Kaidan was pissed. It was really quite a feat to make him reach this point. He could count on one hand the number of times in his life that he had been this angry: when Vyrnnus had broken Rahna's arm, when he found Joker's escape pod lacked one other very important person, and when he discovered Shepard was working with Cerberus. Come to think of it, he only ever lost control when a woman was involved. Lately, really since he set foot on the first Normandy, that woman was Commander Shepard.
What had she been thinking? To face a Reaper, head on, in nothing but heavy armor with shields that would be ripped to shreds by one shot from the Reaper beam? Risking her life to take down one Reaper was not worth it, no matter how you looked at it. He couldn't believe her stupidity and couldn't even bear to think of what would happen to him, or the galaxy, if she died again.
He was still fuming as he boarded the elevator and smashed the button for her quarters. He hadn't even bothered to take off his armor, he was so intent on yelling at her. She was reckless, and he was going to tell her so.
Finally, the lift slowed, and he stormed into her cabin. The sight that met him when he entered diffused some of his anger immediately. She stood by her desk, in the process of removing her armor and clothing beneath. Only a black sports bra covered her top, and her pants were halfway down her legs. She looked up, startled by his abrupt entrance.
"Kaidan, what – "
His anger took hold again as he thought about how she could have died.
"What the hell, Shepard? Do you want to die? Again? Of all the reckless, mindless, stupid things to do, you decide to take on a Reaper with nothing but a targeting laser! You could have died, and then where would we be? We'd have no plan and no hope of defeating the Reapers!"
She looked at him with cool eyes, hiding the subtle fury that was beginning to grow at the audacity of his intrusion. Calmly, she spoke, all emotion absent form her voice, "I'm sorry Kaidan, but I don't recall consulting you on the matter. You will remove yourself from my quarters. Dismissed."
She refocused on taking her pants off the rest of the way, clearly expecting him to let the matter rest and leave immediately. She just managed to get her last foot free when she felt his hands on her arms, turning her and forcing her to look at him.
"Dismissed? Are you serious? I am not one of your subordinates that you can just wave your hand at and expect to jump. If you'll recall, I outrank you, and you will listen to me and to reason."
Now he was pissing her off.
"Outrank me? You outrank me? I am the commanding officer on this ship! No one outranks me! Not even you, Major Alenko, and while on my ship, you will not question my decisions, or my orders, no matter how 'reckless' you believe them to be! In the past, you may have had a say in my choices, but you gave up that right when you refused to trust me and instead question my every action and motive!"
His grip tightened almost painfully on her arms as he gave himself completely over to his rage, a blue aura crackling around him. To her credit, she did not even flinch, but maintained her look of ire as the blue enveloped them both.
"It doesn't matter what I think of you! What matters is that you almost died! This galaxy needs you, Shepard. You can't throw your life away for one Reaper, when the galaxy is full of them! Without you, we are all lost. Without you, I'm – ," his voice cracked, because here was the heart of the matter. His anger had covered it until now, pushed it to the recesses of his mind, but he could no longer hold it back. He couldn't lose her, not again. The whole of sentient life could be damned and go to hell, and he would not care if she was gone.
His gaze refocused on her and he knew that amidst all the anger, he was desperate. Desperate for her.
Before either of them knew what was happening, their lips crashed together, rough and all consuming. He plunged his tongue into her, possessing her, and leaving nothing in its wake. His hands released her arms and began frantically running over her body, touching every part of her that he could reach, making sure that she was solid, that she was actually there with him. A low moan filled the room, and he was unsure of whether it came from her or him.
She jolted, and he paused, pulling back slightly to see what had caused her sudden stop. He realized that they had been moving across the room, and her back was now pressed flush against the fish tank. He looked into her eyes and could see that she was still angry, but that there was a flurry of other emotions there too, uncertainty of whether to believe this was really happening, and hurt at what he had done to her in the past. But above all else, there was an unmistakable want and desire, and that was what spurred him onward as his mouth descended back to hers, as demanding as it had been before.
She began pulling off his armor and tossing it to the side. Each crash heard was one step closer to skin on skin. All the while she was removing it, his hands roamed over her body, slipping under her bra and teasing each hard tip. His mouth slid from hers and down her neck, sucking and biting. She was going to be bruised and marked before this was over, but she reveled in it, never seeing this side of Kaidan when they were lovers before. He made his way to her breasts, biting and teasing her from the outside of a bra that was too tight to move to the side. He made sure each peak received attention before returning to her mouth and continuing their rough kiss.
Breaking apart for the briefest of moments, she pulled at his chest plate, and heaved it to the side. At last there was no more harsh metal between them. The cold glass of the fish tank still pushed into her back, but both ignored it as he frantically pulled down her underwear, and she kicked it aside. His hand quickly moved to her core, pushing back the folds as he easily slipped two fingers inside her wetness and began to stroke up. Her cry as she writhed against him almost made him come right then.
She tugged at the baselayer covering his chest, and groaned as he removed his fingers to pull his shirt off. She was rewarded quickly when his naked chest pressed tightly against her, and his fingers returned to caressing her heat. He dropped to his knees, eyes level with his hand. With his fingers still inside her, he used his other hand to reveal her sensitive nub. He paused to look up, her eyes closed and head thrown back, her mouth opening in ecstasy as she gasped, "O God, Kaidan! What do you do to me?"
Immediately, he took her into his mouth, sucking and biting, becoming rougher with his hands and his mouth. It was moments before she came, crying out mumbled and senseless words. He lapped up everything she gave before surging back up, reaching his hands behind to cup and lift her up so that her core was pressed tight against his rock hard cock. His mouth was back on hers, and in between moans, gasps, and his ravaging tongue, she was able to get out one word: "Off."
He managed to push his underwear down to his thighs before thrusting inside of her. His moan and her cry filled the room as he did not even pause before pumping fast and hard into her. He didn't think he had ever been this deep inside her before, and all he could focus on now was how slick her walls felt around him as each thrust drew a moan from her mouth and a grunt from him.
This was not how he imagined their first time together again. He had envisioned candlelight (always a romantic) as he slowly made love to her. There was no candlelight and this was definitely not making love. It had nothing to do with two people coming together to love and worship each other's bodies. No, this was about want and desire and the need to feel alive. This was fucking. He was fucking her to feel alive and to know that she was alive, that she hadn't died again, that she was here and wasn't going to disappear like before. This was so much more than making love.
His forehead pressed to the juncture of her shoulder and neck as he breathed her in, musky, sweaty, and smelling of him. Her nails dug into his back, and he knew she wasn't the only one who would have marks after it was all said and done.
His pace grew impossibly faster. Each cry from her brought him closer to his own release. He gave one last, harsh thrust before spilling inside of her, his pace slowing until a final shudder racked his body and he stilled.
They stood like that for minutes, him with his underwear around his thighs, still inside of her, and pressing her into the fish tank, her legs wrapped around his waist, holding him as close as possible. Their harsh breathing began to steady before he finally pulled back and set her back on her feet. She kept her arms wrapped around his neck, unsure if she would be able to stand on her own. His semen trickled down her leg.
Before she could protest, he picked her up in his arms and carried her to the bathroom, turning on the shower and setting her down. She still had on her bra, and he quickly removed it, somewhat chagrinned that he had been so caught up before that he hadn't gotten around to it.
"You're perfect, Shepard," he breathed before leaning down and properly taking a taught nipple into his mouth. She moaned as he sucked and nipped while kneading her other breast in his hand.
When he pulled back, the water was now warm and she moved underneath it, pulling him with her. He grabbed the soap and began to work his way gently up her legs before reaching her center. He could tell that she was swollen from how rough he had been, her folds puffy and red. He felt guilt creep through him as he washed her and she flinched slightly. He felt even worse when he stood up and took in all of her from a distance. Bite marks and bruises littered her neck and chest. This was why he fought so hard to maintain control. When he became angry, people got hurt, and this time, it was the woman he loved more than life itself that he had harmed.
"Shepard, I'm – ," he started to apologize.
"Don't be. It's what we both needed. Besides, this is the good kind of sore." Indeed it was. Every time she felt one of the bruises he gave her, she knew she would become wet from the reminder of his mouth on her clit and his stiff erection filling her.
Recognizing the truth of her words, he accepted her explanation and finished washing her and himself before drying them off and carrying her to the large bed in her cabin. He gently laid her down on the sheets and climbed after her.
He had fucked her before, but now, now he would make love to her.