Spencer heard the gentle scraping of his window opening from the outside. He'd become familiar with that sound over the last few years, the sound of sneaking around on eggshells around the community, the sound of betraying everyone in his household, the sound of blatant breaking of the law. It was a sad sound, but he would never know why it made him so happy. His stomach was churning and he felt his heart rise up his throat as the cold body from outside climbed in the bed behind him and wrapped its arms around him. A frozen nose pressed into the corner of his neck and a long, warm sigh crept across his skin.

"Hey," the voice tumbled out from the familiar lips like gravel, landing in a pile against Spencer's bare stomach. His belly tensed as cold fingers traced down his front, mapping out where his lips would no doubt be a few minutes later. That thought shook him to the core. "I know you're awake, baby."

"I thought you had to work tonight?" Spencer grumbled, refusing to turn his head and instead burying his face into his pillow. "You know how I hate it when you change plans last minute."

"You're not happy to see me?"

"It's late. Dark. I couldn't see you even if I wanted to," his voice trembled as the cold hand slowly warmed up on his skin, moving up to trace the outline of his neck. "Might as well leave before you make another mistake."

The dark figure shifted, the bed creaking under the extra weight, straddling the body under the covers in order to grab the attention that he so often had with ease. Tonight was going to be different of course. If Spencer hadn't given in yet, he wouldn't for another hour or so. No matter how many apologies he'd say, it'd take breaking through all of the walls the kid had set up within the past twenty-four hours of odium on both of their parts. Mostly Spencer, though. At least he had a reason.

"Baby..." His lips began to press against the soft neck beneath him, but hands were on his chest within a second of contact. "Please, Spence. I love you."

"You say that all the time," his voice was confident in the way that he was compensating for all the tears that were building up behind the dam. "Then you try to get in my pants and when I say no, you say shit that hurts and you slip back out the window like a weak breeze."

"What did I say last time?" He sighed, resting his forehead on the bare, warm chest.

"No one else would even try to work through this relationship, baby. You're lucky you have me because I'm trying," Spencer recited quietly, his eyes closed. He could picture everything. The sunlight coming through the window, the way the bed sheets creased under their bodies, the way his throat stung with newly burst blood vessels, the way he felt comfortably vulnerable under the bridge of the other's body with strong hands on either side of his head. Then those words came out.

Spencer was newly seventeen. His birthday was approximately four days, three hours, and seven seconds before Aaron's. But it wasn't that easy. Of course, the concept of love was never an easy one. They were born ten years apart. Of course they were. Spencer had a maturity that was unparalleled by the students at his high school, he couldn't talk to them for long before they laughed in his face and pushed his shoulder in a way that would usually signal friendship, but then it'd often be coupled with a harder push, and then he'd be on the ground and... things would get worse. So he stopped trying.

Then Aaron came along. He sat outside the high school on a bench, reading a book about the psychology of criminals, and the title of the book caught Spencer's eye. He'd read that book so many times he could draw the cover from memory. He said something after a long day of being quiet and keeping his eyes on the ground and it felt amazing when he saw the smile on the man's face. Spencer remembered sitting down on the bench and talking about the different parts of the brain and how each of them contributed to the psychotic ideology of a serial killer. Aaron was fascinated. No one had ever been fascinated.

Over time, they met at the bench, Aaron with a different book that Spencer had read. Eventually, the feeling of a cold bench under their asses became boring, and Aaron suggested meeting at the gazebo on campus. From there, the locations changed over and over. Coffee shops, libraries, malls, different coffee shops, museums. When the older man asked Spencer to come over, he realized that they weren't just meeting to talk about books. Spencer didn't say anything, though. It felt too good for someone to listen, and when Aaron's arm wrapped around his waist, every bruise he'd ever gotten and every bitter memory of high school campus faded.

The first time they kissed was through the window that Aaron slipped through every chance he got. Aaron got a call from his work and he had to leave, but he didn't want to go. Spencer didn't want him to leave either, but it was something he most likely had to do to keep his job. Plus, he had to make the money to take Spencer to the beach next summer while Diana was going to San Diego to a seminar, and would be leaving Spencer alone. Not on Aaron's watch.

But they were saying their goodbyes. Spencer was tucking a book he thought the other man would like under his arm and telling him to be careful on the road. Aaron smiled and ducked under the window, climbing down the stair-like scaffolding of the side of his house. When only his head was in view, Spencer stopped him.

"Hey," he mumbled, dropping to his knees and peering over the windowsill and smiling sheepishly at the man clinging to the edge of his house. "What you said earlier about my intellect... did you mean it?"

"Of course I meant it, sweetheart." Aaron climbed back up within reach of Spencer and looked at him through the dim light. "Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. It wasn't even a real compliment, but it made my insides feel like scrambled eggs," he said, looking down and his face blushing bright red. "Is that bad?"

"No, Spencer. It's perfectly normal," Aaron leaned in close through the window and looked at him through the darkness, the air turning thick and heavy on his shoulders as his eyes closed and he felt the sparks of his first kiss radiate through his body like lightning. It felt like hours, but it was maybe a second or two before Aaron broke away and scuttled down the wall, running across the street to get his car that he hid from view.

But now, everything was going wrong. The new element of intimacy in the relationship was pushing him out of the light. Before, everything was about the two of them. About their mutual interest about the kinds of books that libraries throw out on the street because no one wants to read them, their love for the same type of coffee, and their ever present need to be places on time. The spotlight began to shift that night that they kissed. The next day, Aaron wasn't on the bench. He was already in his car and waiting for Spencer to emerge so that he could whirl him off to a new place that he'd never been to before. Spencer asked if they could go home, and eventually, he persuaded the man in the driver's seat to take him back home.

It was scary, though. For the first time, he wasn't able to just easily get out of the situation like he usually could. It was terrifying. Made him remember he was just a kid to this guy. Just a kid that would get in his car if he'd ask. When he got home, he went to his room and tried to drown himself in homework, but it didn't work. He just couldn't get Aaron out of his mind. So when the man turned up at his window begging to be let in, he couldn't say no.

Now, it was sour. Some days, Aaron only wanted to feel him, hug him to his chest, kiss him, taste him, anything but listen to what was going on in his head. This was one of those days. But Spencer ached every time Aaron would advance with teeth bared.

"I can't do this anymore." He whispered through a closed throat. "Get off of me."

Aaron froze where he was. His eyes locked onto the hazel ones that were trying so hard to stay strong. "What?"

"I said get off of me." Spencer pushed with his palms weakly on the arms that trapped him to his bed. "Leave."

"Baby."

"I can't do this. This is illegal," Spencer said, whatever was in his stomach coming up his throat. "And I'll... I'll call the police if you keep coming in here and trying to... trying to..."

Aaron reached across the bed and turned on the light. Their faces were illuminated. Spencer finally looked up at him and a sigh fell his lips. There was the man he loved. He wasn't a shadow slipping through windows and groping Spencer in the dark.

"Please," Aaron whispered. "I'll keep my hands to myself and we can talk about whatever you want. I could listen to you talk for hours."

"Aaron, please leave."

Aaron sat up, pulling Spencer with him and staring into his eyes. "Please, baby. I love you."

Spencer winced and gripped Aaron's shirt, "You say that when you know I can't say no."

"I don't want to lose you, Spencer..." When tears began to well up in Aaron's eyes and Spencer frowned, tightening his hand around Aaron's shirt. "You're all I have. Please. I don't care about your age. You're almost eighteen, anyways. Please."

When Aaron punctuated his begs with please it was a sign that he was losing hope. He was about to leave, which was a good thing, but Spencer knew him better than anyone. After leaving, he'd go to make bad decisions. And those bad decisions were what scared Spencer the most.

So he let the tears of his own fall and kissed him. No matter what happened, he knew he needed Aaron. Both of them would be lost without each other.

"I'll let you stay," he said carefully, his throat dry as he looked at the man that sat on top of him with such wanton eyes that he couldn't help but kiss him again. "But I want to go back to the way things were."

"Before the kisses?" Aaron whispered sadly.

Spencer frowned, unsure. "I don't know yet."

They sat in silence for the longest time, just basking in each other's company. The window gently rattled as a strong wind pressed against it, but neither of them cared. They were too wrapped up in familiarizing themselves with each other again. Spencer had a new bruise on his left eyes, but it was a week old, meaning Aaron hadn't seen him in the light for a week. Aaron had shaved recently, a few nicks near his Adam's apple. Spencer went to kiss the cuts and Aaron went to kiss his eye. At the same time. They bumped their heads against each other and immediately went to check on each other.

"I love you, Spencer."

Spencer nodded slowly and reached over to his nightstand, tucking the book under Aaron's arm and smiling sadly. "I love you too."