Hey, I'm not quote sure how I feel about this but here it is. I plan for it to have a few chapters if they is enough interest.
Fi.
"They call, and you drop everything for them. You don't do that for anyone else; only them. You were supposed to be home for two months, not two days."
I can see his eyes as they try to focus on the stoplight and not my words. He breathes out. "I'm getting tired of this," He says his eyes never leaving the red light. He isn't talking about the light in front of him; the colors were going to change we both knew that, but we never would.
"Then maybe this is it." I answer my eyes locked on the red light. Tears are growing behind my eyes, but I fight them back.
"Maybe it is." He answers. He speeds through the intersection as soon as the light is green. The rest of or trip home is made in silence. Neither of us knowing what to say or what damage our words have already done.
He has his bag out on the bed seconds after we walk through the doorway. I feel the tears building behind my eyes, so I quickly make my way to the bathroom. I refuse to let him see me break. I strip out of my dress and heels. Stepping under the stream of water I sigh as the tears roll down my cheeks.
It was never going to change. I would always come second to the CIA. They call, and he goes running. It used to be enough to know that he would be coming home to me, but lately it just isn't anymore. I need more than two nights together every few weeks. It isn't fair to me, but when has our relationship ever been fair to me?
Michael.
I watch as she rushes into our bathroom. She's fighting back tears I know that, but what does she want from me? I have to go. It's my job.
"Damn it." I yell as I throw my bag across the room. She used to understand but lately we've drifted apart. I know it's my fault, but I can't just walk away from the CIA. I worked so hard to get back in; I can't just give it up.
I can't keep doing this. This back and forth is killing me…killing her. I can't keep fighting with her. I don't want to fight with her. I don't want her in that shower alone. I want to be in there with her, but I know that I can't walk in there. She doesn't want me in there.
Walking across the room I pick my bag up and continue sticking clothes inside it. I finish and listen as the water pounds against the tile of our shower. I push down the desire to rush in there and force her to talk to me; to work this out before I leave in the morning.
Sighing I walk over to our bed and lay on my side. Fifteen minutes later I hear the water turn off and pretend to be asleep. I can't talk to her, no matter how much I want to. She's so angry with me. She won't listen. She turns the lights off and I feel her slide into bed beside me. I fight the urge to pull her into my arms. She sniffles, and I lose it.
"I'm trying to give you everything you want Fi." I whisper. I reach my hand over, but she snatches away from me. "Fiona..."
"Some…sometimes you think you're giving a person the world, but you're not, "she whispers, "sometimes the world you're offering isn't what they want." I can hear every breath she takes. She's struggling to hold it together and it's absolutely killing me.
"What do you want Fiona?" My voice is so low that I'm unsure she heard me but finally I hear her tiny voice.
"I'm tired of coming second. I don't want to be your after thought anymore. I want to be the first thing you think of when you're offered something. I want you to care about how your decisions affect my life..."
I let out a sigh. We'd been over this so much. "I've always been upfront about what I want Fiona. I told you over…"
"You told me over and over that we wouldn't work. You told me that we shouldn't try, and you know what I think you were right. This was a mistake." Her tiny form is up and out of the bed before I can respond to her angry words.
I reach out towards her, but she pulls away. I watch as she manages to get dressed in thirty seconds. "Where are you going? Come back to bed."
"I can't be with you Michael. I need to be alone."
I stand from the bed and walk up behind her. Surprisingly she doesn't snatch away this time when my hand reaches her waist. "Fi…I…"
She turns in my arms and places her hand on my cheek. Her eyes have softened but I can see it. She's leaving. "I know Micheal. We're no good at this. We never have been." I feel her soft lips on my cheek and just as quickly they're gone and she's out the door.