The Wrong Kind of Monster…In-law Contest
Title: Under the Apple Tree
Name: Littlevic
Pairing: B X E
Rating: M just to be safe. There is a little swearing and a little revenge ;-)
Disclaimer: I don't own any recognizable people, places, things or anything else that may have a copyright. I do however have a very twisted sense of justice. People please don't try this at home...I will not be held responsible if you do, feel free to daydream about it, just don't try it.
Big thank you to pre readers and Beta's...you girls rock.
BPOV
As I open my eyes to the bright sunshine streaming through our bedroom windows, I find myself smiling. Yes! Today will be a good day, I thought to myself.
Edward and I have been married for almost eight years now, and although he works away a lot, our marriage is stronger than it has ever been. After almost three weeks, he is due home this afternoon. That in itself is enough to make me giddier than a tween at a Justin Bieber concert. However, today I am smiling for a very different reason.
Today also marks the arrival of Edward's family. Each year, on this day, we all gather together for dinner in honor of Edward's mother, Esme. The matriarch of the family. Five years ago, without word or reason, Esme disappeared. There are only two people that know the real story, one of which is no longer around to tell her side of said story. The last I heard, the missing person's case was still open. Although, it was now deemed cold and was probably stuffed in a cardboard box gathering dust in a warehouse somewhere.
I can't help but chuckle at the thought.
As I potter around cleaning my already immaculate house, my thoughts drift to what our life was like when Esme graced us with her presence. Several things stand out amongst the others. Her love for her family, especially Edward, was not something she hid from anyone. In the face of an audience, the term 'family' also included me. Away from prying eyes and eager ears however, Esme was certainly not backwards in coming forward in her total disapproval of me. Neither was Carlisle for that matter. I came to realize very quickly that, although Carlisle wore the pants in the family, Esme told him when to put them on and when to take them off. When Esme didn't approve of something it was always Carlisle that would voice his opinion on the subject.
ooOOoo Flashback ooOOoo
Two months after Edward proposed he was working for his parents, renovating their basement. Apparently Carlisle needed the space turned into his own private cinema, and Edward was the only one that could do this for him. Well, that and he didn't feel the need to pay Edward for the work he did. Simply stating that Edward owed his parents and Edward would do as he was told. End of discussion. Esme was in her element, her baby boy was once again under her roof and she was doing everything she could to keep him there for as long as possible. Every night Edward would call me to let me know that his mother had cooked dinner and I should be there by seven.
One evening I arrived at the pre-arranged time, only to find they had already started eating. With the look I was getting from Carlisle and Esme, you would swear I'd deliberately shown up late. I quickly checked my watch only to find I was, in fact, fifteen minutes early. I glanced at Esme as I apologized only to find her smirking. What the hell? Edward, of course, was oblivious to this exchange as he devoured the plate of food in front of him.
As we finished our meal, Carlisle cleared his throat. This was never a good thing.
"Bella, Esme, Edward and I wanted to talk to you about the wedding." He started.
"Umm...Okay...what did you want to talk about?" I asked, clearly baffled by the turn in conversation. One minute we were discussing random people on the other side of the world and the next, my soon to be father in-law wants to talk weddings. Okay then...I can handle this. I really hope Edward's conversation skills aren't this random in twenty years.
"We thought we should tell you that we have booked the church and the priest for the eighth of June. Also you and Edward start you pre-marriage counseling tomorrow night with Father Aro."
"Excuse me?" I sputtered as I tried to swallow my wine, "But..."
"Alice is meeting the wedding co-coordinator later this week," Esme interrupted, effectively ending my input in this conversation. "It's all organized; Alice just needs to tweak a few finer details."
"Umm, what finer details exactly?" I questioned. Obviously I was missing something, important, I just couldn't figure out what.
"Oh, nothing of consequence. Just a few little things really, dear." Esme stated matter of factly.
What. The. Fuck. I can't believe I'm hearing this. Did Edward's parents really just tell me that between themselves and Edwards's sister, Alice, they have organized my entire wedding without even consulting me once? Oh hell no! I glanced at Edward, who was now demolishing his third helping of dinner, only to find he was nodding his head in agreement.
"Yeah love, isn't it great. No more pressure for you to do it all yourself, it's done." He said before diving right back into the mountain of food before him, completely ignoring the bewildered look on my face.
"Alice has already sent over her and Rose's measurements to the designer for the bridesmaids dresses, I just need to get your measurements before you go tonight and have them faxed over so the designer can start on your dress. You won't be wearing a veil so I can cross that off my list. Now about the guest list..."
"I'm sorry; what?" It was my turn to interrupt. "What do you mean; I won't be wearing a veil?" Of all the things rattling around in my dumbstruck brain, this is the first thought I can clearly articulate.
"Well dear, we are not so old fashioned to believe that you are still...pure, and it wouldn't be right to pretend that you are. Especially in our church and in front of God and Father Aro, now would it?" Esme stated with a hint of smugness as she lifted her nose at me, daring me to deny it.
Well, I had news for her. Three weeks later saw Edward and I take a last minute weekend trip to Vegas and whoops, we got married. Beat that she-demon.
ooOOoo End Flashback ooOOoo
As I lovingly dusted the photo of the spawn of Satan...I mean Esme, which we kept on the mantel above the fireplace, I find myself chuckling at the irony of the photos placement. Edward loves the fact that I had placed his mother's photo where everyone could see it. When in actual fact, I had placed the photo there because I thoroughly enjoyed the way the light of the fire danced across the glass of the frame. Making it appear as though the She-bitch was in fact burning in Hell.
I glanced at my watch, noting that it would soon be time to start preparing dinner. When it came to my kitchen, I had my time management down to a fine art. On tonight's menu would be one of Edward's favorites – chicken pesto pasta followed by homemade apple pie. Esme, wherever she was now, would no doubt be pissed that I was using her recipe. Upon her disappearance, I had inherited her family cookbook where I found the recipe and tonight I would be serving it to her family. The recipe came from one of those homey magazines for God's sake. It wasn't that special or good really, but Edward liked it so it would be served.
I picked up the basket I kept in the laundry room, on my way out to the apple tree in the backyard. It really was a beautiful tree with a good strong trunk, lush foliage and a full accompaniment of sweet fruit. As I placed the basket at the base of the tree, my thoughts were drawn to the memory of how the pride and joy of my garden came to be in this very spot.
I was brought out of my daydream by our neighbor, Mike Newton. At the age of fifty-six, he was an eternal bachelor who shamelessly flirted with me every time we spoke, but he was harmless.
"Hey, Bella..." he drawled in his fake southern accent. "How's it going over there?" He inquired as he leaned over the fence separating the two properties.
"Good, Mike. Thanks for asking." I enthused, trying to be polite.
"That's good, that's good. Hey, nice crop of apples you've got there." He leered at me while pointing at my chest instead of my tree.
"Oh Mike, I've told you before – them apples, ain't apples." I smirked back at him as I pointed to my chest. "Would you like some from the tree Mike?" I asked. "There's plenty to share this year, if you're interested."
"Sure Bella; that would be wonderful. You know, I still can't figure out how you did it." He lamented.
I froze. "What do you mean Mike? Did what exactly?" I asked, suddenly terrified of his response.
"I mean, how you managed to grow a tree like that in only five years. Apple trees aren't even supposed to grow around here and yet, there stands your tree, bearing prize winning fruit year after year. Must be some damn good fertilizer you're using." He shook his head in disbelief. "You must have one mighty green thumb there Miss. Bella."
"Thank you Mike, I appreciate the compliment. I can't take full credit though. I like to think that my mother in-law helped in her own way with this green thumb of mine." I smirked as I wiggled said thumb in his direction.
"Ah yes, the lovely Mrs. Cullen. It would be close to the anniversary of her...umm...disappearance, wouldn't it? He questioned nervously, clearly showing his discomfort for our current topic.
"Tonight actually, I'm expecting the family later on today."
"Ah, so apple pie for dessert then?"
"That's the plan; I'll save you a piece and bring it over tomorrow Mike."
""That'd be great; you're a real gem, you know that Bella? Edward is one lucky guy to have taken you off the market when he did." He flirted one last time before disappearing back into his house with a wave of his hand.
As I turned and began picking apples, I resume my previous daydreaming.
ooOOoo Flashback ooOOoo
Edward was working away again and I had just finished our nightly call to him. I missed him so much when he was away. It was also when the tension between Esme and I would escalate. I'm not entirely sure why, but without fail, within twenty-four hours of Edward's departure, Esme would be on my doorstep to voice her current dissatisfaction with me. I have come to the conclusion that, she deliberately waits until Edward is away in order for her to keep her mother of the year tiara firmly in place. If there are no witnesses to the hell she puts me through then, clearly I am imagining the whole thing. Yeah, right! Two can play that game, She-Beast.
Tonight is no different. I'm in the kitchen, cleaning the dishes from dinner, when Esme stomps in and slams her Prada purse on the counter. How the hell did she get in here? Oh, right, that would be the - 'If you don't give us a key to your house, we'll just break the door down.' -conversation I experienced not long after we moved into our new home. Instantly, the hair on the back of my neck bristles and I tense in anticipation of tonight's tirade. This should be interesting...NOT!
"So, what have you got to say for yourself, you lecherous harpy?" She begins in her 'you're not good enough' tone.
"I beg your pardon." I seethe as I turn to face her. Who the hell does she think she is? No 'Hi, how are you?' – Nothing. And as for the insult, well... that's a new one. I must remember to compliment her on her originality. Hmm, lecherous harpy has a nice ring to it.
"You heard me, don't pretend that you didn't. You may have my Edward fooled with your sweet innocent act, but you don't fool the rest of us. How dare you suggest that my Edward should move to the other side of the country! Away from his home, away from his family."
Translation – How dare I suggest he move away from her! Esme appears to be turning a delightful shade of purple, right now. Something in the aubergine family, I think. An inappropriate chuckle escapes my lips before I can stop it, as I stare at her. Cerberus has heard it and is launching head/s first into her rant again.
"This is no laughing matter. You are a manipulative little whore, who has no business being in this family, least of all, any right to be making decisions that affects us. You are not part of this family and never will be. You are just a phase that has lasted far too long and as of right now, I'm putting a stop to this madness once and for all."
"Huh! Manipulative, well ain't that the pot calling the kettle black. Don't you think mother dearest?"
Esme has told be on numerous occasions that I am no daughter of hers and therefore have no right to address her as such. This is a little game I like to play, especially at important functions the whole family is required to attend. It is truly hilarious to count the number of shades of red Esme will turn before excusing herself, in order to maintain the mother of the year facade.
"What exactly is the problem Mom? Is it that Edward has been offered the job of his dreams? Is it the fact that you were not part of the decision making process? Or, now I'm just guessing here but, is it that he will be too far away for you to still have your talons firmly implanted in him? I questioned without hesitation.
"Grow up Isabella. Real life is not a fairytale, if it was, Edward would have married the princess I picked out for him and not the ugly step-sister he found in you." She scolded.
In order to control my rapidly escalating blood pressure, I turned on my heel and headed towards the backyard; needing the fresh air in order to clear my head. As I made my way towards the back of our yard, I could hear the angry clack of her shoes against the tiles. Ours was the first house to be built in the new estate. At this very moment, I was very thankful there were no neighbors to witness the atrocity that is my rampaging mother in-law.
"Don't you dare turn your back and walk away from me Isabella. This is nowhere near being over with. My God, I honestly thought that Edward would have done as he was told by now, and pulled your petulant little ass into line. I raised my son better than this; it must be you making him act like a rebellious teenager."
While Esme's rant continued, I picked up the spade I had been using earlier in my landscaping endeavors and continued excavating dirt where we were placing a water feature. I'm not afraid of a little dirt or breaking a nail, and had a fairly impressive hole dug ready for the pond to go in once Edward returned. Three more weeks, I chanted to myself, three more weeks.
"Isabella! Do not stand there ignoring me. It is a tried and tested approach and it doesn't work. Obviously, if it did, you would no longer be the problem you currently are. I should sue the doctors that neglected to sterilize both your parents long before the ever thought about pro-creation. It would have saved a lot of people a lot of trouble in the long run."
Oh, HELL NO! She did not just bring my mother into this! Now, my father, I couldn't care less about. I haven't seen or heard from him in over ten years. My mother on the other hand, no-one talks shit about my mom.
"Did you just suggest my mother should have undergone mandatory sterilization purely for the fact that you and I don't see eye to eye on a few things?" I seethed with my back still turned to the poor excuse of a human being behind me.
"A few things, Isabella?" She scoffed. "A few things - is putting it lightly. I simply think that Edward can do so much better, and he will, after I get rid of you. Now I know you don't agree with me, and that really isn't your fault. That, my dear, is a direct result of your poor breeding."
I saw red with a capital R. This woman was standing in MY yard, telling me I had bad breeding! I gripped the spade in my hand tighter than an 1800's corset grips a woman's ribcage. I swung around to face Satan herself. With the momentum of my sudden turn, the spade lifted into the air and came towards her neck at a blinding speed. I couldn't have stopped it even if I tried...which I didn't.
Time moved in slow motion as I watched the blade slice effortlessly through her neck. I stood there and simply watched as her head tumbled to the side before the rest of her body followed. Huh! Maybe Home Depot shouldn't sell spades with such sharp blades on them, or at least issue a warning. Something like –Do not use near detachable body parts – something like that anyway.
As I stood there next to my mother in-law's lifeless – now headless- body, I pondered what to do next. I should call the cops, I think? Shouldn't I? That would be the responsible thing to do. But, how can I claim this little incident as self defense. That wouldn't work and the She-Beast would still get her own way. Especially, when I get my ass locked up for life without parole. No, Esme Cullen has gotten her way far too often and that shit stops right here, right now. As I lovingly roll her body into what was going to be my water feature, I chuckle again as I thought of a few fairytales I was living right now. Dorothy killed the wicked witch then sang a song about it, Hansel and Gretel did too.
The next day, I went back to Home Depot to cancel my order for the pond and to compliment them on the quality of their gardening implements. I picked up a few plants and flowers to put around our house as I had a feeling the move across country would now be delayed indefinitely; gardens make a house feel like home. That afternoon, after I planted everything I'd bought that day, I stood on my back porch admiring my hard work. With a nice cold beer in my hand, I toasted to Esme and happily ever afters!
ooOOoo End Flashback ooOOoo
That night, as Edward and his family sat around the table enjoying dinner and sharing fond memories of beloved Esme, I glanced around the room and couldn't help but smile at the love I saw reflecting back at me from all sides.
"What are you smiling at, love?" Edward asked.
"Oh, nothing really. Just thinking how there is so much love in this room right now. Esme would have loved to us all like this." I replied and Edward leaned over to squeeze my knee affectionately.
As I cleared the table to make room for dessert, as I placed the pie on the table, I made a brief mention of using Esme's prize winning recipe for the apple pie I made. Trying of course to give credit where credit is due. Halfway through, Edward's brother, Emmett, complimented the chef; saying that it tasted better than he remembered, before diving right back into the piece in front of him. I, of course, turned fifty shades of red as I blushed at the unexpected compliment.
"Yes Bella, this pie is delicious. Are the apples from your tree?" Carlisle asked and I nodded in agreement. "You know, Esme always loved a well looked after garden, and was especially proud if she cooked something she had grown herself."
"Thank you, Carlisle. That means a lot to me." I almost whispered.
"Please, Bella. I've been telling you for five years to call me Dad." He said.
"Sorry Dad. I like to think that somehow Esme shared her green thumb with me and helped me grow my apple tree." I stated genuinely.
"That she would have, that she would have." He replied.
I cleared my throat as I stood to gain everyone's attention.
"I'd like to propose a toast. To Esme, wherever she is, may she be happy in the knowledge that her family is together as one. The way it's supposed to be."
"To Esme!" they repeated as we all clinked glasses.
And...To fairytales coming true and MY Happily Ever After, I thought to myself.
ooOOoo The End ooOOoo