This Crack OneShot was a late-night idea, so I hope you like it, and don't think that it's too overtlycrazy! Anyhoo, Enjoy, read, and PLEASE REVIEW! I want to know if you like it, so I can write more of these (in my opinion) epic OneShots! xD
My name is L. I am the world's most famous (and most ingenious) detective. I am addicted to the legal-but-addicting substance of sugar. Some may call it Lucifer's greatest attack against human health and well-being, but I insist upon calling it my love. Because I. Am in love. With. Sugar.
I love to eat, as is evident by the above paragraph. So, if any food is indeed stolen, I must save it from the mouths of Lucifer's greatest attack against the world's greatest detective. That, of course, would be food thieves. These thieves are the bane of my existence.
Today, these thieves have stolen my best friend, Beyond Birthday's, birthday cake.
This is an inexcusable offense, and I must do anything to stop the thieves from eating this – I mean, Beyond's - marvelous cake. I have set out on a mission. To retrieve the cake, or die trying. If I indeed do die, I will have given my life for an honorable cause. Saving my friend's birthday cake.
Whoever gets this note, please watch out for my apprentices while I'm gone.
Sincerely,
L
L left the note on the table. He had to hurry and find the thieves before they ate B's cake. Lowly thieves! I will not stand for this!
He walked toward the door, making sure to grab his handy-dandy notebook and knife (L used to be against knives until B gave him one for his 19th birthday. That knife had saved L's life many a time since.
All set. L exited the little apartment and walked to the apartment complex's parking garage. I am not going to name the apartment complex, because, of course, that would give away the location of the world's greatest detective, and I could not let that happen, could I?
He went to the third floor and clicked the key to his 2011 Honda Accord Coupe. A very snazzy vehicle, to say the least, and hopped in. He drove his car to Beyond's house, which was on Mausoleum St., about a 15 minute trek across the middle of 4-mile-square Maxitav, CA.
When he arrived at the turn from Hurse St., he made a right onto Mausoleum Dr. and continued to a little white house, address 1313. Thirteen-thirteen, Mausoleum Dr. This is it. He got out of the car and walked to the front door. He knocked.
"Who is it?"
"It's L."
"OH HAI, LAWLI! Come in, come in!" The door opened and a man, about 2 inches shorter than L (somewhere it's said B is taller than L) appeared in the doorway. He was wearing a white, loose t-shirt and a pair of jeans. He had evidence of something sticky on his shirt… L knew what it was. Jam. Strawberry jam. The man also had apparently been crying his face off.
B directed L to sit on one of the couches. "You came about my cake, didn't you?"
"Yes, and I need all of the evidence that you may have."
"O-okay, Lawli."
"That means that I am going to have to search your kitchen, is that okay?"
"Of course, Lawli! Whatever you need to do to find the thief!"
L got up and headed towards Beyond's kitchen. He knew the way there by heart, because he'd been to B's hundreds of times before.
The kitchen was a dump. Not really that special for a bachelor pad, but still, it was a dump. L sifted through the garbage, hoping to find some trace of the cake thief or thieves' identity/identities.
Of course, thieves rarely leave behind any clues these days, and neither did the thieves of L's – I mean, B's – cake.
After flaunting about in the kitchen for an hour gathering evidence, L went out to talk to Beyond.
"I will come back later. I am going to scour my records for cake thieves."
B nodded. "I guess I'll catch you later, then."
L left, and got in his Accord Coupe. He drove to his main office.
After a few hours checking the records on his computer, he had come to a conclusion. He drove back to B's house.
He knocked at the door.
"Come in."
L went in. "Beyond, may I speak to you alone, please?"
"Uh… sure, Lawli."
The two went into B's room. L did not want B's roommate to overhear.
"Beyond, I know beyond shadow of a doubt who the thief is."
"Who, Lawli, who?"
L was silent for a moment, he then said, "It was you."
Beyond gasped. "But… how did you know?"
"Because the cake was covered with strawberry jam. This incriminates you beyond a shadow a doubt. You have a criminal record for stealing jam. You ate the cake last Saturday night. You wanted to eat it because you knew you would eventually get another one because it was 'stolen.' You… you criminal!"
Beyond wept as L left the house. I shall never steal cake again… even from myself.