Three Outta Four
- in memoriam H&C -
-
The force of your intrusion into my office tells me something isn't right. The faint attempt of nonchalance in your voice lets me know something is terribly wrong.
Three out of four is almost as good as four out of five. Even though I already know the name, I have to ask. You try to simply say it, to let it roll off your tongue just as easily as she slipped away and out of your life this time forever. You struggle not to grasp it, to just let go, but the three syllables come out as a shout, a broken cry for help of a broken soul.
Your legs give way under you, one remaining clumsily stretched out to the side while you sink down. I act instinctively as I get up, lock the door quickly and close the blinds. When the shriek rips up deep from your chest, I'm already kneeling beside you.
It is tearing you in half because now you know what the real thing feels like. You thought you had stopped breathing and learned to live without air when she first said goodbye; but you had no idea what that would really be like. You just didn't even notice your personal oxygen invisibly keeping to keep you alive.
I can practically hear your braces crack and crumble, letting the rest of you break and fall. In between ragged cries, you reiterate how she didn't have the right to give up on you. I know you always thought you were bonded in an unbreakable pact, and no matter what you do, you'd be responsible for each other 'till the very end.
…
I shield my head from shattering glass and I weep for you. I have already wept for you because you couldn't weep for yourself. Now I cry because you finally found salvation in tears.
…
I can feel a part of my heart being torn out as I close the door on you. Your hurls echo in my head and the small sign blinks on my mobile's display, next to the first number on my speed dial list. But I cancel the call anyway. That road, my friend, you'll need no companion for.
Three outta four. And zero out of one life.
Dedicated to K. and D. Screw your show. That's what you do anyway.