose, a nun in a sports car who picked up a couple of innocent unsuspecting young men, and a Moomin troll who glanced at his watch with an impatient look on his face.
Meanwhile Mrs Deutsch sat at home on the couch, doing nothing but eat out of her big bag of crisps, while Paddy fell out through the window on the second floor. He hurt himself rather severely.
At the dead of night an old geezer wearing a straightjacket appeared outside the Deutsch house. Soon he had released himself from the jacket, whence he began throwing pebbles and smashing all the lamp post lights nearby. The scabby waggle dog, which had been waiting on the garden wall the entire day, then transformed into a daringly dressed woman.
"But hellooo McDreamagall", the lunatic burst out.
"Hi there Dumlefool", the dog woman replied, "what are you doing here, I thought you were at the madhouse?"
"Yes but I escaped", the mental patient answered with a blithesome voice.
"But what are you doing here then?"
Dumlefool just shrugged. "And yourself?"
"There has been an act of terror again, towards the Poppis family this time. Lord Violenty is behind it, he murdered Jammy & Silly. The kid survived with only a curse over him and a dorky question mark in the forehead. He is presumably mentally deranged and generally environmentally damaged now, so I was going to dump him with his muggle relatives for now."
Dumlefool looked extremely bored by this time. "Don't you have any Dumle toffees?"
McDreamagall sighed testily. "Did you not listen you old devil? I have no time with any damned toffees."
Dumlefool poked his tongue out and sat down at the waggle garden wall to mope. Then they suddenly heard a humming sound. An enormous motorcycle with an equally enormous man came flying and landed in front of the duo.
"Hi there HubbaBubba you slow bastard", said McDreamagall seductively.
HubbaBubba grunted as reply, and negligently threw a bundle over to Dumlefool.
"What am I gonna do with this?"
McDreamagall ripped the kid away from him. "Nothing at all you psycho, I just told you I am going to leave him here. I will leave a postcard to let them know who the intruder is."
The woman left the pack, containing Merry Poppis, at the muggles' threshold so that he would get a fat smack the next morning when Mr Deutsch unsuspectingly opened the door on his way to work.
"By the way HubbaBubba, what a sexy motorbike you have bought", said McDreamagall when the trio left the street.
"Yeah, right… bought… ehhrmohem", he harrumphed as reply.
Swedish word explanations:
Moomin troll = "mumintroll", a creature in a Finnish fairytale by Tove Janson
Dumle toffees = "Dumlekolor"
HubbaBubba = "hubbabubba", a big chewing gum good for blowing bubbles