TALKING TO MY SHADOW

The Gift of Problems

"Go to bed." I grumbled and shot a tired glare at the boy in the bed across from mine.

"Whyyyyy!? You always stay up with me!" He flipped onto his belly with a frustrated huff.

"And then Mom gives me all the heat about it."

"That's never bothered you before."

"I know but I've got to be up early tomorrow."

"Earlier than you get up for school?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I'm not going to school tomorrow."

"Why not!?"

"I'm gonna go see some guy."

"A hospital guy?"

"A hospital guy."

"Am I going too?"

"Mom didn't say you were."

"Can I go?"

"You don't like doctors."

"Well, neither do you."

"Good night, Feliciano."

"I want to go with you!"

"Good night, Feliciano."

"Good night." My brother sighed and pulled his blanket over his head. Soon, sleep came to the two of us.

My name is Lovino Vargas. I'm thirteen years old, that's one year older than my brother and I'll be fourteen next month. I'm getting pretty old, I guess. I mean, I still can't go out on my own but I can cook my own food n' stuff. I have my own phone, it's pretty sick. It doesn't have internet or anything but I got this cool case for it that looks like an old-school, hand-held Nintendo.

My brother is Feliciano. He's always with me, always. Sometimes he can be really annoying but I don't know what I would do without him, he's my other half. I have to be very careful with him because he needs me. My parents ignore him. Actually, just about everyone does. The poor guy gets laughed at all the time and people push right around him like total assholes. It's not his fault. He's just small and big guys like to pick on little guys.

As for the doctors, I see new doctors all the time. They last anywhere from a week to a few years, depending on how many prescriptions they write. The prescriptions are supposed to keep me from daydreaming but I usually don't take my them anyways. All that shit just screws with my brain parts and makes me dizzy.

The doctors are all boring old guys who ask me how I feel. Once or twice, I get a lady doctor but they do the same things and I go home with a few more orange prescription bottles. Feli does his part to watch out for me too, he tells me what pills I should or shouldn't take because he's crazy smart about science stuff. He knows what pills will make me sad and those ones go down the toilet. One time, I took a pill that made me vomit for hours and Feli got really mad. He told me I should hit the doctor who gave it to me. I've never seen him get so mad. He'd never told me to hurt anyone before. Then again, I know he doesn't want me to get in trouble.

My brother likes to talk. He talks to me for hours and I always get caught up listening to him. I get in trouble at school because of him. No one but Mom and Dad ever scold him and even then, it's just a little finger wagging. That's what annoys me the most. He'll convince me to take a walk with him when he can't sleep but I'll be the only one getting in trouble for leaving the house in the middle of the night. He'll make me splash in the puddles with him when it rains but I'll get yelled at for ruining my pants. Still, I can't imagine being without him. He's my brother, of course I'll be with him. He's my other half.

I woke up to the screaming of my alarm clock and Feliciano told me to turn it off. "Get up, you lazy bum." I spat, tumbling my dead weight out of bed.

"Do you know who this new hospital guy is?" He peeked his eyes out from under the blanket.

"Some douche in a pleated suit."

"Do you know anything else? Wear your blue shirt, it makes a better first impression." He mentioned as I began to pull my scarlet red button up from the closet. I traded it out for the blue one. "You're more approachable in blue."

"I know that he lives two blocks down from us, his kid is transferring into our school and Mom'll probably want me to be friends with him."

"You gotta be careful, Lovino. You know how-"

"Yeah, I know."

"All we need is each other."

"That's right." I pulled the clean shirt over my head.

"Last time you trusted someone else-"

"I know what happened, I know what happened."

"Don't get hurt. All I want is to make sure that-"

"I got it, Feli."

"Okay."

I finished getting dressed and my brother continued to lay around, telling me that he didn't want me to leave. Eventually, Mom called me down stairs for a bowl of cereal and we left. The office was suite 361 in this gross, brown, blob-looking building. Better yet, the office spelled like oatmeal and cheap wall plug-ins. The first thing I heard was the low humming of the radio, playing a country song but as I tuned my ears, I recognized the catchy 8-bit jingle of my favorite video game, Monster Ball Hunters. It was coming from the back room so I followed, hoping there would arise a possibility to play. My mom stayed in the reception room, too busy filling out papers to notice my absence.

It was a boy. He was sitting on the floral carpet with his legs crossed up under him and a Nintendo in his hands. It took him a minute to notice my presence in the door way but once he did, he looked up at me with these startling green eyes and pushed thick, chocolate curls away from his eyes. I was stuck the moment our eyes locked.

He jumped up, discarding his electronic and letting it topple onto the ground so that he could clasp my hand with the both of his. His happiness, it was amazing. I didn't think that one person could be so happy for no apparent reason. A toothy smile stretched all the way across his face and his eyes glittered, lit up by his own pure energy. Why was he so happy? Had something funny happened? Maybe he was expecting me to be someone I wasn't. Too bad I was going to have to disappoint him. "You're the new kid! The one my dad's going to see!" He exclaimed, my hands still grasped in his.

"Yeah." I shrugged and reclaimed my limb.

"That's so cool. My dad's gonna real help you, I bet. I bet you'll be good as new when he's all done. Good as new."

"There's nothing wrong with me, okay?" I snarled, trying my hardest to seem intimidating.

"Of course not! You're perfect, I know that already about you! We're going to be great friends!" My brother's words scrambled back to me. Don't get hurt. You know what trusting other people does.

"Shut up, idiot. I hate you."

His face fell or a second, his smile limping into a frown but he recovered shortly and his face became gentle, more accepting. Why on Earth was this guy like this? What was his problem? "You're Lovino." He stated in a soft voice. "That's a pretty cool name, I like it. Want to know mine?"

"I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

"It's Antonio." He boasted, puffing out his chest and twinkling his eyes at me. I noticed his charcoal jacket that had been patched up with a catalog of superheroes.

"Yeah?"

"You bet!"

"So is…your dad going to show up?...Or what? I kind of like to get these things over with quickly."

"He just left for the bathroom. He'll be back in a minute. So, what makes you special?"

"Excuse me?"

"You wouldn't be here if you weren't special." He explained. That's funny. When people ask that question, they always just ask what parts of me are screwed up.

"People think I'm crazy."

"Me too!"

"No your not." Sure, he looked like a total weirdo but guys like him aren't crazy. He's probably a popular kid. Crazy kids aren't popular and they sure as hell aren't happy motherfuckers like this bastard.

"Yeah, but my dad helps me out. I like to do things in odd numbers and I like things to be horizontal but I've been getting better. I don't get so twitchy anymore. Is that your hair? Your real hair? That's amazing! It's so perfectly curved, it's like a gear. It's like a clock gear. I feel like it could just tick away at perfect pace, I can see it. Just tic tic tic. Just perfect. It's so nice. So nicely curved. Is it real? It must be, it's too perfect to be fake. It's so nice. Just tic tic t-"

"Antonio?" A voice interrupted.

"Dad!" The boy chirped, his attention taking a U-turn.

"Oh, so you've met our new friend." The man said, looking right at me.

"This is Lovino." Antonio put his arm right around me like we were old chums or something. I felt like bashing his teeth in but I settled with my worst scowl.

"Come on now, take a walk."

"Now?" The boy whined.

"Now. "

Antonio grumbled and stuffed his Nintendo into his Amazing Hulk messenger bag then promptly left, as commanded. The man introduced himself as Doctor Carriedo. He possessed the same green eyes but they didn't glitter like emeralds, like Antonio's. They were foggy with a dusty brown and his face didn't make my stomach tingle like Antonio's did. He was calm. He looked like the image you'd find if you searched the definition of the word doctor.

He let me sit in a fancy blue chair, like the kind you test out in Ikea, only, he actually bought it. His office was pretty nice. It had pictures of all the places he'd traveled to. Antonio was in some of the pictures. He was just a little toddler, a stupid, goofy smile painted across his face. He fascinated me for some reason. I just wanted to stare at him, to see if I could figure him out. The boy was like a master work. His face looked like the creation of an artist who desired nothing more than to free all binds of happiness upon one portrait. He was the kind of person that you just have to stare at…

"So Lovino," Said the doctor, bringing me back from fantasy. "I understand you're in high school now? A freshman?How's that going for you? Are you liking it there?"

"No."

"Why is that?"

"Everyone's an idiot."

"Why do you say that?"

"Look, that's not what you actually want to talk about. You want to know about my brother."

"Well, if you suggest. Why don't you tell me about your brother?"

"Why don't you guys just ask him to come talk to you guys. It's always about him so why am I the one who has to wake up early?"

"So that's it."

"What's it?"

"You feel unimportant. It's always about your brother. No one's asking about Lovino."

"I don't care about that."

"I have a feeling you do."

"Well, you're wrong."

"I went to school for a very long time so I wouldn't have to be wrong."

"Get a refund."

"Do you play any sports, Lovino?"

"Feliciano plays soccer."

"I didn't ask about Feliciano, I asked about Lovino."

"No."

"Do you want to?"

"What's it matter?"

"Do you want to play a sport?"

"No. I've got other things to deal with."

"Like what?"

"My brother. He needs me."

"Maybe you could start working towards some more independence between you two."

"Shut up."

"Lovino?"

"I don't need idiots like you trying to tear me and my brother apart. I'm not leaving him and he's not leaving me. Look, I've done this all before. You're not going to change anything so just give up now before you ruin or crumby reputation."

He wasn't fazed. His coolness was ever present and his eyes smiled at me in a way that drove me insane. I wanted him to just frown, for chrissake. "Can I ask you something?"

"You're going to anyways."

"I don't think I'll be able to work with you for quite some time-"

"Duh, I already know that. It's not a question."

"Patience. I was going to ask, How do you feel about my son?"

"W-what?"

"He was just in here a few minutes ago. Do you like him? How do you feel about him?"

"I dunno. He's weird. And he talks a lot… and he won't stop smiling at me."

"Good, good." He chuckled. "You have a new therapist, then."

"What!?"

He ignored my question and pulled out his notepad. He scribbled down on it then flashed me a mischievous smile. I don't like mischievous smiles, they always mean that something is going to go bad. I had a feeling he was going to be one of those unethical doctors that you hear about, using strange, out-of-the-box solutions that only work of TV. Maybe he'll want me to hang by my toes and say the alphabet backwards. Whatever it was, I wasn't going to like it.

He asked me to wait then went to talk to my mom, leaving the door only cracked the slightest. I waited and I looked at all the pictures. I knew he was going to give up on me, that's why he was talking to my mom. I don't think I've ever gotten rid of any one in five minutes before. That's a new record.

I found myself staring at the mop-headed toddler again. There was a picture of him on 's desk wearing a foamy Star Trooper costume and holding a pillow case full of candy. He was god damn happy about it. It's a good thing this doctor was quitting me or I might start to like Antonio. He's the kind of bastard that I fall into. I hate that. Those bastards are too nice and I start to think that maybe they won't hurt me but they always do. Antonio is just that kind of person.

"Lovi." Came a quite whisper from the doorway. I looked, thinking it might be my mother, but found that it was no one at all. The door seemed to be opened slightly farther than before but I dismissed that as the work of an AC breeze. I continued on looking at pictures until the call sounded again. "Loviiii!" This time, I noticed the pudgy boy's face on the ground, poking through the opening.

"Jesus Christ, Antonio!" I shrieked before being shushed. The boy climbed up and came into the room. I don't know why he thought he had to squeeze himself into the same chair as me, it was ridiculous.

"My dad is talking to your mom." He stated, getting his smiley face too close too mine.

"I know."

"Do you know what about?"

"Yeah. He's going to tell her not to bring me back here."

He giggled. "No he's not! He likes you!"

"No he doesn't."

"Yes he does!"

"You don't know that."

"Sure I do! We like the same things! I like you so I know my dad does too!"

"Liar."

"No! It's true!"

I farted at him with my tongue and looked everywhere else in the room except into his eyes. Next thing I know, there's a warmth on my cheek and I look over just in time to see that idiot with his lips pursed. "What the hell, Antonio!?" I violently scrubbed off the invisible mark with my sleeve.

"You don't kiss someone that you don't like." He boasted.

"You don't kiss someone you don't know! Jesus, what's your problem!?"

"I like you!"

"Well next time you like someone, show it by giving them a million dollars."

"Are you grumpy? I could give you another kiss-"

"No more kissing! End of story."

"Okay, no more kissing." He agreed. "Hey, do you play Monster Ball Hunter?"

"Yeah."

"Are you any good? I've been chasing this wild Aguamon all day but I can't get it."

"Try using an electric monster."

"Woah, really?"

"Yeah. Have you got a Pikaboo?"

"Yeah!"

"Just zap it until it passes out. It's common sense."

"My dad says I'm not very good at common sense."

"I can tell."

"How?"

"You're an idiot, just like my brother."

"Does your brother like tomatoes?"

"What's that got to do with anything?"

"I like tomatoes. If he's like me, he'll like tomatoes too."

"Well, I think he does. He's more of a fruit guy."

"A tomato is a fruit."

"No it's not! That's stupid!"

"No, it is!"

"Whatever, I don't believe you."

"I bet your brother would believe me."

"Probably, that's what idiots do, agree with each other on idiotic things."

"Where is he?"

"My brother?"

"Yeah."

"At home."

"Why?"

"He doesn't come with me to see doctors."

"I have a sister and she used to come with me when I went to the doctors. Now she lives in Florida."

"Well good for you."

"You could always ask him to come with you."

"No, my mom would get mad at me. We can't bring him places when we meet strangers."

"Why? Is he ugly?"

"No! Idiot! My mom says he just makes a bad impression."

"Does she not like him?"

"I don't think so."

"Why?"

"I dunno."

"Maybe she thinks he's ugly."

"He's better looking than I am."

"I doubt it. Your curl is so perfect, I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful."

I felt heat rush to my face. "Don't call a boy beautiful!"

"You sure are picky."

"I'm not! It's common sense!"

"I already told you I'm not good at that!"

"Obviously. You talk a lot too."

"A lot of people say that."

"Because it's true."

"Do a lot of people tell you that you that you're judgy?"

"Judgy isn't a word."

"There you go, being all judgy again."

"Saying it more won't make it a real word." I could hear the radio in the reception room and it was bugging the hell out of me. It kept getting louder, almost blaring. Who the hell keeps turning up? Nobody needs to listen to their talk show that loudly.

"Judgy is a real word because I say it is!"

"No it's not." I dismissed, too distracted to care. I was listening to the radio now. The man was announcing the news in his big radio voice, saying, "You forgot to let the cat in, I hope you get in trouble for that. It's probably sitting outside and scratching the door. It'll wake up your dad, it'll wake up your brother. Why didn't you just let it in when you woke up? I hope you get in trouble."

"Lovino? Hey, are you okay?"

"Can you turn off the radio?" I pressed my palms against my ears and winced. I hate the radio, we don't own a single one in our house.

"The radio?" The boy looked around the room, confused. "The one on the reception desk?"

The announcer continued. "You're such an idiot. That cat's going to wake up your brother. That's your only chore, why can't you just remember one little thing?"

"Jesus Christ, Antonio! Will you just turn it off!?" I yelled, shutting my ears at tight as I could which made them hurt.

"Okay, okay." He got up and rushed out the door. He came back in only a moment later and tapped me on the shoulder, saying that he had turned it off.

He looked at me with confusion. "Do you…not like country music?"

"I don't like any radio. You know who runs the radio? You wanna know? The president." I snarled. "He knows the people at Walmart and Target. They talk to each other."

"The president and the grocers?"

"Yes! They watch me and then they tell him all about me. They're always watching me and they tell him about me and my brother. They try to get to me through the radio."

"Lovino? No one is trying to get you. Blake Shelton was singing Austin."

"I have to get home right now." I stood up, my heart racing. "I have to let the cat in before it wakes anyone up."

"What cat!? Lovino!"

Before he could say anything else, I was out the door and speeding down the hall to find my mom. The cat was going to scratch up the door! Even if no one woke up, they'd see the scratches and I'd get in trouble. What if we had to buy a new door! I'd get in so much trouble! Why am I so stupid!? It's one little chore, how did I forget to do one little thing!?

I saw my mom talking to the doctor in the reception room. He was talking to her and showing her his clip board while she nodded. "Mom!" I tugged at her sleeve.

She sighed. "I'm busy right now, Honey."

"Mom, I need to let the cat in."

"What?"

"I forgot this morning. I left without letting it in."

"I saw you let him in, it's alright."

"No! I didn't! I know I didn't! It's going to wake up Dad and Feli!"

"I wouldn't worry about that. Those two are sound sleepers, they'll be fine." She smiled and pet my head with her long nails.

"No! Mom! I have to let the cat in!" Why didn't she get it?! I was going to get in trouble! "Mom! The president is on the radio again and even he knows about the cat! If we don't get home soon, he'll tell Dad!"

"Okay, we'll go home in just a minute, alright? I just have to finish talking to Doctor Carriedo real quick. It'll only be five minutes, do you think you can do that for me?"

"Five minutes?"

"Five minutes."

"Okay."

"Okay." She patted my back and I grumpily trudged back into the office where Antonio was waiting for me.

"Are you okay?" He asked the moment he saw me.

"I'm going home. Do you know where my jacket is?" He pointed over to the corner where I had first met him and I retrieved my jacket.

"Are you coming back?"

"Probably not."

"Is it because of the radio? I can just turn it off when you get here."

"No, it's because I don't like doctors and doctors don't like me."

"I like you."

"You'll get over me."

"We should hang out some time."

"No thank you."

"Not even on the weekends."

"Nope."

"Why? Do you have plans?"

"I have plans every day."

"Like what?"

"Like making sure my brother doesn't screw everything up or get picked on or whatever."

"Your brother can hang out with us too, then. I was going to organize my shelves tomorrow but I'll just do it tonight and you can come over tomorrow."

"My brother doesn't want to hang out with you."

"You didn't even ask!"

"Bye, Antonio." I put my hand on the door knob and twisted.

"Come hang out with me tomorrow! I'll give your mom our address."

I left and shut the door behind me. My mom was just finishing up talking to Doctor Carriedo and he was giving her his paper of scribbles. When he saw me, he bent down and smiled.

"Hello Lovino. I'm very glad you visited me."

I ignored him and gave my attention to my mom. "I need to let the cat in."

"Lovino, don't be rude." She corrected.

I rudely huffed and looked back at Doctor Carriedo. "Lovino, I think you should come back to see me every Tuesday and Friday. I think we can really make things better for you."

"What if I don't want to?"

"We all do things we don't want to do but we become better people because of it. I promise that it won't be so bad though. My son Antonio is going to start working with you and you guys will become good friends."

"He's not a doctor though."

"No, but I think he's the key to your treatment. After all, you can't get the pearl if you don't open the oyster."

"What?"

"It means you need a friend."

"I have a friend. A brother's the best kind of friend you can have."

"My whole goal is to open a new door to you, Lovino. I'm not going to ask you to stop being yourself but I do want to see you letting in the world. I want you to be free."

I glared into his eyes for a long time but he wouldn't waver from his relaxed demeanor. "Piss off." I growled and received a good scolding from my mom. She apologized for my behavior but he just laughed it off, assuring her that he wasn't mortally wounded. Doctor Carriedo strode back into his office and Mom checked us out with the receptionist.

"Go say goodbye to Antonio." She instructed just as we were ready to leave.

"I don't want to."

"Go." Her voice turned hard and I knew that the longer I argued, the longer the cat would be scratching on the door so I obeyed. The office door was ajar just an inch or less. I would have opened it had I not overheard the father and son talking about me. I peeked in.

"You know that Lovino is a special boy, right?" The man asked and received a nod. "Well, he's very extra special kind of special. He can see things that you and I can't. He has his own world and that makes it very hard for him to be part of ours."

"Make believe?" The younger asked.

"It's make believe to us but to Lovino, it's all real. You may not ever see the things he sees but as you get to know Lovino, you'll get to know his world. We need to be very understanding with him. I'm going to be asking a lot of you but Lovino needs you."

"He needs me!?" This excited Antonio immensely.

"Exactly. He's got lots of booby traps but I'm sure you can get through. He likes you."

"He likes me!? How do you know?"

"When you're as old as me, you just know."

"I'll do it! I can do it!"

"Of course you can. You're my son, aren't you?"

"Yes!"

Doctor Carriedo ruffled the boy's hair and they went about discussing lunch plans. I ran back out to my mom and we rushed home. Thankfully, the cat hadn't left any scratch marks.

"Lovi?" A familiar voice rang from upstairs once I came in the front door.

"Shut up, Feli! You'll wake up Dad!"

"I'm already up." My father appeared out of the kitchen and exchanged "hi honey"s with mom. "I made breakfast."

"Oh! What did you make!?" My little brother came down the stairs in my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles T-shirt. He wasn't answered. He wasn't even acknowledged.

"Dad!" I called, frustrated by their treatment of him.

"Wha?"

"Feli asked what you made." I made eye contact between the full-grown man and the weak child.

"Oh, sorry." He turned around to face Feliciano. "It's French toast, Grandma's recipe."

"Okay!" He replied then went to sit at the table. I followed and sat across from him, as always. "How was the new doctor?"

"Stupid."

"What about his son?"

"Double stupid."

"Are you going back?"

"Tuesdays and Fridays till he gets sick of it."

"Did you do okay there?"

"Yeah, but they had a radio and the president was on."

"How did he find you!?"

"They always know. They're always watching you."

"Geez."

"It's fine."

"Lovino?" My mother called from the other room.

"Yeah?"

"I want you to go to Antonio's house tomorrow."

"But I don't want to!"

"You'll be fine. Dad's going to walk you there so you know the way."

"I already have to see him twice a week, can't we just leave it at that?"

"It's about time you made some friends. I really think it'll help you."

"If I have to go, can I at least bring Feli along?"

"Maybe next time Come on know, pills."

I got up and reported to the kitchen where a bag full of orange bottles awaited me. She sorted out three for me. I took the first two put my brother stopped me before I could slip the next one down. "That one's poison." He warned, pointing at the white capsule.

"This one's poison." I repeated, showing my mother the pill in question.

"No it's not. It's antipsychotic, you take it every day."

"She's lying." Feliciano said. "She made that one poison. Don't take it."

"I'm not going to take it."

"Yes, you will. I'll watch you take it right now or we'll do it the hard way."

"Don't take it! It's poison!" My look-alike warned.

"I'm not going to take it."

Then we did it the hard way. "The Hard Way" consists of me kicking and fighting while my dad shoves it down my throat. After that, I have to sit on the kitchen counter so they can keep a close eye on me and make sure I don't gag myself. My dad bandages his fingers , Mom fixes her hair, and they go back to making breakfast. We ate French toast with strawberries and melon then me and Feli did the chores with Mom while Dad went to work. Mom says that cleaning keeps our minds busy and our house tidy so we cleaned the whole house. After that, she took us to go mall walking. She likes to keep us busy. It cuts down on arguments and we're pretty tired by the end of the day.

Me and my brother always get weird looks from strangers. Every once in a while, Someone will stop my mom to make sure we're okay. That annoys her. She says that people should just mind their own business and parent their own children. When I was younger, we used to go to the park all the time but mothers would tell their children not to play with me or just leave the park all together. One time, there was a little girl who played house with both me and Feli but her parents put an end to that too. I've never had any friends. It's just me and my brother against the world. We're all we've got.

Mom bought a new "pill purse" at the mall. She likes to change them up so that they match her outfit and look more inconspicuous. I took my medications on time without any more problems…that is… until we saw a familiar face at JC Penney's. "Hey! Lovi!" A perky, dark, head of hair appeared over the top of the rack.

"Oh, Antonio!" My mother greeted with a smile. "How nice to see you again. Is your father here?"

"No. He sent me here to make a return."

"Well, that's very responsible of you."

"Thanks." He gave his attention to me instead. "Lovi! My dad says you're coming over tomorrow! I'm going to pull out the sleeping bags in case you want to stay overnight."

"Well, I don't know if Lovino is ready to stay away from home for so long, Sweety. But-"

"I'm ready. I'm sleeping over." I interrupted. I didn't want to sleep over, I just wanted to smite my mother because I was still pretty sore over The Hard Way this morning.

"Oh! Well, okay then. We'll have to pack you all up tonight. We better get going."

"Nice seeing you, Lovi! You too, Mrs. Vargas! Oh! And…" He looked at my hand that was gripped around my brother's, "Bye Feliciano!" With that, the boy left just as quickly as he had come. My mother seemed stunned that someone had actually addressed Feli. Honestly, I was a little surprised too.

"Is that the boy?" Feliciano asked.

"Yeah. What do you think?"

He was silent for a while before finally answering with, "I don't know."

"I know what you mean."

We left the mall soon after that. At home, we went through the trouble of packing my overnight bag. It had clothes, then extra clothes, then another pair of underwear just in case. Mom wrote up a list of what medications I should take and when. She just kept making lists. She made a list of what foods I can eat, how often I can eat, what we should do in case of emergency, a million emergency phone numbers, and every single bit of my medical information.

She said that, if I did good this time, I could sleep over there more because she trusted Doctor Carriedo. We went out to eat that night and when it was time for bed, I could get to sleep. I stayed awake thinking about the Carriedo kid. I had a feeling he was going to change things for me but I couldn't tell if it would be for better or worse. He certainly was weird. A good weird or bad weird? I wasn't even sure if he was going to hurt me or not. I wasn't sure of anything. For the first time ever, a stranger was trying to come into my world.

Maybe… I could try to let him in.