101 Failed Attempts At Escaping From Cross Marian

by Orange-Moon-Goddess

Allen just wanted to get away from Cross and his drunken antics. He prayed, and in return he got a murderer with a Segway, a conspiracy theorist of a bookman junior, a melon murderer, clones of the guy he was trying to run from, a satanic golem, a truck load of crack, and a broken fourth wall. Thanks a lot god. It's even worse because he just can't seem to escape this nonsense.

1. Teleporting Drunk People Are Frightening

101 Failed Attempts At Hiding From Cross Marian

Chapter One: Because No One Ever Goes Here!

Edit: Some chapters are being rewritten because of insane amounts of crack. Also, the initial chapters are amusement park themed, until chapter seven sort of? Then after that, things get crazy. Allen starts off as a little kid, but in future chapters he gets older and then younger, and there's a lot of hopping around on the "timeline" which is pretty much non-existant, and no one bothers to make sense of it. Things got really lost after the exorcist death matches and Kanda got his Segway. But that's later.

-…-

Allen Walker stared out at the world before him from the second level of a carousel, perched on an overly decorated plastic horse. He sat with his back to the center and his legs over one side, relaxed at last from his harsh training. For the past few days, he and his (constantly drunk) master had been trying to work on his synchronization, but it always ended with either Allen being shot at, or eaten by Timcanpy, the golden golem that followed them around. Tired of training, he had excused himself for a "bathroom break" and had ditched his master in the forest where they'd been training away from civilization. He was rather proud of himself for that stunt, even though he knew he would probably be slaughtered upon returning.

Then again- Cross was constantly drunk, so Allen doubted the bastard even knew he was gone.

After hours of running away, he had stumbled across an amusement park in a nearby but small city and had slipped in. America sure was fun! Their security sucked, but Allen was just fine with that. He simply needed a place to hide until he was discovered.

That was when he had found the carousel. Nobody was on it- who actually went on those things other than little kids?- so Allen, being a little kid, had gone on the moving attraction unsupervised and had camped out on the second level of the carousel for the past two days- taking food and bathroom breaks of course. Child logic for the win. When it came time to sleep- and by that he meant the amusement park shutting down for the night- he would simply sleep on the floor and hope he wouldn't be found.

Like he said, the security sucked. He bet that he could live in this place if he tried, which would be kind of awesome. He wouldn't get much sleep or privacy while living in an amusement park, but it'd still be pretty cool.

It would definitely be better than traveling with his master. Allen simply did not want to spend one more second near that red-headed demon. Cross Marian was insane. Literally. They had been training in the mountains, and Cross had been shooting at him with his equipment-type Innocence relentlessly, shouting something about how he needed to protect himself against the "Great Evil" which was code for some intoxicated nonsense. As he escaped, Allen had struggled around steep edges and had nearly died trying to get away, when he had raised the white flag and ran for dear life.

Allen sat on the very inner ring of plastic horses and he doubted anyone from below- even if looking from a distance- could possibly see him. As much as he hated to admit it, he was rather small for his age and therefore easy to miss. But in this situation, his tiny stature worked to his advantage. He was practically invincible in games of hide-and-seek!

At least, that was what he thought.

"Oi! Idiot apprentice, are you done yet?" a frustrated voice grumbled from behind. Allen jumped in shock and fell off of his horse, and looked behind him to see the man of his nightmares camped out on a horse RIGHT BEHIND HIM with bottles of wine all around him.

"How?- What?- But…" he sputtered, "How long have you been there?" Allen shrieked and backed away, getting back up on his feet to make another run for it. Because any other (sane) person would run away if he or she saw the person (s)he had been running from sitting right behind them and glaring holes into their back. While on a children's attraction.

"A while since you got here," Cross answered while bringing his beloved wine glass up to his lips to sip. "I got bored though. You done?"

"…"

Irritated by the lack of response, Cross stumbled off the horse and nearly crashed right into the bench beside it. Allen screamed when he saw the amount of alcohol that had been consumed (which he would definitely be forced to pay for) as his master grabbed him by the scruff of his neck like a cat, and carried him away.

-…-

Allen: (Insert Rage Face)

Me: U Mad Bro?