So here is a little parody for Halloween staring all our favourite FFX-2 characters, well most of them any ways. Enjoy, its long. Italics = stories
Disclaimer: I do not own FFX-2 or any of the fairy tails/ stories I make reference to.
Everyone was at Rikku's house for her annual Halloween party, which this year consisted of Yuna, Tidus, Gippal, Paine, Baralai, Nooj, Leblanc, Wakka and Lulu. Of course the party was a themed costume party and this year Rikku had chosen phobia's as the choice of clothing. Looking around it was quite funny to see what people were terrified of. Rikku looked first up at her cousin who was wearing a grey, cotton, knee length dress and mouse ears. Yunie certainly had spent ages creating the life like whiskers on her face too. Next to her stood Tidus, who was dressed as a clown. Who would have guessed he would be scared of those? He looked uncomfortable with a giant red nose hanging on his face all night. Sitting down on the sofa were Paine and Baralai. Aww, such a cute couple! Rikku thought looking between the Spider and the giant snake. Who'd of thought, Dr P., who took out fiends ten times as big as her, was terrified of spiders. Hehe. Baralai said his fear of snakes began in the crimson squad when Gippal dropped a harmless but none-the-less very scary snake in his sleeping bag. The cobra looked up at Rikku and waved. Next to them Nooj and Leblanc were deep in conversation. Leblanc was wearing a flan costume whilst Nooj harnessed a Blitzball shaped costume, claiming that more blitzballs had hit him in his life than have been in Luca sphere pool. Lulu was dressed as a cat claiming she was allergic but Rikku thought it was so she could have the best costume there, the meanie! Wakka was dressed in Luca goer colours as a joke for Tidus. And lastly Gippal. He was sporting two plaits at the side of his head, a mini skirt and, Yevon forbid, a bikini top. He said the only thing that scared him was- Rikku which made her mad and decided to drowned him in the punch.
"So Cid's girl. What are you?" He said pointing at her simple outfit of yellow jeans and tank top. She rolled her eyes at him and sat down on the floor next to Yuna.
"Duh, a lightning bolt! Now lets start the first game. Its a story game." Rikku began leaving Gippal bewildered. "Right, I'll start the story and once I stop someone else carries it on. It has to be scary okay." Rikku warned before starting the story.
Once upon a time there was a pretty young girl called, um, Yunie! Right, and Yunie was very clever and pretty. She sat in her room all day playing with her favourite moogle doll, Sukie, until her equally pretty and clever mummy called her down for dinner. So anyway, er, one day Yunie's mummy asked her to come down stairs at a time that was definitely not dinner time and Yunie knew because she wasn't hungry yet and dinner was only served when she was hungry. So then Yunie, confused at it not being dinner time, skipped merrily down the stairs to her mummy who was sewing Yunie's daddy's trousers back together because Yunie's daddy was a magic bean seller who sold, um...
"Magic beans?" Paine sarcastically suggested. Rikku rolled her eyes and carried on her part of the story.
Who sold magic beans to people who had little money and wanted really, really big beanstalks in their gardens. Um, yeah! Yunie saw her mummy sewing and smiled her rainbow smile.
"Morning mummy! What did you want because its not dinner time yet?" Yunie asked her mummy. Yunie's mummy stopped sewing and looked at her very pretty daughter.
"Well, Yunie. Your equally beautiful and clever cousin, Rikku, is really really ill and needs candy floss immediately or she will loose her mind forever. Would you go and give this basket of candy floss to her dear. Oh, and stick to the path. Be careful of the candy floss monster.'"Yunie's mummy smiled, handing Yunie the basket. And so off set Yunie for her wonderful cousin Rikku's house." Rikku finished proudly and pointed to Gippal to continue.
"I thought you said it had to be scary." Paine interrupted. Rikku looked offended.
"Of course its scary, her cousin Rikku will go crazy without candy floss and I added a monster too!"
"A candy floss monster." Paine pointed out. Rikku stuck her tongue out and let Gippal begin his tale.
Right, so this chick, Yunie, starts heading out into the woods to her apparently beautiful and intelligent cousin. But then Yunie began to think.
"Hey, if my cousin was as intelligent as my mum said, she would have supplied herself with candy floss before getting to the point of insanity. Screw you cousin Rikku. I'm going to Hawaii." Yunie thought out loud.
"Gippal! You ruined the story." Rikku complained. Gippal grinned back.
"Well you said she was intelligent, right?" He laughed receiving a cushion in the face for his efforts.
"Do it properly, Gippal!" Rikku whined. He rolled his eye in complaint.
"Okay, Okay!"
Well, then Yunie thought,
"I'm too nice to kill off my cousin so i'll bring her some candy floss and then go to Hawaii." So Yunie starts to do that weird run she does through the woods, thinking about Hawaii all the time, when she noticed she has left the path already.
"Damn. I left the path. Curse you Hawaii." Yuna- Yunie cried and then changed plans to go to Alaska, making her even more lost than before. She started to give up hope when suddenly a guy wearing a very fake white beard walks past, eyeing the candy floss filled basket.
'Oh, Hi Baralai.' Yunie said, seeing her friend before her drooling at the candy floss.
"Hey I don't drool!" Baralai complained.
"Whatever." Gippal responded, carrying on.
"Um, I'm not Baralai- I'm the candy floss monster, duh." The man with the fake white beard replied. Yuna looked at him in wonderment.
"Er, Right. So Baralai's the candy floss monster, ahh I see." Yunie replied slowly. Panic struck on Baralai- um the candy floss monster's face.
"I'm not the candy floss monster. Where did you hear such a thing?" He squealed.
"And I certainly don't squeal." Baralai protested. Paine snorted at this comment, making him go very red.
"Um, you just said 'um,I'm not Baralai- I'm the candy floss monster, duh'" Yunie smartly replied. Baralai really started to panic now.
"Er,er- Paine, help me! What do I do?" He squealed again. Suddenly one of the tree shaped figures let down their arms and placed them on their hips.
"For Yevon sakes Baralai, just say the damned line. 'Is that candy floss.?I sure do love candy floss. Mind if I have some?' Its not hard." The tree stated then went back to posing. Whilst all this happened Yunie cleverly decided to escape before she lost her candy floss.
Back with Baralai.
"Right. (clears throat) Is that candy floss? I sure do love- Paine. She's not here." Far in the distance Yunie could hear the sound of tree trunk meeting the candy floss monster's head.
"Oh, he'll feel that tomorrow." She giggled, leaning against a tree. What she didn't know was that this tree was magic and she fell back into a magic portal that lead her to a magical land called 'Christmas town' Gippal ended, pointing at Paine to continue.
"You really enjoyed that, didn't you?" she asked. He nodded enthusiastically.
"Gippal, I can't believe that you nicked the plot to Nightmare before Christmas. They could sue you for that." Yuna exclaimed, excited to be centre of the story.
"Nah, I wrote a disclaimer first. Right, Paine's turn and yes she has to do it." Paine growled and began her side of the story.
Yuna fell into the dark abyss that was the tree trunks inside. She swirled, falling faster and faster until it felt like a bad dream that was out of control. When the spinning stopped she was lying unconscious in the snow of the land called Christmas town. The one thing that the girl had forgotten was that she had left the candy floss basket up in Spira and so there was no way her cousin would ever recover from her intense insanity.
"Meanie." Rikku pouted. Paine gave a malicious smile in return.
Luckily, Yuna was found by a man on his way back from walking his old dog, rover. The man was tall with a long brunette pony tail that defied gravity and had half machina limbs. The man was kind to Yuna when she awoke, he healed her cuts, fed her dinner and even let her pet the dog,rover, for a while. Yuna wasn't in the least bit frightened of this man who had announced himself to be called Nooj. But she should have been very, very frightened indeed.
"Brat." Nooj muttered making Paine stifle a giggle.
Yuna stayed the night in Nooj's spare room fast asleep and deep in the dream world, but something- something she couldn't explain-was rooting in the back of her head.
"Why would a nice man like Nooj be all alone except for a dog? And why was he so willing to help me out when he could have just left me to die?" She thought to herself, her eyes opening slightly and staring under the door. She had a terrible foreboding feeling and, being such a smart girl, they were usually right. In the master bedroom, Nooj, rose from his darkened coffin, two sharp white teeth clearly visible in the ominous moonlight. He smiled darkly to himself, it wasn't everyday that dinner just happened to fall into his lap after all and Yuna was very, very pretty and sure to taste as good as Nooj suspected. Nooj, head vampire in Christmas town, climbed steadily out of the coffin and whistled for Rover. Nooj wasn't the only one to take a different form at night. Rover, a demon dog bared its ghastly teeth ready to kill, its fur had been removed and all you could see was bones, odd bits of torn flesh and two glowing red eyes. The two silently crept to Yuna's room, unaware that she was waiting for them too. Yuna continued to stare at the bottom of her door. Black. That was all but still she couldn't shake that feeling. She huddled closer into the blankets as a shadow was visible standing right outside the door, and then two glowing red eyes, accompanied with fierce growls, joined its master. Paine concluded, pointing to a whitening Baralai.
"Painey, that was really scary." Rikku moaned and everyone nodded in agreement.
"You said make it scary so I did. 'Lai, your turn." Paine replied.
"I don't know what to say." He shyly returned.
Lady Yuna didn't know what to do. She was trapped in the room that had no escape except a skylight high up on the roof. Luckily, lady Yuna always locked her bedroom door before ever going to sleep which gave her more time to strategically plan her escape.
"Strategically plan her escape?" Rikku asked. "She's nine!"
"Well, I didn't know that." Baralai defended. "She's a very smart nine year old."
Lady Yuna suddenly remembered that her father sold magical beans that grew really fast for people who wanted really big, tall beanstalks in their gardens. Lady Yuna's father had given her some the morning before she left her house as a early birthday present. She had to act fast however as the evil Vampire Nooj and Rover the demon dog were doing a great job at dismantling the door that separated them. Lady Yuna quickly placed the magic beans on the bed and wished for them to grow really, really fast. Magically they did and the beanstalk was very tall, so tall it smashed the skylight that separated Lady Yuna and freedom. She skilfully climbed the 'ladder' and just as she reached the top, the door below smashed open. Yuna climbed out the open hatch as fast as she could and ran as far away from that dreaded house as possible. Nooj and Rover followed as quickly as possible but were stopped by two old women who thought they were 'trick or treating'. Yuna ran far into the distance till she reached a strange forest.
"I wish I could just go home and see my mother again and play with my favourite doll, Sukie." Yuna cried into her jacket which was badly damaged by now. Suddenly a flash of yellow surrounded her and she was very frightened to find she was face to face with a real lion. She screamed expecting the lion to eat her but he didn't. He screamed too and hid behind a log.
"Well, I didn't know lion's could scream." Lady Yuna mused to herself. The scared lion popped his head back up shaking.
"We can talk too." He grinned then popped behind the log, scared that the girl would hurt him. Lady Yuna wasn't scared at all now and approached the terrified beast.
"Poor thing. What's your name?"She asked in a gentle voice.
"G-Gippal. Please don't eat me!" He screamed, hugging his tail and rocking back and forth.
"I wont eat you. I just want to get home to Spira to help my sick cousin Rikku." Lady Yuna remembered. The lion smiled and told her he knew the way back to Spira and the two skipped arm in arm through the forest. Baralai chuckled and pointed to Nooj to carry on the story.
"A Lion? In Christmas land?" Gippal asked, just annoyed at being called a cowardly lion.
"Hey, you made me a candy floss monster and Paine a tree!" Baralai protested.
"Well, Paine made Noojster a vampire with a cool dog. Take it away Noojster." Gippal grinned.
Well, Yuna and Gippal, the cowardly lion, continued to skip down into the heart of the woods. They had been skipping for a very long time when they began to feel really tired. Yuna wanted to stop and sit down by a large pond for a moment but Gippal, the annoying brat- I mean lion, was too scared that the fish might appear and eat him. Suddenly, far off in the distance, Yuna spotted a house made entirely of Gingerbread and decorated with all the different sweets ever known to man.
"Oh, Gippal. Lets stop there please? It looks so pretty it can't possible be dangerous." Yuna asked batting her eyelashes at the lion. And, Gippal, being such a womaniser, followed her every command.
"Hey hey! I am not a womaniser!" Gippal complained. Everyone just looked at him blankly.
"You really believe that, huh?" Baralai asked his whining friend.
"Just carry on with the story, Noojster."
Anyway, Gippal and Yuna skipped merrily to the gingerbread house. The bricks were gingerbread, the cement was icing and all the windows were caramelised sugar glazing. Even the garden was full of jelly bean plants and sherbet flowers. Yuna couldn't believe how pretty everything was and just knew that this house belonged to a very pretty young woman who had a giant heart. Yuna got quite a surprise when she saw who opened the door.
"Paine!" Yuna yelled at the woman who was wearing a oversized mage's hat and a long, ripped, black dress. Oh and stripy tights. Purple, stripy tights.
"I'm not Paine. I'm the evil witch who's going to fatten you up then eat you. Now shut up and get in those cages." She replied in a bored voice.
"Hang on. I thought I was a tree." Paine interrupted again.
"Well, you have two rolls so shut up and listen." Nooj snapped.
Yuna and Gippal sat terrified in their cages.
"Gippal, have you noticed that everyone in this fic so far has tried to eat me? Well except Baralai, but that was because he forgot his lines and wanted my candy floss." Yuna sadly asked, wondering why everyone wanted to eat her.
"I-I dunno, Yuna. I was only present after you ran away from the evil Noojster." Gippal replied, hugging his tail close to his body. They both sat thinking silently for a way of escape when a knock sounded on the candy house.
"Now you stay there my precious. I'll be right back." Paine read her lines without any life what so ever. Think robot talk. Paine went to get the door, knowing what was going to happen because she had read up to chapter six already.
"You the wicked witch, ya?" A police man with red hair asked. Paine rolled her eyes.
"What do ya want?" She snapped at Wakka, who in his terror dropped his script.
"Um, I have to place you under arrest, ya? For the assault of the innocent candy floss monster, ya?" He shook with nerves.
"Meh, what ever." Paine replied, walking out of the house with the police man.
"Do you get the feeling we're in a play of some kind?" Yuna asked her lion friend.
"No, if we were in a play these bars would be made of foil." Nooj ended and pointed at Leblanc to continue.
"Technically, I was a tree when I attacked Baralai. Not a witch." Paine complained.
"Is there a part of this story you haven't complained in yet?" Tidus laughed. Paine growled back.
"Uh, yeah- my part." She sarcastically replied. Leblanc cleared her throat for attention.
Ahem, So the high summoner and the Al Bhed man whore were sitting in their cages wondering what to do ,because the person with the keys happened to be arrested, when suddenly that chump Baralai appeared doubled over, trying to catch his breath. You see, that chump had just run very far from the tree/witch woman who's actually his girlfriend because he stole the keys to the cages so he could get the candy floss. Very sneaky, love.
"Leblanc, I think you managed to insult four of Spira's most powerful and influential people in under fifty words." Nooj happened to point out for Paine who was slightly annoyed at the constant 'that chump Baralai' stuff.
Anyway, love. The candy floss chump unlocked the prisoners from their cages and Yuna, very happy about being free, ran up and hugged him. Gippal hid in a corner, terrified of the candy floss monster because every other villain had tried to eat him. It was when the candy floss chump was looking around that he noticed the little girl he was trying to rob didn't have the candy floss basket with her any more.
"Um, where's the candy floss I came to steal from you, lady Yuna?" The candy floss chump asked. Yuna put a finger on her chin in thought.
"Oh dear, I left it in Spira." The poor girl cried. The candy floss chump looked around confused.
"Yuna, we are in Spira. You passed the woods of Christmas town. You're in Macalania." He proudly told the young girl.
"I'm still not giving you my candy floss. My cousin will go insane without it." Yuna cried. The candy floss chump looked very upset.
"Oh, I'll just go then." He said, pointing to the wood exit. And so Yuna and Gippal the lion carried on walking through the forest until they reached a pretty yellow cottage that belonged to cousin Rikku. When Yuna got inside the cottage she noticed that her cousin was very, very ill. Maybe because she wore a bikini even in cold weather, who knows? So Yuna ran to Rikku's side and handed her the basket of candy floss.
"Wait! Back it up a bit. Where did that come from?" Baralai asked Leblanc.
"Uh, shut up meanie! She's going to save me, unlike some people I know." Rikku growled and smiled at Leblanc.
Uh, fine. Rikku already had a basket of candy floss under her floorboards but forgot, so Yuna found it by accident when she tripped on a loose floorboard. The end.
"Well, its not the end because, Lulu, Wakka, Tidus and Yunie haven't had a go." Rikku complained.
"Fine, Paine's sister. Take it away." She said to Lulu.
"I'm not Paine's sister." Lulu replied.
But candy floss wasn't the only thing they found underneath Rikku's floorboards-
"Why? Was Gippal under there too?" Paine grinned at her own joke whilst Baralai slyly slide her wine glass far away from her.
You see, the whole trip had been a trap to get rid of Yuna, and her cousin Rikku was in on the plot too. Yuna's mother, being very beautiful and clever didn't want people to think her daughter was more beautiful or intelligent as her. Everyday, when Yuna was playing with Sukie, Yuna's mother would stare into the magic mirror and say the magic words-
"Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Who's the fairest of them all?" Everyone quoted back before Lulu could finish.
"Would you all stop interrupting me." She glared, silencing everyone.
Yes, those were the magic words and every time the mirror replied 'You are my Lady' until one day the mirror stopped saying this and replied 'Yuna, is truly the fairest of them all.' Yuna's mother was very angry and decided that Yuna couldn't possible be more beautiful than her.
"So she sent a woodcutter out to kill her, right?" Gippal replied in a bored voice.
"No, weren't you listening. The trip was a trap. It was the candy floss chump. I mean monster. Sorry, Baralai. Chump is catchy." Lulu smiled faintly.
So, one day the Lady called in the candy floss monster to take Yuna far into the woods and cut out her heart.
"That's not really something I would do." Baralai pointed out.
"Shut up." Lulu glared again.
Yuna's mother promised to pay the candy floss monster with a basket of candy floss for his efforts and sent Yuna out with the parcel. So you see, Yuna had paid for her own execution without knowing. So anyway, when she got to Rikku's house, lifted up the floorboard, and looked underneath, Yuna was confronted by the candy floss monster, Gippal the not-so-cowardly lion,Paine the tree/witch and Nooj and his devil dog-
"Actually, it was demon dog." Paine pointed out.
Fine, Nooj and his demon dog. Rikku had run out the room and locked the door, leaving her alone with the monsters.
"I really don't think the crimson squad had any intention of killing the high summoner." Tidus added.
"Uh, I give up. You people are too hard to please. Wakka carry it on."
So, ya? Well, Yuna was trapped in the room with all the monsters when suddenly Rikku popped back in with Wakka the policeman and his friend Tidus the stupid scarecrow, ya?
"Surprise!" Everyone yelled, taking off false teeth, false beards, false lion suits and false branches/ mage hats. "Happy birthday, Yunie." Her cousin yelled. Yuna looked up happily. She had forgot it was her birthday and all her friends, minus Lu because she tried to kill her through the story, were there to celebrate, ya?
"Wakka, can I borrow your, ya? Its awesome." Gippal asked suddenly. Wakka nodded, laughing. "Thanks, ya?"
Anyway, everyone was having a really good time, ya? Eating cake and the candy floss Yuna's mum had given them when a knock on da door sounded. Yuna didn't think about anything scary happening and opened the door to reveal- Nooj the vampire, ya?
"But how can you be here when you're inside?" Yuna screamed and ran inside to her friends, ya?
"Wow, dude its two Nooj's." Gippal grinned to Baralai who thought he might have hit his head hard ya? Suddenly the monster closed in on them and all went dark. BANG! Wakka yelled, scaring everyone half to death in the room.
Yuna woke up in the spare bed that Nooj had given her.
"It was all a dream, ya?" Yuna thought out load. "But it was so real." Suddenly she turned her attention to the door frame. A shadow passed underneath it and two glowing red eyes appeared too. Yuna panicked, but remembered in her dream she had locked the door and had magic beans. She searched her pocket but, where were the beans, ya? And why was the door opening? Hadn't she locked it?
"Please don't kill me!" Yuna screamed as Nooj entered her room. Nooj laughed and turned on the light.
"I'm not going to kill you. I thought you might like some hot coco,ya?" he asked, placing the cup on the table, followed by Rover who had all his fur on him and two big black eyes. Yuna smiled and then told Nooj all about her scary dream and how real it was.
"No, Yuna. That's just too weird to be real." He laughed with her. What Yuna didn't see was the two sharp white teeth Nooj had, or the two red bite marks in her neck.
"Wow, you've played this before." Yuna smiled and clapped at him story. Tidus got ready to add to it.
Yes, that's right. It wasn't a dream. Everything that Yuna thought had happened, happened. Whilst her and her friends had been celebrating her birthday, the real vampire had followed them. You see, the real Nooj had only dressed up as a vampire for the surprise party, and Paine and Baralai had only been hired to make the story more entertaining with their bad luck and false beards. And so the party-
"What about Gippal. Was he really a lion?" Rikku asked.
No, Gippal had chosen to dress up as a lion for the day and got terrified of his own shadow you see? He wasn't intended to be part of this freaky play, story, vampire thing. And so the party of friends were all bitten by the real Vampire, even Nooj, so now there are two Nooj vampires.
"Did Rikku and Wakka escape?" Rikku asked again.
No one escaped, except Tidus the stupid scarecrow, because he may have had no brains but man ,was he damn sexy.
"I can see how you and Gippal are friends." Paine retorted.
Anyway, so everyone was vampires except Tidus. But Tidus loved Yuna and would do anything to cure her, but he was too stupid to think of anything and took up a career as a blitzer.
"That's it?" Paine questioned. Tidus nodded and pointed to Yuna.
Um, so everyone was a vampire except for Lulu, Tidus and Leblanc because they weren't in the story. And Yuna, fed up of being a vampire called the mighty Leblanc who cured all her friend. And they lived happily ever after.
"Uhh. Yuna!" Everyone cried out.
"What?" She questioned innocently. Paine broke the silence.
"They all lived happily ever after? The readers wanted a devastating ending." She scowled. Yuna giggled.
"But it's not true, Paine. Unless Nooj really is a vampire after all, right?" Yuna replied, looking round at Nooj who smiled in return, revealing two sharp, pointy teeth.
"Crap." Gippal broke the panic filled silence of Rikku's annual Halloween party.
"What?" Rikku asked, not noticing Nooj.
"We haven't play spin the bottle yet" Gippal grinned
Just a random oneshot thing. Hope you enjoyed. I tried to write it like each character would. Please review or Nooj will bite you favourite character and steal your cookies tonight.