Welcome to my world, or welcome back to my world! If you are one of my continuing readers, I thank you and suggest you go ahead and skip down to the story. If you are just joining us, let me give you some introduction.

If you prefer to avoid spoilers and would like to read what happened previously on your own, please check out my stories It Was the Year of Fire (season 1), It Was the Year of Great Sadness (season 2), and It Was the Year of Pain (season 3) to read about how Sam and Dean's world is a little different when Sam's best friend from Stanford, Jen, ends up along for the ride. She's not much for ghost hunting exactly, but she's always there when someone needs a sympathetic ear or a shoulder to cry on. There's more than that going on with her, but I don't want to give anything away if you are going to read those. However, if you prefer to get a quick summary on Jen and just start reading, I'll direct you to the bottom of this chapter for more information.

Jen knew she had to hurry. Dean had been back for hours, and she still hadn't seen him. She wasn't sure if they didn't know he would be back or if they just decided not to tell her, knowing how she would react. Instead, she was in the middle of another mission when she felt Dean's presence. She moved as quickly as she could to finish, although she couldn't move quite as fast as she wanted. She didn't like Dean being alone for this long, especially after hell. She wasn't close enough yet to hear specifics, but what she could feel across the distance was lonely and scared.

She finally caught up to Dean at Bobby's place.

"All right, if I was either, would I do this with a silver knife?" Dean spoke as he cut himself on the arm. Bobby continued to give him an incredulous stare. Jen materialized behind Dean and looked right at Bobby. It only took her a moment in Dean's presence to be certain of Dean's humanity.

"It's him Bobby. It's really him."

Dean spun around at the sound of Jen's voice and stared at her for a second with a shocked look on his face before grabbing her in a hug.

"Oh thank God, you're still here." Dean whispered. Jen squeezed Dean tightly, and as she did, she could see what happened to him in Hell and feel how terrible it was. She controlled herself, careful not to show a reaction.

Even after Dean let go and turned back to Bobby, Jen was quiet. What she had felt from Dean was incredibly intense, and it took her longer than she expected to process it. She didn't find her way back into the conversation again until Dean brought up Sam.

"Sam's number's not working, he's uh...he's not ..." Dean didn't want to say dead, but Bobby and Jen know what he means. Bobby answered quickly.

"Oh, he's alive, as far as I know."

Jen interjected. "Yes. He's definitely alive."

Dean sighed with relief. "Good ... wait, what do you mean as far as you know?"

"I haven't talked to him for months." Bobby said. Dean looked over to Jen. She shook her head. She knew Dean understood. She wished she would be able to help him right now with Sam, but she knew she couldn't. She would have felt it if Sam died, but he had pushed her away and she couldn't track him. She locked eyes with Dean briefly and then slowly vanished. She would still be watching, Dean knew that, but as long as she was useless, she would rather watch invisibly. She knew Dean could track down his brother, she just didn't know what would happen when they found him.

Dean splashed water on his face, and in the lull began to remember the pain and the torture. His chest felt tight and his breathing quickened. Suddenly, he felt a hand touch his back, and noticed Jen's presence behind him.

"So you know." Dean said quietly. He knew that she could read memories through touch, but he wasn't sure how much she would have seen.

"Yes. All of it."

For a moment there was silence. Dean wasn't sure what to say. He didn't want to talk about what happened. He wasn't sure he would ever want to talk about what happened. He just wanted to forget, and that didn't seem possible. Jen's voice echoed inside of his head.

I can help, no talking required. Just relax and focus on my hand.

Dean shut his eyes and obeyed and he could feel the thoughts almost seep out of him and into her hand on his back. The memories faded just enough for the pain to be less striking and more of a dull ache. He worried for a moment.

What about you? He asked silently.

I've endured more than you can imagine. I can handle this. Let me do this for you.

Dean was not in a position to argue or disagree. He needed her help, and he knew it. He wished she could stay and talk to him about what happened. How did he get back? What happened to Sam? He knew she knew the answers, but he also knew that she couldn't tell him, or she would have. He would have to find out on his own. Still, at least he didn't have to be completely on his own with this.

He felt something, perhaps akin to a small electric shock, a quiver of energy through his body and he knew Jen was gone again. He looked in the mirror once more. He would find out what brought him back here. He would.

Let me tell you about Jen.

Sam met Jen at Stanford, and they became quick and close friends, even best friends (as much as Sam could be with someone). She was also close with Jess, and roomed with the two of them near the end. However, she wasn't there by mere coincidence. Jen is an Earth Spirit or benevolent Goddess, and part of a contingent of similar beings that watch human events, and give personal aid and advice, but never interfere in conflicts and never kill. Jen was assigned to the Winchesters many years ago when Mary made her original deal, but after spending so much time with them, the three have become even closer than friends as she can head their most intimate thoughts, if they allow her to. For a long time they didn't know Jen was anything special or different, but she revealed herself to try and talk Dean out of his deal, which, as we know, didn't work. For various reasons, she and Sam were separated soon after Dean's death, but her bonds to these boys and their story are too tight to let go, and so when Dean comes back, Jen has to find ways to fit the Winchesters back into her current schedule of duties. Now, she has to regain her bond with both Sam and Dean and do what she can to help them avert the upcoming apocalypse. She only hopes she has the strength to do it all.