"Quinn? Quinn Fabray is that you?" I heard a voice behind me say; I could recognise that voice anywhere. A voice I hadn't heard in so long. I turned around to confirm my suspicions. I was right, stood in front of me was indeed Rachel Berry, a girl I hadn't seen in five years.
"Rachel" I said stunned, I knew she lived here but New York is a big city and I never really thought I'd run in to her, I guess I never really thought about running into anyone I knew here. "How are you?"
"Im good Quinn, how about you? How long are you in the city for?"
Well, I guess I should clean.
"I actually live here now" I said hesitantly knowing that it would probably cause some shock.
As predicted, she looked surprised. Not that I can blame her, I mean last she probably heard of me was that I was in Yale. To be honest, I never expected that I would end up in the city; it just turned out this way since my job brought me here.
"You live here?" she repeated back to me and I nodded in return. "Does Santana know?"
Santana. I haven't thought about her in a long time, or rather I haven't let myself think of her because it only results in me feeling the heartbreak all over again.
Santana and I dated all the way through senior year until my second year of college, we were completely head over heels in love with each other and everyone knew it. We were the 'it' couple, everyone thought that we were going to last forever and if im honest, so did it, so when word got round of our break up it was a shock to everyone.
I was in my second year of college at Yale and the workload was just getting heavier and heavier by the week, I could barely stand it. This meant that my weekly trip to New York to see Santana had to be cancelled and her visits to me were postponed because I never had the time. Two months went by without us seeing each other, in this time we barely even spoke and it killed me. It's not that I didn't want to speak to her; it's that I just couldn't. I was drowning in the work and if I put it off for even a second I would fail.
I felt so guilty, Santana called me all the time and I had to deny most of them, it killed me to not accept the call because there was nothing more I wanted to do that here my girlfriend's voice. I hated doing this to her, it wasn't fair to her at all.
"No, I don't think so" I quietly told her, it was still a painful experience to talk about Santana, mostly because I was still madly in love with her.
Rachel gave me a sympathetic look; she could probably see the look on my face which pretty much told her that talking about Santana was a sensitive subject.
"What are you doing now?" she asked.
"Right now?" she nodded. "Um I was just about to pick up lunch and then head home I guess" I shrugged, it wasn't the most exciting thing to do on a Saturday but since im not the best cook, takeout was always the best option.
Even thinking about things like that got me thinking of Santana. God, just one mention of her name and I feel like im revisiting memory lane.
I was in New York for the weekend visiting Santana, since I had the week off from college so obviously I was going to spend it with my beautiful girlfriend and also Rachel and Kurt since they all lived together, but still it was mainly for Santana.
I was at the loft waiting for Santana to come home from the diner; she got off at six so I wanted to have dinner on the table when she got in.
My phone ringing disrupted me as I was in the middle of making dinner. I went over to the counter and saw that Santana was ringing me. It's crazy that even after two years of being together even seeing her name on my phone gives me butterflies.
"Hey baby" I answered.
"Hey babe, I was just ringing to tell you that I got off work a little early"
"Oh okay, well I've almost finished making dinner so it will most likely be ready when you get here." I said, whilst stirring the pot of soup I make from scratch for our starter. I wanted this meal to be special so I tried to go all out, starter, main and desert.
"Im sorry, can you just repeat that for me" she replied, I was a tad confused at this. Did she not hear me?
"I've almost finished dinner and it will be ready when you get home?" I repeated.
"Alright, so im definitely not hearing things"
"What are you talking about?"
"You're cooking, Q" she stated the obvious.
"Yeah?"
"You're a terrible cook"
"I am not a terrible cook! How dare you"
"Quinn, do you not remember the time you tried and failed to cook us spaghetti?"
Ah the spaghetti incident. Yeah, that did not turn out so well. It turns out you actually have to push the spaghetti into the water, you can't actually just leave it stood up in the pan because the top half burns that way. And also the sauce I made was not great either, actually when I say not great I mean totally inedible.
"Okay, yes I do remember that. But that was one time. And I'll have you know I have had a cooking lesson so if you must know I know exactly what im doing" I said back.
"Q, that 'cooking lesson' was us watching a cooking show and we didn't even watch all of it because we started having sex like half way through it."
Okay, she got me there. I just know that if I could see her now she would have her infamous smirk on her face that drives me crazy.
"Well you know what Santana; you're not having any then. I will have it all to myself and you can just sit there and be jealous whilst I eat the delicious meal that I have slaved over all day"
"Alright alright, how about this? I promise that I will not make one complaint about your food, im sure it will be delicious" she reasoned.
"You bet your ass it will be. Oh and san?"
"Yeah?"
"I have whipped cream for dessert"
"Whipped cream on what?" she asked.
"Me"
"Fuck, can we just skip the meal and head straight for dessert?"
I chuckled into the phone. "Hmmm, only if you promise to eat every bite of what I've made you"
"Well you know me, I never back down from a challenge" she joked. "Anyway Q, im about to get on the subway, so I'll see you soon"
"Bye baby. I love you"
"I love you too"
She hung up the phone and I went back to preparing dinner. When everything was pretty much all set, the soup was done and the chicken was cooking in the oven, I went over to the bathroom to prepare myself, I wanted to look good for when Santana came home.
10 minutes later and my satisfaction for the way I looked, I was ready. I walked out of the bathroom to go back to the kitchen although I definitely wasn't prepared for what I would see.
A cloud of smoke filled the room. My chicken was burning in the oven, it seems like I left it in their too long. I opened the oven door and as soon as I did the smoke filled my eyes. This was definitely not my plan for tonight.
I took the chicken out to scan over the damage. It was ruined, beyond ruined. Nothing could be done to save this poor piece of meat. I just knew I was never going to hear the end of it from Santana. I looked over to the pot of soup and I noticed that I forgot to take it off the main heat; I prayed that it would still be okay. It was one thing ruining one part of the meal but a whole new level if I ruined all of it.
Crap, I sighed as I saw it. The soup had dried up and all that was left was just some clumpy vegetables all stuck together. I knew I was no Gordon Ramsey but I at least thought I could some soup, apparently I was wrong.
"Wow, what the hell happened in here?" I turned around to see Santana standing at the door, staring into the room. "Did something happen to your precious meal?" there it was, the Santana Lopez signature smirk arriving on her face.
I nodded with a pout.
"Aw baby" she came up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist. "What can I do to help?" she asked.
"Make us dinner?" I suggested, knowing that if I did it would probably just be messed up again.
"I don't need to" she removed her arms from my waist and walked over the front door which she left open. She walked out of it. As she came back in I saw the pizza box she was holding in her hand.
"Santana!"
"Im sorry okay. I didn't want to take any chances" she chuckled.
"I can't believe you had that little faith in me"
"Im sorry baby, but the spaghetti fiasco is just constantly playing in my mind. Did you know I was sick for like a week after eating your sauce?"
"Yeah I do know you were a pain in my ass that week" I laughed at the memory.
"Yeah well, I just didn't want to put you through that again. Plus, I got your favourite anyway, Pepperoni and Bacon with extra bacon."
"Just because you got extra bacon im gonna let this go for now, but just until we finish eating" I said.
"Yes dear"
She placed the pizza on the table and we started to dig in. I took the first bite and I was practically in heaven. I should definitely ruin the meal more often.
"Quinn?" Rachel said, interrupting my flashback, I shifted my eyes back up to hers. "You kind of just spaced out there"
"Yeah sorry, um, sure I would love to go to lunch"
We walked over to this café down the street. Our conversation had been pretty good, we just talked about our lives and our jobs, so far no taboo subjects had been mention, and by taboo subjects I mean Santana. Although I was pretty sure that wasn't going to last long.
"So Quinn, I know this is probably not what you want to talk about but I have to ask; what happened between you and Santana? I mean one second you were all loved up together and the next Santana comes home from visiting you telling Kurt and I that you broke up. She never told us what happened."
My mind flashed back once again to that dreadful day. In all my 26 years that I have been alive, I can definitely say for certain that that was the worse day of my life.
Santana Lopez is calling you….
I really wanted to answer, I did, but I am in the middle of this paper that if I distract myself from one moment I will lose focus completely and I couldn't let that happen, not with finals quickly approaching.
I rejected the call and a piece of me felt terrible about it. But I knew that once my exams were over I would spend every moment making it up to my beautiful girlfriend.
I put my mind in this paper, I was almost finished, and just one more paragraph and it would be over. However one more paragraph until I would have to write the next paper.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK.
I turned my head towards the door, who would be knocking on my door at 8pm on a Thursday?
I made my way over to the door and opened it hesitantly not knowing who could be on the other side.
I was stunned to see what I saw. On the other side of the door was a pretty angry Santana Lopez.
"Santana" I said surprised.
"At least you're still alive, that's good to know"
"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked as she walked inside the room.
"What that is supposed to mean is that you've been ignoring my calls for four days now Q and you've been putting off visits to me, you say no every time I ask to come and see you. Do you know how long it's been since I've seen you Quinn?"
I shook my head.
"Two months"
Two months? Oh God, had it really been that long? I guess I've been busier than I thought.
"What's your excuse this time Q?"
"Im so sorry Santana I've just been really busy" it's a pathetic excuse I know, but it's the truth. I've been so wrapped up in trying to be at the top of my classes that I've had no time for anything else.
"Too busy for me? Too busy for one simple visit?" she's clearly hurt by all of this and that's totally understandable.
"I've had no time; my workload is crazy at the moment"
"That's a pretty shitty excuse Quinn. What, you couldn't take one lousy weekend off?"
"I have to stay on top of my classes Santana, if im ever gonna…"
"If you're ever going to what? Finally get your fathers attention?" she fired back. "Is this what this is all about Quinn? Going to Yale, working so hard to finally prove to daddy that you're not the waste of space he's labelled you as? Because if that's true than that's pathetic and you're pathetic if that's the reason"
I couldn't stop the next thing I did; it was like I acted on autopilot from the moment she mentioned that I was doing this for my father's approval. With the way she was clutching her cheek I knew I hit hard.
"You don't know what I need"
"I don't know what you need? Quinn, im your girlfriend, I know exactly what you need. And what you need is to take a break; looking at you right now I can tell that you're exhausted."
"Santana" I sighed. "I just need to get through these last few months and then we can be back to how we were"
She took a long pause, like she was thinking about something important. I wasn't sure if I wanted to know what she was thinking about; I had a gut wrenching feeling that it wasn't going to be good.
"I can't keep going on like this Quinn" she finally spoke out.
"Keep going on like what?" I painfully asked.
She took a deep breath. "I can't keep being in a one sided relationship"
My breath hitched at this, it felt like my heart stopped beating. If she was talking about what I think she was talking about I don't know what I would do.
"Santana, no. We can fix this" I cried out, I knew the tears were falling from my eyes now as I could feel them falling down my cheeks. Just the prospect of us being over made me feel like my whole world was shutting down.
"Im sorry Q. But I can't do this anymore. I love you so much but these past couple of months have been hell for me. I needed you Quinn and you weren't there. I can't keep doing that."
She was in the same position of me. I could see that it was breaking her heart to say this.
"I think we need to have a break"
Those words. They brought my world down.
"No Santana, no. I know I've been distant but I won't be anymore. I'll come and see you every weekend again, like I used to. We can fix this, please" I pleaded; I wasn't ready to lose her. I was never ready to lose her.
I walked up to her and placed my hands on her cheeks to get her to look at me, I needed her to realise that we were forever and we just were going through a tough couple of months.
"Please Santana, please" I started placing kissing all over her face in hope it would remind her that we needed to be together.
Her eyes closed on instant of my lips on her skin.
I moved my kisses to her lips, hovering them over her own.
"Please" I pleaded once again.
Our lips connected in what was one of the most passionate kisses we had ever shared. Her lips enveloped over mine and sucked gently. I moaned into her mouth, her kisses always drove me crazy, but this one, it blew my mind. I couldn't believe I had gone two months without the feel of her lips on mine.
We started walking backwards and I fell onto the bed, she toppled right on top of me. Our mouths had not lefts each other's once. Her hands moved down the hem of my top, she ran her hands up and cupped my breast through the bra, my back instantly arched from the contact and my head rolled back from the pleasure it brought me. Two months I had gone without her touch. She took this opportunity to attach her lips to my neck, hitting that spot that drives me crazy.
When she removed her mouth from my neck I thought she was going to lean down and capture my lips with her own again. She didn't.
Her hands crept back from under my shirt and down on the bed to push her up off me. I hated the loss of contact.
"Im sorry. We shouldn't, I shouldn't have…."
My chest was heaving up and down. Out of breath from what we were just doing.
She looked into my eyes and uttered those five words that would break my heart and leave me broken forever.
"Im sorry Quinn, It's over"
"Wow" Rachel said. "Well I guess it all makes sense now, the way she was when she got back to the loft"
I knew I probably shouldn't have asked but I just needed to know. "How was she, when she got back?"
"She was devastated Quinn. She drowned herself in alcohol. She was such a mess."
I feel like crying, I feel like im reliving that day over and over again. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.
"Did you even try and call her? To try and fix things?"
"I wanted to"
"So why didn't you?" she asked.
"Because I was scared. I was scared that she wouldn't want me back and a part of me hated her for what she suggested"
"Do you still hate her for saying that?"
"No" I admitted. "She was right. I just wanted my father to be proud of me once"
Rachel gave me a sympathetic smile.
"Do you know that when we were in high school he mistook Santana for the maid, and all the she was at my house he ordered her to get him something? She was so pissed off, so when we came out to my parents you should have seen the proud look she had on her face" I laugh at the memory.
"It's okay babe, you can do this" Santana comforted me.
We were about to come out to my parents and to say I was nervous was an understatement.
"You promise you'll still love me even if this all blows up in our faces?" I ask her, I need to know that I'll still have her after all of this.
"I will love you until we are old and wrinkly and we are slumming it in some old persons home"
Bless her for making me more at ease with the situation. As long as I have Santana Lopez I know that I can face whatever comes my way.
"Alright, let's do this" I intertwined our fingers together and led us both in the house.
"Mom, Dad?" I shouted as I entered.
"In the kitchen sweetie" my mother shouted back.
I took a deep breath.
"You can do this, I'll be right here by your side" Santana kissed my cheek.
We both walked into the kitchen. My mom was cooking dinner and my father was sat at the table reading a newspaper.
"Um, can I talk to you both about something?" my mom turned around.
"What's going on sweetie? You're not pregnant are you? Are you on drugs?" My mom started rambling.
"No, mom. Not any of those, could you sit down" I signalled to the chair next to my dad.
I looked over to my dad; he had put the newspaper down. But he wasn't looking at me, he was looking at my clasped hand in Santana's.
"Why are you holding hands with the maid?" he mumbled.
I sighed at this. No matter how many times I told him Santana was not the maid he never listened. Even though he was my father, he was a complete asshole sometimes.
"She's not the maid daddy." I took a deep breath before saying the next thing. "She's my girlfriend"
Santana tightened her hand around mine.
"Girlfriend?" he muttered. "What do you mean girlfriend?" I could tell he wasn't happy about this.
"Were together. We love each other" I answered.
"No" he said.
"No?"
"She is not your girlfriend. I will not allow this Quinn"
"Dad"
"Enough Quinn, I will not allow my daughter to be a lesbian. This is an abomination. You are an abomination." He looked at me in disgust.
I could feel tears forming in my eyes, to be rejected by my own parents. I knew that if my father wasn't going to accept me, my mother would just be weak and follow his footsteps.
"You know what" Santana stepped up. "Quinn is many things, she's beautiful, smart, kind, and funny but she is not an abomination. The abomination here is you for being a close-minded asshole. How dare you speak to her like she is some dirt on the bottom of your shoe. I love your daughter, and if you think you can speak to her like that and get away with it you're very much mistaken."
"You are worse than she is" My father spoke to Santana, "you disgust me. You have corrupted my Quinnie."
"She hasn't corrupted me dad. I love her!"
"Get out. If this is the way you wish to act then you are no longer welcome in my house"
"Dad" How could he kick his own daughter out just because she loved a woman? How cold hearted could someone be.
"Get out. You are no longer my daughter"
There it was. I ran upstairs, quickly gathering anything I could as I didn't want to be here any longer than I had to. Santana and I walked downstairs ready to leave when she suddenly stopped me.
"Don't hate me for what im about to do" she said to me before walking off towards the kitchen again. I quickly followed her anxious at what she was about to do.
"Mr Fabray, I just want to let you know that I love Quinn more than anything in this world, and I will do anything to protect her from anything which will cause her pain. That includes calling out her asshole of a father for not accepting who she is. I just want to let you know that every day the world is changing and each day people are accepted for who they are because no one should ever have to hide who they really are. I really do hope that one day you change your views and see the real, amazing girl that your daughter really is." she turned around and started to leave the room, but she turned around at the door and back towards him.
"Oh and I fucked your daughter on that table you're currently sat at. Have a good day" she smiled a fake sweet smile at him.
We both walked out of the house.
"Do you hate me?" she hesitantly asked after what she just said.
I smiled at her.
"I love you"
A big grin broke out on her face. "I love you too"
"I actually tried to contact her when I came to New York three years ago. But when I got to the loft I saw her enter the building holding hands with another blonde girl"
"That was Dani" Rachel said.
"Who's Dani?" Im not sure I wanted to know but I just had to ask.
"Santana's ex-girlfriend" At least she said ex. Apart of me can sigh with relief and settle the feeling in me from all those years. "They didn't last very long"
"She sure does have a thing for Blondes huh" I tried to make a joke out of things.
"Yeah" Rachel chuckled. She looked like she was about to say something but then decided against it. I decided not to ask, she would tell me if she thought necessary.
We talked casually some more, until it was about 2pm.
"So Quinn, as you know it's New Year's Eve tomorrow, do you have any plans?"
Honestly, I didn't. I didn't really have many friends here. I guess you could say I've distances myself all these years, afraid of being hurt again.
"I don't have any plans"
"Were having a party tomorrow night at the loft. You should come. Some of the glee members are going to be there, im sure they would love to see you again"
But which glee members? Was she going to be there?
"Is she going to be there?" I quietly asked.
"Yes"
My heart felt like it was going to explode. If I went I would finally get to see her again, after all these years. Something about that prospect made me incredibly nervous and incredibly happy. Maybe, this time that we had would bring us back together and we would jump back in each other's arms.
"It starts at 8, I really hope you'll be there Quinn. Anyway I have to go, I have rehearsal. It's been great catching up with you. Here" she handed out a card with a number on it. "Now that I know you're in the city, you're not getting rid of me that easy"
I smiled at her. It was nice knowing that I have a friend here, even after all these years she is still the same Rachel Berry.
"Bye Quinn"
"Bye"
She left the café. I quickly followed her and went back to my apartment. It scared me that tomorrow I was going to be face to face with Santana once again. Conversations were being thought out in my head of how tomorrow would go.
Sleep didn't come easy that night; my mind was going into overload of every type of situation that could happen. Even when I did sleep, I dreamed of her. Although, that wasn't really any change. I always dreamt of her.
The next morning I woke up, I knew that today was the day I would see her again. That scared me. Would she still be my Santana or would she have changed completely into a person I wouldn't recognise?
During the day I got some work done. Im currently a free-lance writer for the New York Times. I always used to love writing and now I get to do it for a living. I have a great job, in a city I love, but it's all missing something. Missing something to make my life perfect. I know exactly what it is. It's the same thing I let leave my dorm room five years ago. The person I let walk out of my life because of my stupid judgement and views.
It got to 7pm and I started to get ready for the party at the loft. I knew I had to look good for tonight since it was the first time she would be seeing me in five years. I chose a black dress with a black jacket because I knew I looked good in this outfit. I just hoped she would think so too.
I got to the loft at around 9pm, because I had many internal battles of me stopping myself from going and not going. I knocked on the door and my nerves were seriously kicking in.
The door opened and I expected to see Rachel's face as the door was opened. It wasn't her. It was the girl who has had my heart for all these years.
As soon as she opened the door the smile she had on her face had turned into that of clear shock. She stared at me, mouth open slightly. Her eyes gazed deep into mine, not believing that it was me that was stood in front of her.
"Hi" I whispered. Five years of no contact and that's all I have? Hi? Really?
"Hi" She repeated back quietly. God, one small simple word and it goes right through me. Hearing her voice again after all these years feels like home.
"Baby" a blonde girls arm went around her neck. Santana tore her eyes away from mine to look at the girl neck to her. "Who's this?" the girl asked her.
She brought her eyes back to me.
"Um, this is… this is.." she couldn't find her words so I decided to give them to her.
I held my hand out to the blonde to introduce myself. "Quinn." the girl shook my hand.
"Im Amber, Santana's girlfriend"
Well that hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. Santana has a girlfriend. What was I expecting, it's been five years. Life isn't like a fairy tale, we weren't just going to jump back into each other's arms and pick up where we left off before the bad patch.
"Anyway, im going to get a drink babe. It was nice meeting you Quinn" Amber walked off towards the kitchen.
Now it was just me and Santana once again. It was kind of awkward because I was still stood on the outside of the room and not into the actual loft yet.
I completely understand why she is behaving like this. I at least got a day in advance to prepare myself for our first interaction.
"So, are you going to let me in or…" I joked.
"Um, yeah sorry" she moved aside and I walked in the loft. I looked around and it was pretty packed. I saw a few faces I recognised and a lot that I didn't. Apart of me wonders that if Santana and I had stayed together would I know most people in this room? How different would my life be?
As soon as I walked in I turned to face her again.
"How are you?" that seemed like a good enough question to start off with.
"Im good. You?"
"Good"
I hated small talk in general but small talk with Santana I would have that for hours just because it was her.
"What are you doing here Quinn?"
"Rachel invited me"
"Since when have you been talking to Rachel?" I could tell by the tone of her voice she was started to get a bit worked up. I didn't want to do anything that would make her angry.
"I bumped into her yesterday"
"Oh. Wait, you live here? Like in New York?"
"Yeah" I said hesitantly.
I know Santana well enough to know that she looked hurt.
"For how long?"
"About three years"
"Three years and you never once tried to look me up"
"Santana."
"You know what. I, I can do this right now" she said as she walked away leaving me stood alone watching as she left. This is not how I wanted out reunion to go.
It was now 11pm and I hadn't seen Santana since. Over the time I had caught up with some of my old glee club members. I was currently talking to Tina who was telling me about how she and Mike got back together and moved to Boston. They're both here visiting for the week and checking out some dance studios for mike to work in.
I excuse myself from the conversation and walk over to the bathroom to just recompose myself. Next to the bathroom is Rachel's bedroom, it's still got a curtain around it just like I remember. As I exit the bathroom I hear two voices talking, or more like arguing. I instantly recognise that those voices belong to Rachel and Santana.
"What the hell were you thinking by inviting her here Berry!" Santana starts off.
I know straight away that they are talking about me. I also know I shouldn't stay and listen but I just can't help myself.
"I was thinking that you're still madly in love with her after all these years"
"Im not, Im not in love with her"
"Santana, you're one of my best friends and I've never seen you look at anyone the way you looked at Quinn. Do you know that all the girls you go for are blonde, they all wear dresses, you go for the same type of girls who resemble at least one small quality of the girl you love but not one of them will fill the hole in your heart that you have for her"
I can't listen to anymore. I walk away but instead of going back to where everyone is I walk out on to the unoccupied balcony because I really need fresh air right now.
A few moments later I hear someone come out of the window to join me. I keep my gaze forward and the person comes to stand next to me.
"Im sorry for the way I acted before. I guess I was just in shock that you're actually here" Santana said.
"It's okay. I guess it was kind of a shock"
"You can say that again"
"I guess it was kind of a shock" I chuckled out and she laughed in response. It feels good to hear that laugh again.
"Alright, smart ass"
We fall into a comfortable silence and just stare out at the view in front of us.
"Hey" Santana turned to me. "Can I show you something?"
I nodded at her.
She makes her way back inside and I follow her. Although on her way out im having a hard time trying not to stare at her ass as she goes through the window.
We walk over to what I still assume is Santana's corner of the loft, which used to be Kurt's but now I assume Kurt has moved out to someone different.
"Didn't this used to be Kurt's corner?" I asked.
"It did, but about three years ago he moved in with Blaine into their own apartment. So now it's just me and Rachel"
"How are him and Blaine?"
"They're good, they're actually married now"
"Wow, really?" she nodded. "Good for them" Im sorry I missed that, I guess lots happens when you disappear for five years.
Santana turned around from grabbing something from under her bed. I notice she has a small rectangular box in her hands.
"Here" she handed me the box. I opened it and inside was all my articles that I've ever wrote for the New York Times. Each and every one that I've ever written is in this box.
"I buy the times every week to look for your articles. I knew you lived here, in New York. I guess I just walked off before because I needed a reason to recompose because seeing you again just makes my mind go all crazy. Anyway, I guess I kept these because if I ever saw you again I just wanted to say how proud I am of you. I know writing is all you've ever really wanted to do and im really glad that you got what you wanted."
"Thank you Santana."
I decide that now is the time to be bold. To fight for her the way I should have five years ago.
"Can I tell you something?" I asked.
"Anything."
"You were right." I said and she tilted her head confused. "I was looking for my father's approval"
"Quinn, we don't have to do this. I should never have said that"
"No, it's okay. You were right and I just needed you to know that. Can I also tell you another thing?" she nodded and I started to walk closer so that I was stood close to her. I could hear her breath hitch as I got in close distance with her. This was all the courage I needed to continue.
"I regret everyday not fighting for you. For not begging you stay. For not following you to New York to be with you"
With every word I say I moved closer and closer to her, so now I was directly in front of her and my lips hovered over hers. I felt her breath on my lips, all I wanted to do was close the distance and connect our lips but not yet, I needed to say one more thing.
"I never stopped loving you Santana. Im so sorry for everything."
She lifted her gaze from the ground and up to my eyes and then down to my lips, like she was having an internal debate at what to do next.
Before I know it those lips which I had craved for those long five years finally connected with mine. The memory I had of them in my head did not do them justice because the way they felt on my own felt like heaven. Her tongue softly outlined my bottom lip and I parted my lips, welcoming her tongue into my mouth. Her tongue massaged my own and her hands came to cup my face as the kiss was deepened. When breathing became an issue for both of us we separated. Our foreheads leaned against the others.
"I love you Santana. I always will"
She removed her head away from mine and stepped back.
"I have to go" she just left, left me standing there alone after the amazing kiss we just shared. Maybe we weren't meant to be, maybe she just needed closure and that's how she got it. But all I needed was for her to say she loved me back.
I found myself back on the balcony by the time it was two minutes to midnight. I couldn't be in that room when all those couples in there were happy and loved up because it just made me realise that I wasn't either of those things.
"Fabray, what are you doing out here all on your own?" Santana walked out into the back yard and over to where I was standing.
It was New Year's Eve and we were all at Puck's annual New Year's Eve party.
"It's New years and I had no one to kiss so I just figured I would just stay out here and not look alone and feel sorry for myself" I said to her.
"Well, I have no one to kiss either so how about I make a proposition to you. For each foreseeable new year to come, I'll be your New Year's Eve kiss for as long as you don't have one. That way you'll always have me" she smiled at me.
"Okay, you've got yourself a deal" I agreed. I could think of a lot of things worse than kissing Santana Lopez.
When I think back to our first kiss we shared all those years ago. It reminds me of a better time, that was the beginning of our relationship.
"What are you doing out here all on your own?" I hear Santana say as she comes out of the window and onto the balcony next to me again.
"Had no one to kiss so I figured I'd just stay out here till the moments passed"
"Well, I remember making a promise to a girl a long time ago that if she never had someone to kiss I'd always be available"
I turned towards her.
"What about your girlfriend?"
"Why do you think I ran off after we kissed? Because when I say that I love you I want it be in a moment where were both single and not in a relationship with someone who's not you"
"10"
"9"
"8"
"You still love me?"
"I do" She moved closer so that she's stood directly in front of me once again.
"4"
"3"
"2"
"1"
"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"
Santana captured her lips with my own, I don't know how but this one feels even better than the one we had just previously shared. This one felt like everything, it could be because it was New Year's or it could have been because it was Santana, Santana the love of my life who just told me that she loves me.
"I love you Quinn. I never stopped either"
Identical smiles arrived on our faces. Five years of waiting for this moment and it's everything I ever wanted.
Maybe we did need that time apart. Even though it was filled with heartbreak, it brought us both to this moment and there wasn't anything else I wanted other than to be standing on this balcony in Santana's arms.
"New year, new us right?" I said.
"Whatever happens, all I know is that as long as I've got you, my life will be perfect"
Me too.